by Jade Winters
Sophie sipped her drink and nodded. It was a precis, but it was straight to the point.
‘Yes,’ Sophie said.
Lee sat quietly for a few moments and sipped some of his own drink, then he looked up at her through impossibly long lashes she was only noticing for the first time.
‘You’re insane,’ Lee said starkly.
‘Pardon?’
‘I said you’re insane. Look, Alison made you miserable, right?’
Sophie nodded.
‘And you’ve ended up saying you will go back with her, because being alone without Amber is too hard, and being with Alison is better than being in pain alone?’ he continued.
Sophie nodded again and the lump that had formed in her throat made it near enough impossible to speak.
Lee leant forward and gently placed his hand over Sophie’s.
‘But, sweetheart, you’re not alone. Not really. I know I’m a pain, and whistle and all that, but whatever happens, I’m there for you. I don’t want you to be miserable,’ Lee lifted his other hand and placed it over his chest, ‘and it breaks my heart to see you like this. But it would break my heart more to see you go to Alison and know you were making things worse.’
‘So what do you suggest I do?’
Lee squeezed her hand then leant back in his chair. ‘You need to start being honest, Sophie. You need to be honest with yourself. You need to be honest with Amber and tell her how you feel, even if it isn’t possible for anything to happen, and you even need to be honest with Alison, even though it pains me to say it about her. She still deserves that much from you. Believe me, once you’ve done that, the prospect of being alone for a while might seem like a blessing.’
‘A blessing? Somehow, from where I’m sitting, that doesn’t seem like a possibility.’
‘Listen,’ Lee said, knocking back his drink, ‘how do you fancy ordering in some Chinese food.’
Sophie nodded and smiled at him.
‘Alison’s supposed to be coming ’round later but I’ll put her off.’
She nudged him with her shoulder.
‘You’re a good friend to me, I don’t deserve you.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Lee said flamboyantly as he stood and pulled his jacket from the back of his chair, ‘Oh, and by the way, you’re paying for the Chinese.’
He winked and held out a hand for Sophie.
She laughed, took his hand, and they walked out of the bar arm in arm.
***
‘I’ll make coffee,’ Lee yelled as they got back to the flat and he disappeared, whistling, heading towards the kitchen.
Sophie sat on the sofa, still feeling slightly depressed but nonetheless glad to have talked to Lee about where she found herself. She was grateful he’d been straight with her and told her, in no uncertain terms, that she needed to get her act together and start to put into place the things that would set right what she’d managed to fuck up in the course of a few disastrous days.
First step. Text Alison and tell her not to come round that evening as they had previously arranged. She didn’t have the energy to deal with her tonight.
Sophie tapped a quick message into her screen, explaining she had a headache and was going to have an early night. Maybe not a full description of what she wanted to say to her but okay as a holding message. The person she really wanted to talk to, God knows how many thousands of miles away, was Amber. She needed to unburden herself and tell her the truth.
Googling the time difference, she heaved a sigh of relief to see it was early evening in New York, so no chance of disturbing Amber.
Walking over to the window, she found Amber’s number and set it up for a video call, hoping Amber would pick up, even going so far as to cross her fingers. She listened to Lee’s tuneless whistling in the distance while the dial tone sounded, then her heart leapt when the call was accepted, and Amber’s face appeared on screen.
‘Hi,’ Sophie said, words momentarily vanishing at the sight of Amber so far away.
‘Hi, Sophie. How are you?’
The coolness of Amber’s tone focused Sophie’s mind on why she had rung. To be honest, then to accept whatever came to pass following that.
‘I’m good. No, that’s a lie. I feel like crap and it’s because… because of how I really feel about you… Look, Amber, I—’
‘Who’s that behind you, Sophie?’
‘Huh, oh that’s Lee my flatmate—’ Sophie cocked her head at the sound of heels clicking on the wooden floor. Unless she was mistaken, Lee didn’t wear heels. In fact, the only person she knew who did was… Sophie spun around, eyes widening when she saw Alison’s thunderous face.
