by Lucy Farago
“And that in your mind makes me old?” He crossed his arms and regarded her like she was the dummy.
In hindsight, she guessed he wasn’t wrong. She had no clue how old he was. And clearly, she’d offended him. But when did she start giving a shit about whether she insulted him? This was creepy…his staring at her was creepy. “Look…” she said, needing him to stop eyeballing her like she was a naïve kid, “if the paw fits.” It was a dumb comeback, but he was throwing her off her game.
A slow smile curled his lips, and while her spine tingled right down to her toes, she didn’t like his thinking he had the upper hand. “Stop acting like this. It was just sex,” she blurted out.
His smile faded, and part of her regretted her bluntness. They still had to work together. And he couldn’t be all weirded out.
Loki slowly nodded his head. But in agreement or again his thinking her naïve? “Just sex,” he repeated, wiping his hands together to brush off a few stubborn needles. He made his way back to the ATV and unhooked the saddlebag carrying their food supply.
“Exactly how old are you?” He asked, setting the bag near the bedrolls.
How the hell had he managed to turn the tables on her? Here she’d been thinking he was some fuddy-duddy with sex hang-ups and now she was the kid about to be lectured? “I’m twenty-five,” she said with as much backbone as she could muster under his far too understanding, condescending gaze.
“Twenty-five, eh? I had a lot of fun when I was twenty-five. I’m thirty-eight, by the way, so not a Gen-Xer. But I am older than you.”
“And wiser?” she said, adding a smirk to scare him against his placating her like a child.
He shook his head. “Retract those claws, kitty. Age doesn’t always make one wiser. But when the unexpected happens and with someone…well, someone it should never happen with, age can make you more accepting of it. Still, it can knock the wind out of your sail, if it’s unexpected.”
Huh? “I’m not some virgin. I’ve had sex. Granted, one-night stands aren’t my thing, but I can handle it when, and if, the opportunity presents itself. Even if it is with someone I hate. So stop lecturing me. You’re the one acting all goofy.”
He looked at her as if he didn’t understand. And it took Mia a few long seconds to realize they weren’t talking about the same thing. “We’re not talking about sex, are we?”
“No,” he said, obviously taken aback. “Mia, I heard you speak in my head. When you were in cat form, I heard you.”
“And?”
“What do you mean, and? How could I hear you if…well, if—?”
“Oh. Oh.” His confusion would be cute if she didn’t have to embarrass him. “You don’t know.” How could he not? She assumed everyone did, given how leery of her they’d all been when she’d first arrived at the Academy. “Loki, I’m telepathic. While I’m in lynx form, I can communicate to other shifters in their animals. Is this what’s got you all freaky?”
His hesitant nod told her he hadn’t quite wrapped his head around it.
“No one knows why or how. It happened when I was in college,” she explained, kneeling to open the saddlebag. “I’d gone out with a few friends one night, and I guess I had too much to drink because I woke up two days later in a farmer’s field stuck in my shifter form. Scared the shit out of me.” So much so she’d never touched another drop of alcohol. “I couldn’t shift back.” She withdrew a protein bar and held it out to him.
“You were stuck? How long?” He sat cross-legged on the sleeping bag, taking the food she offered.
“Two weeks. Stop frowning. It’ll give you wrinkles, old man.” She smiled, hoping to lessen any awkwardness he may have had with this totally weird misunderstanding. Seriously though, why did this come off as important to him? “It wasn’t as bad as you think. When my dad was made chief, he insisted we hold cat form for at least one month every year. He believes we’re close to extinction because we forget what we are.”
“You’re close to extinction because lynx like to go it alone.”
“By nature, yes. But to thrive again, we have to change. It’s why I joined FUC. I wanted to understand teamwork.”
“And do you?”
“Man survives today because of community. It’s not perfect, but without it…. Anyway, I was eventually able to shift, but not before seriously freaking out my dad,” she said, taking an apple for herself.
