by Alex Grayson
“Christ, Zo, you need to take a breath and calm the heck down.”
“My dear, fucked up friend.” She holds up a hand to stay my response and pushes forward. “It took me two fucking years to break down your walls.” At my look of my denial, she says, “Shut the hell up, Susanne.”
Zoey’s anger is palpable, and I know her well enough to keep my mouth shut. She is pacing our tiny room and talking to herself. This is nothing new to me, I mean, we have shared a space for years. But it’s her anger that has me sitting back and treading carefully.
“Zo.”
“No. No, Suz. This isn’t a fucking political game. Ben Anderson is everything you need. He is kind, funny, intelligent, accomplished, and loves with all his heart. Christ, Suz. He is you! Why are you fucking running?”
Looking down at my laptop, my first best friend, I shrug Zoey off. “I have to.”
“Shush you!” Zoey screams.
“Shit, Zo, calm down.”
“Calm down? Calm down? No. No. No. No, I won’t calm down. Not when your life is dangling in the wind.”
“Oh stop. You are so freaking dramatic.”
“Okay, yes, maybe I am, but you know I have your best interest at heart. I love you, Suz, as much as I love Claire, but I’m tired of watching you push people away. Ben isn’t your mother or father. He is good. He is kind. God, he is everything I ever wanted for you. If given the chance, Ben can be your salvation.”
Zoey’s words that day bounce around in my head as my father shakes Ben’s hand and offers my hand in return. It’s only as our fingers touch do I remember our first date. It was a “Taco Tuesday” and Ben cooked. He was adorable in his I taco do you? apron.
But it’s not that night that has me smiling right now. It’s our first meeting when I ran him over.
Oh wait, I didn’t I run him over. It was a nudge.
Ben Anderson, in all his commanding glory stands before me. But again, I’m a goober and oblivious. My blond hair is up in a tussled top knot, I have no makeup on, and am wearing an Oklahoma University T-shirt—because I’m snarky—there’s a stain on my yoga pants, and I’m pretty certain there is nacho sauce on my favorite Chucks. I am a hot mess. So, when Ben asks me out, I’m shocked, embarrassed, and a bit pissed off.
“What do you say, blondie? It’s the least you owe me.”
Zoey’s shock is apparent, but her “Yes” is almost screamed.
“What the fuck, Zo?”
“She’ll go out with you. You can pick her up tonight at eight,” My best friend responds.
“I…”
“Shut it, princess. You need a date and I need alone time with Derrick. It’s the least you can do. Plus, you ran the man over. A free meal is a free meal.”
“Zo…”
“I said shut it.”
Looking over at the man now towering over me, I lick my lips and realize I actually want to go out with him. Football star be damned. Ben Anderson could be a great distraction.
Zoey buffed, puffed, and powdered me. My nerd ass is in leather pants, a white French cuffed sleeved shirt, denim cropped jacket, and ankle booties. You would think I was going out for pizza and beer with Zac Efron instead of some random dude from Oklahoma. I mean really, outside of Barry Sanders, what OSU football player is going to make the NFL?
But when Ben picks me up, he is all I could ask for. Tall, dark, and handsome. And I will forever be lacking.
“Shall we go, my lady?” Ben offers as we walk to an ancient and beat up Ford F-150.
Giggling—what the hell? I don’t giggle. That was stomped out of me in finishing school. “Yes,” I reply.
“Derrick told me you and Zoey have known each other for years.”
Climbing into the passenger seat, I offer, “we went to boarding school together.” And then more softly, I add, “Zo saved me.”
“She saved you?”
“Forget I said anything.”
Placing a hand on my leg, Ben says, “Trust me Suzie, I want to know everything about you.”
The sincerity in Ben’s voice throws me off. It’s an emotion I’m unfamiliar with. One I’ve only ever heard from Zoey. Because despite the fact I’ve been surrounded by others my entire life, I’ve been alone. I’ve been ignored, unless it suits others, plus, I’ve pretty much isolated myself. Preferring solace and my computer to the company of others. Aside from Zoey, it’s a rarity for anyone to care. So, Ben’s words and behavior are unsettling. And my mumbled, “you really don’t,” doesn’t go unnoticed because Ben squeezes my leg to let me know he heard me.
“I’ll tell you what, doll. You be up-front with me and I’ll do the same.”
“What are you about?”
“Woman, I just want to get to know you.”
“You want to know me? Why?”
“Because I need someone. Someone that has my back and can accept me for me. Someone I can trust and believe in.”
The truth in his words both shock and frighten me. Where I was looking for a free meal for the night, Ben was looking for a friend. A partner. Someone to love. And even then, as I was contemplating my escape, all I could do was thank God and pray he never sees the heart of me.
If I have learned anything from Zoey, it’s that the fairies and ladybugs work in mysterious ways, and for some unforeseen reason, Ben Anderson has chosen me to share his life with him.
“Are you lost, Ben?”
“Yes.”
“For how long, and how can I help?”
“For a long time now,” he offers as he looks out the window. Looking straight ahead he finishes with, “Be my friend.”
Which is exactly what we were. Friends.
