by Terri Osburn
Temper hanging by a thread, Ash said, “She didn’t throw me out of her life. Her parents did. And I’m working with her along with a studio full of others whom I can guaran-damn-tee you have no complaints.”
Ronnie softened. “What about the guys, Ash? What about the way she hops from one man to the next without even taking a breath?”
Jaw tight, he shook his head. “You don’t know her, Ronnie.”
“Do you? It’s been ten years. You’ve been back in her life for, what? A few weeks. People change, and not always for the better.” She took his hand in hers. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Ash snatched his hand away. “I know what I’m doing. Jesse is the only one for me. She always was.”
Ronnie flinched. Though the divorce had been mutual, it hadn’t been easy for either of them.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did. I get it.” She took a step toward the door and turned back before opening it. “I always knew. I guess it just hurts more to hear you say the words.”
As Ronnie whisked the door open, Ash moved to catch her. “Ronnie, wait.”
She ignored him and stepped into the hall, only to come face to face with a wide-eyed Jesse. Ronnie cast her glance back to Ash before saying, “Sorry to have kept him. He’s all yours.”
Before Ash could speak, Jesse charged off in the opposite direction.
Twenty-Three
“I’m ready to go,” Jesse told Dana as she returned to the far corner of the living room.
As the night went on, the size of the crowd had doubled. Jesse recognized many, but few she actually knew personally. Countless guests had approached Ash to exchange words with the popular songwriter, and he’d performed the requisite introductions each time. The men had admired what Jesse’s costume failed to cover, and the woman had acknowledged her with friendly-enough smiles, but none showed much interest in having a conversation.
When Ash had excused himself, he’d joked that if he was gone for too long, she’d have to come save him. Jesse hadn’t given the request much thought, but after he’d been gone for more than twenty minutes, she’d decided a rescue mission might actually be in order. After a thorough search—during which she’d encountered her engineer, session guitarist, and three other songwriting friends—she’d feared something might have actually happened to him. But then she heard a muffled argument coming from the other side of a closed door, and one of the voices sounded familiar.
Trying not to rouse suspicion, Jesse had lingered in the hall, but had only been able to make out short snippets of the conversation inside. Clear as day, she’d heard one particular declaration.
“The only one for me.”
The door had opened moments later, with Ash begging Ronnie to come back. Jesse didn’t have to be a genius to decipher the rest, but her hostess’s words had confirmed her suspicions. She didn’t know if Ash was a liar or just clueless, but the couple’s relationship was far from over.
“What’s the hurry?” Dana asked. “Ingrid just went to get another drink.”
“We’ll grab her on the way out.”
“But we don’t even know where our coats are.”
Jesse yanked her out of her chair. “We’ll find them.”
Dana followed Jesse through the crowd. “What happened upstairs? Did you find Ash?”
She didn’t want to talk about Ash. Earlier in the evening, Jesse had watched Ronnie carry an armload of coats down the hall that led to the back of the house. “I think I know where our coats are. Get Ingrid and I’ll meet you out front.”
Following the order, her bass player wound her way toward the kitchen, past hunters and jockeys and four guys dressed as the Beatles. Jesse went around the edge of the crowd and found a dark room at the end of the hall. The bed inside was covered by a mountain of coats. Thanks to the bright-red color of Ingrid’s vest, she was able to locate their three quickly.
On her way to the front door, she spotted Ash leaning over the stair banister, scanning the room. Looking for an alternate route, she slipped out the back door and into a cloud of smoke. Holding her breath against the skunk-like scent, Jesse scurried around the side of the house and found Ingrid and Dana shivering at the edge of the sidewalk.
“Here,” she said, tossing their respective coats. “Let’s get out of here.”
Jesse marched down the sidewalk, in too big a hurry to slip on her cumbersome jacket, but she was too angry to feel the cold, so it didn’t matter. How stupid she’d been to believe that Ash was different. He wasn’t different at all.
“Slow down,” Dana said, struggling to keep up. “My hat’s going to fall off.”
“You can take it off now,” Ingrid said, having no trouble keeping pace thanks to her long legs.
“Oh, yeah. Thank God.”
When they were three houses down, a voice called out behind them. “Jesse! Wait!”
Funny. He’d said the same thing to his wife not five minutes ago.
“Are you going to stop?” Dana asked.
“Nope,” Jesse replied, head down and feet moving. When heavy footsteps sounded behind them, she sped up nearly to a run.
Ingrid put a hand on her arm. “You’ll have to face him tomorrow. Running will buy you only so much time.”
Panting, Jesse stopped and turned back to find Ash barreling toward her. “Just listen to me, please,” he called.
Jesse met Ingrid’s gaze. “You two go on and warm up the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“What am I missing here?” Dana asked as the couple continued down the sidewalk arm in arm.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said, “but running never solves anything.”
The statement hit Jesse in the chest. Running is what she always did. Run away when things went bad. Run into the arms of the next guy up. And as Ingrid pointed out, the running never really got her anywhere. It was time to stand her ground and try a different tactic.
“Why did you take off like that?” Ash asked when he finally reached her, heavy breaths creating white puffs in the cold air.
