A Father’s
Dreams
Andrew Petoski
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available upon request.
Copyright © 2018 Andrew Petoski
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 9781792924767
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to Bodhi and Sariah.
May all their beautiful dreams come true.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
Thank you to my editor and sister. If it were not for you my work would never be what it is today.
1
She’s four years old running through the wildflowers in the field next to our home. Barefoot and blonde, no matter how many times those tiny feet step on a pricker, I can’t keep shoes on that girl. Her hands graze the chicory as she prances like the pony of her dreams.
Following her through the field I am careful to pick the blue flowers, the longer the stem the better. Looking down, I twist the stems together, slowly making a headband for Hadley. Her name comes from a safe haven in my favorite movie. After the knot is complete I look up and watch her smile at me, and I return it with a huge grin. Adjusting to her course of circles I grab the next flower and continue tying the band.
Bringing the ends together, I look at Hadley’s whirling hair, trying to judge the size compared to the flowered band.
“Hadley,” I beckon.
“Yes daddy?” she replies while spinning.
“Come here quick,” I hold up the flowery band and she comes bolting. Hadley soon approaches but does not slow down, instead sprints harder and throws herself into me. Having to take a step back I center my balance and squeeze her back. I kiss the top of her hair, “I made this for you but we need to see if it fits first.”
“Oh pretty!” she exclaims gleaming. I take the flowers and wrap them around her head, just a little too short. Guess she’s not as small as I remember. “Hold on a sec, you’ve grown so I have to add to more.”
I grab the two best closest to us and outstretch my arms in front of me so that she can watch me finish tying the knots. Not too long from now and she’ll probably be making them for me to wear. Finished now, I kneel to her level and present the finished band to her.
“A blue flowery crown for the princess,” she giggles and bows her head towards me so that I may place it on her. I pull my phone out, “Let daddy get a quick picture. Smile!” She gently grabs the sides of her dress and does a cute curtsy and holds it for the camera. I take a few rapid shots and then look back up towards her, “Beautiful, that’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Let me see,” I pat my lap and she sits. Giving her the phone I watch her reaction. She stares for a moment and gives the phone back, “looks good,” she says approvingly. Chuckling I lift her up and she takes a few steps away and then turns around. “Daddy?”
“Yes?”
“Watch my dress as it spins.”
“Okay,” she spins slowly and then quickly speeds up her twirl. It’s a white embroidered dress with purple butterflies adorning the bottom and a brown braided belt. As she twirls faster it appears as if the butterflies are fluttering around her. She stops abruptly and the dress continues to twirl around her until the fabric stretches to a stop. “Wow! That was awesome. The butterflies were dancing all around you when you twirled real fast.”
“I know, right?” Her cheeks were flushed pink from the exercise. I stand up and reach towards her with and upturned palm.
“Come on I have a surprise for you,” I say. Hadley bounces over and grabs my hand with her tiny one. I guide her out of the field and into our front lawn towards the truck.
“What’s the surprise?” she asks eagerly tugging at my arm.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” I reply.
We approach the vehicle and I go to open her door but I’m tugged back.
“I got it.” Hadley jumps in front of me and climbs up the side of the truck hanging onto the handle for support. She leans back and the door pops open, her planted feet curling under the truck to keep her from falling off. She steps down and runs around the door to climb in. “See?”
“Good job,” I walk up and click on her seatbelt as she stretches it over. Reaching in my back pocket I take out the keys and hop into the front. The car turns over and I back out of the drive and pull away.
“Where are we going?” Hadley asks.
“Surprise,” I reply.
“Okay.”
It’s about a ten minute drive to town from our house but it only seems like two with the excitement in the air. I crest the hill into town and the lake comes into view.
“Look Hadley, the lake’s in front of us.”
“Cool, are we going swimming?” she asks.
“No,” I reply.
“Aw, why not?”
“You don’t have your suit sweetie.” She pouts a little but is quickly over it as we stop at an intersection with construction around it. “You like the big equipment and all the guys working?”
“Yeah,” she replies staring off. The light turns green and she turns around to continue watching as we drive away. A few minutes and turns later we are at our destination and I pull up in front of the small shop. The place just opened up a couple weeks ago.
“Where are we?” asks Hadley.
“We’re here. You wan’t to go in and check it out?”
“Sure,” I get out then go back by Hadley and help her down. We step up on the sidewalk and stare at the front of the building. It’s an old cedar plank fishing shanty recently renovated and restored inside. But from here, aside from the sign above the door, you couldn’t tell it was anything special.
We walk up to the door holding hands, until I open the door for her. Inside there is a child walking away from the counter and Hadley spots him right away.
“Ice cream!” she exclaims.
“Yes,” I chuckle. She’s now trying to drag me towards the counter. We reach the display and she climbs up on a step for children that runs the entire length of the ice cream bar to accommodate for the little peering eyes. “You can try as many of them as you’d like until you find the one you want.” Her eyes go wide looking at me and then an attendant approaches with a smile.
