“But Keilana—”
She grasped my face and kissed me with purpose. It was short but smoking hot and I actually whimpered when she stopped. “That seems to be the best way to shut you up.” Her grin took the sting from the words.
“You have a way to get home right?” she asked quickly. “And then you can tell me why you’re hanging out in strip clubs. If you’re in love with me shouldn’t you be home knitting me dinner or something?”
A tiny laugh exploded from me, but my smile soon faded. “I promise to explain absolutely everything at home.”
A crease appeared on her forehead and she touched my face with aching tenderness. “What’s the matter?”
Billie was banging on the door again but I had Keilana’s full attention. I could hardly keep from crying. “I always keep my promises.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
Billie’s banging grew even louder. “Keilana, c’mon. I need those gloves I lent you for my next number!”
“It’s nothing,” I said valiantly, doing my best to look like I wasn’t dying inside.
“Okay, I gotta go start filming.” She grabbed Billie’s gloves from the small dressing room table. “I know they told me to go home, but Billie’s trying a new G-string tonight.”
My eyebrows jumped.
“Don’t ask.” She rolled her eyes. “Just be careful sneaking out of here, okay?” She smiled at me and my heart melted. Then she kissed her fingers and pressed them to the tip of my nose. “Until tonight.”
I’d never hated my job so much.
Chapter Eight
Sneaking out wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be. In fact, it was nearly two hours before I could get out of that damn dressing room. One of the strippers decided to have a meltdown right outside the door and I was trapped there like the rat that I am. I didn’t bother to drive back to my apartment and trade cars. Tonight I would tell Keilana everything and my days of driving around in snazzy Jaguars would be over.
It was nearly midnight by the time I made it back to campus. I pulled into the spot next to Keilana’s BMW. She probably was wondering where I was. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to hurry. I leaned forward and rested my head on the steering wheel. The cool metal of the cross bars felt surprisingly good against my forehead, but did nothing to ease my nervous stomach.
What could I tell her that would keep her from hating me? I already hated myself so badly I could barely stand it.
For a moment I toyed with the idea of just not telling her at all. It’s not too late, my evil side urged. But deep down I knew I couldn’t do that. Besides, things were different now. I wanted to be with her and she wanted to be with me. A goofy grin interrupted my self-loathing. She was in love with me!
I felt fantastic and horrible all at the same time. Okay, she might have said she was falling in love with me. But I could work with that. She might not realize it now, but when I’m not being a disgusting, traitorous spy, I’m really a loyal, downright lovable person.
If she truly cared for me, surely I could convince her to forgive me, right? I was willing to accept her as a prostitute or druggie or whatever trouble she’d gotten herself into. If I could do that, this wouldn’t be an impossible leap for her.
I nodded once, screwing up my courage as I exited the car and stood on Jell-O legs.
“Okay, Belinda, please don’t fuck this up,” I murmured into the breeze.
“Please.”
Slowly, very slowly, I headed up the path toward our cottage. Most of the other residences were dark, but there was a golden light coming from the living room window. She’d waited up for me. I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or to turn around and run.
Since when had my feet grown so heavy? It felt as though I was slogging through a mud pit. Uphill.
I let out a few shaky breaths as I inserted my key into the lock, a little surprised to find that it wasn’t locked.
“I’m home,” I said quietly as I took a tentative step inside. I didn’t turn on the lights in case she was asleep on the sofa and I had been granted a temporary reprieve. There were worse ways to spend a night than watching someone as special as Keilana sleep.
But my roomie was not only awake, she was sitting across the room on the sofa, holding something in her hands. Her head was down and the wan light cast long shadows across her face. Something was wrong. “Hi, Kei—”
She glanced up at me and I saw a glistening streak trail down her cheek. My stomach lurched.
“Hello, Belinda,” she said softly, chilling me to the bone. “Or should I say Ms. Blaisdell?”
I felt as though I’d been shot in the chest. In her hands she held my case notebook.
