by Nikki Ash
“Shit,” he says. “I was supposed to clean that out, and then Hazel…” He thrusts the baby at me then slams the drawer shut. “This was before you… way before you.”
I’m speechless. There must’ve been fifty different types of toys in there.
Chase hauls ass out of the room and then back in with a bag. But before he opens the drawer, he glances at me. “Hazel’s hungry.”
He’s trying to dismiss me so I won’t see all the toys. Too late for that. I nod and take her out to the kitchen, setting her in her high chair, and then go about preparing some mashed up veggies and meat, all while trying to rid my brain of the sight of all those toys. I have questions… so many damn questions.
A few minutes later, he passes by us with the bag in his hand, opening and closing the front door. He must be throwing it out in the dumpster. When he comes back in, we work in silence to rid his room of the furniture, and just as we’re finishing, the furniture company with Hazel’s stuff arrives. The day flies by, and by the time everything is set up and Hazel is in her own room asleep, we’re both drained. Normally parents have months to prepare for a baby, not hours.
I’m showering the day off, when Chase steps into the shower to join me. His arms encircle me from behind, and he presses a soft kiss to my shoulder, making me sigh under his touch.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my ear.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I said I didn’t want anyone else in our relationship, in the bedroom, but by not getting rid of that shit, I brought them in.”
“Can I ask you a question?” It’s something I’ve been thinking about all day.
“You can always ask me anything.” He spins me around so we’re facing each other and backs me against the wall.
“Did you use those same toys on different women?”
He shakes his head. “Most of what you saw was still new. Only a couple toys had been used and I was planning to throw them away, but I forgot. I wasn’t about to drop a dildo into our garbage can.”
“So you keep a stash of toys for when women come over?”
“Came over,” he corrects. “Past tense, because the only woman I’ve been with in several months is you. But yeah.” He averts his eyes, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I kept them for when women came over.”
I nod even though he can’t see it since he’s not looking at me. “I better get out in case Hazel wakes up.” She’s actually a very good sleeper, and independent. She rarely cries or fusses. I’m afraid to think it’s because she was neglected.
He sighs but moves his hand so I can get out. After drying off and getting dressed, I go to bed, feigning sleep when Chase comes in a few minutes later. I feel the bed dip, but he doesn’t try to hold me like he usually does. I want to roll over and say something, but I’m upset and don’t know how to deal with it. He probably thinks I’m mad about the toys, but I’m not. I can’t change what he did before us nor would I want to. I love Chase the way he is. What I’m upset about it is the fact that we’ve been sleeping together for a while now and he hasn’t once tried or mentioned using a single toy.
Me: Can we meet without kids?
Lexi: Sure! Alec is off today so he can stay with Abigail. Where?
I type out the address of the location and tell her to meet me in an hour.
“I’m meeting with my sister,” I tell Chase, who’s lying on the floor, playing with Hazel.
“Everything okay?” he asks. We haven’t talked since I found the toys yesterday, and we need to. But first there’s something I need to do.
“Yeah, I won’t be gone long.”
I bend at the knees and give Hazel a kiss. She glances up at me and grins her adorable toothy grin. “I can pick up lunch on my way back.”
“Sounds good.”
I’m about to stand, when Chase grips the back of my neck and tugs me into him for a kiss that feels like so much more than just a kiss. It’s a plea, an apology, a declaration.
“I love you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I love you too.”
“A sex shop?” Lexi laughs. “You kinky little bitch!”
I roll my eyes. “I found an entire drawer of sex toys in Chase’s room when we were moving his stuff from his room to mine.”
Lexi’s eyes go wide. “Damn, so Chase is the kinky one.”
“Nobody’s kinky,” I groan. “I read an article on sex toys and a lot of them help heighten the pleasure.”
“Hmm… Maybe I’ll pick out a few things to surprise Alec with.” Lexi waggles her brows.
We enter the store and the woman at the desk, who is dressed in sexy lingerie and wearing blood red lipstick, smiles. “My name is Jenn. Let me know if you need any help.”
I pull out my phone and open the list I’ve made. “I need to buy this stuff,” I tell her, turning the phone around so she can see it.
“Right this way.” She stops in front of a wall of dildos. “Do you know which size you’d like?”
I think about the article I read. It said to get one around the same size as your significant other’s. “Around eight inches.”
Lexi snorts, then laughs. “Oh my God. Is that the size of Chase’s dick?”
“Can you act like a mature adult about this, please?” I brought her here because I was scared to death to come alone, but now I’m rethinking that.
“Sorry. I’ll take one too. But make mine eight and a half inches.” She winks, and the woman laughs.
“Mine was a guess. I didn’t actually measure him.”
After we both pick out our choice of dildos, we move on to the next item.
“Oh, shit,” Lexi says. “Butt plugs? You’re totally going to let him in the back door, aren’t you? Now, that’s love.”
Jenn shakes with laughter. “This one is a customer favorite.” She hands me the silver teardrop-shaped toy. It’s kind of heavy and has a pretty blue jewel at the front of it. “You’ll need lube too.” She plucks a bottle off the shelf. “Never allow anyone in the back door without proper preparation.”
