“Hey!” Faeoris called out.
The boy must not have realized they were watching. He fled back into the house, calling for his mom.
“I hate kids,” Faeoris declared. Rushing over to the dog, she knelt to pet it before checking the spot it had been hit.
“Wait,” Angst said, awestruck. He pointed to the spot where the child had sat. “Did he...did he just wield?”
The dog was now licking her, and she had a broad smile on her face.
“Yes,” she said, standing up and approaching him. The dog followed closely. “The little bastard was wielding.”
“Um, is he okay?” Angst asked, nodding at the dog.
“She is fine,” Faeoris said.
“Good,” he said. “I can go talk to his parents if you’d like. With my sword.”
“We’ll both go,” she said with a wicked smile. “When there’s more time.”
“But, about the bastard,” Angst said. “The, uh, kid. He’s so young to be wielding. Is he a prodigy, like Kala?”
Kala was Nikkola’s twelve-year-old daughter, and truly gifted. Not only was she naturally adept with animals, especially Scar, she seemed to be able to emulate any magic she saw someone else wield. Kala had ridden Scar to the last battle, saving Angst from being thrown against a castle wall. He was in awe that there could be another child like her.
“Only if they are all prodigies,” Faeoris said, holding a hand out to present the entirety of Rookshire. “Almost every kid in this town wields. The people here are trying to figure out how to teach them, to set up a school or something, before the little animals bust the place up.”
“But, how did this happen?” Angst asked.
“Graloon says it’s because they’re free,” she explained. “They’re far enough away from Unsel, or close enough to your home, that they feel safe. They aren’t in hiding anymore, Angst. They’re doing more with magic than they’ve ever done. It’s working.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Angst shook his head. “That’s amazing.”
“You wanted to come here and stare at your dead friends,” she said, her tone cold. “And I’m sorry they died, but it wasn’t without purpose. Theirs was a sacrifice, yes. It was tragic, but good things have happened because of it. They were heroes.”
She was right. He’d come to wade into a pool of heartache and loss. Angst had hoped anger and hurt would strengthen him to drive forward. The hurt was still there, but this was something different.
“There’s more at stake than your princess,” Faeoris said. “And you’re going to have to choose between pain,” she pointed at the statue, “and hope.”
Angst didn’t know what to do with that. Children wielding magic, free to be who they were meant to be. It was so overwhelming, it was almost hard to grasp. He looked at the statue, and pain clutched at his chest. The pain was so much easier to understand.
“Please take me home,” he said.
Faeoris practically threw Angst at the doorstep as they landed, and his knee buckled painfully. He grunted but said nothing. Kala and Scar ran up to them, the young girl wrapping her arms around Faeoris’s long legs. Scar licked her boot, his tail wagging furiously. The Berfemmian smiled at the lab pup, but only acknowledged Kala with an awkward pat on the head. Angst knelt, not only to rest his sore knee, but to pet his dog.
The black lab puppy sniffed and sniffed, his tail now waggling enough to make his butt rock back and forth. Angst sat and took the puppy in his arms, petting the small animal as it licked his face. Angst couldn’t help but smile at the unconditional love. He held the dog out for a moment, and both their eyes flashed red.
“Oooh,” Kala exclaimed, kneeling beside him to pet Scar. “He’s so glad you’re home, Mr. Angst.”
“Thank you, Kala,” Angst said, smiling at her. She was about three feet tall with long black hair and an olive complexion. Kala still had a little baby fat in her chubby cheeks, and was so cute he immediately wanted to hug her, too. Unlike Faeoris, he loved kids.
“Please, just Angst,” he said.
“Mom always told me to call old men mister,” she said, looking at him with serious brown eyes.
Faeoris laughed while Angst grimaced a smile.
“But I’m not old,” he explained.
“You look old!” Kala said. She stood abruptly. “Uh oh.”
“What?” Angst asked, taking Faeoris’s hand to get to his feet. Scar scrambled from his lap to stand behind the girl.