“Go back to your wife, Ash,” she said, too tired to fight. “She’s the one you want.”
“What? No. That isn’t what I said.”
“The only one for you,” Jesse repeated. “I heard you through the door.”
Ash shook his head. “I said you are the only one for me. That’s why Ronnie was upset. Because even when we were married, she knew that I was still in love with you. I’ve never stopped being in love with you, Jesse. Ever.”
With every fiber of her being, she wanted to believe him. To fall into his arms and never come up. But she’d been hurt so many times. Too many.
“We were apart for too long. We aren’t the same people anymore.” Stepping away, she added, “I’m not the girl you loved, Ash. I’m a train wreck on my best days, and I suck at relationships. You don’t want to get involved with me.”
“I’m already involved with you, Jesse. And that girl is still in there.” Ash cupped her cheeks in his callused hands. “That tough, ambitious, brave girl is still in there somewhere. She has to be, or you never would have made it this far.”
Jesse didn’t feel any of those things. Fragile. Scared. Defeated. Those she knew well.
“What if we can’t make this work?” she whispered. “I’ve screwed up so many times.”
“Those just weren’t the right guys.” Ash pressed his lips to her forehead. “I’ve tried to be patient, Jesse, but I don’t want to wait anymore. I know you need time to get used to the idea, and I’m good with that.” He pulled her against his warm body. “But I’m not letting you go again.”
She’d spent so many years hoping that this would happen, and then, somewhere along the last decade, she’d given up. The dream of holding him again. Of loving him again. Jesse had accepted the reality that Ash was out of her life forever. Now he was here, offering her everything she’d ever wanted, and Jesse couldn’t let go of the fear.
&nbs
p; “I need that time,” she mumbled, stepping out of his arms. “I need to be sure I’m not making the same mistake again.”
“What mistake?” Ash asked.
“I’ve only been single for a few weeks. If we do this, I want to make sure I’m doing it for the right reasons, and not because I can’t be alone.”
Nodding, he slid his hands into the lab coat pockets. “Okay. But I’m serious when I say I’m not walking away again.”
The assurance helped. “Good. Because I don’t want you to.”
Dana’s SUV pulled up to the curb.
“You’d better go before you freeze out here,” Ash said.
Hugging her coat to her chest, she backed away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He stepped back. “Good night, Jesse.”
“Night, Ash.” She opened the car door, and he lingered on the sidewalk, watching her. Instead of getting in, she tossed her coat inside and ran back to the only boy she’d ever really wanted.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
“I forgot something.” Rising onto her toes, Jesse pulled him down and pressed her lips to his. Ash engulfed her in his arms and lifted until her feet dangled high above the ground. The kiss lasted an hour or maybe only seconds, and though it was probably the hundredth between them, it felt like the first. Breaking the contact, she pressed her forehead to his. “Okay, then.”
Ash squeezed her tight before setting her back on her feet. “Okay, then.”
Jesse once again made the short walk to the truck, fingers pressed to her warmed lips and her eyes on Ash. Not trusting herself, she jumped inside and slammed the door. “Let’s go.”
“Are you sure?” Dana asked.
“Yeah,” she said, her voice breathy. “I’m sure.”
Her first love watched them drive away, and Jesse twisted in the seat to see him fade away through the back window.
“I assume all is well now?” Ingrid asked.
“Almost,” Jesse answered. “Almost.”
Other than a glance or two across a crowded room, Ash didn’t see Ronnie for the rest of the party. Things finally faded around two in the morning—earlier than usual since many had to work in the morning—and he found her cleaning up in the kitchen. A duty he’d shared since the first year they’d met.
“Hey, there,” he said, wading in slowly. “I did a thorough pass and threw away all the cans and plastic I could find.”
“Thanks,” she replied, black sleeves rolled up high as she rinsed another glass. The Morticia wig had been tossed on the table, and she’d pulled her honey-blond waves into a messy bun.
“Can we talk?” Ash asked, reluctant to leave things as they were when she’d exited the bedroom earlier.
Ronnie wiped her forehead with the back of a soapy hand. “It’s late, Ash. You should go home.”
He couldn’t do that. Not until they talked.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you earlier.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” she snapped, dunking a plate into the water and splashing suds over the side.
Ash closed the space between them, grabbed a towel off the counter, and turned her to face him, making sure she didn’t drip on the floor. “You know I love you, right?”
She kept her eyes down. “I love you, too.”
With a finger on her chin, he tipped her face up. “Are you in love with me?”
Her hesitation worried him. “I didn’t think I was,” she finally admitted. “But the idea of you with her bothers me. A lot.”
“You’ll always be in my life. That’s a given.”
“Until you move on. I guess it’s been so easy because even after the divorce, we still had each other.”
After drying off her hands, he pulled her to the table, urged her into a chair, and pulled another close. “Moving on doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend. You dated Nate Lindham, and we were fine. And that Wilson guy. Nothing changed then.”
“Do you know why those relationships didn’t last?” Ronnie asked.
She’d claimed that both had run their course, and Ash had believed her. “I figured they just weren’t the right guys.”