I read that in the article as well.
“I want one with a yellow jewel,” Lexi says, grabbing it off the wall, along with a bottle of lube. “And I’m going to need to read this article you read.”
We go from area to area, getting all the items on my list, and a few others Jenn suggests, and once we’re done we both check out—Lexi having bought everything I did.
“This was fun,” she says once we’re outside in the parking lot. Then her face goes serious. “You’re doing all this because you want to, though, right? Not because you feel like you have to, to keep Chase.”
“Chase hasn’t once asked me to use toys.”
“So you’re doing this because you think he wants to?”
I’ve thought a lot about this since that sexy toy slut came by to pick up her dildo. “I’m doing it because I want to. Because he obviously has the toys for a reason, and I’ve heard the way those women would scream in pleasure. Every time he touches me, he brings me pleasure. I think he hasn’t brought up the toys because he sees me as this delicate little flower, and I don’t want to be that person. I’m not that person.” At least not anymore…
“He thinks I’m mad because he used those toys with women before me, but I’m hurt he doesn’t want to use them with me. Up until now, we’ve been open and honest with each other. I don’t know why he’s shutting me out regarding this matter, but I’m going to force him to talk to me. Then hopefully, get him to use them with me.”
Lexi nods thoughtfully. “You’re a different person with him. And not in a bad way. I never would’ve thought he would be the guy for you, but after seeing you two together, I can see that you’re both crazy in love with each other. You’re good for each other.”
After a few more minutes of talking, we hug goodbye, with the promise to meet later this week to get Abigail and Hazel together—and to discuss which toys are the best—Lexi’s suggestion, not mine.
I set the food on the table, then head back to our room to hide the bag of toys in my drawer for later. We eat lunch, steering clear of any sex toy talk, focusing on Hazel and what the lawyer said, and once she’s awake, since it’s nice out, we take her for a walk to the park.
“No, pretty girl. Don’t eat the sand,” I tell her, removing her hand from her mouth.
Her cute little face scrunches up at the word no, making Chase and me laugh.
“How about the swings?” Chase suggests, lifting her up and flying her through the air like she’s a plane to take her mind off the sand. He’s so good with her, and I love to watch them both. The way she’s accepted him so completely… it’s as if she knows he’s her dad. I don’t have any other babies to compare her to, since I’ve never lived with one, but I thought the transition would be rougher. Instead, she shocked us by warming up to both of us.
Chase sets her in the swing and buckles her in. Her mouth immediately goes to the plastic piece in the front, and I half-gag, while Chase places a blanket in the front.
“She’s like a puppy,” he says with a laugh. “Chewing on everything.”
“She’s probably teething.” We’ve been busy reading about babies every chance we get, since neither of us had any notice we’d be getting one, and we both want to know what to expect.
“I talked to your mom earlier,” Chase says nonchalantly.
“Oh really?” They’ve spoken a few times since Hazel’s come into our life. My mom is supportive, hell, both my parents are, and have offered to help in any way they can.
“Your parents are going to take Hazel tonight.” His eyes meet mine. “So we can talk.”
I swallow thickly, not liking this. What could he want to talk about that requires Hazel to be elsewhere? Is he planning to break up with me?
“She’s only just become familiar with us. Don’t you think it’s too soon for her to spend the night somewhere else?”
“We’ll pick her up tonight. We’re dropping her off around four.” He said we, so maybe he’s not breaking up with me.
“Okay.”
We hang out a little longer at the park, until Hazel whines she’s hungry. While I take a shower and get ready, Chase feeds her. Then while he gets ready, I put together a diaper bag for my mom. Hazel’s been around my parents, so when she sees them, she doesn’t cry.
“Have a good time,” Mom says with a smile. “We’ll be here.”
“Thank you for watching her,” Chase tells her, kissing her cheek.
“Anytime.”
“Where are we going?” I ask, once we’re back in Chase’s car.
“Home.”
Home… Well, okay, then.
Chase
I have to fix this. Georgia and me. I couldn’t fix my marriage, and now I know it was a blessing in disguise, but I can fix us. I’m determined to make this right. I have to. Georgia is different than Victoria. Our relationship is different. The love I feel for her is different. And I’m not going to lose her over sex toys.
Grabbing a bottle of wine I know Georgia likes, I pour us each a glass, then sit on the couch across from her. I’m not really a wine drinker, and she only drinks it on occasion, but it’s the only alcohol we have here, and I’m thinking alcohol might be needed for the conversation we’re about to have.
“Thanks,” she says, accepting the glass from me and taking a sip.
“I’d like to talk to you about what you found in my drawer,” I begin. “I want to explain.”
Georgia nods, sipping more of her drink.
I take a deep breath, praying that opening up and being honest with Georgia doesn’t mean losing her. “As I told you before, Victoria was the first woman I was with sexually. We were young and we both learned a lot about ourselves and each other through exploration. When she started using drugs, and I had her go to rehab, I resorted to porn and my hand.” I shrug sheepishly, hoping Georgia understands it was my way of satisfying myself while my wife was gone and that I’m not some weird porn freak.
