“Something like that. Why don’t you go with Mirone now? It’s going to take us a while longer, and it will be boring…”
The little girl didn’t protest, and in a few seconds the secondary door creaked open, then closed.
There was silence, except for Althea’s incessant pacing.
“I’m really sorry,” Gaiane whispered for the hundredth time or more. Nobody listened.
She felt so small and helpless here, with no one she could call a friend in sight. Ampelio had left them before entering the room, and she’d cast him a desperate look. Weird as he was, he was a good man, and he made her laugh. Leo… Leo was somewhere in Nikaia’s belly, and probably hated her. The thought made her squeeze her eyes in pain.
I need you. And you may never want to see me again.
Surprisingly, Evandro's was the only presence that didn’t upset her. She couldn’t trust a man who had tried to kill her, but couldn’t even hate the same man after he’d actually saved her life.
Ligeia stood up and left the throne, walking down the two steps with a somber face and her eyes cast low. She intercepted Althea halfway through her laps and stopped her, then reached for Gaiane’s hand.
“Gaiane, I know why you did it. You grew up captive, and now you can’t stand prisons, isn’t it?”
“No!” she replied, louder than she’d intended. She looked to the queen’s face. “It’s not that! Not just that, at least…”
“It would be alright. I would understand. No child should live in a cage,” and she looked beyond Gaiane. Evandro made a small sound and nodded, then resumed his upright position. Very knightly.
But Gaiane couldn’t stop the surge of sincerity bubbling in her stomach. She clenched her teeth, and when she spoke, her voice came out louder and harsher than she’d thought.
“I wanted to help! I told you I wanted to help, and I did the only thing I could. I went out. I searched for my mother’s army, and I could’ve fought them all!”
“And then what?” Althea spread her arms. “Would you have killed your mother, too? The Council? You’re Zafirian, are you so ready to become a traitor?”
“I already am! I don’t want anything to do with that life anymore--look at this place! Because of my family’s thirst for power, you live in poverty, your people is taken into slavery and your bloodline is forced into hiding.” Her lips trembled. “Because of me.”
A heavy hand landed on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Because of them.”
Gaiane shrugged Evandro's hand off and looked at him with her jaws clenched.
“Through me. I’m sick of this all, I’ve endured it for eighteen years. It has to stop.”
“And you thought running away and single-handedly attacking a nation was the way to do it! I can’t believe how naive you can be,” Althea snarled.
“Gaiane, I believe you. I do. But your good intentions don’t free you from the consequences of your deeds.” Ligeia pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “We probably have to leave Nikaia, all of us.”
“Ligeia, it’s madness. Some of us are too old or frail to survive the evacuation, like the old miller’s wife,” Althea pointed out. “We must take you and Rea away, and this disgrace of a princess, too. Evandro can see to it, and…”
“It’s not enough. The Asares were aggressive enough already in their pursue for Gaiane, and now it’s only going to get worse. We must evacuate everyone.” Ligeia closed her eyes, and Gaiane wanted to cry again.
It was all her fault.
“No, I can’t accept it. I know you’re a queen to our people, but we spent years creating this safe harbor, and…”
“Althea, it’s not a suggestion It’s our only chance”. Ligeia gave Althea a very dirty look and crossed her arms.
A queen indeed, and the older woman seemed inclined to accept her as such, if with some more grumbling.
“Fine. I will investigate with the sentries and outposts to see how much time we have left, and then…”
“And then we’ll see. Gaiane, I expect you to stay in Nikaia. It’s my last warning--try to leave once more, and I’ll have you put in chain, even if it disgusts me.” Ligeia’s mouth twisted as she pronounced the words, and Gaiane shivered.
“Let me help. Keep me in eye range, so you can be sure of my intentions. I promise I won’t do it anymore!”
“Not for now. Just know that there’ll be someone looking at you at any time, even if you can’t see them. Evandro, take her to her room, then come back here. We need you.”
