‘Oh. Well, that does kind of make it difficult, doesn’t it?’ I remarked, trying not to weep.
It never occurred to me that Josh and Zoey might have prior arrangements for Christmas.
‘And what about you, Lucas?’ I said, turning to my younger son and now my only hope, whose face was now as pale and waning as a moon on a misty winter’s night.
‘Well, that’s a difficult one for me too. I’ve already promised Dad that I’d spend the day with him. He’s booked a table at the pub. If I don’t go, then he’ll be all alone at Christmas.’
I wanted to shout out: ‘But then I’ll be all alone for Christmas!’
Of course, I didn’t. Instead, I sat quietly with my hands clasped tightly together on my lap.
‘You can come to the pub too, if you like, Mum? In fact, I know Dad would like that!’
I smiled and gritted my teeth while thinking that I’d rather stick pins in my own eyes than spend Christmas Day with my cheating no good ex-husband. And how, rather sadly, it seemed that I’d been expecting rather too much and been entirely mistaken in assuming my family would be available to spend time with me this Christmas. I was destined to be all alone.
Unless, of course, I covertly invited Ethan over to spend Christmas with me here?
Except that he wouldn’t want to be a secret or go along with any platonic games.
He’ll want to hold my hand. He’ll want to kiss me under the mistletoe.
He’ll want to flirt with me and share my bed. He’ll want to sleep with me.
But how does a mother tell her kids that she has a boyfriend?
When even to me that sounds completely ridiculous at my age?
Oh, how excruciatingly embarrassing.
How do I explain about Ethan to my kids?
They do already know of him because I’ve mentioned his name on several occasions.
I’ve guessed they have their suspicions that he might be ‘someone’ and they do know that we work together, and I’ve known him for quite some time. So really, it should be relatively easy for me to gently introduce the mere idea of him and me being an item into our conversation. And, if I choose the right moment, and if I’m careful to slip in a mention of his credentials first – his knighthood – they’ll know straight away he is a man of great social standing and reputation. My mum already knows, of course, but that is another matter of concern. I’m worried that if I don’t say something soon—then she undoubtably will.
I’m already fending off questions as fast as my mother can instigate them.
‘What about Ethan?’ My mum suddenly pipes up as if she’s reading my mind.
‘Yeah, Ethan. Who is he? You’ve mentioned him a couple of times.’ Lucas noted once more.
I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts and in that moment my mum did the unthinkable. She snatched away my moment and told them everything in no uncertain terms.
‘Sir Ethan has asked your mum to marry him!’ She announced proudly on my behalf.
‘Oh Mum!’ I groaned, thinking I could have quite cheerfully strangled her at that moment.
‘What? So, you’re saying, that all this time, you’ve had a boyfriend?’ Lucas demanded.
‘Not a boyfriend by the sound of things – but a fiancé!’ Josh clarified, sounding horrified.
Then came the onslaught of questions and demands for answers.
‘Didn’t we have a right to know that you’re thinking of getting married again?’
‘Where will you live if you marry this man?’
‘If you do marry him, will we ever see you again?’
I held up my hands against their barrage of words and anxiety.
‘Woah, boys, before you all get too carried away, you should know that I haven’t decided if I will marry him. Right now, Ethan is looking for somewhere for us to live and settle down, so that we won’t always be travelling all the time. That means that if I do marry him, or even just decide to be with him, you can all come and visit anytime, and we will all still be a family.’
The silence was palpable. Eyes were staring. Mouths were gaping.
Until my mother started laughing and cheering and clapping her hands.
Determined that the subject was now closed I turned to Zoey to help me out.
‘Zoey, I want to hear all about yours and Josh’s plans now that you’re engaged!’
Josh was still shaking his head. ‘It sounds to us like you will marry him.’
Lucas was sulking. ‘Dad will be gutted when he hears about this.’
With yet another mention of my damned ex-husband from Lucas, anger flared up inside me and it took all my resolve to remain calm. The last thing I wanted was an argument with my sons about their father or to bring Charles into this already heated conversation. And, I’m sure Lucas didn’t mean to offend me, but I do know that from what my mum was telling me during our catch-up conversation earlier this morning, that Sally and Charles had not lasted more than a few months together. That Sally had moved out and afterwards both Josh and Lucas had reconciled with their father. I’ll admit, hearing about Charles and Sally splitting up soon after I’d left and how the scandal of their affair had been made public knowledge had pleased me.
Not that they hadn’t deserved each other. Not because I’d wanted any kind of reconciliation or retribution. It was simply a feeling of satisfaction that Karma had prevailed.
‘Anyway, Dad said he wants to see you. He wants to talk with you.’ Lucas informed me.
‘He says you have unfinished business to discuss.’ Josh clarified.
‘Ah, so your father already knows I’m back here?’ I replied.
‘Yeah. I told him.’ Lucas admitted. ‘He always calls me on a Sunday morning for a chat.’
I nodded in approval. ‘Well, of course. That’s very nice.’
‘Good. You’ll see him, then. You’ll talk things over with him?’
‘No. I don’t mean it’s nice that he wants to see me. I mean it’s nice you both still see him.’
