by V. Muñoz
“Hey princess.” He gently caressed my cheek and gave me a tired smile.
“Hey Joonie,” I said in a hushed tone, leaning into his touch. It was the first time Namjoon just look ed at me and touched me without a hidden agenda, and the butterflies in my stomach went wild. I had my eyes closed and felt my head bec oming heavy, so I inched closer and nuzzled into his chest, which he didn’t protest . I almost dozed off, but his deep voice jolted me back to the present .
“Remember when we were younger, and I started sneaking into your room to cuddle with you because I couldn’t sleep? It wasn’t just because I saw how he was beating my mother… he once beat me too because I tried to protect her… and… I-I…” Namjoon’s voice broke.
“Hey, it’s okay.” It was my turn to soothe him with my touches. Namjoon squeezed his eyes, a pained smile playing on his lips before he took a deep breath and continued.
“I was too afraid to help her again, Val… I just ran away… every time he tried to get a hold on me, I ran away and left her alone with him… I didn’t protect her like I should’ve done and just hid at your place… I should’ve done something, maybe she wouldn’t be in psychiatry now if I hadn’t been such a big coward… You know what she said to me when the paramedics dragged her out? That I’m just like him… And now look at me, I’m a mess... I fuck around to forget all that and get drunk to drown the memories of it, just like him...,” his breathing was uneven, and I could tell how hard it was for him to tell me this. I knew that his father had had an alcohol and drug problem which led to him beating Namjoon’s mother. I never knew that he had also raised his hand against his son and that he was so afraid of him that Namjoon ran to me to feel safe . His confession was breaking my heart .
“Joonie…” I pulled him down to me and gave him a soft kiss. “Hey, listen. You’re not like your father. It was not your fault. You couldn’t have done anything; you were just a boy back then…”
My forehead was resting against his and when I opened my eyes to look at him, my heart broke further . There was so much pain and agony in his eyes , it looked as if he was drowning in the fact that he hadn’t been able to protect his mother because he needed to protect himself. “It was not your fault, Joonie,” I whispered again and then something happened that I never thought I would see – Namjoon cried.
He wrapped his arms around my body and started sobbing uncontrollably. I reacted quickly and carefully pulled him to my chest, one hand stroking his neck, the other buried in his soft hair. I kept whispering that it was okay and not his fault, my hands constantly caressing him . Namjoon kept crying and held onto my body like I would disappear if he loosened his grip. We remained in that position until Namjoon lifted his head from my chest, eyes swollen and bloodshot . His gaze was insecure, as if he was waiting for rejection , so I leaned forward and kissed him.
“Thank you, princess,” he whispered against my lips, his hand moving with featherlight touches over my cheek, making me hum in relief. My eyes fell shut at the softness of his touch. Only when I felt his lips graze over my forehead to my nose did I open them again. Namjoon met my eyes, and they were so full of love that I wanted to drown in them.
He gave me another kiss on the corner of my lips with a shaking breath. I looked at him worriedly while I played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I… I’ve never done this before... It’s scary as fuck.” I felt Namjoon’s smile against my lips and when I leaned back a bit to look at him, he almost seemed shy.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Joonie.” I pulled him closer and eventually gave in, his tongue slipp ing past my lips. Within seconds I was rolled over and his strong body was hovering over mine. Namjoon was leaving hickeys on my neck and I felt his cock hardening, drawing a moan from my lips. He was taking the lead again, but tonight I wanted to make him feel good. More importantly, I wanted to make him feel loved. So when I pushed him on to his back and straddled him, he bit his lip in anticipation.
His hands were massaging my thighs and when I took off my shirt, leaving me in nothing but black lace panties, Namjoon’s eyes darkened. He tried to take in every inch of my body, but not in his usual hungry way. His eyes spark l ed with pure adoration, a soft smile playing on his lips.
“You look so beautiful, princess.” I was raking my nails over his exposed chest, making him shudder. When I lightly touched his nipples, a deep groan escaped Namjoon’s throat, making me look up at him.