She turned her back on Gaiane, and the princess could’ve sworn Ligeia’s shoulders jumped with a silent sob.
I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, she wanted to say over and over again, until Althea’s eyes weren’t so cold and scared anymore, until Ligeia didn’t look like death itself was looming over her.
Until she could undo her deeds and be safe again.
Evandro, at her side, sighed. The corridors seemed oddly quiet.
“You screwed up.”
“I know, thank you very much!”
“And there’s no changing the past.”
She stopped and shoved him away, with little success. Then she punched his chest until her hands hurt, but Evandro didn’t move.
“Why are you saying this? I’m heartbroken already! You want me to feel even worse?”
“No,” he said, gently taking her wrists and keeping her still. “But if you can’t change the past, you must find a way to make up for your mistakes.”
Gaiane’s face contorted in an ugly grimace of tears and anger. She sobbed until her nose started to run and her throat hurt, and didn’t even realize they were moving again.
Evandro opened the door to her room for her and gingerly patted her back.
“Here you are. Try to calm down if you can.”
“You should’ve killed me,” she rasped. Evandro's face paled, and his icy eyes fluttered closed.
“Don’t say that. I’ll never forgive myself for that, and neither should you.”
“I didn’t say I have, but it would’ve been better for all of us.”
Emptied of all tears, she indeed felt calmer. Coldly so. She dropped a quick curtsey and closed the door in Evandro's face. She locked the bolt, only to slide on the floor with her back against the wooden planks and a big void in her chest.
Minutes, or maybe hours later, she was still in the same position, with her eyes dry.
Someone knocked on the door, hard and loud.
Evandro, of course.
“Go away, Evandro,” Gaiane said, burying her face in her arms. “Our conversation is over.”
“I swear to the Spirits, Gaiane, open this door or I’ll disassemble the hinges and take the whole door away. You know I can do it, and I will!”
Leo’s voice trembled a bit, but not as much as the door, when the girl grabbed the handle and gave it a shake.
Gaiane gasped and stumbled to her feet, wincing for the pain in her back from the contracted muscles. Her hand went straight to the bolt, but her fingers fluttered over it for a moment.
Leo hated her, granted. Facing her contempt was more than Gaiane could handle.
“I’m counting to three, princess. I have my tools at the ready, so don’t you think I won’t do as I…”
“Alright, alright, no need to be drastic,” Gaiane said quickly. She opened the door, and Leo bolted in, stopping only to drop the small lamp on the floor. In the flickering light, her dark eyes were pools of shadows, the muscles of her shoulders taut under her cut sleeves.
Leo stopped a mere step from Gaiane and shook her head.
“You, my dear pretty princess, are an idiot.”
“If you only listened…”
“Ampelio briefed me already, and Mother’s breath I can’t believe you left without telling me anything!”
“I had to!” The truth she’d kept from Ligeia poured from her mouth, unstoppable. “Larsa was right--the moment I stepped out of the gates I felt my magic co
me back, strong as ever. I could fight!”
“Alone. Against an army. You may be naive but you’re not stupid, Gaiane, I know it!”
“Or maybe I am! Stupid and naive and desperate!” she cried out. “Can’t you see? I’ve chosen for myself again, and this time I had a plan. I had someone to fight for!”
“You…”
* * *
“I,” Gaiane interrupted her, taking a step closer until she was screaming in her face, “have never had a friend, let alone something more! I never had someone to protect, someone to fight for! I never kissed anyone or felt the smell of a thunderstorm, I never lived!”
She kicked the ground and turned her back to Leo.
“And then it turns out it’s my fault if you have no magic. I was born like this, and you were born like that because of me. I’m a miasma that affects everyone around me, and I’m good only to bring death--well, let it be, then!” She balled her hands into fists and her knuckles cracked. “If my only power is to bring death, then I’ll bring balance with it, too. Justice, to make up for…”
“Don’t be silly, there’s more to you than being a weapon! That’s not you, not what you want to be, and it matters!”