‘Well, why wouldn’t we? He’s our dad. He’s the one who’s been around for the past year!’
I felt like I’d just been slapped. All my guilt over not being here for my kids rose up like a monster from somewhere in the middle of my chest and threatened to choke me. Despite this, I lifted my chin stoically and reminded myself that I must acknowledge that my sons have a right to voice their true feelings. It’s only healthy and being connected to their father is good. It should be encouraged. That said, my sons are not children anymore, and I too have a right to stand up for myself. So, I rose to my feet and gave my sons the benefit of my own feelings.
‘Well, I’m here now, and there’s nothing that I want or need to say to your father!’
‘But you don’t understand. He’s sorry. I know it. He’s told me!’ Lucas continued.
‘Look. I don’t care if he’s sorry. Your father and his other woman, my best friend, betrayed me and it wasn’t even a onetime fling. They’d both lied to me for a year. They cavorted and conspired together and they didn’t give a jot about me and what was my marriage and my friendship. He might be sorry but I’m not.’
My voice was rising like a crescendo as I got more and more agitated.
Everyone had shrunken back into their seats as if I’d gone completely ranting crazy.
‘And, do you know what? Now that’s it’s done, I’m really glad it happened. Do you want to know why I’m glad about it? Well, I’m going to tell you why. Because now I have found a decent man. Someone with morals and ethics and who truly loves me. Someone who, unlike your father, would never do anything to deliberately hurt or betray me!’
There was a stunned silence in the room.
The boys were horrified. Zoey looked embarrassed.
I too was shocked at my own vehement defence of both myself and my relationship with Ethan. Wow, did I really trust Ethan that much? With my heart? With my love? With my future? Did this mean that he had somehow restored my faith in love and
marriage?
Did this mean I was now actually considering his proposal?
And I saw my mum was looking at me with a small smile playing on her lips.
It seems that I just can’t win. When I’m away from my family and travelling I’m unhappy because I miss them all and when I’m away from Ethan I also feel lonely and incomplete.
I’m so frustrated. It seems the only way to get any peace in my life is to develop a thick skin and not care so much. But I do care. I can’t not care. I also realise that I’m in a bit of a sulk because my family aren’t including me in their plans for Christmas. I know they aren’t doing it to be intentionally unkind. It’s just the way things have turned out. I can’t really expect them to make changes to accommodate me. Can I?
And, I’m not only missing Ethan, I’m also missing the feeling of action and adventure he evokes in me. For a whole year, my life had been an exciting journey. It’s been a quest for something or a mission to accomplish important things. Now, suddenly, it’s like time is standing still for me and I’ll admit that I’m feeling incredibly bored.
It’s like the novelty of me being home has worn off and now it’s life as boring usual.
And it has me thinking and rethinking all that has happened between Ethan and I over the past year. I’m going over and over in my mind what happened on Tortola and Waterfall Cay.
I’m mulling over the words he spoke to me about his lifelong dream: ‘I love these islands. I know these waters like I know the back of my hand. It’s long been an ambition of mine to buy a boat and live on an island here in the BVIs. A dream, actually.’
And it’s really grating on me that Ethan, a wealthy man who has properties all over the world, has absolutely nowhere to call home. A man who has unselfishly dedicated his life to helping others – man and beast – as well as trying to save the world for future generations. A man who travels the world like a crusader to protect and salvage and save. Who has never knowingly given up on anyone or anything – other than his despicable brother – and whose one and only dream for himself is of living on the last untouched private island in the BVIs.
A dream that has been so cruelly snatched away from him.
And, whether I marry him or not, with every fibre of my being I want him to have it back.
If Ethan won’t do something, then I need to devise a plan to turn things around for him.
Surely there must be a way to get the island back?
This morning, it’s quiet in the house. Mum is out playing bingo at the pensioner’s centre.
So I fire up my tablet and do an internet search on Damion Goldman.
I discover straight away that Ethan’s estranged brother is a high-profile businessman in the USA, where he lives in California with his ex-model wife, Gloria. He’s a wealthy man too.
He owns hi-tech businesses in Silicon Valley and he also has commercial interests all over the world including in oil and banking. I read several recent news reports about Damion Goldman playing golf with one of the founders of Google and a CEO of Microsoft and then attending meetings with coal mining companies in China, despite calls for global carbon control. I note he also has interests in a controversial palm oil production company currently being implemented in the destruction of rainforest and the endangerment of Orangutans.
For that reason alone, I was starting to understand why Ethan despised him.
But hatred wasn’t a healthy emotion to hold onto and family was family after all.
Although Ethan’s opinion of Damion being ruthless must be deeply-rooted.
I couldn’t help but to ponder over what might have caused such a rift between the two brothers and if it could be fixed? Despite Ethan’s earlier objections, I once again mulled over the idea that if Damion knew exactly why his brother wanted Waterfall Cay – and how the island was uniquely special to Ethan – then perhaps a mutual understanding could be forged and a resolution could be found? I started to feel excited about this idea.
