by Lucia Ashta
Two minutes later, there was no sign of anyone. Rubbing at my forehead and knee again, I dug in my backpack until I located my phone. I activated the screen and stared at it, going through the mental Rolodex of my friends. Adalia would be traveling from the fae’s Golden Forest with Leo—no reason for them to arrive early that I could think of. Plus, the land of the fae was a cellphone-free zone, which meant Adalia was out. And last I’d seen them, Leo and Rina couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Chances were high she was riding his pogo stick for a final hoorah before they left the land of the fae and came to school, which meant they were out too. That left Wren, Dave, Ky, or Boone.
Ky was never far from my daydreams, but I didn’t dig the whole damsel-in-distress scenario, which led me to Wren. I dialed her up and brought the phone to my ear.
“Jas?” she answered on the third ring. “What’s up? Where are you?”
“Hey, Wren. I’m stuck on the wrong side of Thunder Mountain. The entrance won’t let me through.”
“What? Why won’t it let you through?”
I heard voices in the background. “Hold on, guys,” Wren said to them, “I can’t hear if you’re all talking.” A quick pause, and then she added, “It’s Jas.”
“Wren, where are you?” I asked, pulling her attention back to me.
“At the dorms. Dave and I got here a little while ago.”
“Who else is there?”
“Ky and Boone just stopped by. Ky was looking for Rina, but she’s with Leo apparently.”
“All you guys got through the entrance no problem?”
“Yeah, same as always.”
“That’s weird.”
“It won’t open for you at all?”
“No. Open sesame isn’t working.”
“Hold on a sec, they keep asking me questions.”
I heard her relay what I’d said to the others before she popped back on the line. “Ky and Boone are coming to get you. Just hang tight.”
“All right. Thanks.” I disconnected right away when Dave murmured something I couldn’t quite make out that made Wren giggle. Those two could be sickeningly cute together.
Fifteen minutes passed and still no one came for me, and neither did any other students arrive to seek entrance to the school. I palmed my phone, ready to dial Wren again, when a long, hairy foot stepped through the mountain. Startled, I took in the fire-engine red nail polish that coated the claws on said foot. When a rabbit leg followed, and then a frilly sky-blue skirt that hit mid-hairy-thigh, I realized exactly who’d come to get me.
“As if the day hasn’t been crazy enough already…” I muttered to myself.
“What’d ya say, girl?” Roberta Raindown asked when she finished stepping through the mountain and pinned those sharp, black, pupil-less eyes on me. Despite the fact that she was a cotton-tail bunny, she was the size of a small person, and scary as all fuck.
“Nothing,” I said, “just glad you came to get me. I have no idea what’s going on. It won’t let me in.”
“Hmm, yeah, mysterious,” she said distractedly, scanning me up and down. “I am diggin’ your outfit, girl! I need to get me one of them jean miniskirts. I think it’d look mighty fine on me, don’t ya?”
There was only one safe answer here. I wasn’t usually a fan of playing it safe, but I valued my life. “Of course you’d look great in one. You had the babies, huh?” I said while I stood, brushing dirt from the back of my skirt.
“Yup.” She rubbed her belly for a few seconds beneath her frilly, lemon-yellow, sleeveless shirt. “An even baker’s dozen, all fine and healthy. Driving me crazy, those rugrats, but what are you gonna do? That’s the life of a mother.”
Roberta Raindown, so nicknamed because she rained down chaos and destruction wherever she went, was apparently intent on breeding a whole race of terrifying, supernatural rabbits. From all appearances, she was making good progress.
“What’s that put you at now?” I asked. “Three-hundred-thirty-three…?”
She nodded readily, before her rounded bunny shoulders sagged beneath their light brown fur. “Three-hun’red-n-thirty-two now that my Rasper be gone.”
It was surely a testament of how intimidating she and her offspring were that out of all those killer babies she’d only lost one.
I knew this was the stage where anyone else would’ve offered her some sympathy, but I’d never been good at it. Instead, I kept quiet for a few beats before saying, “You have a cool look going on yourself.”