“Let me make you feel good, Joonie.” I leaned down and started placing kisses on his jawline, slowly making my way to his neck. With butterfly kisses, I trailed my way from his chest down to his toned abs, only stopping at his groin to pull down his pants and boxers. Namjoon propped himself up on his forearms to watch me.
“Val, you don’t have to do this,” his breathing became uneven as I stroked his already hard cock. I gave the tip of his cock, already leaking precum, a soft kiss but never broke eye contact. He squeezed his eyes shut, mouth falling open .
“I want to. Now relax and let me take care of you.” My seduc tive tone made Namjoon groan and when I suddenly licked a stripe up the vein of his cock, he fell back onto the mattress.
Without another warning I took him into my mouth. “Fuck.” I heard him hiss through his teeth, his hand slowly wandering into my hair to grab on . It only encouraged me to keep going and soon I was bobbing my head up and down, he moaned loudly. One of my hands rested on his thigh while the other wandered down to his balls, gently squeezing them, which earned me another moan. Namjoon tightened his grip on my hair and guided my pace, making me hum in satisfaction. I could feel that he was getting close to his release but just when I thought that he would fill my mouth with his cum, he made me stop and pulled me away from his cock.
I looked up at him in confusion, but Namjoon didn’t waste much time as he sat up, facing me. “I want to cum while I make love to you, Val. Please.” He tucked one loose hair strand behind my ear while waiting for my response, his soft touches giving me goosebumps everywhere. When I nodded, Namjoon lifted me up and pulled my panties down before pulling me onto his lap, making me straddle him again. I gasped at the sensation of his hard and wet cock against my already wet pussy. Namjoon still wanted to make sure that I was ready to take all of him, so he kissed me gently while rubbing slow circles against my clit.
I moaned into his mouth and Namjoon used the opportunity to sli p his tongue in , carefully massaging mine. His ministrations managed to push me closer to my own climax, so I removed his hand from my clit and lifted myself up a bit. Namjoon’s eyes stayed on me as I finally sank down onto his cock, making both of us gasp. His hands wandered over my bare back to my breasts as I started to ride him , my arms wrapped around him. I sucked on his neck , making sure to leave love bites.
Namjoon kissed along my shoulder to my neck as he whispered sweet nothings. Without warning, I came undone, an orgasm more intense than the ones before, and Namjoon gladly held me tight, helping me ride out my climax. He was close, too, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to spill his seed into my tight walls. “Baby, I’m close,” he whispered shakingly, making me lift my head up from his shoulder.
“Cum inside me, Joonie.” I held his face in my hands and kept my eyes on his as I clenched my walls around his cock. It didn’t take long for me to feel his hot cum coating my walls. Namjoon’s forehead had a light film of sweat, making his hair stick to it. I gently stroked them away before I leaned forward and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down onto the mattress with him.
Namjoon’s cock was still inside me and I felt it softening before I finally climbed off him. I could feel his cum dripping out of me, and I bit my lip. The sheets behind me rustled as Namjoon slowly crawled out of bed, only to come back seconds later with a towel to clean me up. All the times I had had sex with Namjoon before, it was about lust and passion. This time, however, it was all about love.
Namjoon scooted closer and spooned me as he always did, this time dropping kisses onto ev
ery inch of skin he could reach. I felt the exhaustion taking over my body. Namjoon was also getting sleepy, but before we dozed off, I heard his deep voice whispering , “I love you, Val.”
*
The bright sun woke me up the next day, making me groan in annoyance. My eyes still closed, I fumbled in the sheets for Namjoon’s figure, but soon realized that he wasn’t there. Taking a deep breath, I stumbled out of bed and finally opened my eyes. There was no sign of Namjoon in the room, but maybe he was somewhere else in the suite . I decided to take a shower first, my thoughts wander ing back to last night and Namjoon ’s confession . I knew why he had kept it to himself, as he was someone who hated showing weakness, even in front of his best friends. But he had finally opened up to me, which was a huge thing and made me smile.
