by John McElroy
CHAPTER XIV. SHORTY HAS AN ADVENTURE WITH SI
HE GOES OUT TO VISIT MRS. BOLSTER.
SHORTY sauntered thoughtfully back to the tent, and on the way decidedto tell Si the whole occurrence, not even omitting the deceit practiced.
He had to admit to himself that he was unaccountably shaken up by theaffair.
Si was so deeply interested in the revelations that he forgot to blameShorty's double-dealing.
"Never had my nerve so strained before," Shorty frankly admitted. "Attheir best, women are curiouser than transmogrified hullaloos, and whena real cute one sets out to hornswoggle a man he might as well lay downand give right up, for he hain't no earthly show. She gits away with himevery time, and one to spare. That there woman's got the devil in herbigger'n a sheep, and she come nigher makin' putty o' your Uncle Ephraimthan I ever dreamed of before. It makes me shivery to think about it."
"I don't care if she's more devils in her than the Gadarene swine, shemust be stopped at once," said Si, his patriotic zeal flaming up. "She'sdoin' more mischief than a whole regiment o' rebels, and must be bustedimmediately. We've got to stop{193} her."
"But just how are we goin' to stop her?" Shorty asked. There was a weakunreadiness in Shorty's tones that made Si look at him in surprise.Never before, in any emergency, had there been the slightest shade ofsuch a thing in his bold, self-reliant partner's voice.
"I'd rather tackle any two men there are in the Southern Confederacythan that woman," said Shorty. "I believe she put a spell on me."
"Le's go up and talk to Capt. McGillicuddy about it," said Si.Ordinarily, this was the last thing that either of them would havethought of doing. Their usual disposition was to go ahead and settle theproblem before them in their own way, and report about it afterward. ButShorty was clearly demoralized.
Capt. McGillicuddy listened very gravely to their story.
"Evidently that old hen has a nest of bad, dangerous men, which has tobe broken up," he said. "We can get the whole raft if we go about it inthe right way, but we've got to be mighty smart in dealing with them,or they'll fly the coop, and leave the laugh on us. You say she's comingback to-morrow?"
"Yes," said Shorty, with a perceptible shiver.
"Well, I want you to fall right in with all her plans--both of you.Pretend to be anxious to desert, or anything else that she may propose.Go back home with her. I shall watch you carefully, but without seemingto, and follow you with a squad big enough to take care of anything thatmay be out there. Go back to your tent now, and think it{194} all over,and arrange some signal to let me know when you want me to jump theoutfit."
The boys went back to their tent, and spent an hour in anxiousconsideration of their plans. Si saw the opportunity to render a greatservice, and was eager to perform it, but he firmly refused to tellany lies to the woman or those around her. He would not say that he wastired of the service and wanted to desert; he would not pretend likingfor the Southern Confederacy or the rebels, nor hatred to his ownpeople. He would do nothing but go along, share all the dangers withShorty, and be ready at the moment to co-operate in breaking up thegang.
"Some folks's so durned straight that they lean over backwards," saidShorty impatiently. "What in thunder does it amount to what you tellthese onery gallinippers? They'll lie to you as fast as a hoss kin trot.There's no devilment they won't do, and there kin be nothin' wrong inanything you kin do and say to them."
"Everybody settles some things for himself," said the unchangeable Si."I believe them folks are as bad as they kin be made. I believe everyone o' 'em ought to be killed, and if it wuz orders to kill 'em I'd killwithout turnin' a hair. But I jest simply won't lie to nobody, I don'tcare who he is. I'll stand by you until the last drop; you kin tell 'emwhat you please, but I won't tell 'em nothin', except that they're apizen gang, and ought t've bin roastin' in brimstone long ago."
"But," expostulated Shorty, "if you only go along with me you're actin'a lie. If you go out o' camp with mo you'll pretend to bo desertin' andj'inin' in{195} with 'em. Seems to me that's jest as bad as tellin' alie straight out."