Immediately, Roberta pepped up, smoothing paws across her short shirt. “Ya like it? After seeing ya at the end of last term, I decided I needed ta up my sense of style. Now lookin’ at ya again, I see I need to up it some more.” She brought a paw to the side of her twitchy, small nose. “Maybe I need to get me a ring or something, like you’ve got.”
I winced. “I think it’d probably hurt a lot.”
Why? Because she had a rabbit nose.
At that, she straightened her back and faced me head-on, outfits forgotten. “Are ya suggestin’ I can’t handle a little pain, gurl?”
“Fuck no. I wouldn’t dream of it.”
She barked a laugh. “See? I knew we was gonna be best of friends. Ya promised me girl time…” She brought both paws to her hips and cocked one to the side. “Ya gonna follow through, or what?”
I sure as hell hadn’t promised her girl time, but even the blind and deaf would realize Roberta was dangerous. Being on her good side was the only place to be.
“We can hang out,” I said, “but first I need to be able to get into the school.”
“Right,” she said, turning her petulant pose toward the rock behind her. “Ya say it won’t let ya in? Is that what the shiner on yer forehead’s all about?”
“Yeah.” I rubbed at my forehead. I was going to get to start the new school term with a great big bump on my face. Great.
“Show me. Try again.”
I pressed my fingers against the patch of rock Roberta had emerged from, and once more, touched solid mountain. “See?”
“I do.” She frowned. “Makes no damn sense. Students been comin’ through all day long, off n’ on.”
Glaring at the rock like it was a misbehaving child, she inched a foot forward—and it slipped right through.
“What the hell?” I exclaimed.
“I don’t think hell’s got much to do with it. Somepin’ fishy’s goin’ on, and I don’t like it one stinkin’ bit.”
“Neither do I, Roberta, neither do I.” I crossed my arms over my chest and gave the rock a good glare.
The killer bunny momma glanced at my bags with great interest. “Cute bags. I’m gonna need some of them too, for whenever I gotta carry things and don’t have one a my kids to do it for me. Grab yer bags and gimme your hand.”
Hesitating for only a second, I did as she commanded.
“I got a feelin’ about this,” she said while she gripped my hand in her paw and shuffled toward the entrance. Looking behind her, she added, “Make sure ya don’t let go, no matter what, ya hear me?”
Overcome by the intensity in her black, depthless eyes, I just nodded. Damn, Roberta was fierce. And she thought we were besties. I shuddered at the thought of what she must be like with her enemies.
The rabbit disappeared through the rock in front of me, and when she tugged at my hand, I slipped right through with her.
“Wow,” I said, “why do you think it’s letting me come through with you but not on my own?”
“I’ve no idea, my girl, but I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. This school’s been crazier than a basket full a bunnies. It makes me all itchy like.”
“Yeah, I feel ya, Roberta. It gives me the willies too.”
“See? We’re made for each other. Destined besties.”
“Sorry, but I already have a bestie.”
Adalia assured me we were best friends, whether I liked it or not, and that fairy was oddly pushy for someone who always smiled at everything.
>
Roberta growled and stilled. I bumped into her back while I wondered if all rabbits were capable of growling, or just her.
“You told me we were gonna be besties,” she said in a dangerous, low tone that was triggering my sense of self-preservation.
“You know what? There’s no rule that says I can’t have two besties.”
Roberta resumed her walking. “There we go. See, I knew ya had some smarts in ya. There’s always a way around every rule.”
I tried to make out the scary bunny ahead of me, but the passage was pitch black. I figured not seeing her was probably for the best while I wondered how the hell I’d ended up with two best friends I didn’t want.
“Hey, how come you came to get me instead of Ky and Boone?” I asked. “They said they were coming for me.”
“Yeah, well, they tried, but I stopped ‘em at the gate. This was a job for the gatekeeper, not them.”
“Gotcha. So your sons aren’t guarding the gate anymore, just you?”
“Ah, they hang around when I want them to, but I’m all that’s needed to guard the gate.”