‘Alison? I told you not to come.’
Alison raised an angry eyebrow. ‘Well, I can see why now. You wanted me out of the way so you could have a cosy little chitchat with your long-lost school friend, huh?’
Alison pointed at the phone where Sophie had rested it on the windowsill.
‘No, it’s not like that.’
‘That’s what it looks like from where I’m standing. Headache my arse. But, please do carry on. I’m sure Amber’s anxious to hear exactly how you truly feel about her, as am I.’
Sophie took a breath. She fumbled with her phone, searching for the button to disconnect her call with Amber. What she had to say to Alison was for her ears only.
If she was going to start being honest, she needed to start doing it now.
‘I’m sorry, Alison, but I can’t help how I feel about her. I’ve tried, believe me I have, but I just can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve loved her since the first day we met.’
‘So all this time we’ve been together, you’ve been thinking about her? Is that what you’re telling me? That all that shit you wrote in your letter was about you projecting onto me. You couldn’t commit because you were in love with someone else all this time?’
‘I’m sorry. You know all the shit I went through after my parents broke up. My mum ending up in a mental ward. Amber just reminded me of a time I wanted to forget, but things are different now, I—’
Alison didn’t give Sophie a chance to finish. She spat her words out, her face taking on an ugly scowl. ‘Oh save your bullshit for someone who gives a flying fuck. But mark my words, you’ll regret this, it’ll never work out for you and her.’
Sophie refused to break the eye contact she had with Alison. ‘Probably not seeing as Amber’s engaged, but that doesn’t mean I have to be stuck in an unhealthy relationship I’m not happy in.’
Alison snorted as she turned and headed into the hallway. Seconds later, the front door slammed behind her.
With the flush of victory coursing through her veins, and the sound of Lee clapping vigorously in the kitchen from his listening post, Sophie turned around.
‘You love me?’ Amber’s voice filtered through the air from Sophie’s phone.
Chapter Twenty
‘Did I hear right?’ Amber asked, the first pangs of guilt hitting her hard.
This was the first she was hearing about Sophie’s mum. Even though at the time of Sophie’s sudden disappearance, she hadn’t seen her mum around town as usual, Amber had assumed she’d moved elsewhere as well. Amber didn’t know she’d basically had a breakdown. Now it all made sense why Sophie never returned to their village.
Amber realised with shame, that she had never given Sophie’s emotional well-being a second thought after she’d left. All she had cared about was the turmoil she was going through. All this time she had put the blame for her feelings of rejection onto Sophie, when all Sophie had been doing was protecting herself the best way she knew how to.
After hearing Sophie’s confession to Alison, it sounded as if Sophie was just as confused as she was about their relationship. That her running away had nothing to do with rejecting her, more like she couldn’t handle her own emotions.
‘Shit,’ Sophie’s voice came over the phone, then her shocked face appeared on screen. ‘You heard that?’
‘It woul
d’ve been difficult not to. You were standing directly above the phone.’
Although she was trying to sound neutral, Amber could hear her voice quiver. Sophie loved her and always had by the sound of it. All of the time she’d spent wallowing in misery had been a waste of time and effort.
‘I’m sorry, Amber, you weren’t supposed to have heard it. I’m sorry… I… I don’t know what to say.’
Amber watched as Sophie leant forward and tapped her phone, her worried and embarrassed face disappearing briefly before reappearing as she entered another room.
‘You’ve got nothing to apologise for.’
‘Yes, I do. I know you’re engaged and it’s not right to be telling you all this stuff. I’m just being selfish offloading it all on you. Please forget everything you heard. I hope you’ll be happy, Amber. I really do.’
With that, Sophie disconnected the call, leaving Amber to stare at the blank screen open-mouthed. It was a good thing really because she had no idea how she would have responded.
Yes, she’d told Sophie she was straight and had a fiancé. How could she have explained that lie to her without seeming to be crazy?
