Despite the fact that I’d just apologized to him, I felt my anger rise back up sharply, worse than what I’d felt in the shower. I let out a humorless sound, staring at him.
“Now it’s ‘Miri,’ is it?” I said, my voice holding an edge. “No more ‘Miriam,’ I guess? Or ‘doc’? Or ‘Ms. Fox’? Things are more familiar with us now that I’ve been properly broken in by one of yours... is that it?”
He winced openly at that. I felt another plume of grief off him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quieter. “What do you want me to call you? I’ll call you whatever you want.”
“Mr. Accommodating, aren’t you?” I said bitterly. “But you won’t fuck me?”
He looked at me, but didn’t answer.
“Why?” I said. “The merchandise is ‘spoiled’ now, is that it?”
He winced, averting his gaze. “Miri... Miriam. Gaos.” He exhaled again, rubbing his face with a hand. I felt pain plume off him. I felt him fighting with what to say, rejecting things even as they rose in his mind. That pain on him worsened and I bit my lip.
“I don’t want him to be the only one who’s done that to me,” I said, hammering the words. “I don’t want him to be the only one who’s felt those things in me. Why don’t you understand that?”
“I do understand that,” he said, turning. “Better than you think.”
“Well, you’re my friend at least. Or I thought you were. Why won’t you––”
“Because giving yourself to me isn’t going to fix that!” He fell silent at my stare, his mouth grim. He shook his head, clicking softly. “I know this won’t mean anything to you... but I know something about this. Trust me on it, Miriam. It won’t help.”
“Do tell,” I said coldly. “Enlighten me with your wisdom, Black.”
He met my gaze, his eyes bright. “Miri, it wasn’t your fault.”
A cold finger touched something in my gut. “I never fucking thought it was.”
“Bullshit. It’s all over your light. You hate how you reacted to him. You hate it. But it wasn’t your fault. You’re a seer...”
“I’m hearing that a lot lately,” I said.
“But you still don’t understand what it means.” He exhaled, leaning his arms on his thighs, wiping his face with a hand. “You know, I thought this shit would stop, being in this dimension. I thought with no humans knowing what we were... how to use our race against us... we wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.” His voice grew bitter. “Instead we just do it to one another.”
“How poignant,” I said, my voice even colder. “How deep and philosophical you are, Black. I’m moved. Truly.”
He looked up at me. “Miri, you need to hear me on this. You can’t help how your body reacts. Moreover, you’re seer. You’re seer and he broke your light...” He gestured at me, real anger touching his voice for the first time. “I can see it, Miri... I can see what he did. He made it so you couldn’t keep him out. However you reacted to him after he did that to you... it’s not your fault. He did that. It makes it more of a rape, not less of one.”
His jaw hardened, forcing him silent briefly, then his voice turned into a growl.
“He did it to convince himself it was okay to take from you... to convince himself you wanted it, that it was all right, what he did. He didn’t just rape your body. He raped your light. He put structures all over you Miri, marking you.” That anger in his voice grew closer to hatred. “Only a fucking animal would do that. And trust me when I tell you, I’m going to hunt that fucker down and kill him like the animal he is...”
I felt that pain in my chest worsen. It choked me briefly, rendering me silent.
I shook my head.
“No,” I said.
“I’ve had it done to me, Miri,” Black said, turning. “I know what it feels like. I know exactly what I’m talking about.” He took my hand, the gesture so gentle it startled me, even as the anger in his voice grew more intense. “Your light will grow back... it’s starting to heal already, I can see that, too. But until it does, you’re visible, Miri. You were really, really good about shielding your race before. I couldn’t see it at all until you used your abilities with me in San Francisco. Now I can see it plain as day, just by looking at you. Until you grow that shield back, you’re like a neon fucking light.”
He swallowed, gripping my hand tighter as he studied my face.