The door behind him opened.
“You’re in trouble,” Kala whispered loudly, her eyes mischievous.
“I’m always in trouble,” he whispered with a wink.
Angst turned around to see Heather. His beautiful wife appeared disheveled. Several thick gray and white hairs had sprung free from her formidable brown curls. Dark, tired bags tugged at her disappointed brown eyes. In spite of this, she was still pretty, but he knew better than to compliment her now. He patted his leg for Scar to come, hoping to garner some strength from the pup. Angst looked down to see the dog sitting faithfully next to Kala, looking as guilty as Angst felt.
“Kala,” Heather said. “Would you go in to keep an eye on the babies?”
“I told you you were in trouble,” she said to Angst before going inside, Scar following close behind.
His wife looked at Faeoris and nodded her head to one side, as if hoping the Berfemmian would pick up on the social cue to leave.
“What?” Faeoris asked. “I’m upset too!”
“Do you have something to say?” Heather asked.
“Your husband wouldn’t have sex with me,” Faeoris said, sounding genuinely upset.
“Funny,” Heather said sharply, looking as if she’d bitten her tongue. “Now he won’t be having sex with me either.”
“I don’t understand humans at all,” Faeoris said, frowning.
“Oh? All this, and she’s not human?” Heather asked, glaring at Angst.
“She’s something more than human,” Angst replied.
“Wrong answer!” she snapped. “If you want sex, you’re on your own.”
“I don’t get it.” Faeoris looked hurt.
“Not you,” Heather said with a deep sigh. “Him.”
“It’s me,” Angst confirmed. “Not having sex with anyone. For some reason...”
“Fish!” Heather screamed.
“Pardon?” He looked at Faeoris for help.
“Yes!” Faeoris said, meeting his eyes with a piercing glare.
“When you came to visit me in the infirmary,” she said. “Why did your mouth taste like fish?”
“Because he was kissing the mermaid...again!” Faeoris said with a nod, crossing her muscular arms. “I’m still upset that he wouldn’t kiss me, but it was okay to kiss the fish.”
“Exactly what we need to discuss.” Heather’s gaze bored into Angst.
“Agreed!” Faeoris said, her thin brows in a threatening furrow.
His mouth dried, and a bead of sweat trickled down his cheek. Why was it so hot here? He really didn’t want to discuss this. Moyra’s death still hurt. For him, it had just happened.
“I thought we couldn’t do that?” Faeoris asked. “You said we couldn’t kiss!”
“You can’t!” Heather said sharply enough to make the young woman jump before glaring at Angst. “And neither can you! How could you?”
“You’re going to give him a beating, aren’t you?” Faeoris asked excitedly. “Sometimes we have to give the Vex’steppe tribesmen a beating when they get unruly.”
“Does it help?” Heather asked, raising an eyebrow.
“It helped me,” Faeoris said with a shrug. “Do you want me to hold him for you?”
“No, I should be able to handle this.” Heather tilted her head toward the door for Faeoris to follow Kala. “Please.”
Faeoris nodded once in confirmation before peering at Angst. She pointed at her eyes with two fingers then pointed back at Angst. “I’ll be right inside. There’s no esc
ape.”
Faeoris bumped his shoulder, knocking him aside, as she entered the house, slamming the door behind her. Dust fell from the roof.
“Heather...” Angst began.
“You were kissing her, right there, in front of Unsel!” Heather screamed.
“Moyra was just overly excited,” Angst said, his voice dripping with guilt. Lies weren’t right, but what else could he say? This was the last thing he’d expected. He’d thought she was going to yell at him for having to leave again. “We’d just freed her people from a two-thousand-year-old curse!”
