by Stacy Lane
“I get it,” she nods. “I don’t want to make it seem all about finding the right guy. We can survive without them.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “But it’s so much more fun when you’re sharing it with the right person. I may have gotten a little excited thinking you and Alex were together. The Labelles are the best people I’ve ever met, and you deserve the best.”
We linked arms and stepped onto the sandy beach. Flames danced from a pit the guys dug in the ground. Jo made cupcakes, sticking candles in three of them. Brooks had pumpkin spiced, Cam had carrot cake, and Alex wanted red velvet. She was up bright and early this morning baking.
Cam hooked his phone up to a speaker. The music blended in with the crackle from the fire and our laughter. Then he got his hands on the fireworks. Jo was snuggled up between Brooks’s legs in the sand until she had him make sure his brother didn’t lose any fingers. Alex stood to the side, supervising like a micromanager, but keeping a safe distance.
We ate food and then made s’mores. The triplets drank. A lot. Cam held his liquor the best, unsurprisingly, but Alex was a goner in no time at all.
He wandered off with the need to relieve himself. After ten minutes, I started to worry when he hadn’t returned.
I watched him head toward the rocks, the place he and I went to right after he got here. The fire lit up a good range of the beach. The tall boulders were just barely visible. I was biting my lip and bouncing my leg, about to go search for him when a dark silhouette emerged at the edge of the warm firelight.
Alex was looking right at me. He lifted a hand, drawing his index finger back and forth.
Leaving the others behind, I walked barefoot through the soft sand toward Alex. The breeze off the water picked up my long skirt, so I held a part of it in my hand. Then as he did on his first day, Alex took my hand.
“I found something I want to show you,” he says.
I’m a little curious since we’ve gone this way before and I know the rocks are built like a small mountain. The only way around is through water or the woods.
I don’t know what kind of girl Alex takes me for, but adventurer I am not. This island vacation is the longest I’ve gone without wearing high heels. I may stick my toes in the sand and ocean, but at this time of the night, the water is off limits. I don’t go into places where a flashlight will not work.
That’s a lie. A flashlight can be taken into the woods. He’s lost his damn mind if he thinks I’m going into that type of nature, though.
Alex steers us toward the water. I follow silently until his feet sink beneath the shore.
“Uhh, Alex, what are you doing?” I pull back on the hand he is wrapped around, digging my heels in.
The salty ocean washes over his ankles. He doesn’t let go of my grasp.
“It’s on the other side. C’mon.”
“I’m not going wading through the sea at night.”
“If something was going to get you, it could happen just as easily in the daytime as it could at night.”
“That’s beside the point. I don’t like what I can’t see.”
“This will be worth it.” He tugs me forward. I slip an inch, but that’s all I allow.
With my best deadly stare, I shoot him a hell no look.
“I found it by going through the woods. Something told me that way wouldn’t have worked with you.” I hold firm on his gorgeous, scruffy face. “This way is better. Trust me.”
Alex emerges then stops right in front of me. He bends slightly, scooping his arms beneath my knees and back to lift me off the ground.
“Might want to hold your skirt,” he says with dark humor, turning straight for the ocean.
My mumbles go quiet when Alex is standing in water up to his knees. I wrap the end of my dangling skirt in my lap and hold on tight to his shoulders. He shuffles through the dark abyss, sloshing water up enough that it hits the backs of my calves.
Alex sticks close to the rock wall, curving around the front. It’s not near as thick as it is tall. A second fire has been lit as Alex carries me out of the shallow waters.
My mouth parts with awe as I take in the small cave. He set the fire up just outside of the entrance. It’s the same beach as what’s on the other side where everyone is, but much smaller.
Trees run all the way to the edge on the opposite side. The opening of the cave is shaped like an upside down V.
“Is this what took you so long to come back?”
Alex responds with an almost diffident shrug. I smile, despite the unknown amount of creepy crawlers in this darkness.
It’s romantic and unique, and he’s nervous for my reaction.
Walking in a slow swirl, I admire the private little cove. “You were right. This is worth the sketchy entrances.”
Alex chuckles. “Want to find out how far the cave goes?”
“No.”
“Figured that.” He trails the short distance to the fire, taking a seat in the sand. “Sit with me.”
I know I must really like him because I take that offer, sitting on the damp sand next to him.
Alex stretches out the leg nearest to me, bending the other. His arm extends behind me, not touching me but giving off the illusion that I’m cradled within his embrace.
The fire is smaller than the one on the other side. Perfect for him and I. It sheds the right amount of warmth, and Alex’s presence gives me the perfect amount of comfort.
I’m not sure if it’s the wall or the cave or the deep woods surrounding this small area, but the only sounds I hear are from the ocean and the crackling fire.
“Ready to go home tomorrow?” I ask him.
“I guess so. Lot of work to be done. The draft is in a few weeks.”
“You’ll do great. Fourth pick in the second round is not the end of the world. Everyone always bets on the first round being their savior and most of them are a bust.”
“Brooks and I went first round,” he smirks.
“I said most, not all.” Grinning, I lean in with a nudge to his chest.