When I was finished with my shower, I headed to the large living room of the suite, searching for Namjoon or a note. But again, nothing. I decided to call him because he could be G od knows where in that huge hotel. His phone kept ringing but he didn’t pick up. Fine, maybe he went for a swim or to the gym, s o I didn’t put that much thought into it. Once I got dressed, I took my phone and purse and went down to the lobby. I tried to call him again, but he still wasn’t picking up. The front desk could look up where Namjoon had last used his keycard, so I asked the friendly receptionist to do it for me. He typed our room number into the computer and waited for the result.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Kim, but Mr. Kim checked out at 6 am today.” The receptionist gave me an apologetic smile and I felt my heart drop. After everything he had told me and what we did last night, Namjoon had left me alone without a word. I thanked the receptionist and quickly dialed the only other number I would call besides Namjoon’s.
“H-hey ChinChin, can you come and pick me up, please?” My voice broke at the end and it was all Chinhae needed to hear before he hastily chartered his family’s private jet and headed back to Seoul. I stumbled back into my suite and buried myself under the sheets, feeling too defeated and too tired to do anything else.
*
After what had felt for me like eternity, but in reality was just three hours, a soft knock and Chinhae’s concerned voice made me lumber to the door. My eyes were swollen from the crying I did as I wait ed for Chinhae . I had tried calling Namjoon and he had even picked up in the end, his three words making my world crumble: “Stop calling me.”
“Val, what… oh my god.” Chinhae didn’t waste a second and quickly closed the door before he pulled me into a tight hug. “What did that bastard do to you?”
I told Chinhae as much as I could, because even after the asshole move Namjoon had pulled on me, I didn’t dare tell him about Namjoon’s struggles with his past. If he wanted to let Chinhae know, he would, and it was not my place to decide for Namjoon. I briefly told him about the sex I had with Namjoon, keeping the details of his secret and the three sacred words to myself.
“I’m going to kill that asshole,” Chinhae mumbled and clenched his fists, making my eyes widen in panic.
“W-what, ChinChin calm down… m-maybe it was a misunderstanding. I-I… maybe he just needs some time.” I was looking for excuses, which made Chinhae more upset at his best friend.
“I hope you’re right, Valentina… I hope you’re right.” He patted my head before he got up. “Now come on, let’s head back to Seoul. Nari’s birthday is tomorrow, and I don’t want you to miss it . Fuck Namjoon . If he’s clever, he ’ll calm down and make things right with you.” Chinhae smiled at me and extended his hand to help me up. I was so wrapped up in the duvet that I almost fell over, making Chinhae and I giggle like children.
“There’s the girl I love so dearly.” While I freed myself, Chinhae packed up my stuff.
Within hours I was back in Seoul , Chinhae having dropped me off at the shared apartment, knowing too well that I wasn’t on good terms with my mother. I was also hoping that Namjoon was there so that I could clear things with him or that he had decided to wait for me. However, when I opened the door, I was met with eer ie silence.
Namjoon didn’t come home and when it got dark outside, I decided to send him a short message.
Valentina : hey it’s okay that you need time, just come back home when you feel like it, ok?
I didn’t get an answer, but I also hadn’t expected one, so it was okay . Still, I had trouble falling asleep tonight since I was so used to having Namjoon next to me. I somehow managed to find sleep , but it was restless , with nightmares clouding my mind. Nightmares of Namjoon leaving me, never wanting to talk to me again or him laughing at me for confessing my feelings for him. I woke up the next morning drenched in sweat and pant ing heavily.
Namjoon was still nowhere in sight but he’d be at Nari’s birthday bash tonight, so at least I would get to see him and maybe find an opportunity to talk to him. He really was a complicated mess - one day he was fucking me senseless, the next he opened up to me only to run away. I felt a headache announcing its presence because of all the thoughts, so I quickly made my way into the kitchen and picked one over-the-counter aspirin.