“It’ll come back, Miri,” he assured me. “It will. One month. Two at most. And I’ll get every single structure he put in you out of your light, no matter how long it takes. He didn’t break you permanently. He didn’t. But I’m going to make damned sure he never gets near you again... not for any reason. Even if that means ripping his heart out with my bare hand...”
“No, Black.” I met his gaze. “Stay away from Solonik. I mean it.”
Briefly, confusion touched his eyes, then more anger. “Why? Why the fuck should I stay away from him?”
“You know why,” I said, my voice warning. When he continued to stare at me, his eyes incredulous, I averted my gaze, clearing my throat. “Mr. Lucky sent him here to deal with you. If you escalate this, they’ll never leave us alone... either of us.”
Glancing over at his silence, I watched his face, seeing confusion flicker over his expression a second time. He studied my eyes back, and that time I could feel the skepticism on him.
I squeezed his hand where he held my fingers in his.
“He said he didn’t kill those kids,” I said. When I could tell he wasn’t listening to me, just studying my light, I gripped his hand tighter. “Solonik. He claims he only burned them after. Some bullshit about purging their souls by fire.”
Black clicked softly under his breath.
Then, he let the other thing drop.
“Do you believe him?” he said, staring at the carpet.
I bit my lip. I felt how badly I wanted to say no, but I found myself nodding.
“Yes,” I said, reluctant. I looked up. “Who does that leave as the murderer? Donald? Some mystery person?”
There was another silence, then Black shrugged.
“It could be Donald,” he said. “Truthfully, I have my doubts. I had a few of my people follow him, too.” He glanced over at me, the look in his eyes still cautious, despite the grim set of his mouth. “You were right. He definitely likes kids. Just not little boys.”
I grimaced, fighting another sharp spike of nausea that closed my eyes. “Could this get any worse?” I forced it back, then fought to think through my own reaction. “Most of the kids killed have been boys, haven’t they?”
Black nodded slowly. “All of them.”
Something else hit me, some sliver of awareness in my mind. I looked up at Black.
“It’s a seer,” I said. “A seer is doing it.”
Black frowned. “You’re sure?”
Hesitating as I went over the feeling again, I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “Solonik thought so anyway.”
“But you still think it’s not Solonik.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not Solonik.”
“Do you know why they’re doing it? Killing those kids?”
Slowly, I shook my head again. “No.”
Silence fell between us once more.
I sighed, combing my fingers through my hair. I didn’t let go of his hand to do it, but used my cut one, being careful with the bandage. Finally, I looked up at Black.
When I did, I caught him staring at me.
“You’re not protecting him,” he said, still studying my eyes. “So what is it, doc? Why are you trying to steer me away from him?”
I felt my jaw harden to stone. “You think I’m protecting Solonik?”
“I’m saying you aren’t protecting Solonik,” he said mildly, tugging on my hand. “So who are you protecting, Miri? Me?”
I shook my head, but not really in a no.
Biting my lip, I didn’t look at him when I next spoke.
“So what exactly is it that yo
u do here? In Thailand?” I said. “With the kids who get picked up by traffickers?” Feeling a reaction on him, along with a sharper guilt, I looked at him, squeezing his hand in mine. “I’m not blaming you, Black. But Solonik mentioned it. He said he was sent here to ‘educate’ you. And you’ve said before that those child killings seem to be aimed at you. What is it you do here exactly? Did something change? Why are all of these seers coming after you now?”
He gave me a humorless smile, raising an eyebrow. “Are you asking me if I was lying to you about that before, doc?” he said drily.
“You know damned well I’m not asking you that,” I said, annoyed. “I’m asking if something’s changed. Why are they doing this now? What’s different?”
Black didn’t answer.
I could feel the answer on him though, sitting so close.
Black knew exactly what had changed. It was me.
I was what had changed.
The harder mask I’d seen in his face abruptly dropped. He sighed, combing his fingers through his own hair. Like me, he used his free hand without letting go of mine. He gripped my fingers tighter then, pulling my wrist into his lap.