He ripped into the wrapper and chewed contemplatively on the peanut butter bar. “I’m surprised you know your father at all. Weren’t you raised by your mother like every other lynx?”
“My parents decided to live together long before I was born, when my dad was elected the new leader. It was fun being raised by the saviour of the clan—not. But my mom died when I was young.”
Her kind now understood the importance of functioning as a group. And although negotiating new relationships and roles was unchartered territory for most, it was more so for the women who’d never had to answer to anyone but themselves.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Looks like we have something in common.”
Loki had lost his mother? How sad. She didn’t remember hers. She’d died in a fire that had consumed their entire house and with it, pictures…memories too, because they never spoke of it. Her father and her brother always insisted she was better off not remembering that day. There were times, as a teenager and then again as a college student, that she’d been bitter about their refusal to tell her anything about her mother. But then she’d woken up in that field…. She couldn’t recall drinking that much. She must have. Then she figured if trying to remember her mom made her stupid drink, her family was right. She was better off accepting the void in her head. Because if she didn’t, that emptiness collapsed within itself…and took her with it.
“Mia? Did you hear me?” Loki asked. “Are you okay? You look a little dazed.”
“You look a little dazed.” It was a dumb thing to say, but she knew sparring with Loki would stop that uncomfortable tugging, like a loose thread deep inside her, and if she wasn’t careful, it would unravel…and never stop until there was nothing left.
But when Loki just stared at her, concern etching that cute face of his, she did something childish. She pushed him, and catching him by surprise, he fell back. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s creepy.”
But it did the trick.
“You’re creepy.”
She laughed and extended a hand to help him up. Not that he needed it, but somehow, she knew touching him would make it all better. And it did.
“So, are you next in line? Because of who your father is?” he asked, as if it would be a fate worse than death. “Do they expect great things from you?”
“No.” But what they did expect wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. She polished her apple on her T-shirt and joined him on the sleeping bag. “The council decides who rules based on merit. No, my expectations are simple. Babies.” She bit into the fruit. “Lots and lots of lynx babies,” she said through a mouthful of sweet fruit. “Doesn’t matter who with, as long as I do my part to propagate the species.”
Loki began coughing, or rather choking, on his food. Good Samaritan that she was, she slapped him hard between the shoulder blades. Sadly, he held up a hand, letting her know he was all right. Shame, she rather enjoyed smacking him.
“Chew, dog. I’m much too small to provide an effective Heimlich on you.”
Loki cleared this throat, wiping his watery eyes with the back of one hand. “Let me get this straight. They want you to fuck as many guys as possible to produce kits?”
“Good doggy,” she cooed. “I’d give you another bar, but maybe you should stick to something less hazardous.” She reached into the bag and passed him an apple. “Chew,” she said, giving him her sauciest grin, “and swallow.”
He snatched the apple out of her hand. “That’s a bit…insane.”
The man had no sense of humor. “We’re a dying breed.”
“And it doesn’t bothe
r you?”
It had bothered her at first…and then she’d put her foot down. “Have ya met any male lynx?” She shuddered for effect. She couldn’t help it. His outrage—for her—was funny…and, yes, endearing.
“I…” He paused before shaking his head. “Can’t say I have.”
“Duh, that’s cause we’re a dying breed.” She nudged him with her shoulder. “Did you not hear a word I said?”
“Glad you think this is funny,” he said, drier than two-day-old toast.
She shrugged. “I’ve had years to adjust to it. Anyway, male lynx…let me put it this way, I’m big for my kind.”
“Big? You’re what, five-two, five-three?” He all but snorted.
She wasn’t offended. Size only mattered in the bedroom. She could kick his ass any day of the week. “Exactly. They’re small enough to tuck into my pocket. It’s not that I couldn’t love a man who was height hindered, but we’re not talking love here, are we? Every time my father calls me home, I find an excuse. Soon, he’s going to lose his patience.” She was kidding, of course. She didn’t bang anyone on command. But Loki was being far too serious…and teasing him continued to amuse her.