*
The hours felt like ages, and I couldn’t wait to go to Nari’s birthday party. I got ready , choosing a black leather coated pair of jeans and a black crop top, paired with silver sandals and a black and silver striped blouson covered in sequins. The jacket was a birthday gift from Namjoon , and I just remembered how happy I was when he gave it to me. Now I hoped he would be happy to see me, praying that the small detail of me wearing something he gave me would lift his mood. With one final look into the hallway mirror, I grabbed my keys and made my way to the garage.
It took me 10 minutes to arrive at the venue Chinhae had booked for the party, and I could see from outside that it was crowded already. I quickly grabbed my gift and gave my car keys to the valet . The security guys let me in without looking at the guest list as they damn well knew who I was . At least that little moment of influence boosted my crumbled confidence.
The party was full of important Chaebol heirs and tons of Chinhae’s and Nari’s college friends. I gave the gift to one of the event managers who took it to the gift table, and I finally ha d a free hand to grab a drink. One of the waiters passed by and I grabbed a glass of champagne hoping to gain some much-needed courage . My eyes finally found the man I had been searching for since I entered the room . Namjoon was sitting at the bar, his back towards me. Just as I was about to walk over to him, Nari found me and wrapped her arms around me.
“Valentina, I’m so happy you made it! Where’s Namjoon?” She smiled at me and I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder, trying my best to fake a smile.
“Ah, perfect, he’s busy! Come on, I wanted to introduce you to some of my old friends from college.” She linked arms with me and before I could protest, Nari dragged me towards her friends. It was nice to get to know new people, but they all kept asking me about Namjoon and if it were any other day, I wouldn’t have minded, but with our recent dispute, I just felt the urge to leave. Still, I smiled politely and answered their questions as best as I could.
When I was finally able to ex tract myself from the curious clique, Namjoon was no longer at the bar. Great. I scanned the whole room for his figure and when I couldn’t find him, I started looking for Chinhae, who was also strangely missing. With a defeated sigh, I made my way out of the room and walked to the restrooms. I needed some cold water to clear my head . A pretty woman in a short dress sprinted past me, but I didn’t pay attention to her.
The loud angry voices were the first thing I heard , t hen the shattering sound of glass. I picked up my pace and tried to locate where the noises were coming from. At the end of the hallway, I found an open conference room and two familiar figures – Chinhae and Namjoon. They were not just having a heated argument, no. I had to look twice to process what was going on. My two best friends were in a fist fight, the glass table already broken. And they were both bleeding, making my eyes grow wide in shock.
“HOW COULD YOU BE SO SELFISH
AND DO THIS TO HER!” Chinhae was shouting at Namjoon with so much anger in his voice it made me flinch. A punch landed on Chinhae’s face before the younger male pushed Namjoon with all his weight into the glass case, making it shatter too.
“CHINHAE! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.” Namjoon shoved Chinhae off, making him stumble against one of the chairs. Chinhae chuckled and I thought they were finally finished with it, but he sprinted forward and punched Namjoon’s nose, making him groan in pain. I saw the dangerous glint in Namjoon’s eyes and before Chinhae could react, Namjoon knocked him down, towering over him before he started pounding his fists into Chinhae’s face.
I finally reacted and ran into the room, desperately trying to drag Namjoon away from Chinhae. “Namjoon, stop! Stop it please!” I begged him but he didn’t listen and just shoved me away, making me stumble and fall into the shattered glass. My hands were bleeding from the cut s I got from broken pieces of glass on the floor . I sobbed and screamed at Namjoon to stop, but he didn’t. With my last power, I crawled forward and tried to get a hold on him again, but Namjoon kept his attack on Chinhae going on. “Joonie, please…” I whimpered and just when I thought that he wouldn’t listen, he stopped, and his head finally snapped towards me.
His eyes were dark and he looked enraged, but it soon was replaced by worry and shock. “Val… princess,” he tried to reach out for my face, but I quickly crawled back to the wall. Namjoon looked heartbroken, and only looked away when a choked laugh came from the man under him. Chinhae was covered in bruises and blood, making my stomach turn. Namjoon got up hastily and looked at Chinhae with wide eyes. When Namjoon extended his hand to his best friend, Chinhae slapped it away, slowly trying to push himself up .