"Well," said the immovable Si, "I draw the line there. I'll go alongwith you, and they kin think what they like. But if I say anything to'em, they'll git it mighty straight."
"Well, I don't know but, after all, we kin better arrange it that way,"said Shorty, after he had thought it over in silence for some time. "I'msure that if you'd talk you'd give us dead away. That clumsy basswoodtongue o' your'n hain't any suppleness, and you'd be sure to blurt outsomething that'd jest ruin us. An idee occurs to me. You jest go along,look sour and say nothin'. I'll tell 'em you ketched cold the othernight and lost your speech. It'll give me a turn o' extra dooty talkin'for two, but I guess I kin do it."
"All right," agreed Si. "Let it go that way."
"Now, look here, Si," said Shorty, in a low, mysterious tone, "I'm goin'to tell you somethin' that I hadn't intended to. I'm scared to deathlest that old hag'll git the drop on me some way and marry me right outof hand. I tell you, she jest frightens the life out o' me. That worriesme more'n all the rest put together. I expect I ought t 'v' told you soat the very first."
"Nonsense," said Si contemptuously. "The idee o' you're being afeared o'such a thing."
"It's all very well for you to snort and laugh, Si Klegg," persistedShorty. "You don't know her. I sneered at her, too, at first, but whenI was left alone with her she seemed to mesmerize me. I found myselftalkin' about marryin' her before I knowed{196} it, and the next thingI was on the p'int o' actually marryin' her. I believe that if she'd gotme to walk a half-mile further with her she'd a run me up agin a Justiceo' the Peace and married me in spite of all that I could do. I'd muchruther have my head blowed off than married to that old catamount.
"Bah, you can't marry folks unless both are willin'," insisted Si. "Aman can't have a marriage rung in on him willy-nilly."
"There's just where you're shootin' off your mouth without any sense.You don't know what you're talkin' about. Men are lassoed every day andmarried to women that they'd run away from like a dog from a porcupine,if they could. You jest look around among the married folks you know,and see how many there are that wouldn't have married one another ifthey'd bin in their senses."
"Well, I don't think o' many," said Si, whose remembrances were that thepeople in Posey County seemed generally well-mated.
"Well, there mayn't be many, but there's some, and I don't propose tobe one of 'em. There's some spell or witchcraft about it. I've read inbooks about things that gave a woman power to marry any man she wantedto, and he couldn't help himself. That woman's got something o' thatkind, and she's set her eye on me. I'm goin' to meet her, and I want tohelp break up her gang, but I'd a great deal rather tackle old Bragg andhis entire army. I want you to stay right by me every minnit, and keepyour eye on me when she's near me."{197}
"All right," said Si sleepily, as he crawled into bed.
The next morning, as they were discussing the question of signals, theyhappened to pass the Sutler's, and Si caught a glimpse of packages offirecrackers, which the regimental purveyor had, for some inscrutablereason, thought he might sell. An idea occurred to Si, and he bought acouple of packages, and stowed them away in his blouse pocket and toldthe Captain that their firing would be the signal, unless a musket-shotshould come first.
It was yet early in the forenoon as they walked on the less-frequentedside of the camp. Shorty gave a start, and gasped:
"Jewhilikins, there she is already."
Si looked, and saw Mrs. Bolster striding toward them. Shorty hung backinstinctively for an instant, and then braced up and bade her goodmorning.
She grunted an acknowledgment, and said rather imperiously:
"Y're a-gwine, air yo'?"
"Certainly," answered Shorty.
"And yo'?" she inquired, looking at Si.
"He's a-goin', too," answered Shorty. "Mustn't expect him to talk. He'sshort on tongue this mornin'. Ketched a bad cold night before last.Settled on his
word-mill. Unjinted his clapper. Can't speak a word.Doctor says it will last several days. Not a great affliction. Couldn't've lost anything o' less account."