“Watching the porn, I came across videos with sex toys…” I clear my throat. “I was curious and bought a few so Victoria and I could try them out once she got out. The drugs had kind of messed with our sex lives, the intimacy between us put on the back-burner because she was too busy getting high. Only when she got out and I mentioned them, she freaked out on me, telling me I was sick and accusing me of cheating on her.”
Georgia’s eyes go wide, but I focus on finishing my story before I chicken out. “I never brought it up again. Sex between us went from hot and heavy to almost nonexistent and the intimacy between us was gone. We still had sex occasionally, but it was more due to marital obligation on her part. And then she started cheating on me. I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back, it makes sense. She would only have sex with me once in a while to keep me from bitching.”
I blow out a harsh breath and down the wine, setting the glass on the table. “When we got divorced, I started having one-night stands. One night a woman I was with busted out some sex toys. At first, by using them, I felt like I was sticking it to Victoria. Like a fuck you.” I laugh humorlessly. “But I quickly learned toys can heighten the sexual experience. I picked some up at the store and would try them out with women who didn’t mind.”
I lock eyes with her so she knows how serious what I say next is. “I don’t require toys in bed. I just want you, however I can have you. I was just having fun. I was a twenty-nine-year-old man who had only been with one woman. But the truth is, Georgia”—I set her drink on the table and take her hands in mine—“had I known what was on the other side of your door, I wouldn’t have been with a single one of those women. I’m not trying to romance you,” I say with a playful smirk to lighten the mood. “I’m just being honest. So please don’t read too much into those toys, and please don’t walk away thinking I’m some weird, kinky porn freak.”
Georgia barks out a laugh. “I don’t think you’re weird or a freak, and even if you were, I’m okay with both.” She stands and pulls my hand. “Come with me.”
I follow her into our room and she pulls a bag out of her drawer, handing it to me. It’s black, and there’s only one store I know of that uses black bags.
I open it up and peek inside it, finding all types of sex toys. “Georgia…” I shake my head. Of course, instead of running, she would try to please me. But that’s not what I want.
“Before you give me some speech about how you don’t need toys, yes, I bought these after seeing them in your drawer, but I didn’t just buy them for you. I bought them for us. I love our sex life, and if these toys can make it even better then I’m up for trying them out.”
Fuck, how the hell did I get so damn lucky to find this woman?
“And you swear you’re not doing this because you think I need it?” I set the bag down and glide my hands down her side to her hips.
“I’m doing it because I want to. I promise.”
I tug her close to me, until our bodies are flush against each other. “And if we do anything you don’t like or you’re not comfortable with, you’ll tell me?”
“Yes,” she breathes.
I move us to the bed, lifting her into my lap, and grab the bag of toys, dumping it out. There’s so much shit here. I would’ve loved to see her buying all this, picking out what she wanted. I can tell by the stuff she bought, she put thought into it.
“I read an article about sex toys,” she says, her cheeks tingeing an adorable shade of pink.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” I kiss her lips, loving how soft and warm they are. “You reading up on it, going to the store to buy this stuff, is not only fucking sexy but it means the world to me. You didn’t make accusations, you didn’t judge, and it made me fall in love with you that much more.”
She
smiles softly. “Lexi went with me and bought everything I bought. I’m sure Alec will be thanking you later.”
I chuckle, elated that we’re able to talk like this.
“So, while you were reading, did any of this stuff stand out to you? Anything you want to try first? We have a few hours before we have to pick up Hazel.”
Georgia bites her bottom lip, looking over the items she purchased. “I don’t know. I’m curious about all of them. It seemed like a lot of the women in the comments on the article like the butt plug and anal beads…” Her fingers run along the small bottle of lube. “They seemed to like anal in general. But a few said it hurts.” She lifts a dildo. “I’m not sure how I would feel about using this instead of you. I like the feel of you inside me.”
She glances up at me and shrugs shyly. “I’m okay with trying anything. You know more about this stuff than I do. I trust you to make sure whatever we do is good for the both of us.”
Fuck. This. Woman. The way she opens herself up and puts her trust in me is so damn refreshing.
“Take your clothes off and lie on your stomach,” I tell her, grabbing the blue jeweled butt plug and the anal vibrator and taking them with me. In the bathroom, I open both packages and wash the items with hot, soapy water, then dry them both off.
When I come back, she’s lying just how I told her to, with her slim back and pert ass on display. Her head is resting sideways against her pillow, and her arms are above her head. I set the items on the bed, out of the way and then strip out of my clothes, leaving me in only my boxers.
I climb onto the bed and straddle the backs of her thighs. Squirting some oil in my palms, I begin at her shoulders, massaging her tissue. She moans and sighs, her body instantly relaxing. I work my way down her back, massaging any knots I can find. Once I get to her ass, I rub some more oil into my palms and then massage the globes, teasing at the crack. She tenses up slightly, assuming I’m going to take her ass, but I keep moving down, massaging her thighs and calves, and then giving her cute feet attention.