That’s about the time I make my way back inside the house. Maria calls the ambulance and ten minutes later, I’m sitting in the back of the ambulance, holding Anna in my arms. When we arrive at the hospital, they take Anna from me and wheel Carrie to the maternity ward. Since Anna was born a couple of weeks early, they take her to the NICU for an examination and Carrie panics, ordering me not to leave the baby’s side.
The staff assumes I’m the baby’s father and I’m given a bracelet that allows me access into both the NICU and the Maternity ward. I give Carrie a peck on the cheek and follow the nurse who gives me a pair of scrubs and leads me to the NICU. There, I stay close to Anna. They clean her up and cauterize the umbilical cord. They weigh her too and I learn she’s six pounds, four ounces. She’s also nineteen inches long.
Perfect.
So fucking perfect.
She fusses a little as they take her footprints and I immediately move towards her. The nurse laughs at me, assuring me she’s fine and suggests I take some pictures of her while they do their job. A polite way of saying, stand the fuck down.
I take the pictures like I’m told and the first one I take instantly becomes the wallpaper on my phone. The pediatrician comes in, listens to Anna’s heart and lungs and when he tells me everything checks out, I breathe easily for the first time.
Once Anna is wrapped in a clean blanket and a pink and blue hat is fitted to her tiny head, a nurse tucks her into a clear bassinet and assures me she is fine. It’s the clearance I need to check on Carrie and yet, I don’t move. I stand over the bassinet and stare at Anna, watching her little rosebud shaped lips part as she yawns.
“I hear you, Anna Banana,” I whisper. “Uncle Nico is pretty beat himself.”
She closes her mouth and I continue to watch her for a few more moments, trying to determine who she resembles most…Carrie or my brother.
Until this moment, I hadn’t really given Frankie much thought and I don’t know if that’s because subconsciously I didn’t want to or if it’s a result of everything happening so quickly. Either way, I have to accept it’s only a matter of time before he shows up. I mean, Maria and my dad already called him, and they said he and Sophie are on their way. Soon the bracelet around my wrist will be cut and this little blip in time, where Anna and Carrie are mine, will be severed. I’ll be pushed to the sidelines, forced to love them both from afar.
That realization causes my chest to ache and before I can stop them, I feel the tears burn my eyes. Reaching out, I gently touch my fingertips to Anna’s cheek and blink through the wetness blurring my view of her.
“You stole my heart, Anna Banana,” I whisper hoarsely.
Just like your mom.
I inhale a ragged breath and pull my hand away from the baby.
“I’m going to go check on your mom now. But I’ll be back,” I promise.
I’ll always come for you.
Whether it’s right or wrong.
I’ll cross every line to be there for you.
Pulling myself together, I step away from the crib and back up, but with every step, it feels like I’m leaving a piece of me in that crib. When I finally find the courage to turn my back, I take another deep breath, the air burning my lungs as it fills them. The nurse stops me and informs me that they are taking Anna to see Carrie and relief floods me once again.
I don’t have to leave her.
Not yet.
She wheels the crib out of the unit, and I follow her down the hallway. As we come around the corner, I spot Schwartz. Considering the ungodly hour, he looks sharp as a tack and is dressed to the nines, wearing a three-piece suit and holding a leather briefcase. His hair is perfectly styled too, not a strand out of place. Pretty boy.
His eyes find mine and he tips his chin in acknowledgment. We reach Carrie’s room and the nurse wheels the baby in before me. I pause in front of the door, my gaze wandering to the briefcase in Schwartz’s hand as I wonder what the fuck he and my father are up to.
“I’ll give you a few minutes,” he says.
I nod before diverting my attention ahead of me. From the doorway I watch as the nurse lifts Anna out of the crib, gently placing her in Carrie’s waiting arms. Seeing them reunited, baby nestled safely in her mother’s arms, is just as powerful as it was the first time I saw them huddled together and it fills me in all those empty places.
I step into the room and listen on as the nurse asks Carrie if she plans to bottle feed or breastfeed. Carrie tells her she’d like to try breastfeeding and the nurse begins to school her on what to do. Figuring it isn’t my place to be part of such a pivotal moment and giving Carrie privacy, I turn my back, crossing my arms against my chest. My gaze wanders to the floor and I listen as Anna fuses and Carrie gets frustrated. The nurse intervenes, assuring Carrie it’s totally natural. Not all babies latch the first time, and some don’t at all.
But I know what Carrie’s thinking.
I’ve lived it.
I’ve been there through all the ups and downs.
The highs and lows.
Every fear she’s expressed.
All the worries that she wouldn’t be good enough.
That she’d be like her mom.
They’re branded to me.
I turn my head slightly, still not looking at her and whisper, “She won’t starve, Green Eyes.”
The room goes silent and my throat tightens as I struggle to keep my back to them.
“I’m going to go get a bottle, let’s feed her that way and then I’ll call in a lactation specialist,” the nurse says.
“Okay,” Carrie whispers.
As she speaks, I can feel her eyes.
Aching.
Burning.
Begging.
