by Molly Jebber
“What about the place she sets for Maryann? Will she abide by your wishes to not set a place setting for Maryann when we have company?”
“You haven’t told Ellie about your schweschder?”
“Nah. I would rather not. She would probably want nothing to do with me if she learned of Mamm’s fixation and the shame Maryann has put on our family by running off with an Englischer.”
“You’re wrong to keep it from her, and you may be underestimating her.” He patted Joel’s back. “I trust Mamm will honor my request.”
* * *
Hours later, Joel sniffed the aromas of chicken and vegetable stew and fresh baked bread filling the haus. Maybe Mamm had had time to reflect on her bad attitude and she was going to make a positive effort to wilkom Ellie.
He called out to his parents, “I’m going to get Ellie. I’ll be right back.”
Daed came from the hallway. “All right. We’ll be ready.”
“Danki, Daed.” Joel waited for Mamm’s response. Nothing. He tensed, got his buggy ready, and headed to Ellie’s haus.
She was waiting on the porch. Beautiful with her flawless pale skin and sweet smile. His heart skipped a beat each time he encountered her.
He got down and tied his horse to the post. “I should speak to your parents before we leave.”
“They’re in the kitchen. Let’s go in.” She went in and waited for him to follow her. “Mamm, Daed, Joel is here.”
Her parents came to the front room. “Joel, it’s so nice of you and your parents to have Ellie over.” Liza handed Ellie a plate. “Here’s your cookies.”
Joel put his nose inches above the plate. “Strawberry?”
“Jah, and they are delicious. They’re made with strawberry jam. I hope your parents like them.”
He chuckled. “They both love strawberries, so I’m sure they will. Danki.”
Joel and Ellie bid the Grabers farewell and left.
Joel coaxed the mare to a fast trot. “Are you nervous?”
“Very.”
“Don’t be. I’ll be right by your side. My daed is easier to talk to than Mamm, but I’m confident she’ll kumme around.” He pulled the buggy into the woods out of sight. “I need to talk to you in private before we join my parents.” He had to tell her about his schweschder. He couldn’t trust Mamm not to mention Maryann or what happened. It would be best kumming from him. He hoped it wouldn’t discourage her from wanting to associate with him or his family. Amish were kind to the families who suffered such a loss, but most parents didn’t want their sons or dochders to marry into such a family, as if rebellion and desertion were contagious. He stared at her sweet lips and couldn’t stand it another minute. He pulled her to him and kissed her gently.
She didn’t discourage him but rested her hands on his arms. He loved her. He hadn’t believed his friends who claimed to have fallen for their fraas at first sight, but now he understood. He couldn’t deny the strong connection he had with Ellie the first time they’d met, and it had grown each time they were together.
She gazed at him with her sky-blue eyes. “You can tell me anything, Joel.”
“My schweschder, Maryann, and I were close growing up. It broke my parents’ and my hearts when she left the Amish life to marry an Englischer. Mamm hasn’t given up she’ll return. She keeps her room the same, sets a place for her at supper, and makes blankets, bonnets, and dresses for her. Mamm’s carefree, loving, and kind mood most of the time has turned bitter, angry, and sad. Daed and I have tried to help her adjust, but to no avail. She insists Maryann wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for the smooth talk of her husband. She blames him rather than Maryann.”
Ellie dabbed the tears pooling in her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry for the pain your mamm is going through.”
Joel hadn’t expected such an emotional reaction from Ellie. She understood and truly cared. “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to associate with our family after I told you about Maryann.”
“Maryann’s decision has no bearing on us. I understand completely.”
Joel noticed two hunters in the distance. He didn’t want to leave, but he didn’t want to tarnish Ellie’s reputation and give the men the impression they were doing anything wrong. He urged the horse to go toward home. “Danki for understanding, Ellie. Mamm may be hard to befriend at first. She’s taken to heart all the gossip she’s been told about not trusting you for some reason.”
Ellie stiffened. “Our Amish teaching states we aren’t to listen to gossip. Gossips can be cruel, as I’m sure you’ve learned from when your schweschder left. We aren’t to pay them any mind.”