Another issue was the big glaring fact a huge ocean separated them, but were either of the issues big enough to stop her from seeing Sophie?
She stood there a while, pretending to ignore the old guy in the block opposite who seemed to have his telescope trained on her apartment 24/7 and who was watching her now, but for once, she didn’t care. She had more important things to think about. Like whether or not she should give up her dream to chase a happily ever after fairy-tale that had every chance of ending in a nightmare. The truth was, as much as Amber felt for Sophie, she didn’t actually really know her. Not really. Not as adults. What did they really know about each other? Very little. Would love be enough to carry them through the tough times? What if after a few weeks, months, years even, they weren’t as ‘in love’ as they both imagined they were?
Why am I backtracking? Amber knew why. Fear. Now she had the chance to have the woman she wanted, she was scared that the dream she’d built up in her head wouldn’t live up to her expectations, and if it didn’t, it would break her.
Should she continue on with her lie about being engaged and turn her back on the woman who had been the centre of her universe for the past ten years? It wasn’t as if Sophie would know any different.
Yes, Amber should forget the whole ‘love thing’ and concentrate on doing what allowed her to make enough money to live in her penthouse apartment. A job that she loved more than… More than Sophie?
What could be more important than that?
What was life if not to love?
She repeated the mantra as she made her way into her bedroom to pack.
***
A race to the airport through the dark city streets.
The interminable waiting.
A mind-numbing flight.
Another interminable wait to collect her one suitcase.
Yet none of it had served to temper the excitement she had felt inside her. After years of living a buttoned-down existence, trying to press down on the feelings she had harboured over that time, to squeeze them away into a tiny box and lock it shut, the lid had sprung open and she had known the time was right to let her feelings fly free.
She hadn’t called ahead and hoped it wasn’t unwise, but she wanted to surprise Sophie, so she understood that she didn’t need to try and hide how she felt from her.
Half an hour later, Amber stood outside Sophie’s block of flats.
Joseph had been kind enough to give Amber Sophie’s address when she had called him from the airport. He seemed as happy as Amber was about her impending reunion with Sophie.
A young resident held the door open for Amber as he left the building which meant she didn’t have to ring the bell to be let in. She didn’t know if her heart could take it if Sophie didn’t want to see her again. She’d taken a gamble and prayed it was going to pay off.
Amber walked up the stairs, rather than take the lift, to give herself more time to mentally prepare for how she would explain why she’d lied about Teddy.
In the end, she decided to play it by ear. Nothing that ran through her mind sounded plausible. There was nothing else to say other than she didn’t know why she’d lied and hope they could simply move past it.
Amber walked down a long corridor checking the numbers until she reached number eleven. Sophie’s door number.
She rang the bell with a quivering finger, then ran her hand through her hair, attempting to steady her nerves.
To her surprise, a man opened the door. His hair was spiked and coloured at the tips, and he wore a pair of tight denim shorts and a cut down T-shirt that showed off a set of abs that had clearly come from some serious gym time.
‘Oh, hello,’ he said brightly, ‘Can I help you?’
Suddenly, nervousness enveloped her. Was she even at the right address? ‘Is… errm… does Sophie live here?’ she asked tentatively.
‘And who’s asking?’
‘Amber.’
The man stared at her then dramatically clamped his hand across his mouth. Amber could swear she saw tears in his eyes.
He took his hands away for a second. ‘The Amber? From the U S of A. You actually came back?’
Amber gathered that this slightly dramatic man knew who she was, even if she didn’t know who he was.
She held her hands out to her sides. ‘I take it I’m at the right address then?’
The man nodded, then held out a hand. ‘I’m Lee,’ he said, ‘Sophie’s housemate. Well, flatmate really. It’s only a flat, but it’s big, don’t get me wrong, and it’s got a lovely view of the railway viaduct if you crane your head out of the window, but listen to me waffling on, you must be exhausted, are you exhausted? You look exhausted, I bet you’d like a cup of something wouldn’t you?’
He finally took a breath.