"Must've bin an orful cold," said she, taking her pipe from her mouthand eyeing Si suspiciously.{198}
"Never knowed a cold to shut off any one's gab afore. Seems t' me thathit makes people talk more. But these Yankees air different. Whar airyer things? Did yo' bring plenty o' coffee?'
"We've got 'em hid down here in the brush," said Shorty. "We'll git 'emwhen we're ready to start."
"We're ready now," she answered. "Come along."
"But we hain't no passes," objected Shorty. "We must go to the Captainand git passes."
"Yo' won't need no passes," she said impatiently. "Foller me."
Shorty had expected to make the pretext about the passes serve forinforming Capt. McGillicuddy of the presence of the woman in the camp.He looked quickly around and saw the Captain sauntering carelessly at alittle distance, so that any notification was unnecessary. He turned andfollowed Mrs. Bolster's long strides, with Si bringing up the rear.
They went to the clump of brush where they had hidden their haversacksand guns. Mrs. Bolster eagerly examined the precious package of coffee.
"I'll take keer o' this myself," she said, stowing it away about herlanky person. "I can't afford to take no resks as to hit."
Si and Shorty had thought themselves very familiar with the campground,but they were astonished to find themselves led outside the linewithout passing under the eye of a single guard. Si looked at Shorty inamazement, and Shorty remarked:
"Well, I'll be durned."
The woman noticed and understood. "Yo' Yanks,"{199} she said scornfully,"think yourselves moughty smart with all your book-larnin', and yo'unsput on heaps o' airs over po' folks what hain't no eddication; but whatyou don't know about Tennessee woods would make a bigger book than everwas printed."
"I believe you," said Shorty fervently. His superstition in regard toher was rapidly augmenting to that point where he believed her capableof anything. He was alarmed a'bout Capt. McGillicuddy's being able tofollow their mysterious movements. But they soon came to the road, andlooking back from the top of a hill, Shorty's heart lightened as he sawa squad moving out which he was confident was led by Capt. McGillicuddy.
But little had been said so far. At a turn of the road they came upon agray-bearded man, wearing a battered silk hat and spectacles, whom Mrs.Bolster greeted as "'Squire."
The word seemed to send all the blood from Shorty's face, and he lookedappealingly to Si as if the crisis had come.
The newcomer looked them over sharply and inquired:
"Who are these men, Mrs. Bolster?"
"They'uns 's all right. They'uns 's had enough o' Abolition doin's,and hev come over whar they'uns allers rayly belonged. This one is apartickler friend o' mine," and she leered at Shorty in a way that madehis blood run cold.
"Hain't yo' time t' stop a minute, 'Squire?" she asked appealingly, asthe newcomer turned his horse's head to renew his journey.{200}
"Not now; not now," answered the 'Squire, digging his heels into hissteed's side. "I want to talk t' yo' and these 'ere men 'bout what'sgwine on in the Lincoln camps, but I must hurry on now to meet Capt.Solomon at the Winding Blades. I'll come over to your house thisevening," he called back.
"Don't fail, 'Squire," she answered, "fur I've got a little job for yo',an' I want hit partickerly done this very evenin'. Hit can't wait."
"I'll be there without fail," he assured her.
"Capt. Solomon's the man what sent the letter to you," she explained,which somewhat raised Shorty's depressed heart, for he began to havehopes that Rosenbaum might rescue him if Capt. McGillicuddy should bebehind time.
As they jogged onward farther from camp Mrs. Bolster's saturnineearnestness began to be succeeded by what were intended to bedemonstrations of playful affection for her future husband, whom she nowbegan to regard as securely hers. She would draw Shorty into the patha little ahead of Si, and walk alongside of him, pinching his arm andjabbering incoherent words which were meant for terms of endearment.When the narrowness of the road made them walk in single file she wouldcome up from time to time alongside with cuffs intended for playfullove-taps.
At each of these Shorty would cast such a look of wretchedness at Sithat the latter had difficulty in preserving his steadfast silence andrigidity of countenance.
But the woman's chief affection seemed to be called forth by the packageof coffee. She would{201} stop in the midst of any demonstration to pullout the bag containing the fragrant berry, and lovingly inhale its odor.