“Don’t worry. I don’t.”
Joel drove home and halted the buggy near Daed, who was waiting outside, and hopped out.
Daed approached the buggy and nodded a wilkom. “Ellie, I’m glad you’re joining us this evening for supper.”
“Danki, Mr. Wenger. It’s a pleasure to be here.” She stepped out and onto the ground.
“You call me Shem.” He gestured to the front door. “You two go on in. I’ll take care of the mare and be right behind you.” Daed hurried to take the reins from him.
“I appreciate your help with the buggy, Daed.”
“No problem. You enjoy your time with this lovely young lady.” He winked.
Ellie blushed. “Your daed is a sweetheart. He’s got your same sandy blond hair and kind blue eyes.”
“He does, and we’re close. He is patient with Mamm, but he asks her not to discuss Maryann when we have company and to abstain from setting a place for her at mealtimes. He shuts my schweschder’s bedroom door whenever anyone is kumming so they don’t notice the clothes Mamm’s made for her on the bed.”
“Does he believe Maryann will return?”
“Nah, he and I accept she’s married and made her choice. We practice shunning her as the Amish law dictates. Mamm’s refusal to follow the law puts us at risk. The bishop and most Amish folk wouldn’t be happy with what’s she’s doing. I pray she’ll accept Maryann’s departure, heal her broken heart, and return to the kind and sweet woman my daed married.”
Ellie gave him a tight-lipped smile and turned her head.
Joel frowned. Ellie had been distant since he’d told her about Maryann. It was strange. She’d been compassionate and hadn’t hesitated to say she understood about Maryann. A fast response to a sticky situation. Not one most Amish would give. They might have even scolded him for bringing up the subject. He wrinkled his forehead. Something was wrong. “You’ve changed since leaving your haus. Is it my story about Maryann?”
Ellie’s face paled, and she opened her mouth to speak, but Mrs. Wenger met them at the door. “Ellie, kumme in.”
“Mrs. Wenger, your supper smells good. Danki for having me.”
Joel bit his tongue. A hard glint appeared in his mamm’s eyes as she examined Ellie from head to toe. Her mouth set in a grim line didn’t bode well either. This would be a long night. “Would you like something to drink, Ellie, while we wait for supper?”
“Water, please.”
Joel waited for his mamm to offer to fetch it. He didn’t want to leave the women alone. He didn’t trust what his mamm might say.
Mamm waved her hand at him. “What are you waiting for, Joel? I’ll stay with Ellie while you go to the kitchen. There’s a pitcher on the counter.”
He hurried to pour the water into a glass and crossed to the open doorway.
Mamm had her hands folded in her lap, and her back straight. “Joel’s busy helping us get settled. He doesn’t have much time for socializing with you. I’m sure you understand.”
Joel hurried into the room and fought to control the scolding rising in him. Before Ellie could answer, he went in and handed Ellie a glass of water. “Mamm, your stew might be overheating or burning.”
“Oh no!” His mamm bustled into the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”
Ellie gave him a doubtful look and chuckled. “Was the stew really overhea
ting?”
“I may have exaggerated a bit, but I had to rescue you. I apologize for her insinuation I don’t have time for you. Let me be clear. I do and want to have time with you.”
There it was again. Her smile turned into a frown.
“What’s bothering you, besides my mamm’s rudeness? You started to say something earlier until Mamm interrupted.”
“Supper’s ready.” Mamm rushed into the room. “Joel, call Shem. Ellie can go ahead and sit at the table.”
“We’ll kumme to the table together.” Joel glanced at Ellie, and she had a look of relief. She’d acted quiet and reserved before they’d encountered his mamm. Something was on her mind. He’d find out before the night’s end. He didn’t want anything to kumme between them. He nodded and went to the door. He called for his daed, and the man smiled and pointed to the pump. “I’ll wash my hands and be right in.”
Joel returned and peeked around the open doorway. His mamm and Ellie were setting the stew, bread, and butter on the table.