“Your curse may last two thousand years,” she mumbled.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she held herself close. She wouldn’t look directly at him, and he knew he’d broken something. That hurt worse than any damage done by a foci or element. He didn’t talk about it, rarely thought about it, but their marriage had been rocky for years—rocky, but not done. It was the excuse that had let him get caught up in Moyra. Although, honestly, he’d come up with a lot of excuses. She was exotic, beautiful, and gave him purpose. She’d needed him to be a hero, and then, just when he’d thought he might be, she’d died tragically. He hadn’t been able to save her. It still hurt, but it was a hurt he couldn’t share or explain away. Now this. He was out of tears, but he felt old, and tired, and very weak. Maybe honesty was best. At least some honesty.
“I met Moyra, the mermaid, when we crossed the ocean to save Rose. She brought me to the bottom of the ocean to show me her people were trapped in a mage city. The only way I could breathe...was...well...was through her, when our mouths...”
“I get it,” she said crisply.
“They were trapped, Heather. Her people had been stuck in a curse for thousands of years.” Angst began pacing, mostly because he didn’t want to keep making eye contact. “Moyra tricked me into saving them, but I don’t think she knew they were going to attack Unsel. When we arrived at the castle, it was already under attack. She walked to me, on legs. Her fins were gone. She kissed me to say goodbye, because I couldn’t...I wouldn’t...” He took a deep breath before choking out the words. “I wouldn’t go with her.”
They were quiet for a long time. Angst fought back grief. He really didn’t want to shed tears in front of Heather, not over this. She stared at him, looking sad and lost.
“And then she was killed,” he finally said.
“Were you in love with her?” she asked.
“No,” he said in a thick voice. “I loved her like I love Tori. Like I love all my friends. But I’m only in love with one person.”
There was another long silence.
“I don’t know if I believe you anymore, Angst,” she said. “I don’t feel it.”
They were quiet again as he sought forgiveness in her eyes. There was a storm of emotions in Heather’s gaze, and any forgiveness was lost in its turbulence.
“I can leave,” he said. “If that’s what you want.”
“Why on Ehrde would you think that’s what I want?” Heather crossed her arms, peering at him in disbelief.
“Because I’ve hurt you,” he said quietly. “I’ve only had minutes to think about this, but you’ve had months. You must hate me and everything I’ve done.” He was staring at the ground now. “I...I was just trying to be a hero.” He didn’t know what else to say.
She stepped closer. “I’m so proud of you, Angst,” Heather finally said. “You’ve saved countless lives. You wanted to be a hero, and you are one. But it shouldn’t be at the cost of losing us. Our marriage shouldn’t be the price.”
He could only nod.
“I agree. You need to leave,” she said, and placed a hand on his chest.
He looked up, unable to speak.
“But not tonight. Tonight, you’ll stay home and be with your family,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Tomorrow, you need to go save your princess, and figure out who you want to be. A hero, or a father and husband. And then, if you’re ready to come back to our family, you’re welcome home.”
Angst paused, absorbing all she’d said. “Why can’t I be all of those?” he asked.
“We don’t get everything we want, Angst,” Heather said.
“I’ve noticed.” Angst sighed.
9
An awkward silence hovered around Angst’s pending departure like a swarm of gnats. Their unspoken words were just beyond reach of the spoken ones. Should he say something, or had he said too much already? He tried unobtrusively slipping into his rattly chest piece until his arms got stuck, and Heather set a baby down in a cradle to help tug at it.
“I’ll do this as fast as I can,” he promised. It sounded as hollow as it felt. “I’m worried about you, all of you.”
Heather nodded curtly, her eyes cold and her face drawn with hurt. He felt the urge to cry but didn’t know if it was her emotions magically affecting him, or his own. She wouldn’t say anything; she wouldn’t even argue. Had she really given up on them...on him?
“I’ll save my friends, I’ll save Tori and Unsel, and then I’ll come home and be the best father and husband ever!” he said with every ounce of conviction he could sell. “Ever, ever!”
The cute didn’t help a lot, but at least she cracked a smile. There was a noisy rattle just outside the door, but Scar hadn’t started barking, so he ignored it. He needed to focus on his wife and kids, even if just for this moment. He picked up the baby she’d set down and reached out with his free arm to draw them all into a hug. Heather quickly pulled away, walking to the nearby cribs and putting the other baby down.