The nurse exits the room and I slowly turn to face her. Our eyes lock and before I realize it, my legs are carrying me to her side.
It’s that fucking force.
It won’t quit.
It won’t surrender.
“How do you feel?” I ask her hoarsely.
“Better now,” she says, glancing down at Anna.
“I had her. She never left my sight,” I murmur, forcing a swallow.
“I know,” Carrie says, lifting her gaze from Anna to look at me.
“Nico…I…” she pauses, and my fucking heart goes still. I swear to Christ, it just stops and hangs on her words, waiting…aching…burning…begging.
A knock sounds on the door, interrupting the moment and we both turn our heads. Schwartz steps inside the room and heads straight for Carrie.
“Congratulations,” Schwartz says, laying the briefcase on the small table next to the bed.
“This is Schwartz,” I explain. “The lawyer.”
“Oh, okay,” she says, looking from Schwartz to me. Her eyes are full of questions—none I have the answers to.
“I’ve got some papers I need you to sign,” Schwartz tells her. With a flick of his wrists the briefcase opens, and he pulls out a folder. I watch as he tucks the folder under his arm and closes the briefcase, setting it on the floor. He lays the folder on top of the table, opening it and shuffling through the papers.
His eyes find mine.
“Can you take the baby so she can sign?”
Swiping my hands down the front of my scrubs, I look at Carrie and extend my hands. She doesn’t move for a second and I search her face, trying to read her. Then a small smile appears on her lips and she bends her head, giving Anna’s nose a kiss. She transfers Anna into my waiting arms with ease, her fingers lingering on my forearm as I hold her daughter.
“I got her,” I whisper.
“I know,” she repeats before looking at Schwartz.
He pushes the table closer to Carrie and reaches into his suit jacket. Producing a pen, he hands it to her and points to the first document.
“This is a sworn statement, stating you were not raped, and any sexual acts were consensual,” he explains. “Sign where it says your name.”
I don’t kn
ow what it is about those words, but my arms tighten protectively around Anna and a chill runs down my spine. Without hesitation, Carrie takes the pen and signs her name.
I kiss the top of Anna’s head.
One down, baby girl.
“Thank you,” Schwartz says, tucking the signed document into one sleeve of the folder. He moves to the next.
“This is an affidavit of guardianship, giving Maria Bianci and Alfonse Scotto legal guardianship of Anna Scotto until you turn eighteen. Then, as the document states, you will attain full custody of the child.”
Carrie’s eyes flit to mine in a state of panic and Schwartz sees it.
“No one is taking your daughter, Miss. Ritzer. All this is, is a piece of paper that says Al and Maria will care for the baby until you are of legal age to do so yourself. You and the baby will remain in their care. Consider it an insurance policy, one that keeps your father from having any rights to the child. Nothing more and nothing less.”
He leans forward and points to a paragraph on the page.
“See, right there, it states you are her mother. It also states that Maria and Al are released of their guardianship on your eighteenth birthday.”
“Carrie, look at me,” I demand softly.
She lifts her eyes from the paper.
“Do you remember the day you made the call to your dad?”
She nods.
“You remember what I told you?”
“No one is taking this baby,” she whispers.
I nod, bringing Anna closer to my chest as I meet her mother’s green eyes.
“No one,” I reiterate.
So long as I live no one is taking this baby from this girl.
Not her father.
Not mine.
No one.
Drawing in a deep breath, she nods and leans forward, signing off on the second document.
I press another kiss to Anna’s head.
Two away, baby girl.
You’re ours now.
Carrie gently sets the pen on the table and Schwartz takes the document, neatly adding it to the first. I go to hand Anna back to her, but something makes me stop in my tracks. An awareness. An ache. A realization that the time on the clock has stopped. Carrie lifts her head and her eyes instantly fill with tears as they connect with something behind me.
I slowly turn and the air leaves my lungs as my eyes lock with Frankie’s.
He stares at me for a millisecond before his gaze travels to the bundle in my arms.
“Oh my God,” he whispers. “That’s her…”
Sophie, Dad, and Maria enter the room behind him, but I don’t tear my gaze away from Frankie to acknowledge them. I feel my arms tighten.
“Dad said you named her Anna,” he says, looking towards Carrie as he steps closer to me. “After my great-grandma.”
No, after my great-grandma.
My heart rattles inside my chest as he takes another step closer and I take one backward. He smiles at me and I swallow, tearing my eyes away from him to look at Anna.
Fuck.
He touches his hand to her head and my jaw clenches.
“Hi Anna, it’s your Daddy,” he croons.
That truth.
Those words.
They fucking punch me in the gut.
And his outstretched arms…well, they’re my undoing.
I choke on the emotion clogging my throat and dip my head, giving my sweet Anna Banana one last kiss. In those seconds, I memorize the feel of her in my arms and commit every feature of her perfect face to my memory.
Then I tear my eyes away from the most precious thing I’ve ever held and look at my brother. He smiles at me and I take a step towards him.
I love him, I do.
I’d kill for him
If he was ever in trouble, I’d break through locked doors to rescue him.
But I love his daughter more.