“Mrs. Wenger, your stew looks wonderful.”
Mamm gave Ellie a curt nod. “It’s quite good. Now sit, and the men should join us in a minute.”
Joel cringed. Ellie was trying hard to please her, and his mamm remained belligerent. He glanced at the table. She hadn’t set a plate and utensils for Maryann. Daed would be pleased. He needed all the help he could get from his daed.
“The table looks beautiful, Mamm. Is there anything you need?”
She waved him to the chair. “Nah. Sit yourself down before the food gets cold.”
Daed came in and took his seat. “I’m hungry, and you’ve made a fine meal, my dear.”
Mamm rolled her eyes, ladled stew on their plates, and then sat. She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Shem, say a prayer for the food.”
Daed thanked God for the food and raised his head. He slathered a thick layer of butter on his bread. “I prefer a little bread with my butter, Ellie. How about you?”
She accepted the breadbasket from him. “I love butter too.”
Joel sipped his water and then set his glass in front of his plate. “Ellie brought some strawberry cookies for us. I put them on the counter by the hutch.”
“Strawberry cookies? I’ve never tried them.” Mamm raised her brows.
Ellie straightened the blue quilted napkin on her lap. “Liza loves to create new recipes. This one is now my favorite cookie. The strawberries were good this year, and we made more jam than usual from them. I hope you like them.”
“You can count on me to try them.” Daed patted his stomach. “I’ll leave plenty of room.”
Joel let the tension roll out of his body. The supper was going well. Daed had lightened the mood.
“I’ve made a sugar cream pie for dessert. The cookies will keep for another day.” Mamm stared hard at Ellie.
Joel’s face heated. Mamm would grasp at anything to embarrass Ellie. Her attempt to run Ellie out of here and away from him was obvious. “I’m sure Daed and I will have room for both.”
Ellie, red-faced, set her spoon on her plate. “Mrs. Wenger, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Daed waved his hand. “No need to apologize, Ellie. Your gift is much appreciated by all of us. And call my fraa Naomi. You don’t mind, do you, sweetheart?”
She looked at her plate. “I suppose not.”
“Ellie, Joel told us how Peter joined your family. He’s told us the boy is smart, sweet, and kind.”
“He has brought so much joy to our lives. I don’t remember what life was like without him.”
Joel was thankful Daed was making up for Mamm’s behavior. Ellie beamed when she talked to him. And he could tell from Daed’s happy demeanor that he approved of Ellie.
“That speaks highly of your family for taking him in when his mamm died.”
“Peter also lost a schweschder. He’d become reclusive until we met. I reminded him of her, and we bonded. Our friendship helped with his transition into our family when his mamm passed.”
Joel darted a look to his mamm. Would she be impressed at the generosity of Ellie’s family taking this little boy into their home? “Peter is an obedient child. I love being around him.” He hoped his Mamm would let her guard down.
“We had a dochder. Did Joel tell you about her?” Naomi glared at Ellie.
Shem raised his palm to stop her from talking. “We aren’t going to speak about her. I’m sorry, Ellie. My dochder ran away with an Englischer. I realize we shouldn’t talk about her. It’s been difficult for my fraa.”
“I understand, and I’m sorry this happened to you.”
Mamm splayed her hand on the table. “Maryann never gave me any trouble. She was a good girl and loved by many until a persuasive Englischer whisked her away from us. I understand you went on a jaunt without any word to your daed while you lived in Nappanee and then had the nerve to brag about your adventure.”
Ellie shot up from the table and pushed her chair back. “I’m not comfortable discussing this. I should go.”
Joel and his daed stood.
Joel rushed to her side. “Please stay, Ellie. We’ll take our dessert outside. I’ll get us some blankets to put around us and build a fire.”
“Please listen to Joel, Ellie. My fraa isn’t herself. We don’t want you to talk about anything you don’t want to. Take some time with Joel. He’s been looking forward to you kumming, and I’ve enjoyed your company too.” He stared at his fraa. “Apologize for your outburst.”