“Gods, Miri,” he said, his voice soft. “I know I might not be acting it, but I’m so fucking happy to see you.” Swallowing, he stroked the palm of my hand, tracing his fingers around the nicks and cuts, looking down. “I thought I was going to lose my mind. I called in every favor I was ever owed, anything I could think of. Most of my fucking staff is here. I was running out of people to dangle off buildings––”
“Black,” I said, my voice warning.
He looked at me. “I already told them. I told them I’d stop, okay?”
“Who?” I said. “Who did you tell? Solonik?”
He shook his head. “I never met Solonik.” His jaw hardened. “If I’d felt your light on another seer like that, I would have broken his fucking neck.”
There was a silence. Clenching his jaw again, he shook his head. Then he seemed to force whatever it was back. His voice came out calm.
“I told Lucky if he gave you back, I would stop,” he said, focusing back on my hand in his lap. “I said I would never interfere with their business again. Lucky agreed... but then the next day he offered me Pete in trade instead... I’m now thinking because Solonik went dark when he figured out what you were.”
“He told Lucky I was dead. That he killed me on accident.”
Black nodded, his eyes glass. Clenching his jaw again, he shook his head, his eyes unseeing. “I was supposed to meet with Anders again tomorrow morning.”
He stroked my palm, giving me a strained smile. “But it’s done, Miri. I’ve already agreed. As long as they never go near you again, I’ll leave them alone.”
I shook my head, even as that colder pain returned to my chest.
“No,” I said.
“It’s done,” he said, his voice final. “I’m going to try and get Lawless’s grandson back, assuming he’s still alive. I suspect Lucky will let that happen under the circumstances, as long as I adhere to the rest of our deal. Solonik lied to him, so Lucky’s not going to be happy about that.” Stroking my fingers, he shrugged. “I’ll try to get Lucky to give me Solonik, too... but I doubt he’ll agree to that, no matter how pissed off he is at him.” His voice grew colder, even as he continued to caress my hand. “Seers are too rare in this dimension. Trained seers especially. Lucky won’t want to give him up.”
He raised my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles, almost without seeming to notice he did it. He went back to stroking my fingers, then my lower arm.
“Don’t go after him, Black,” I said, my voice warning. “He’ll be expecting it. More than that... he’ll use it as an excuse.” I searched for comprehension on his face. “He wants you dead. Do you understand? He told me that. More than once. In his deluded mind, loyalty to you was the only thing standing between marital bliss for me and him.”
He looked at me directly, his gold eyes hard. “I get that, Miriam. I really do. But this is more complicated than that, and you know it.” When I looked away, about to argue, he gripped my hand tighter, forcing my eyes back to his. “Don’t pretend you don’t understand. I know you do. Solonik can’t be allowed to live now that he knows what you are. Even if I didn’t have other reasons to want that fucker dead... he can’t leave this country alive. He can’t.”
I shook my head, my lips pressed together in a hard line.
After a longer silence, he exhaled, kissing my hand again.
“Either way, we’re going back... together. As soon as fucking possible,” he said.
He looked at me as if to get my agreement.
That time, I wouldn’t meet his gaze.
11
UNDER LOCK AND KEY
BLACK DIDN’T WANT to leave me.
I could feel it, as much as I could feel his indecision about whether he should go to that meeting he’d scheduled with Anders. His people had found four barges that might be the one I’d seen in Solonik’s mind, but Black had looked at all four psychically and he couldn’t find Pete.
He claimed that was because either a) none of the four barges were where Pete was being held, which meant the barge had likely been moved, or b) the barge in question had the same kind of psychic shielding around it that Solonik used over the apartment where he kept me.
Black leaned heavily towards thinking it was “b.”
He thought he could get inside the shield from the ground.
The problem was, he didn’t want to leave me.
He also didn’t want me to go with him.