“Oh my God.” A cold sweat broke out across my body, causing me to tremble. “You weren’t supposed to find ... That’s private.” I hadn’t left my notebook out! How had she found it?
From behind Keilana and out the shadows stepped her mountain of a mother. “I think you should go, Ms. Blaisdell.” It wasn’t a request. It was an order.
Incredulous, I blurted, “You just ... what are you doing here?”
“Belinda.” My head snapped sideways to see Russ standing in the kitchen. I could hardly breathe. “What the hell are you doing here?” My gaze flickered around the tiny cottage. Who else was going to pop out of nowhere? Was I the last person to be let in on some sick joke?
“C’mere. We need to talk.” He cast uneasy eyes on Keilana and her mother and then took a few steps forward to reach out for me. “They need a few minutes to themselves.”
Keilana had a vacant look in her eyes and Mrs. Poppenhouse laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Yes, we need another moment.”
“No!” I jerked my arm away. “I’ll deal with you later, Russ. I need to talk to Keilana now.” I turned back toward her only to have Russ lift me off my feet and bodily haul me into the kitchen like I was a sack of potatoes. That was the second time that had happened tonight and this time pissed me off even more than the first. “Let the fuck go of me!” I screeched, elbowing him hard enough in the back to hear the air rush out of his lungs. “Dammit Russ! Let me go!”
“No,” he grunted, sitting me down hard on the kitchen cabinet and out of sight of Keilana and her mother. “Did you need to hit me?” Scowling, he reached for his back. “Jesus! I have to tell you something before you go in there.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” I snapped angrily. “I can’t talk to you now.” I needed to go to her.
“Listen to me!” He grabbed both of my hands and held them hard.
I bared my teeth. Who did he think he was? First nosing incessantly in my business and now telling me what to do? He was pushing his luck even as my best friend. “Say what you have to say fast and then get out.”
Hesitantly, he let go of my hands. “Just listen for a minute. Mrs. Poppenhouse showed up out of the blue tonight.”
“Why were you here anyway?” I was instantly sorry that I’d ask the question. I didn’t care nor have time to hear his answer. “Never mind. Tell me later.” I could see the perspiration beading on his upper lip and felt my dread grow exponentially.
“I was in the house when she came through the front door. I didn’t know she was coming,” he said, rubbing his forehead, something he only did when he was very upset. “If I had I would have tried to stop her or warn you or something. I swear to God.” The words were flying out of his mouth so quickly that I could barely understand him.
“You came in the house after you lost Keilana? I thought you were going home?”
He blew out a nervous breath and lifted his hand only to let it limply fall. “You don’t understand. I never followed Keilana tonight. I was happy to have her out of the house so that it would be easier to break in. You guys hardly ever leave this place. You have no life!”
My mouth worked ineffectually for a few confused seconds as I tried desperately to put things together. “You lied to me and then broke into our house?”
/> Russ’s voice was trembling. “Oh, Jesus, Belinda, I don’t know how else to do this, so I’ll just say it. I’ve been working for Mrs. Poppenhouse for weeks.”
I gave him a part bewildered, part angry look. “They brought in a second P.I.?” Why hadn’t he just told me? I was mad, but Russ was the least of my concerns at the moment. “You’ve been watching Keilana too and didn’t bother to tell me? You suck, Russ. But I have to talk to her now. Go home.”
His gaze dropped to the countertop. “No.” He swallowed hard. “I’ve been watching you.”
I just stared at him, knowing he couldn’t have said what I thought he said. A painful silence thundered between us and he squirmed under the weight of my stare. “What ... what did you just say?”
He closed his eyes.
“Russ?” the urgency in my voice grew.
“Your reports to the Poppenhouses started to change after a couple of weeks. I saw them, Belinda. You all but told Mr. and Mrs. Poppenhouse to go to hell for being bad parents. And then you went on and on about what potential Keilana had and how she was such a good person. Mrs. Poppenhouse got worried and called me.” He winced. “She thought you might be trying to take advantage of Keilana’s vulnerable state.”