It was long past noon when she announced: "Thar's my house right ahead."She followed this up with a ringing whoopee, which made the tumbledowncabin suddenly swarm with animation. A legion of loud-mouthed dogscharged down toward the road. Children of various ages, but of novariety in their rags and unkempt wildness, followed the dogs, orperched upon the fence-corners and stumps, and three or four shambling,evil-faced mountaineers lunged forward, guns in hand, with eyes fiercerthan the dogs, as they looked over the two armed soldiers.
"They'uns is all right, boys," exclaimed the woman. "They'uns 's plumsick o' doggin' hit for Abe Lincoln an' quit."
"Let 'em gin up thar guns, then," said the foremost man, who had butone eye, reaching for Shorty's musket. "I'll take this one. I've beenlongin' for a good Yankee gun for a plum month to reach them Yankeepickets on Duck River."
Though Shorty and Si had schooled themselves in the part they wereto play, the repugnant thought of giving up their arms to the rebelsthreatened to overset everything. Instinctively they threw up their gunsto knock over the impudent guerrillas. The woman strode between them andthe others, and caught hold of their muskets.
"Don't be fools. Let 'em have your guns," she said, and she caught Si'swith such quick unexpectedness that she wrenched it from his grasp andflung{202} it to the man who wanted Shorty's. She threw one arm aroundShorty's neck, with a hug so muscular that his breath failed, and shewrenched his gun away. She kept this in her hand, however.
"Now, I want these 'ere men treated right," she announced to the others,"and I'm a-gwine to have 'em treated right, or I'll bust somebody'sskillet. They'uns is my takings, and I'm a-gwine to have all the say'bout 'em. I've never interfered with any Yankees any o' yo'uns havebrung in. Yo've done with them as you pleased, an' I'm a-gwine to dowith these jest as I please, and yo'uns that don't like hit kin jestlump hit, that's all."
TAKE YOUR ARM FROM AROUND THAT YANK'S NECK 203]
"'Frony Bolster, I want yo' to take yo'r arms from around that Yank'sneck," said the man who had tried to take Shorty's gun. "I won't 'lowyo' to put yo'r arm 'round another man's neck as long's I'm alive tostop it."
"Ye won't, Jeff Hackberry," she sneered. "Jealous, air ye? You've got nobizniss o' bein'. Done tole ye 'long ago I'd never marry yo', so longas I could find a man who has two good eyes and a 'spectable character.I've done found him. Here he is, and 'Squire Corson 'll splice usto-night."
How much of each of the emotions of jealousy, disappointment, hurtvanity, and rebel antagonism went into the howl that Mr. Jeff Hackberryset up at this announcement will never be known. He made a rush withclenched fists at Shorty.
A better description could be given of the operations of the center of atornado than of the events of the next few minutes. Shorty and Hackberrygrappled fiercely. Mrs. Bolster mixed in to stop the fight and saveShorty. Si and the other three rebels flung themselves into thewhirlpool of strikes, kicks, and grapples. The delighted childrencame rushing in, and eagerly joined the fray, striking with charmingimpartiality at every opportunity to get a lick in anywhere on anybody;and finally the legion of dogs, to whom such scenes seemed familiar andgladsome, rushed in with an ear-splitting clamor, and jumped and bit atthe arms and legs that went flying around.{204 }
This was too violent to last long. Everybody and everything had to stopfrom sheer exhaustion. But when the stop came Mrs. Bolster was sitti
ngon the prostrate form of Jeff Hackberry. The others were disentanglingthemselves from one another, the children and the dogs, and apparentlytrying to get themselves into relation with the points of the compassand understand what had been happening.
"Have yo' had enough, Jeff Hackberry," inquired Mrs. Bolster, "or willyo' obleege me to gouge yer other eye out afore yo' come to yer senses?"
"Le' me up, 'Frony," pleaded the man, "an' then we kin talk this thingover."