by A.N. Meade
family members. Some of them were in an endless repeating cycle. Most of those people were selfish, and unwilling to look inward for answers to hardships.
“Have we no say in our own destinies then?”
“I think so, because there are lessons to be learned and many alternate paths to attain that understanding. We are meant to accomplish a certain level of enlightenment and self-improvement. How we go about learning those life lessons is up to us. We have free will to choose how, or to choose to do nothing at all.”
“Yes, I suppose so.” He smiled as he sipped the cabernet. He was so relaxed around her. It was easy to mirror that. He made her feel at ease. She tried, but couldn’t remember the last time that someone really listened to what she had to say like he did. “Your turn, choose one. Ask me anything you want.”
She scanned the titles of the books behind him. All of the covers and titles seemed to blur together, except for one which stood out from the rest. She leaned over Marc’s left shoulder and pulled the book gently from the shelf. It was Emma by Jane Austen. She had read a copy of it as a young girl. She remembered being taken away by the characters. The cover was a warn canvas, but with letters inlaid with gold leaf. Just the cover itself was beautiful. He continued to sip his wine giving her time to collect her thoughts. This was nice, sharing this quiet moment with someone else. She never had shared such peaceful and quiet moments with someone before. Books were impractical. They took up time, and time for herself had never been an allowable priority. The attitudes of her family didn’t keep her from reading little by little at night when everyone slept, or during the few rare moments that she could steal away during the day. It was in those fleeting moments that she first began her friendship with Marc. She felt so comfortable there beside him. She knew that his actions were genuine. He wanted to know who she was. Finally, she found the page that she was looking for and began to read.
“I must see someone far superior to anyone I have seen yet to be tempted.. I would rather not be tempted. I cannot really change for the better. If I were to marry, I must expect to repent it…”She flipped through a few pages and began reading again. “Emma’s eyes were instantly withdrawn: and she sat silently meditating, in a fixed attitude for a few minutes. A few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart. A mind like hers, once open to suspicion made rapid progress. She touched-she admitted- she acknowledged the whole truth. Why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr. Knightley, than with Frank Churchill? Why was evil so dreadfully increased by Harriet’s having some hope of a return? It darted through her, with the speed of an arrow, that Mr. Knightly must marry no one but herself.”
Kate took in a deep breath, and then glanced up. Her eyes met Marc’s in an understanding gaze. He just looked at her for a moment, and then he spoke low and inquisitive. “So, what do you think of that?”
“I think they are very brave.” Kate remembered the anticipation that she felt when she first read Emma. It seemed tragic how close that Emma and Mr. Knightly were to one another and were still blind to how perfect they were for each other. Emma worried so much over other people’s happiness that she didn’t think of her own until it could have been too late. Even still, once she realized her mistake, she went for what she wanted with all the passion and determination that she had brought to all of her other endeavors.
It surprised Marc that “brave” was the first word that she chose to describe the situation between Emma and Mr. Knightly. “Really, how were they brave? They spent so much time wasted before they came together in the end.”
“They were brave because it’s brave to make that kind of change or realization at all. It’s strange about some people, but they would rather stay where things are bad than make a different choice. The comfort of familiarity is not worth the risk, even if it means a losing a chance for happiness.”
“Yes, I suppose so.” Marc couldn’t help but notice the seriousness in her face when she tried to explain her thoughts. It was almost a pained expression. It could be a difficult thing for him to talk about his feelings too, he understood that much in her. Still, he could not resist the chance to learn more about her. For all the similarities that she had from their time before, there were new things about her. The centuries had changed them both for different reasons, and in different ways. He wanted to learn who she was, and he wanted her to see him for who he had become. They needed this so that they could move forward together. It was interesting and it was beautiful.
Kate was becoming more and more comfortable expressing her thoughts to Marc about the books and characters. It was easier in a way to talk about situations that weren’t their exact situation. The wine probably helped a little too, she had lost track of how many glasses that she had sipped to empty as she read and talked with Marc. For hours they sat, drinking the cabernet and reading passages to one another from book after book.
Marc pushed himself up from the hardwood floor and thumbed through another row of books. He went straight to the right place, so it was clear that there was something specific he had in mind. “This is one of my favorites.” He took down Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte and began to read. “Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living… I know that ghosts have wandered the earth. Be with me always- take any form.”
Marc took a moment to look down at the page, and then he searched Kate’s face for her reaction to the memorable quote. “His love for her was so intense that their bond brought her back to him. I dreamt for years that ours would bring her together again somehow.”
He had spent so much of his time and his energy trying to find her and to connect with her. Kate couldn’t help but wonder if she could ever live up to the expectation of her that he must have built over time. There was no way to know really. It was obvious that he was intrigued by her, and that he loved her entirely. Some things are just beyond control. Some things must be left to time and the universe and there is no way to plot the course of them. They sat there in that old library with its big round top windows until the early morning, reading, talking, and laughing.
The sun danced lightly on Kate’s cheek. Marc ran his fingers through her hair gently fanning it out around her face. She had fallen asleep mid-sentence in the early hours of the morning. She looked so peaceful lying there on his shoulder. He knew that she was tired. So much and happened over the last week. Both of their lives were changing dramatically. Despite his concerns, it felt amazing to have her there in his arms again.
The morning light as it broke through the part in the drapes eventually roused her to consciousness. Marc had agreed to take her to see how things were at her old home. It wasn’t necessarily unusual for a newly turned vampire to go back to their human home. It was, however, usually a terrible idea for one reason or another. There was no point in dragging it out if she were set on going. “If you still want to go back to your human home, now is the time.”
“Okay.” She stood to her feet and straitened her dress. This would be a difficult day. She knew that some things in life, no matter how difficult they are to face, are things that we must face in order to move on. This was one of those things for her. Her thoughts turned and lingered for a moment to the night before. It had been a wonderful night. They had learned so much about each other, and she was beginning to trust Marc. It would be hard to put all the thoughts that were racing about her and Marc in the back of her mind, but she had to for now. This had to be done. “I feel like I need to go back just this once. I need to see.” She felt like she should apologize. She could see that this was something that Marc had not expected her to ask of him.
He couldn’t understand why this was important to her. Despite his inability to see why this was so important to her, he saw that it was, and that was enough that it was important to him too. “You’ll have to use your senses if you don’t want to be seen. Are you sure that you want to do this? It may not be like you think?”
The worry on his face was hard to ignore. She wonder
ed if he was worried that she would want to go back. She wished she could reassure him somehow that she did not regret her decision. She could not and would not ever go back. She had made that decision the night that Marc found her. She was willing to die to leave the circumstances that she had found herself in. Nothing could make her forget that hopelessness that she had felt. There was so much to be explored in her new life. There was a whole world to understand. She had the chance to understand herself. Despite her certainty, Marc’s unease made her concerned. This may not be a good idea, for his sake. She nodded that she was sure, even though part of her was not.
“Then hold on tight.” He took her in his arms. A blast of wind hit them. She turned her face into his body to escape the force of it. She felt dazed for a moment, and then she heard him whisper. “Here we are.”
Kate wasn’t sure what had happened really, or how it had happened. One moment they were one place, and in seemingly another moment they were someplace else. The skin on her face tingled like the gush of wind had actually burned her cheeks. She should have been in shock. At the very least she should have had a hundred questions for Marc