“Take advantage?” Had everyone lost their mind? Wasn’t I already taking advantage of our friendship to pump her for information? Did they think I was a rapist too? “What vulnerable state?”
He shrugged. “I dunno, but she was worried you two might become ...”—he lowered his voice as though this part was somehow worse than the rest—“involved with each other. Mr. Poppenhouse doesn’t have a clue that his daughter is into girls and Mrs. Poppenhouse wants to keep it that way.”
“What are you talking about!” I roared. My best friend was spying on me? None of this made any sense. I shook my head wildly, unable to process what he was saying. “Forget it. I don’t give a shit right now.” I jumped down off the counter. I couldn’t think about him now anyway. I had to talk to Keilana. I had to explain things to her so she could move past this and forgive me.
“Please wait.” He blocked my path. “There’s more,” he said quickly. “Your casebook. Or journal or whatever. I’m sorry, Belinda, I’ve been breaking in and making copies of the entries for Mrs. Poppenhouse since last month.”
My feet froze and my mouth fell open.
Seeing the look on my face, he began to panic. “I didn’t want to, but you mentioned the notebook in one of your reports and she insisted on seeing it! I tried to warn you not to get hooked on Keilana. I tried!” He threw his hands in the air. “I had no idea you’d put how you felt about her on paper. It was mixed in with everything else. I couldn’t even erase the damn stuff.” He grabbed his head as though it might somehow fly off his neck. “What were you thinking?”
“You son of a bitch,” I hissed, the sour taste of betrayal erupting from my belly and making me ill. I looked him square in the eye, my breath coming in harsh pants. “You’re supposed to be my best friend!”
My hurt and rage felt like a liquid heat, invading every pore of my body, and seeping into my blood with every furious beat of my heart. My voice was so deep and calm, that I didn’t even recognize it. “Get out of my way right this fucking second, Russ. Or so help me, God”—I was shaking—“I will tear right through you.”
I was deadly serious and his back straightened as my words registered. “Belinda, I’m sorry.” He spread his hands out in entreaty. “I just need to explain. Please—”
I took a menacing step forward and his hands flew up to guard himself.
The desire to strangle him was growing into something more than I could bear. “Do you even know what you’ve done to me ... to Keilana?”
He looked at me with uncomprehending eyes. “But it’s just a case,” he said weakly. “Just a crush on a pretty girl.” When I didn’t answer, he paled. “Isn’t it?”
“Where’s my fucking dog?”
He started at my wild change in subjects. “Why do you want ... I mean, he’s in the car. I took him with me tonight because he chewed a hole our carpet and Sarah—”
“Bring him back!” I demanded, taking a fistful of his shirt and then using it to shove him as far away as I could. “And then get as far away from me as you can!”
He stumbled back a few steps, looking stricken. “Just let me talk. Please.” Stupidly, he moved back in front of me. “I can explain. There’s more—”
I covered my ears with my hands and bent at the waist as I yelled, “I don’t want to hear anymore!” Then I barreled into him with all of my strength, my shoulder impacting his mid-section with stunning force. We flew into the kitchen wall and his head hit hard, breaking an enormous hole in the plaster that our falling bodies made even bigger.
Stunned by the impact of the fall and what he’d just revealed, I scrambled off him and stumbled into the living room. Keilana was still sitting lifelessly on the sofa. She glanced up and then looked at me as though I were a stranger.
“You have to listen to me.” I tried not to think about how Russ had just said the same thing and how I would just as soon kill him as comply. “You only think you don’t know me.” I dropped to my knees in front of her, ignoring Mrs. Poppenhouse, who was looking down at me in fear and shock. “But you do know me,” I swore fervently. “Everything I said tonight was true. I do love you.”
Keilana’s mother audibly groaned.