“So, it’s the partners you object to? Not the fact you’re being thought of as nothing more than a broodmare?” he said, his voice rising.
While she was flattered he cared, why was he getting all pissy? “Truth be told, I wouldn’t know what to do with one kid, much less a brood. But it’s hard to argue when the survival of our species is on the line.”
“You don’t argue. You say no. This is your body. Fuck, this is your life. No one gets to choose for you.” Loki stood, tall and fierce, looking down at her with an expression she’d never seen on him before—rage. “Why would you give someone that much power over you? I thought you smarter than that.”
Okay, it was time for the truth. “Because it’s for my brother. He wants a baby.”
“What…the…fuck?” And with that, he blew out of the cave, leaving her open-mouthed.
She debated chasing after him to explain. The only lynx she’d spread her legs for was the doctor when he’d artificially inseminate her. She loved her brother, and since he couldn’t procreate, she’d agreed to donate an egg for his partner’s sperm. She’d had mixed feelings about the idea, but then realized it would get her father off her back and make Josh happy. What was five months of her life to help save her kind if she gave Josh a kid?
7
Fists clenched, it took everything Loki had not to howl into the growing darkness. Thankfully, instinct ruled over his fury. He wanted to smash something, preferably every living male lynx…and knocking a little sense into the one in the cave wouldn’t hurt either. But raging into the night, when Big Foot was out here, wasn’t a good way to keep her safe. So, he clamped his jaw shut and prayed his heated blood would temper.
If only he’d known she was telepathic. Why hadn’t that crazy llama said anything? She talked his ear off about every other thing that had nada to do with his garage. He never would have slept with Mia— Who was he kidding? He’d wanted her the moment he’d laid eyes on her climbing that rock wall. Even after she’d hurled those nasty insults, he’d wanted her. Hell, he’d wanted her even more. It took guts for a woman five feet barely nothing to bark at him. He paced at the cave’s opening. How could he have been so wrong about her? And what was up Mother Nature’s ass that she’d try and mate him to someone so…so…spineless.
His mother had been spineless. It got her killed. If only she’d stood up to the pack. If only she’d told them to go fuck themselves. If only… He raked his short fingernails through his hair. He shouldn’t be mad at the woman. She’d died protecting him. If his uncle hadn’t intervened, Loki would be dead too. But that didn’t wash the blood off the man’s hands. The pack, his uncle, they could all go to hell. But that was neither here nor there. Mia was intent on saving her species, and with her brother no less.
Perhaps it was a good thing she hadn’t heard the call, or else the bond would be unbreakable. Like what the serious fuck? This was yet another reason why family sucked and he was better off alone.
“Loki.”
He didn’t have to turn to know she was exactly fifteen and a half inches behind him. Sleeping with her had heightened his senses to her even more. Afterward, when they’d boarded the ATV, focusing on traversing the trees had been near impossible. It was all Mia, everywhere, every second, shit, every breath he took. Mia, Mia, Mia.
“Go away. I don’t want to argue.” What would be the point? He’d started to bond with her, but he couldn’t have her. And he could never tell her. He’d have to be her…friend. His stomach cramped at the idea. Friend. What a fingernails-on-chalkboard word.
Everything inside him would draw him to her. He could try and fight it. Would it work? Not fucking likely. It was going to be like trying to break an addiction, painful as fuck.
“I want to explain,” she said.
Explain what? It wasn’t like him to judge other shifters’ way of life. Animals were animals. But fuck….
“I’m sorry I…I…” She paused and took in a sharp breath of air.
She was anxious. Nervous. Loki could smell it on her. Curious, he wanted to see her eyes. Had she lied?
“I…I sort of…kind of…was unclear…in my explaining…the situation.”
Yup, nervous. He snuffed out the small flicker of hope brewing in his belly. It would do him no good to get his hopes up—about anything. Had everything she’d said been one sick joke?