“That’s an interesting theory, though. You think it’s better to choose someone no one is expecting?”
My eyebrows lower. “Are you really asking my opinion?”
“Yes.”
Stunned, a thrill lights up inside me. Twisting my body, I face him, knees bumping into his side.
“Brandon Fieldler is expected to go first round, and I believe he’s great, so, unfortunately, you won’t get him. Erik Davidsen and Zach MacConnel are the ones everyone is looking at going quick in the following picks, but I don’t think they’re worthy of it. They’re both great goal scorers, but they’re lazy. Watch some playbacks, and you’ll see what I mean. But Matthew Voss… My dad has been watching this kid from Minnesota since his sophomore year. He talks about him all the time. Says he plays with heart, but when we watched some highlights on him, I paid attention to his feet. He’s fast and elegant. His stats are fantastic for a left wing. But he gets overlooked because he’s not ‘big enough.’”
Now Alex is stunned.
Maybe I said too much.
He’s unblinking, mouth ajar. Slowly, his mouth turns up with a grin. “You know you’re hockey.”
“Of course, I know hockey,” I scoff.
“I mean, I really wanted your opinion, but shit, Chelsea, you just blew my mind.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I tease. When his eyes darken, I regret that.
Ha. No, I don’t.
“Chelsea,” Alex whispers with a deep longing. “Can I kiss you?”
Dropping my face, I reply, “We’ve done good this long, Alex. We leave tomorrow. Let’s not mess that up.”
“But I blew out the candle and made a wish. You can’t say no to the birthday boy. That’s like a curse or something.”
“I’ll be cursed for not following through on your wish?” I laugh.
“Exactly. I don’t want to see that happen to you, so I think you should just kiss me. It’s a small price to pay.”
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“For you, Alex,” I say, cupping his cheek with a gentle touch, “I would pay it all.”
I set my mouth onto his. The kiss is slow and gentle, but his presence is consuming and large.
I sink into him. His slouched position makes us even in height.
For months, I’ve thought about nothing but our time together. Most of it was just about sex. We didn’t share things or talk or sit down and watch TV together. It was hard to believe I missed Alex so much when there was no opportunity to really know him. I guess I just missed the fantastic orgasms.
He could do very little to turn me on, but asking for my input on hockey, discussing his job with me, that caused more of a response out of me than ever. Alex could never understand what that one little question meant to me.
The sex with him was off the charts kind of good. We kissed before, but this kiss at the mouth of a cave, sitting near a fire with an ocean breeze, this was the kiss. A first kiss. A kiss to last a lifetime; beyond forever. It was a wish, a goodbye, a good seeing you again, all wrapped into one.
Alex coaxes my mouth open. He leaves his compelling taste on my tongue. Soft strokes and satisfied sighs.
“That’s the way we should have ended it the first time.” He lingers close to my face after it ends, an embrace without touch.
I must be a fool if he keeps proving how easy this is for him to walk away from.
“Ready to go back?” I ask.
“No.”
My heartbeat quickens. “Me either.”
“Stay in the bubble a little while longer then?”
“Tell me something.” Anything to distract me from busting this bubble wide open.
“About me?”
“Yes,” I grin. “Nothing good or earth-shattering. I don’t need more reasons to like you.”
“That’s a backhanded compliment if I’ve ever heard one.”
“I’m curious about your injury. If you’re comfortable talking about it.” I was approaching new ground—a fresh, bright and perfectly manicured lawn. Any reason to get to know Alex further would result in liking him more than I already do. I was completely aware of the bulldozer I was driving onto this new land.
“Not much to it. I’m sure you saw the game I went down in.” He brings in his legs toward his chest, laying his arms over his knees.
“I did. You were in the hospital a long time afterward.”
“Kinda. I got checked out after I hit the post. I was in excruciating pain. The discs in my lower back had been an ongoing problem within the last couple of seasons I played. It’s pretty common for hockey players. The positions we play in, the way we fall, our fast takeoffs, it’s tough on the lumbar. Oddly enough, I didn’t rupture the disc until a couple days later. I bent down to pick up something, and that was it.”
That must have been a scary and helpless feeling.
“I heard you had to have surgery.”
“The disc I ruptured was in the theoretic region, nothing to do with my lumbar problems. It was the middle of my spine, which is where I hit the goal post. When it burst, I lost feeling from the waist down.”
“You were paralyzed,” I breathed.
“Temporarily. Although, nothing was for sure until feeling came back after surgery. Doctors had to fuse my spinal cord together. Paralysis was temporary. Although, I have a couple spots in my thighs with no feeling at all.”
“Really? Where?”
Alex leans back, stretching out one leg. He points to an area high up on the leg, close to his hip. “Punch it.”
I spit out a short laugh.
“I’m serious. Do your worst,” he grins, grabbing my hand and laying it on the spot he wants me to hit.
It’s strange to smile while I’m intending to punch another person.
Balling my fist, I bring it down on his dead zone. He shrugs, feeling nothing.
Just for good measure, I do it one more time, putting more weight into it.
Alex shouts in agony, falling backward into the sand.