“Hi, how can I help you two today?” I point towards Hadley and she turns her attention to her.
“Can I try that one?” she asks pointing to a sorbet.
“Sure,” the lady replies, taking a sample spoon and giving it to Hadley.
“Mmmm,” she says sucking on the spoon, walking up and down the ice-cream bar while in search of her next taste. “Can I try the chocolate?”
“Yup, here you go.” And there’s another sample spoon gone. Hadley continues to pace back and forth on the bar step searching for her favorite. She stops and points to a confetti looking one.
“What’s that one?” she asks.
“That one’s my favorite. Its birthday cake ice cream with bubble gum in it.” the woman replies. Hadley’s eyes went wide again at the mention of birthday cake and even wider with bubble gum.
“Can I try that one?”
“Of course,” the attendant gets another sample spoon and fills it for Hadley. Hadley reaches out and this time slowly puts the spoon in her mouth. She waits a moment, ponders, then nods her head.
“Yup I want that one.”
“Okay,” the lady replies. “Daddy, cup or a cone?”
“Cone, cone,” Hadley jumps.
“Cone.” I reply.
“And normal or ch
ocolate?” the attendant asks again.
“Chocolate of course,” I reply. Hadley awaits her cone and anxiously receives it seconds later. This time she does not hesitate to start the licking. Ordering for myself now I get my favorite, black cherry on a waffle cone.
Once paid I hold Hadley’s only free hand and guide her to a table.
“Here let me hold that while you sit down,” she hands me her cone and sits. Promptly I return the cone and sit myself across from her so to watch my child’s delight. Hadley bobs her head and begins to hum as she licks away.
She looks up from her cone, ice cream spotting her nose. She takes her free hand and points above and behind me.
“Daddy look!” she exclaims. I turn around and look up to where she was pointing and there is a choo-choo train making its way around the store up at ceiling level.
“Oh cool,” I tell her. We continue enjoying our flavors together until the last of our cones have crunched away and disappeared.
Getting up I hold onto Hadley’s hand and guide her out of the booth. We continue holding hands out the back door and begin walking down the riverfront. The sky is deepening its color into a deep orange haze as the sun begins to set before us. Taking the river to the mouth I pause at the beginning of the pier and then grasp Hadley’s hand harder and walk away from the pier and towards the beach.
Lights soon flicker on as the sun fades away down past the horizon and the first of the stars come into light. There is a group of people, probably high schoolers or college students about fifty yards away having a bonfire on the beach and throwing around a football. I find a smooth section of beach with a small dune to lay up against and I lay down. Hadley follows suit and snuggles into my chest as we stare up into the night.
“They’re so pretty, the stars,” says Hadley.
“Yes they are. See that one moving up there? It’s a satellite. It tells us where we are on earth on our phones so we never get lost. And it sends TV to people out in the country. There’s even some satellites called space stations that have doctors and scientists living on them and conducting experiments,” I talk in a soothing voice. I’m not really sure if she’s paying attention to what I’m saying as she doesn’t respond, but I think to myself that it comforts her just to hear my voice.
Embers from the fire down the beach glide above our heads on the lake breeze and carries a chill with it from the water. Soon, Hadley is passed out on my chest. I breathe deeply and take in the smell of her, wanting to take in everything from this moment.
The boys down the beach playing ball are beginning to have their alcohol catch up with them as they’re becoming increasingly loud and rowdy. Not wanting her to wake to such a scene, it was time to go. I swing Hadley across my body and then proceed to stand up with her in tow.
The walk is long but not overly so, about a quarter mile back to the truck. Her arm flops down from her chest and sways with my steps. I carry her past a mini golf course lit up by those awkward fluorescents. Shifting Hadley, I hustle her in deeper and away from the blinding light. Just passed the mini golf is a restaurant with chatter coming from the back outdoor eating area, and then we come up on the truck in front of the ice cream shop.
I open her door, and the light goes on, helping me slide her into her seat and secure her. Getting in myself I make sure the stereo is off and begin to head home. I crack the windows as we drive away from the beach trying to get in some of that fresh breeze before we get away from it and back into the country where the smell of manure is the familiar in the air.
Home now, I park the car and carry Hadley into the house and down the hall to her room. She wakes for a moment as I set her down and leans up to give me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her warmth melts my heart, and my eyes water.
“Good night daddy. I had a good day. I love you,” she says to me. I stand there and watch as she falls back asleep. Then I sneak out of the room and watch her as long as I can while slowly closing her door until there is nothing but the wood in front of me.
I take a deep breath and open my eyes. The sun is beaming in from the side window and onto my lap and chest warming me. I sigh and get up from the chair in the living room. Thirsty I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge, beer, energy drinks and milk. I grab a beer and head for the front door.