“Be good to her,” I say hoarsely.
Ignoring the perplexed look on his face, I gently hand him his daughter, feeling my heart break inside my chest as I do. My gaze falls to Anna and I don’t know if I’m making shit up if I’m seeing what I want to see, but she doesn’t look right in his arms.
She doesn’t fit.
He fumbles, trying to make her comfortable, and she starts to fuss.
It’s too much for me to bear.
Seeing her in his arms.
Hearing her cry, knowing I can’t soothe her.
It’s too fucking much.
Too much pain.
Drawing in a deep breath, I tear my eyes away from Anna and step around Frankie. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need to run.
“Nico,” Carrie calls, but I don’t acknowledge her.
I head straight for the door, but I don’t get far.
There’s no way out.
No escaping the pain.
Two police officers are blocking my path.
“Nico Scotto?”
My eyes narrow at them.
“What’s it to you?” I growl.
“You’re under arrest for the assault and battery of John Ritzer. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney if you can’t afford an attorney one will be provided for you…”
In one quick move, I’m turned around, staring at Carrie, watching her cry as the metal cuffs close around my wrists.
“No!” she screams.
Anna cries.
Frankie stares from Carrie to me.
My father narrows his eyes.
“It was worth it,” I rasp.
For as fleeting as it was, they fit.
They fucking fit perfectly.
-Twenty-four-
Carrie
I’m a mess and it has nothing to do with having a baby twenty-four hours ago. The reason I’m unhinged is that Nico was arrested before my eyes and no one has told me anything. Not a goddamn thing. Since me and Anna were released this morning from the hospital, everyone is doting and fussing over us, when all I want is for them to tell me Nico is okay.
I want them to erase this pain in my heart.
I want them to tell me this isn’t all my fault.
For someone to assure me Nico isn’t wasting away in some jail cell because of me.
Because of my father.
If there was ever a doubt that I hated that man with every cell of my being, it died as soon as he showed up at the house. Actually, I probably could’ve overlooked that. I could’ve lied to myself and said he was just a concerned father, that there were other men in this world who would’ve reacted the same way. But like I said, it would’ve been a lie. My father’s reaction had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the Satan’s Knights—a fact he made clear when he asked which one of them did this to me. What I can’t overlook, what I can’t lie to myself about, is the fact he pressed charges against Nico.
I haven’t even processed the fact that Frankie is here, and I know that sounds awful. But I just keep seeing Nico. Every time I look at Frankie holding Anna, I see Nico’s face. I picture the way he stared at her so adoringly. The way he took care of her and never left her side.
The way he assured me no one would ever take her from me.
I picture it all and it breaks my heart because I also witnessed the pain in his eyes when he handed her to Frankie. What should’ve been such a beautiful moment for me became the cruelest. I stared at the first boy I ever loved, watched as he fumbled with our daughter and every piece of me that once loved him, ached for his brother.
I went from feeling the elation of being a new mother to loathing myself. My heart caught in my throat as Nico’s broke before my very eyes and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it. I couldn’t heal him. I couldn’t pull him to shore like he has done so many times for me. I couldn’t touch his hand and assure him we were just as much his as we were Frankie’s. I couldn’t take away his pain. All I could do was swallow my tears and watch his back as he walked towards the door.
I thought that there was no greater pain.
Then two police officers appeared, and I knew I was wrong.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to beg them to let him go.
To take me and pardon him.
But I did nothing.
Not one single thing.
I couldn’t.
Not when they turned him around and his eyes met mine.
Not when they tightened those cuffs around his wrists.
Not when they read him his rights.
My heart broke.
My soul ached.
My eyes burned with tears.
And still, I did nothing.
They dragged him away from me.
From our sweet Anna.
As if on cue, the sound of my sweet daughter’s cries forces me back to reality and I make my way towards her. Tears blur my vision as I lift her from her bassinet and cradle her to me. Holding her instantly soothes me and quiets my raging mind. I rock her softly, moving around her nursery. I take in the pale pink walls and the butterflies that are suspended from the ceiling with fishing wire and more tears prick my eyes.
When Maria opened the door and unveiled the room she had designed for my little girl, I burst into tears. All the hours Nico spent avoiding me, all the nights he locked himself in here, they were all for this. He took Maria’s vision and brought it to life. He should’ve been there when we brought her into her room.
He should’ve had that moment with her.
She should’ve felt his love.
I tell myself she felt that love the few times he held her in his arms and it’s not that much of a stretch seeing as those times he held her she looked content. Even more so than when I held her. It’s like she knew he had vowed to keep her safe.
They say a baby knows its parents from the moment they take their first breath. They know their mother’s scent and their father’s voice.
Anna doesn’t know Frankie’s voice.
But for three months she heard Nico’s voice.
“Hey…hey…it’s okay, baby,” I murmur softly. “Mommy is here.”
Anna continues to fuss and part of me wonders if she senses the loss. If she misses Nico as much as I do. “What does my Anna Banana want? Are you hungry?” I whisper, softly rocking her.
Walking The Line (Satan's Knights Prospect Trilogy Book 3) Page 19