“I promise I do,” I continued desperately. Carefully, I took my case notebook out of Keilana’s hands and held it up before her. “You know how I feel about you. You know how hard this has been. It’s all in here. I started this to help the Poppenhouses ...” It was time for the brutal truth. “And for the money. But it hasn’t been about getting paid in a long time.”
Disgusted, Keilana looked away.
I’d never felt so small. “I thought you might need my help. It’s all in here.” Gently, I sat the notebook back in her lap.
Vaguely, I heard the front door open, then slam shut as Russ left.
“Cadie or—” she stopped and swallowed a few times. She was barely holding it together. “Or whoever you are.”
That was a knife in my heart.
“I didn’t read this.” She picked up the notebook and threw it across the room in a fit of rage. “I couldn’t read it and not go insane! When I came home tonight my wonderful mother,” she said the last word as though it were a curse, “and her other little spy filled me in on who you really are. I already know more than enough, thank you.”
My eyes jerked upward to Mrs. Poppenhouse. “Tell her why you hired me.”
She just stared down at me with dark, wide eyes.
“Tell her!” I demanded when she didn’t answer quickly enough.
“I told her,” Mrs. Poppenhouse finally said. She shifted uncomfortably, looking as though she wanted to step farther away from me.
Was she actually afraid of me? Good.
“Your father and I were worried about you, Keilana. We couldn’t just do nothing while you failed out of school and did God only knows what else.”
Keilana shot to her feet, knocking me backward in the process. “Stop making excuses.” Furious, she pointed at me. “You hired her so you could control my life just like always! How I act. Where I work. Who I marry. Who I sleep with. Where I live. You want to pick it all!”
Good for her. I was proud of her for sticking up to her mother. This was a good sign. Her anger was something I could deal with, something I deserved, and at least she was still talking.
“That’s not true, Keilana,” Mrs. Poppenhouse insisted, her face reddening with barely suppressed anger. “Despite what you think, you are still a child. And you don’t always know what’s best for you.”
“What makes you”—blazing blue eyes swung down and bore into me with frightening intensity—“or you, think you know what’s best for me? I won’t be controlled or manipulated anymore.” She fixed her stare on her mother. “It’s my life and you can’t have it
.”
“I’m your mother,” Mrs. Poppenhouse said simply, as though that explained everything. “I’m staying at the Westgate Hotel. We’ll talk tomorrow when you’re able to be more reasonable and respectful.”
Then she glanced down at me like I was a piece of garbage. “Kale needn’t know about ...”—she gestured vaguely between Keilana and me—“the two of you.”
Gee, how nice of her, seeing as how she’s all about family unity and support.
Mrs. Poppenhouse’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t think that you’ll be getting paid for your services after what you’ve done.”
Happy to finally be saying it, I snarled, “You can keep every penny of your stinking money and kiss my sweet ass.”
Keilana snorted derisively. “Looks like next time you hire a lap dog, Mother, you’d better find a more obedient one.”
I winced.
Mrs. Poppenhouse puffed out her enormous chest. Luckily I was still sitting on my butt, reducing my chances at being blinded. “Give Keilana the keys to the cottage and the Jaguar and have your things out of here in the next half hour or I’ll have the campus police arrest you.” Then she marched out of our cottage as though she owned the place.
Come to think of it, she might.
In just a few seconds Keilana and I were alone.
I didn’t know where to start, I only knew this might be my last chance and I couldn’t waste it. Her breathing sounded abnormally loud and then I realized it was my own.
“Keilana,” I began tentatively, wanting with all my heart to pull her into a hug and make every bit of the mess I’d caused vanish. “I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. I didn’t know you when I took this job. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I did it to help us both. I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t honest with you. I-I don’t know what else to say! Forgive me. Please.”
Keilana laughed callously and it was like an Arctic blast rolling through the room. “Forgive you?” This close to her I could see how bloodshot and glassy her eyes were. She’d been crying. A lot. “You lied to me again and again. You used me!”
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