“My brother wants to have a kid. But he can’t have one. I’m not keen on having babies, but we are dying. The population is perilously low, and as much as it pains me, I’m being pressured to do my part. I figured two birds, one stone.”
Loki tamped down his surging frustration. There had to be a point to this, but the mere fact that she was still willing to do what was expected of her didn’t make him want to do a happy dance.
“I agreed to give Josh, that’s my brother, one of my eggs, or how many he needs to propagate. He and his husband tried to find a surrogate, but couldn’t,” she said, looking everywhere but at him.
But at least he was starting to understand. “You’re going to have a baby for your brother.”
“I’m going to try. They’d be the best parents a kitten could ask for. They’ve got so much love to give and no hope of sharing that with a child. I was four when a fire took my mom, practically a baby. I don’t remember much, but I do remember struggling with her death. My dad had just been elected to council, so Josh took over raising me. How can I say no to him? Not because he has power over me or because my species is going extinct, but because I love him. He would’ve understood if I’d said no. It was my decision and only my decision to make.”
“I see.” He’d been robbed of the chance at having siblings. Would he be so willing to make this kind of sacrifice?
“And why do you look so damn relieved?” she asked, eyeballing him with a cautious step backward.
But before he could explain, okay, cover up, his wrong and completely gross assumption, Mia figured it out.
Her punch to his gut was fast and efficient. He didn’t see it coming until it was too late, and while doubling over at the hands of a woman nearly a third his size was embarrassing, he had it coming.
“You know,” she said rather loudly into his ear, “coming from a dog, that’s priceless. Your kind mastered inbreeding.”
He straightened on a cough and a pain-filled groan. “That’s dogs. Siberians aren’t dogs, but—” With a few backward steps of his own when she readied her fist, he quickly added, “It was wrong of me to go there. I’m sorry. Of course, you’d never…” He took a huge breath and hoped his apology appeased her. “Can we forget about this?” Just thinking about it made his stomach turn.
“I never want to talk about it again. You are one sick puppy.”
He nodded and indicated with his hand they should go back into the cave. She gave one last disg
usted snarl and returned inside. He shuddered at his own stupidity and followed her, hoping she didn’t turn around to see him smile.
Mia arched her back, stretching deliciously from fingertips to toes. It wasn’t until her ass rubbed up against something warm and hard that she remembered who shared her sleeping bag. She froze, praying to whatever gods would listen, that the dog slept. She held her breath and had barely moved when a firm hand grabbed her hip and held her in the current spoon position she found herself.
“You’re awake,” Loki said, his mouth pressed against her ear.
It had taken her close to an hour to fall asleep last night, and it had nil to do with lack of exhaustion. Loki had apologized again, but given how she’d purposely misled him, she couldn’t exactly stay mad. She closed her eyes and moaned into another long stretch, this time purposely rubbing up against his crotch. And when she heard his sharp intake of breath, she flipped onto her back and, accidentally on purpose, smacked her elbow into his face.
“Ow! Damn, Mia, you could take an eye out with those things.”
Loki wisely shielded his face when she lowered her arm, as if knowing she’d take another shot if given a chance. Shame.
“Sorry. I forgot you were there.” She tossed off the sleeping bag and got to her feet.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he said, rubbing the newly formed red spot on his cheek.
“I didn’t have a newspaper handy. Naughty dog has to learn some way.”
“And here I thought you never wanted to talk about it again?”
She shrugged. “I won’t have to come up with ways to rag on you if you keep handing them to me on a silver platter.”
“Again,” he said. He stood, she was certain, simply to tower over her. “You were going to let this go. Remember? I apologized.” He moved in, giving her that sexy grin he’d used before. “You accepted.”
She took a tiny step back. He was over a foot taller than her, and if she wanted to address him face to…er…clavicle, she had no choice. She ignored the fact that he made her want to tear off her clothes and scale him like a rock wall.