He still hadn’t answered the question definitively when I left his hotel room in search of food, but I could feel him leaning in favor of leaving for a short while to get Pete back at least. He also seemed to think it would raise too many questions if he didn’t go to the Anders meeting in person, at least for a few minutes, but he thought he could retrieve Pete first, which might make the conversation with Anders more “interesting,” as Black put it.
Either way, I could tell he didn’t intend to be gone long.
I had mixed feelings about Black going too, honestly.
I didn’t bother to tell him why. I knew if I mentioned my concerns about Solonik, it would probably have the opposite effect to what I intended.
I could feel that Black would welcome any excuse to run into the other seer.
That feeling had grown more intense on him over the past eight or so hours. So my half-assed plan to let Black “calm down” before I tried to talk to him about Solonik again didn’t strike me as overly realistic. He wouldn’t listen to me on it, I could tell. There would be no talking Black down, not when it came to that particular issue.
I slept with Black in his room. Not in terms of sex, but I slept wrapped around him, my head on his chest, my leg coiled around his.
I refused to feel embarrassed about it.
Luckily, Black dismissed that as a “seer” thing, too.
He didn’t budge on the sex issue, which I’d dropped by then anyway, but he also didn’t argue when I climbed into his king-sized hotel bed and insisted he not sleep on the floor... or anywhere else for that matter.
Truthfully, I didn’t even have to ask him really.
He’d followed me into bed when I demanded it of him, then more or less opened his arms to me as soon as he was lying down. After I settled into a comfortable position against him, he wrapped himself around me too, basically letting me use him as really warm furniture as he stroked my hair and back, talking to me until I dozed off.
Somewhere in that, he asked my permission to start removing those structures Solonik attached to me psychically. He explained he wanted to start work on that as soon as possible, since Solonik had done it in part so he could find me wherever I was.
I admit, that freaked me out.
It also got me thinking about how I’d gotten away.
When I voiced the question aloud, Black explained the psychic “shield” he believed Soloni
k built over the basement apartment where he kept me, and how it likely worked. That shield was why I hadn’t been able to reach Black from the apartment even with Solonik gone. Which made sense, given how I could hear Black again once I got away from the building, but I still wondered how Solonik hadn’t felt me leave.
Black said he probably had, but that he’d been too far away to get back in time.
That thought chilled me, too.
It also made me realize how lucky I’d been.
Either way, I definitely gave Black the go-ahead on removing anything he found.
When I woke up the the first time the next morning, Black was gone. Once I could feel he was still inside the building, I fell back asleep.
The second time I woke, he’d been there with me, in the room.
After dodging questions about where he’d been the first time I opened my eyes, he informed me with a semi-dramatic knuckle-crack and a grin that he’d gotten most of the big structures off my “light” already, at least in terms of what Solonik might use to track me. He said “resonances” still lived there (which he didn’t bother to explain) but the actual structures Solonik built to maintain a psychic hold on me were significantly damaged.
Black warned me I couldn’t leave the hotel, however.
He said Solonik would still be able to track me fairly easily in Bangkok itself, through those resonances and the structures he hadn’t fully removed. He was concerned when I told him how much Solonik had read me for information about my past and family, too. According to Black, he might have done that for tracking purposes as well.
The whole thing unnerved me.
Truthfully, it made me feel sick, and not particularly safe, even here, with Black hovering. I could tell Black himself felt more or less the same way, since despite his assurances, I had an armed escort for my elevator ride to the restaurant on the tenth floor.
While I dressed and he worked over a laptop, he reminded me that humans would be vulnerable to Solonik too. He said his team was big enough and well-dispersed enough to be safe; numbers were the best protection, according to Black, in terms of overwhelming a seer’s abilities. He had a lot of his people on the ground in Bangkok now, staking out different parts of the hotel. He insisted I would be perfectly all right, and that he would keep a line to me with his psychic ability at all times.
Black As Night: A Quentin Black Paranormal Mystery (Quentin Black Mystery Book 2) Page 17