She stared at her plate with her arms crossed and jaw tight. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”
Joel held his breath a moment. The apology was insincere. Reminded him of when Mamm scolded him for sneaking a cookie from the jar. He’d apologized for getting caught but not for taking the cookie. Time to separate her from his mamm.
He grabbed wool blankets from a hall cabinet, took a small box of matches, and headed outside with her. “Let’s get out of earshot, where we can talk in private.”
The trees were losing their leaves and daylight had become shorter. He stacked some wood in the fire pit and kept one blanket and handed her the other. They covered themselves and gazed at the scattered puffy clouds. The air was cool, but not too cold to be outside.
“Tonight was a disaster. I’m sorry, Ellie.” He breathed deep and let out a heavy sigh.
Ellie’s misery was palpable. She hadn’t uttered a word since leaving the haus. What could he say to get her to open up to him?
* * *
Ellie wanted to run home, but she didn’t have her buggy. The dreaded moment had kumme to tell Joel the truth. She had put off this conversation in hopes Joel would fall in love with her and it would be easier to accept and dismiss her wrongful decisions. Why tell him? Even if he could forgive and forget her past, his mamm would never give her a chance. Why was his mamm so unforgiving?
Joel touched her shoulder. “I understand if you want me to take you home, but I would appreciate it if you’d stay and talk to me.”
She had fallen in love with him. He had become an important part of her life. She dreaded being apart from him. She couldn’t hide behind any more excuses. “I had hoped to postpone this conversation with you until we’d had more time together. Before I tell you my story, please understand I’m faithful to God and committed to live the Amish life for the rest of my days on this earth.”
Joel covered her hand with his. “Ellie, what are you talking about?”
She ran her tongue over her teeth and sighed. He didn’t realize she was about to shatter both their worlds.
“After Mamm passed, I was angry and upset with everyone and everything. Nothing made sense anymore. Mamm and I were close, and I was devastated without her. The pain of losing her grew worse each day. Jane and her bruder, both Englischers, introduced themselves to me in downtown Nappanee. Jane was sweet, interesting, and caring.”
Joel removed his hand from hers. “What was your relationship with Jane’s bruder?”
“I didn’t h
ave any romantic notions for him. He left Jane and me alone most of the time.” Maybe she shouldn’t blurt out her story all at once. She’d stay silent and let him ask questions.
“Did you tell your daed about meeting the Englischers?”
“He wouldn’t have approved.” She held the blanket tight. Her heart pounded in her chest. “I told Jane I was curious about the world, and she coaxed me to try it. Jane understood my loss, since her parents had passed a few years before. She and Duke still lived in the family haus. Duke managed the farm and animals, and she made a good living altering clothes for townsfolk. She invited me to stay with them and learn more about the outside world. We formed a friendship, and I longed for the escape. One day, I left with Jane and Duke and didn’t tell Daed where I was going.”
Joel’s mouth opened, as his eyes grew wide. “Your daed is one of the most easygoing and kindest men I’ve met. He must have been worried sick about you. How could you do such a thing?”
Her chest tightened. His judgment hurt worse than she’d imagined. The realization of what Daed must’ve gone through came rushing back, and the ugly guilt she’d fought to forget slithered through her.
She’d delayed her confession to Joel for selfish reasons. She cringed. She didn’t want to relive this part of her life and have to vomit out the details of the pain and hurt she’d caused her daed and friends. “I lashed out from grief by trying to escape the Amish life and Daed and anything reminding me of Mamm. Going with Jane and Duke provided a different location and type of living. Somewhere I wouldn’t be reminded of the life Mamm and I shared.”
“Did you wear Englischer clothes?” He rose and paced. “What did you do to participate in the outside world?”
She swiped her tearstained cheeks with the backs of her hands. His agitation and stern voice were expected but hard to face.
She didn’t want to divulge any more information than she had to. “I did wear the clothes. Jane provided them. I’m not sure how much I’m comfortable sharing with you. I have a hard time reliving this again. The grief over Mamm and shame of what I’ve done is rushing back.”