Many times, on small islands throughout Indonesia, where people’s livelihoods and the welfare of their families depended wholly on the sea and in the industry of fishing, I’d witnessed Ethan acting as a mediator between government fisheries and fishermen who couldn’t see the sense in establishing fishing quotas. They’d thought they could just carry on fishing, because that’s what their ancestors had always done, with no consequence for the environment or thought of ever running out of fish to catch. But, once Ethan had managed to actually get them to sit down and to listen, they could see the mutual and the long-term benefits.
Surely, in the same way, Damion and Gloria could be persuaded to compromise and to find another island on which to build their grand hotel resort? A plan started to form in my mind. A plan that, if it worked, could bring these two estranged brothers back together again and result in Damion handing over Waterfall Cay to Ethan. All that was needed here was clear communication and thoughtful mediation.
When I spoke with Ethan on the phone later that evening, I broached the subject of the island by asking if he’d heard anything more from his lawyers. He replied that he had and that they’d completed their investigations on how the lease and the island had been hijacked by his brother.
‘They confirmed how the trustees, having seen the Goldman name on the asset application and in the email address, had mistakenly emailed the draft to Damion’s lawyers,’ he explained to me. ‘And no one had questioned the redrafted lease documentation even after he’d damned well signed it!’
‘How can that happen?’ I queried, thinking this was highly irregular and certainly unethical.
‘Because they were tricked.’ Ethan’s tone was laced with loathing.
‘There must be something that can be done about it?’
‘They’re full of apologies but it seems there’s nothing that can be done.’
‘Did you ask if they’d take another look over the small print? Maybe there’s a clause about damage to the island that could get him evicted? I mean, he’s drilling into a coral reef!’
‘Lori, stop. There’s no point. There’s no way that Damion will have overlooked something as simple. He’ll have greased some very powerful palms to get all his plans approved. I know that you are disappointed. I’m disappointed too. But we’re going to have to let this one go and move on. We’ll have to find another island somewhere else to call our own.’
‘But you said that it was a rare find.’ I protested. ‘You said it was your dream!’
Ethan paused for a moment before changing his tone into one that sounded much softer.
‘Look, Lori, you said you needed to spend Christmas with your family. I absolutely understand. Really, I do. But I miss you and so you must understand that I can’t just sit around here moping for the next few weeks. I have to do something or I’ll just go crazy.’
I smiled down the phone. It pulled at my heart strings to think of him missing me and moping and going crazy. ‘Then you are going to be very happy to hear that I’ve told my family all about you and me and us. Although, I should warn you that Josh and Lucas might need a little winning over. My mum, on the other hand, can’t wait to meet you but will insist on calling you Sir Ethan. So, why don’t you get your gorgeous crazy self on the next flight over here, because now there’s nothing stopping us from spending Christmas together in London?’
But, instead of a cheer at my good news, I heard him sigh despondently down the phone.
My heart was suddenly in my mouth. This wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting.
Why the sigh? Had he changed his mind? Wasn’t he really missing me after all?
‘What? What is it? Ethan?’
‘Oh Lori—you see, when you insisted that you didn’t want me there, I made other plans.’
‘Other plans? For Christmas? What on earth do you mean?’
‘I’ve been offered an assignment. It’s just for a few weeks. While you’re over in the UK.’
‘An assignment …’ I repeated, trying to hide
my hurt and disappointment.
‘Aye. In the South Atlantic. It’s a National Geographic study on Elephant Seals.’
From the tone of his voice, I guessed he was already really looking forward to it.
‘Oh, Elephant Seals—that sounds wonderful.’ I breathed.
I suddenly hated the thought of him going on any assignment without me.
‘Lori, you’d hate it. It’ll be cold and windy with snow and sub-zero temperatures.’
‘Which sounds exactly like the weather here.’ I sulked. ‘When do you leave?’
‘Tomorrow. I’m going out to the Falklands to meet up with the rest of the team. I should warn you, that as I’m heading into Antarctica, I could be out of touch for some time.’
‘So, it’ll be a case of no news is good news?’ I acknowledged.
‘Aye. You got it. I should be back in time for Hogmanay. Can I come over then?’
‘Sure. Hogmanay it is. Ethan, can you please do me a favour before you go?’
‘Sure. Anything. You name it.’
‘Can you please ask your lawyers to email me a copy of the lease for Waterfall Cay?’
His bated hesitation and the moment of silence between us spoke volumes.
I could tell he was reluctant to grant me my request.
‘Okay, I’ll ask them to email you a copy of the lease. But I want you to know that my dream isn’t with a particular place anymore. It’s with a certain person. I love you, Lori. Don’t ever forget that. And I’m really glad that you’ve told your family about us at last. It means a lot to me. But when we do get together again, we need to talk about our future. I’ll want to know if I need to buy you another ring?’
When our call was over, I sat quietly contemplating. Trying to make sense of my feelings.
I hated how unsure I was – not about him – and not of my love for him.
It was the whole marriage thing. Maybe it was a case of once bitten twice shy?
We’d both been married before and it hadn’t worked out.
I wasn’t sure if it made any sense for us to be together as man and wife.
Why did we even need to get married anyway?
I’m divorced from Charles. But is my relationship with him entirely over?
The Next Adventure Page 8