“It doesn’t! I can’t change who I am, and how my mother used my powers in the past. I…”
“Come with me,” Leo said. She grabbed Gaiane’s arm and silenced her with a resolute tug.
“What?” Gaiane blinked, her passionate speech tumbling away from her mind. Leo gave one long, hard stare and pulled her to the door.
“Come with me and shut up,” she repeated.
Gaiane couldn’t help but obey. Leo dragged her along the dark corridors where people were swarming around like many ants, murmuring in concern and shooting them quick looks.
“I can’t leave, I…”
* * *
“I’m with you. And we’re not really leaving,” Leo cut her short. She pushed her through a crack in a wall and to a hidden ladder. “Up.”
Gaiane panted a little from the run. She looked up and only saw a dark chimney disappearing above her head.
“Here? Now?”
“No, next week, I’ll check my plans so we can schedule an appointment--yes, Gaiane, here and now!” Leo rolled her eyes and pointed at the ladder with her open hand.
“There’s no need to be sarcastic,” Gaiane threw her hair back and cautiously grabbed one wooden step.
She wasn’t given the luxury of further thinking, not with Leo huffing and tapping her foot. Slowly, she crawled her way up in the dark, until her head bumped against the roof.
“It’s a trapdoor. Just push it,” Leo said from behind her.
“I’ll fall! I can’t let go of…”
“Push it, you have two hands and you only need one!”
Gaiane stuck her tongue out at her, even if she couldn’t see her, and tightened her grip on the ladder with one hand. Her shoulder throbbed when she lifted her other hand and pushed the trapdoor.
It opened with no effort, and she almost gasped in surprise.
She emerged under a half collapsed colonnade, slightly less dark than the chimney. Before she could crawl on her feet, Leo jumped at her side and hauled her up, marching forth.
“I don’t understand.”
Leo pushed her from under the balcony.
Thunder shook the skies, and a white flash of light snatched ruins and vines from the darkness for a second. Black, all of them, against the blinding blaze. Gaiane held her breath under the downpour drenching her clothes and plastering her hair to her cheeks and neck.
She stumbled under the sky, her face turned to the swelling clouds. Lightning painted them in gold and purple, lining their shapes in light or cracking to the ground with great fragor. The rain was cold, not as scary as it had been when she’d been alone, perched on a rock with wolves stalking her. Water poured from the skies and tapped on every surface, carrying along a clean, sharp smell, and the rich ones of earth and leaves and something else entirely. Something she couldn’t name.
Despite everything, she was smiling madly. Her arms spread wide, her palms upturned to capture every drop, to feel it all.
A crack, a boom, and she squealed in terror and delight.
“See? It's no big deal.” Leo said. “It’s petrichor--the smell of rain. And some ozone. It’s one of the few things I remember from school.”
Gaiane looked at her, unsticking the hair from her nose and mouth. She couldn’t stop smiling.
Leo shrugged, but a tiny smile played at the corner of her mouth, despite her sulky eyes.
“You said you didn’t even know what a thunderstorm smells like, well you’re welcome. It’s here, and…”
Time stopped. Gaiane watched the scene play slowly in front of her--Leo, with rain trickling down her face and neck, hair damp on her forehead and that secret tenderness in her eyes. Leo that had hated her at first, then protected her, then distracted her as they read together.
Something fluttered in her chest, as many times before when looking at Leo, but now so quick and hard she feared her skin would ripple with the sensation.
And she knew there was only one thing that could stop it.
She strode forth and took Leo’s face in her palms, bowing over her.
Gaiane knew little of kisses, all learned from romantic poems and the secret envy when she glimpsed someone exchanging affection during one of the few public occasions she was granted permission to see other people from afar. That, and the brief theoretical lesson Ampelio had given her on their way back to Nikaia, a giggly answer to her embarrassing question.
She didn’t know how a kiss was supposed to feel like, but she liked what she was feeling. Leo’s lips were soft, parted ever so slightly in surprise. And among the--what did she call it--petrichor and ozone, she smelled amazing. Firewood and leather and bread.