It’s almost three thirty. Sitting down on the front steps I lean back against the door and open the beer. The hops are strong and bittersweet. Settling in now, the carbonation fills my stomach.
I stare out at the school playground across the street and envision Hadley there, running through the grass and crossing the monkey bars. Soon the school bell rings and she vanishes. The sidewalks are filled with parents lining up to pick up their children as I sit there and watch. Hadley won’t be coming out of those doors.
Thinking of her makes me anxious and depressed that I can’t really hold her. I take out my pack of cigarettes and light one. Inhaling deeply, I let the smoke fill my emptiness. Exhaling, I get that stern look from a disapproving mother. Little does she know how lucky she has to have that little one to take home and hold. Never would I expect such ignorance to understand a middle-aged man such as myself broken a thousand times over with almost nothing to hang onto. The children continue to pass with most of their parents taking their joys for granted and some are even annoyed by the gifts they’ve been blessed with. Not being able to take anymore I walk back inside and straight to the kitchen.
I open the cupboard and take out a bottle of whiskey. Lining up two doubles, with a big glass of pineapple juice for a chaser. I down them both and invite the sweet pineapple to drown away my disgust of those unappreciative assholes of parents. I can still hear them outside slamming away their children into the cars and driving off.
Soon the sounds fade. I walk out to the front and peer outside to confirm the horde of families has moved on for the evening. Satisfied, I walk back over to my chair and envelop myself with my favorite blanket that my sister had made for me decades before.
The neighbors will be getting home soon and I don’t want to be distracted by their busywork and chatter so I look around and ensure the windows are closed. Then, I turn on the radio to ensure any other sound will be drowned out by the melodies I enjoy.
The whiskey turns in my stomach, warming me and urging me to settle for a nap. Happy to comply, my eyes begin to tire, and I close them and drift away.
He’s six years old with a shit eating grin on his face. Splashed with mud up to his knees I watch him through the back bathroom window as he fills a self-made mud puddle in the backyard then stirs it with a stick before bathing his lower half in it. It’ll probably kill the grass, but I don’t care. He’s having a hell of a time and I love watching him have fun. Then, I get an idea.
I go into my room, change into my swimming suit, then head out to the garage. It doesn’t take me long to find the old metal sprinkler. I bring it out and sneak up behind Matthew. He lets out a startled yelp as I squeeze his sides.
“Hey dad,” he says.
“Hey, want to have some real fun?” I ask, showing him the sprinkler.
“Uh, sure,” Matt replies.
Hooking up the sprinkler to the flowing hose was no easy challenge as it was spraying everywhere whenever I got close to twisting it together. Before long the attachment was complete and the sprinkler was spraying high just fine. Setting it up in the middle of the yard I wait for everything to get soaked.
“How is this suppose to be fun?” asks Matthew.
“Just a couple more minutes and I’ll show you. How about you go into the fridge in the garage and grab a snack while we wait.” Matthew walks off and comes back with a string cheese for the both of us. “Thanks son,” I say taking the cheese from him. We sit and eat our cheese staring at the boring sprinkler just doing its thing. A few minutes later we’re done eating, and the grass was now ready.
“Alright I think we’re set. Watch dad, then you go.” I tell Matthew.
“Okay.”
&n
bsp; Starting in the driveway I take my best sprinter stance and then launch forward sprinting. My feet start to slip across the wet grass and I heave myself to the ground butt first and slide as far as I can manage.
“Awesome!” Matt stands up excitedly.
“Go for it little man.”
Matt starts in the driveway, just as I did, then goes for it balls out. This time when he reaches the grass he launches himself face first and slides on his stomach until his momentum is slowed by the yard’s resistance.
“Again?” I ask but really didn’t need to as he was already halfway back to the driveway before I got the words out. He rushes past me and begins his next slide as I make my way to the starting line.
We must have been out here taking turns for at least half an hour as the grass is now worn down and there is a nice line of a mud slick from the topsoil beneath. With the grass gone we are sliding further and faster and yes, getting covered in mud.
After another ten minutes I’m utterly exhausted. Grabbing a chair from the garage I set it up in the driveway to the side so that I can watch Matt play without really being in his way. Before sitting, I walk to the sprinkler and hose myself down with it trying to get all the mud off. A little remains on my feet, it feels gritty, but it’s good enough for now. It’ll come off as it dries anyway.
Cracking a beer I watch my boy have a hoot of a time. It takes about another hour for him to tire out but he does eventually tire. Coming over it looks like he is just about to sit on me, but I hold him back.
“Uh, uh. Not until you wash all that mud off.” I tell him.
Matthew walks over and rinses clean as best he can.
“Now turn off the sprinkler.” I instruct. He walks over with a little grumble and turns it off.
“Thank you.” Matt comes over and sits his wet little butt on my now dry lap. I give him a hug and whisper in his ear, “See dad still knows how to have a little fun, yeah?”
A Father's Dreams Page 1