“I’m sure that’s the truth. You could scare the pants off the pantsless.”
She chuckled, low and deep, and when I was sure she’d stop, another wave of mirth would roll through her.
Finally, she said, “See, I told ya we’re a perfect match. Ya have a way with words that’s just music to ma ears.”
Well, there was no accounting for crazy. Even I knew the filter between my brain and mouth was broken down more often than it was running smoothly.
The oppressiveness of the rock all around us weighed heavily on me. The air I breathed was thin and unsatisfying, and my thoughts readily turned to what glitch had kept me from entering the academy on my own.
“Roberta?” I asked after a bit. “Why do you think I could come through with you like this?”
“I been thinkin’ about that too. I think it’s ‘cause we’re connected like, and I’m a thinkin’ the spell thinks we’re just one creature: me.”
“I guess that makes sense…”
“Yeah, in a world that makes less sense than a rabbit on a bender.”
“True dat, Roberta, true dat,” I said as the rabbit ahead of me finally emerged from the tunnel.
In tandem, we popped back out into the bright sunshine of the academy’s perma-spring. At least the Academy Spell still got that right. When I went to release my hand from hers, she pulled me into a tight side hug.
She squeezed. “I’m happy ta see ya.”
Before I could talk sense into myself, I squeezed her back. “I’m glad it was you who came to get me.” If nothing else, her presence had served to remind me that I’d better take her threats of best-friendship seriously. Better to be wise and live than to ignore what the bunny said and end up as chow for her legions of kids.
Did rabbits even eat meat? Hell, it didn’t matter. No rabbits were like Roberta and her spawn.
We walked across the pebbled path lined in bright, springtime flowers until the academy’s bejeweled gate came into view.
“There’re some a my sons. Aren’t they handsome?” Roberta said with the eyes for beauty that only a mother could have.
I hmphed noncommittally and subtly picked up the pace. I’d spied someone infinitely more handsome than the rabbits, standing right behind them.
And Ky was meeting my appreciative stare head-on. Time to initiate Operation: Make Him Mine.
4
“Open the gate!” Roberta called ahead to her three sons, who formed a wall of solid, scary bunny muscle in front of the towering gate. I was guessing the guards were Raker, Raider, and Rammer, but that was only because they’d been the ones to show up to replace Rasper the Rabbit after he’d been killed toward the end of my first term here. Each of the six-foot-tall cotton-tailed rabbits looked like they had Goodfellas on constant re-run, studying tactics in intimidation. Arms crossed over the chests of their button-down shirts—collars wide open, revealing furry chests—they glared at me like I’d been the one to cause trouble instead of the entrance to the school.
“Have you checked her already?” one of the rabbits asked.
Roberta didn’t say a word until she marched right up to him. Tilting her head up to her son, she brought her hands to her hips.
As subtly as I could, I stepped to the side, trying to close the distance between me and Ky and Boone, who stood on the other side of the gate, in case I had to make a run for it—if, say, Roberta gave her son a beatdown for asking her a question.
Staring up into his eyes, Roberta said, “Yes, Raker. I’ve checked ‘er.” Her tone was like the burning embers of coals. When Raker opened his mouth again, I questioned his sanity.
“With the sanguinator and deliberator?” he asked, his brow arching while he cocked a hip forward to indicate the glass straw-looking sanguinator sitting in a holster on his hip. Meaningfully, he cast his gaze toward one of his brothers, gesturing to the deliberator strapped to his hip.
Roberta sniffed loudly, and I sidestepped farther away from her.
“No, Raker, I didn’t use the devices. Obviously. But I don’t need ta. I know this girl, and I vouch for ‘er.”
Rammer and Raider looked from Raker to their mom and back again. Wisely, they didn’t say a word, proving they were more intelligent than Raker. Because no one in their right mind would question Roberta when she was looking like she had enough sons that she could do without one of them.