“Oh my God. I missed.” My hands cover my gaping mouth.
Then he starts laughing uncontrollably. My hands fall away as I move onto my knees and bend over him.
“You faked that? I thought I hurt you!” I yell at him, punching him in the stomach where I know he has feeling.
Alex coughs, curling into himself but still a few bouts of laughter leaks through.
Rolling my eyes, I smile anyway. Alex’s laugh is everything I imagined it would be if he could loosen up more.
“You’re the first person to make me see the freedom in joking about my injury.”
“I find that hard to believe, Alex. Your brothers are non-stop jokesters.”
“Not with this. From the moment it happened, it became the most serious thing that ever existed for the Labelles.”
“What about Elle? She was with you when it happened right?”
“Elle left me at the hospital when she heard I could potentially be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t like to hate people, but I think I might hate her.”
“So did my family.” Alex lets loose a mirthless sound. “They don’t know her and I got back together.”
“Can’t choose who you fall for.”
His fingers sift through the sand to graze the top of my hand.
“Maybe not, but we made a choice to stay when we knew we shouldn’t have.”
“Hm. I can completely agree with you there.”
Bonding over bad exes really is a thing.
“Why’d you stay with him?” Alex looks me straight in the eyes.
“Fear.” When his body freezes and jaw begins to tick, I quickly add, “Not that kind of fear. I was afraid of change, of making an irrational decision, or looking selfish because he took care of me and yet I wanted more.”
“Throwing materials at a problem is not taking care of someone you’re supposed to love.”
My heart warms with liberation. The long road it took to understand it was okay to be selfish at times was not always welcomed with an open mind. Alex got that, though.
“Why’d you go back to her?” I ask, turning my palm up into his.
“Retribution. I was in a dark place, and I purposely took it out on her. For a while, anyway. Then something changed.”
Alex had a dark side. I’ve lived in the dark, but I see none of that familiarness when I’m near him.
“Perhaps that’s why I’m drawn to your light,” he says with so much conviction I could almost believe he read my mind.
I lift my head, letting it fall back to gaze up at the midnight blue sky. The full moon shines across the black ocean.
“The moon and stars were always my favorite parts of the darkness.” It was proof something so pure and loyal could shine against something bigger than them.
“I don’t know,” he murmurs, voice crawling up my neck. “I’m partial to sunshine now.”
I drop my gaze to his. “Alex, I don’t want to be afraid of my choices anymore. Not telling you that I think we should try this thing between us is partly in fear that you will say no, and partly because you think Vic damaged me. Please tell me this isn’t all about him.”
He takes a pause, a deep breath. “It is about your ex-husband but in a different way than you think. When I took this job with the Fury, I let myself believe it was for my family. They wanted me in Florida so bad. I had the hockey career of my dreams, but it was over and managing a team could never replace that. Then I stepped into that locker room the day I signed my contract, and I felt it. A camaraderie of family and a home so different than the one I told myself I was doing this for. This was my way back in. Don’t for a second think I haven’t thought about you and I. But we still couldn’t be open to anyone about us. There’s a reason you are the sun. You’re not made to be hidden.”
I kissed Alex once more. This time it was nothing, but a goodbye.
I may be in charge of my own decisions but it doesn’t mean I can have it all. S
ome things are forbidden for reasons we cannot control.
CHAPTER 20
CHELSEA
THE ELEVATOR WAS down for maintenance in my apartment building. I had to climb the stairs to the top floor. Four flights in heels.
It was a morning full of surprises. One shocker was that I kicked my coveted red bottom shoes clear across the living room right after I stepped inside my door.
“Holy shit! A little warning would have been nice.”
“Obviously, the meeting did not go well.”
Lill held one half of my peep-toe Louboutin’s in her grasp. Mel and Addy sat at my makeshift dining room table with two glasses of wine.
I beelined for Mel’s half full drink and drained it like a parched traveler wondering the desert. I knew better than to go for Addy’s. She’d chop my hand off.
Two days ago my sisters called to ask if I’d pick them up from the airport if they came down to visit and see my new place. I said yes, under the impression they would be planning this visit sometime in the future. Fifteen minutes later I was rushing out the door on my way to the airport.
And “visit” was a loose term for “shopping.” My new apartment resembled the rooms on display at Ikea. So basically a college dorm, except my apartment was a tad bit bigger.
When I made the decision to move back, they wanted to fly down with me. Make sure I got settled in and hadn’t been scammed on the apartment since I did all of the dealings online and through emails. But I went to the Bahamas first, and when I settled in afterward, it was in an unfurnished apartment.
I’m really shocked it took them two weeks before they intervened.
Living on my own for the first time—the penthouse came with a surprise roommate, so I wasn’t counting that time—I was astonished by my lack of homesickness. The initial go-around of moving to Tampa came with heavy waves of sadness for leaving my family behind. Other than my dad and sisters, I had two brothers-in-law and five nieces and nephews between Mel and Lill.
I loved having them here, but it was pure chaos with four of us stuffed inside a one bedroom apartment.
“Good God, is that sweat pouring down your face?” Addy cocked her head with a cringe.