Gaiane pulled back with a grin.
“Thank you,” she breathed out, and Leo blinked.
“Oh. I… yes? You’re… welcome?”
“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have…”
But Leo wrapped her arm around her waist, and now she was smiling for real, her teeth a flash of white in the night.
“Thunderstorm, kisses--you’re very determined to live, aren’t you?”
Gaiane’s face went so hot she swore she could feel steam cloud around her, but Leo caressed her cheek. And the next kiss was different, warm and slow, like honey in her mouth. She threw her arms around Leo’s neck and pulled her closer, and drowned in the kiss.
How many different kisses existed? The thought flared through her mind, exciting and new. But then she had to tilt her head to better fit against Leo’s lips, and their noses brushed, and she couldn’t keep her eyes open. It was too much, and she was happy.
She may not deserve it, but here she was.
Her academic preparation on the subject failed to mention that breathing was necessary even when kissing a very pretty girl she’d been slowly falling for so Gaiane had to reluctantly pull back with a pant.
Leo smiled and gently knocked their brows together.
“Wow,” she whispered.
“I was about to say that.” Gaiane buried her nose in Leo’s shoulder without letting her go.
“You did very good for a rookie…”
“I asked Ampelio some tips and tricks on our way back,” Gaiane chuckled, and Leo tensed.
“You kissed…”
Gaiane stood up and her eyes widened in shock.
“Spirits, no! That would feel very wrong!” she replied, scrunching her nose. Ampelio was nice and fun, but kissing a boy? No, really. No.
Leo relaxed and brushed the tips of their noses together.
“Good. I would have hated to punch him.”
“You would never!”
“No, I wouldn’t. But I’m happy you prefer me.”
They stood some more under the rain, and some more kisses were involved. Then Leo sighed and took her hand.
“We must go back. It’s going
to be messy, you know?”
The weight in Gaiane’s chest settled heavier than ever. She gulped and nodded.
“Yes. I wish we could put a stop to this all…”
A loud boom echoed very near, and Gaiane jumped.
Leo, already crouching to open the trapdoor, froze. She squinted in the night, then led the way.
“Come now, you’ll catch a cold, and I think we’ll need you at your best…”
Chapter 19
The moment the blue lightning had struck the land, she’d known.
Not an ordinary storm, even if the sky was livid enough.
Her throne room had been dark even in the middle of the day, with the sky heavy with leaden clouds. had seen the spell explode out of the stained windows. A kaleidoscope of colors flashed on the stones and carpet, red and blue and green--a spasm that clenched her whole body in agony and made her double over.
Gaiane was of her own blood and her own magic. The queen had felt the echo of the princess’ spell crack in her bones and brand her soul.
“Your majesty, I beg your forgiveness,” Alcibiade said, trotting in her trail and tripping in his own feet. “It’s too dangerous!”
“Helena, has Diocle been alerted?” she asked. The soldier at her side nodded; the woman was still limping, unsuited for field service, but had refused to leave her queen’s side.
“Yes, ma’am. He’s sorting the searching party out.”
Of course he was, Cibele said with a sneer. While she was tormenting her serving women to fetch her a riding gown and her boots, Gaiane’s father was already preparing their next move.
But so was I.
Less than one hour after the burst of light that had painted the sky white, they all were on the move already. Cibele grabbed the clasp of her cloak with one hand and lifted its folds with the other as they ran down the great white stairway that led to the main courtyard. Around her, the hall opened like the wings of a swan: perfectly white, with rows of slender columns twisting and embracing the shiny marble floor, the blue and silver carpets, the large doors opening on the outside world. Countless tall windows opened in the thick walls, so many they would’ve shocked any architect—but thanks to built-in magic of the place, the building was sturdier than it looked. So bright, too, that when Cibele stepped out of the gate, the outside world seemed dull in comparison. No azure and pale light cast on the ground through the stained windows, just the common sunlight through the clouds.
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