Amber laughed and nodded.
Lee stepped to one side and gestured for Amber to come in, grabbing her bag and wheeling it behind himself.
‘This is the living room,’ he said behind her, ‘so take the weight off, I’ll go and get Her Majesty up and get some coffee going.’
‘Thank you,’ Amber said looking around Sophie’s flat. It felt strange to be surrounded by her personal belongings, showcasing who she was. The pink fluffy cushions were a surprise. She’d never taken Sophie for a girly type of woman.
He left Amber’s case by the side of the sofa then leant over and held Amber’s wrists gently. ‘I’m so happy you’re here.’
He let go then and clapped his hands in front of himself. ‘It’s all so exciting. I’m giddy. Right. I’ll go wake her. Won’t be long. You look gorgeous by the way. Oh, listen, I’m rattling again. Back in a bit. Sit tight.’
Lee almost skipped out of the room. Amber smiled. He was so sweet and welcoming. In her book that was a great start. Sophie had obviously told Lee about her, and from his reaction, it seemed to have been positive.
When he came back, Lee said conspiratorially, ‘I’ve told her someone’s here to see her, but I haven’t said it was you, so it’ll be a surprise. Her bedroom’s the first on the left. Just go in.’
‘Thanks, Lee, appreciate it.’
He clapped again then skipped off into the kitchen.
Amber followed Lee’s direction towards Sophie’s bedroom. She tapped the door gently then slowly entered, closing the door behind her.
Sophie turned and looked up at her in disbelief, the bedsheet slowly slipping away to reveal her naked pert breasts. Amber’s gaze dropped from Sophie’s eyes to her nakedness. She couldn’t tear her eyes away. Neither could she find her voice. Neither, it seemed, could Sophie, as she pulled the cover further back, silently inviting Amber to join her.
Amber’s clothes were off her body and on the floor before she knew what was happening. One second she was standing by the door, the next she was lying next to Sophie, her fingers threaded throug
h Sophie’s hair, their mouths pressed against one another’s, tongues searching and probing in a frenzied dance she never wanted to end.
Amber wanted to savour every moment of this encounter. She had waited for what seemed a lifetime to finally be with Sophie.
Sophie pulled back from their kiss and murmured, her voice husky, ‘I want you so much.’
As Amber slid her leg between Sophie’s thighs, she felt Sophie’s warm juices against her skin.
Amber kissed her again, even more frenzied as her own juices flowed now, mixing with Sophie’s as she lay on top of her, both thighs apart so their clits rubbed against one another, slipping and sliding as they each fought to keep up the pressure.
Amber pressed down harder, Sophie’s hands gripped her arse, her nails digging into Amber’s flesh, causing her to gasp, not in pain, in pure pleasure.
Their bodies still gyrating against each other, Amber trailed her lips down Sophie’s chest, stopping at her erect nipple. Taking the small bud in her mouth, sucking and nipping coaxed a long groan from Sophie as she tilted her back exposing her neck. Amber could see her veins visibly pulsing. Her desire to wait to taste her no longer bearable, Amber lowered her mouth to Sophie’s centre, first trailing her tongue along her firm stomach, causing Sophie’s body to shudder underneath her.
Flushed and breathing unsteadily, Amber reached her destination and gently lowered her mouth against Sophie’s wet, warm labia, slowly dragging her tongue from the bottom of her vulva to her hot throbbing clit. Repeating the action several times as Sophie gripped handfuls of her hair and pushed herself into Amber’s mouth as she fucked her with her tongue.
‘Oh fuckkkkk,’ Sophie said through gritted teeth. ‘Fuckkkkk.’
Savouring her taste, Amber slid her hand between Sophie’s legs, and thrust two fingers inside her. This action alone had Sophie bucking wildly. With each long slow thrust, Sophie groaned louder. Coaxing Sophie’s clit with the tip if her tongue, Amber squeezed her head between Sophie’s thighs.
‘Amber, I’m going to… I’m going to…’
‘You’re going to what?’