He swallowed hard. “Won’t you at least tell me their names?” Angst asked.
“You don’t deserve to know their names,” Heather whispered sharply, taking the other twin from his arms and resting her in a crib.
He didn’t know what to say. For all the pain he’d gone through, this had to rank up there with having his skull split open. Heather chewed on her lip, and took a breath as if preparing to say something, but remained silent.
“I’m alone,” Angst explained. “What you don’t understand is that I’ve never been alone. I’ve always known you would be here for me. Every time I faced death, you were my last thought.” He let out a deep sigh. “I’ve failed time and time again. I’m so bad at being a hero. My friends, all of them, are in danger or dead. Unsel is facing war at every border. My best friend is stuck in time and dying. All I feel is guilt.” Angst gently grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes. “If I leave, I lose you and my children. If I stay, everyone else dies. I am alone.”
Heather rested a hand on his breastplate. She didn’t lean in for a kiss or a hug, but there was the tiniest hint of forgiveness in her eyes. It was almost enough.
“Angst,” she said sincerely. “You won’t be alone.”
Heather took his hand, guided him to the door and opened it. His jaw dropped, his shoulders dropped, he almost dropped the sword. A million nos poured from his mind, and he gritted his teeth to hold them back. Faeoris, Jintorich, Maarja, and Aerella stood along their walkway. Just beyond them were two enormous wagons, both with pack horses that looked older than him. He hoped fervently they were just here to see him off, but then her remembered she had said that he wouldn’t be alone... The realization struck him, and the nos started tumbling out.
“No,” he grumbled. “There is no way they’re coming with!”
“Why not?” Heather asked.
“I barely know them,” he snapped. “I don’t know how they’ll fight as a group, or if they’ll just end up fighting each other. This isn’t like traveling with my friends.”
They stared at him in disbelief. Faeoris crossed her arms, a thin eyebrow rising dangerously. Maarja squeezed meaty hands, her popping knuckles sounded like someone stomping on branches in the woods.
Heather held up a calming hand. “That’s not the problem,” she said firmly.
“It’s also those pack horses, and that caravan,” Angst went on. It didn’t even make sense. He would move faster alone,
and speed was everything. This mess of slow-moving mounts pulling large, covered trailers surrounded by people he barely knew had mistake painted all over it. “I’m in a hurry. What are these even doing here?”
“That’s not it either, is it?” she asked.
His heart was racing and his throat felt constricted.
“I already know how much she means to you,” Heather said, pointing at Faeoris. The Berfemmian’s shoulders lowered from, ‘I’m going to kill you before you take another breath’ to ‘I’m only going to hurt you until I’m done.’
“Yes,” Angst agreed.
“And I can already tell how much you care for her.” She nodded at Aerella.
“Of course I care for her,” Angst admitted, his cheeks warm.
“Maarja has already seen you to safety once,” Heather said with a smile. “And you know she’ll do anything to protect Tarness’s best friend.”
Maarja nodded in agreement but said nothing.
“And Jintorich was my mid-wife,” she said.
“Wait, what?” Angst eyes went wide, and he stared at the little man.
“Happy to be of service,” Jintorich squeaked, bowing respectfully.
Angst looked at them. He was already familiar with Faeoris’s fighting ability, and Maarja was a Nordruaut, which almost made her as dangerous as Faeoris. Jintorich was an unknown, but Aerella wasn’t—she knew more spells than Dallow ever would. But they were nothing compared to the raw power of the elements. Angst had dragged his unwilling friends along on a simple adventure once already, and now they were missing, possibly dead. And Tori... So many had been hurt because of his decisions, he couldn’t stand the idea of losing more.
“I’m bonded to two swords now,” he said firmly. “I don’t need help. I’ve got this.”
Heather looked at him without saying a word.
“No, this isn’t happening!” he shouted. “Everyone who tries to help me ends up hurt, or dead! I can’t have that. I can’t ask...”
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