“They weren’t,” she agreed. “Because I kept comparing them to you.”
Ash sighed and sat back in his chair. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
Ronnie leaned forward and patted his cheek. “Neither do I, buddy.” Rising, she returned to the sink. “My someone is out there, and I’m sure he’ll make you look like the lemon that you are.”
He didn’t like the resigned tone. “I can’t let her go again, Ronnie.”
Nodding, she tossed a sad smile over her shoulder. “I know. I’m not asking you to.”
No, she wouldn’t. But that didn’t change the fact that she was hurting, and there was nothing he could do about it. Ash crossed to the counter and kissed her temple. “You’re a good woman, and another man is going to be lucky to have you.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.” Ash moved her over with a nudge of his hip. “Here’s the towel. You dry, and I’ll wash for a while.”
She took the tea towel and pulled a bowl from the rinsing sink. After a long silence, Ronnie asked, “Are you and Jesse okay?”
Ash considered his answer while scrubbing a serving plate. “We’re getting there. Like you said, we need to get to know each other again.”
Laying her head on his shoulder, she said, “I really do want you to be happy.”
“Right back at you,” he replied. “At least now I won’t fare so well in future comparisons.”
Ronnie snorted. “You’ve got that right.” Sliding the dried bowl into the cabinet to her right, she added, “Any guy who isn’t still in love with his high school sweetheart is going to look like Prince Charming.”
He passed over the plate. “And he’ll sweep you off your feet. Or maybe fit you for a glass slipper.”
A slow smile curved her lips, and Ash felt things click back into place. “You really are a sap, Shepherd.”
“That I am.”
Rain earlier in the day had moved on, taking the clouds with it and leaving behind clear skies and cooler temps. Dressed in her thickest pajamas and bundled in a soft blanket, Jesse sat on the back patio with her eyes on the heavens. Stargazing was something she and Ash once did together. Hand in hand, they’d pick out the dippers and Orion and talk about their future together.
She’d been so naive back then, assuming nothing would ever tear them apart. When he’d walked out of her life, he’d taken every dream with him, and Jesse had gone into mourning. For her brother. Her first love. Even her parents had seemed more distant after the accident. Maybe the losses and lack of connection were why, no matter how long her failed relationships had lasted, Jesse never really pictured any of them as husband material. Her heart had given up on the concept of happily ever after.
Carter Dunn, the boy she’d met in the middle of her freshman year at Georgia State, had become her boyfriend a couple weeks later. Though Jesse and Ash had grown up together, they’d been a couple only eighteen months before the accident, so that meant Carter held the record, having lasted three years. But not once in that time had they talked about marriage. In fact, it wasn’t until after they’d broken up—because he’d slept with two of her sorority sisters during their last semester of school—that he’d even used the word in conversation.
To Jesse’s amazement, Carter had assumed that they would get married after graduation, despite the meaningless encounters—his words—with other women. Which he’d blamed on panic. The realization that he’d never sleep with anyone other than Jesse for the rest of his life had driven him to the senseless acts. She’d nearly strained a muscle from the eye-roll at that one.
He’d never actually asked her, and Jesse had never hinted that she wanted to be asked. But that’s just how life worked, or so Carter had believed. You marry your college sweetheart and move back to your hometown to raise babies and attend family barbe
cues and holiday gatherings. That they didn’t share the same hometown hadn’t been a hiccup because, of course, Jesse would willingly move back to his. To be fair, he’d known how she felt about her parents, who were unlikely to miss her if she never came home.
Few after that had lasted more than a year, with Ryan holding the second longest record at two. Ironic, now that she thought about it. He was probably the most prolific cheater in her history. It was as if Jesse had made a conscious effort to find guys who were worse than the ones who came before them.
She closed her eyes at the pain that revelation brought.
Not because she missed Ryan, who’d already appeared in the latest gossip magazine with a model on his arm, but because she’d done this to herself. As if she didn’t deserve anything better. But now something better had come along. Returned, really. The dream of a life with Ash that she’d made every effort to stuff away, to forget and let go, could be hers again.
All Jesse had to do was have a little faith in herself. Believe that she wasn’t defective, unlovable, or cursed to eternal heartbreak.
With a soft chuckle at her own melodramatic thoughts, she rose from the chair and shuffled across the patio in her furry slippers with one clear thought in mind. What was done was done. She couldn’t change her parents, bring back her brother, or undo the mistakes she’d made in the last decade. But by some miracle she would never be able to explain, Jesse had been given a second chance at a future with Ash. A future she’d be a fool to turn down.
Locking the sliding door behind her, she crossed silently to the stairs, feeling lighter than she had in years. Because a decision had been made. The best one she’d made in years.
Twenty-Four
“Sorry we’re late,” Jesse said, breezing into the studio, hands full of instruments, as always, and cheeks pink from the cold. “Thanks to the rain, traffic was awful today.” Hair in the usual ponytail, she slicked off her coat to reveal a navy Predators sweatshirt and tossed the heavy jacket onto the black leather sofa. “Today is ‘Wild Horses,’ right?”