“That’s not the way we’re supposed to be doing it,” Raker said, and I was tempted to feel sorry for him. Clearly he wasn’t properly appreciating the danger he was putting himself in. “We’re supposed to make sure no one is an imposter. For all we know, this girl could only appear to be who she says she is. You know how magic is. She could actually be someone else.”
Roberta blinked up at him a few times, her red-painted claws clenching and unclenching on the hips of her frilly skirt.
Rammer cleared his throat. “Momma, it’d explain why she couldn’t get through. If she’s an imposter, the spell would know.”
I flicked my gaze toward Ky and Boone. Both of them met it right away. Though their expressions were neutral, the tension riding their tight, muscular bodies suggested they were as wary as I was.
When Roberta growled, I swung my attention back to her … only to discover her shark-like stare already pinned on me.
“Naw, she wouldn’t be able ta trick me. I know ‘er too well, and this is her.” But the way she narrowed her eyes while studying my face and clenched her claws tightly enough to create bulges in her flesh had my heartrate accelerating.
The truth was that Roberta didn’t actually know me all that well, she just liked to think she did. We weren’t true best friends, she was trying to force me into the friendship. But from the look on her face I couldn’t tell if she saw things the way I did. Who knew how crazed rabbits with hordes of crazed offspring actually thought?
“Maybe we should check just in case,” Rammer said, and when Roberta whirled on him, he was quick to amend, “You know, just so we go through the motions. Not because we’re doubting you.”
“You’d better not be doubtin’ me, boy. I raised ya ta be smarter than that, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did, Momma.”
“Good. Then I don’t wanna hear no more nonsense about it. This here is Jasmine Jolly, better known by her badass nickname, Jazz. She’s a skunk shifter, which means she’s like us. I got not a lick a doubt about ‘er, ya hear?”
When no one answered right away, she repeated, “Do ya bloody well hear me, boys?”
“Yes, Momma,” the three rabbits answered in a monotone that made clear they were resigned to whatever the woman ordered.
When Roberta wasn’t around, Raker, Raider, and Rammer were the epitome of grisly intimidation. I hoped they didn’t get any ideas about punishing Ky, Boone, and me for witnessing this exchange.
When her sons didn’t move, Roberta grumbled in a low and d
angerous rumble, “Open. The. Damn. Gate.”
“Yes, Momma,” Raider hurriedly said, swiveling and hollering at the gate. “Open the gate!”
And though no one appeared to be manning it, both stories-tall doors swung inward, inching open as if the gate were sliding along rollers. But I knew better. The gate wasn’t operated by some gadget or mechanism. Like so many things at the academy, the gate operated on magic.
Hurriedly, I approached it, tipping my head back to take in the glorious thing. Bedecked in sparkling jewels of all colors, its intricate metal-patterning made of precious metals, it was a magnificent entry point to the school. As I stared at it, however, all I could focus on was my escape from Roberta’s reign of terror.
The little fairy, who usually sat atop the gate’s pillars to herald the entry of every student with sufficient fanfare to match the gate’s opulence, was absent, probably because I was a day early. I didn’t mind a bit.
I was about to slip through the opening when a throat clearing behind me made my stomach sink.
Of course.
Swallowing thickly, I plastered a smile on my face in mid-spin. “Roberta,” I said, like there was no chance in hell I’d planned to scoot right on out of here without a thanks and goodbye to my favorite best friend. “Thanks so much for coming to get me. I’ll see you around, yeah?”
Roberta stared at me long enough that I worried she could see right through me. Then her furry face broke into a grin, revealing sharp, pointy teeth. One of her long ears flopped over her face, completing the deranged look.
Swallowing a whimper, I forced my smile to grow enough to match hers.
“Ya’ll definitely see me around, girl. We’re besties! Besties see each other all the time. We’re gonna be hangin’ out on the regular, ya hear? I won’t let ya miss me for long.”
“Awesome,” I said, feeling like a robot that liked to abide by good manners had swept in to possess my mind. Nodding like my head was on a swivel, I kept my smile in place until I turned back around, and forced myself to slow down as I walked—not ran—through the gate.