For a year I watched the man I love flirt, date, fuck, and then move on. Throughout everything, I was his constant. Watching my Ben, my love, go through sorority girl after sorority girl all but killed me. And yes, I was the sidekick. The quirky, off-center, freaking sidekick.
I had to endure dumb blondes—no offense—ridiculous brunettes, and outrageous redheads throw themselves at my guy. The amount of hair tosses, giggles, and pathetic passes made my stomach churn and vomit rise up my throat.
So, I may, or may not have used my computer skills to make sure those girls were unsuccessful. Their GPAs might have dropped, and eventually they failed out of a class, or three. I know, God don’t like ugly, but you can’t blame a girl. Really, having to be the constant fifth wheel sucked. A girl had to retaliate.
Again, don’t judge, I was the one Ben came to when those relationships went sideways. And I couldn’t blame him, because really, I refused to walk away. It also didn’t help that Zoey and Derrick were still going strong. Just another slice to my already fragile ego. Because not only did I have to witness Ben’s adventures firsthand, I had to hear about them from our friends.
This is when I thanked my parents for my shitty, independent upbringing. Because I stayed my course, gathered information, put a smile on my face, and trudged along. Ever hoping he’d realize I was the girl for him. The most frustrating thing of all, Ben proved to be noble, intelligent, and generous. He was everything I ever wanted.
I should have felt some guilt when it came to my devious ways, but honestly, I have none. After all, Ben has always been mine. And I would do it all over again.
My father places my hand into Ben’s and the all too familiar tingles race up my arm and rest at the base of my neck. Ben’s hand encompassing mine is comforting. His “Wow, Suz, you look fucking amazing,” has the entire church erupting in laughter. This is my Ben. The one who always puts people at ease over his own discomfort. He gives me a wink and my hand a quick squeeze in reassurance.
Ben is my home. After years of being the outcast, today, surrounded by Zoey and Derrick and with Bennie at my side, I have found my home.
I always knew he was going to be my everything, I simply didn’t know to what extent. This man, who is a leader on the field to his teammates and in his daily life, defers to no one. He stands proud, feet firmly on t
he ground and defiant. To the world, Ben Anderson is the game. The quarterback. To those he loves, he is so much more. His love is palpable, and I am grateful that with all my wrongs he is still standing beside me. Because despite everything, Ben is the one person I ran from, but eventually held tight and stayed true to.
Standing here, in the Vera Wang original my mother insisted I wear, I am lost. Lost to the man, to the memories of years that are good, bad, and good God Almighty, fucking ugly. But Ben and I are still here. In a world where we all flounder within, this man is all I can see. First, we were friends, then lovers, and now as always, he is my everything.
As the preacher asks us to repeat our vows, Bennie’s words shake me to my core.
“I take you, Suzanne Irene Montgomery, to be my wife. To forever be faithful to, love, and cherish. I will forever lay my life down before yours. In good times or worse. We will always be the home team. I have loved you from the moment you ran me down…”
“I nudged you,” I interject and have everyone snickering.
“May I continue?”
“Yes, please.”
“As I was saying, the day you ran me over and got out of the car with your Jersey attitude and all your spit and vinegar, I was irrevocably changed. Football was no longer what sustained my every thought. That day, I discovered what it meant to love another more than myself. I have been yours since and will forever be dedicated to you and you alone. You are the reason my heart beats, and for you alone it continues to. I thank God and your fanciful fairies and ladybugs every day for you. I promise I will protect your heart and dreams while I walk beside you for eternity. For that, my love, is what we have.”
“You fucker! I can’t compete with that,” I whisper and have him chuckling. “But I’ll try.” I wipe my eyes, take a deep breath, and say the words that have been in my heart since I first laid eyes on him.
“Ben, my Bennie. You’re finally mine. You were everything I needed and didn’t want and I’m so grateful you refused to let me run. Thank God you aren’t a quitter. You are the anchor to so many but have always made sure I knew I was loved. I may have nudged you all those years ago, but you sacked me that day.” Derrick and Zoey’s laughter has me looking in their direction. I know I bumbled things and my face reddens. But as always, Ben pulls my attention back to him. “I’m sorry.”
“For what, love?”
“For being me.”
“Suz, you be you. It’s what I love about you.”
“I found my sister mate when I was a freshman in high school and thanks to Zoey, I found my soul mate. To be able to say you have found home, and mean it, truly mean it, is a gift. Which is what you have given to me. You are my home, you have offered me a safe place to land and in loving arms. For that alone I am forever grateful. I could lose everything, but if you are there beside me, I know we will be okay. You’ve embraced my quirky and off-center beliefs and love my sass and have accepted me for me. I never needed a dragon slayer, but you are always there to do so. My life has been enriched because of you. My world will always begin and end with you. There is so much I promise you. To always be your loudest cheerleader and defend every decision you make. To cherish every moment of our time together. To respect and honor you. I even promise to rub your throwing arm. But mostly, I promise my heart will forever be yours. You are the reason it beats. You showed me how to be the best version of myself. Thank you for loving me. I love you.”
“With the vows exchanged, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ben, you may now kiss your bride.”
Four Years Later
Holding my daughter in my arms is the greatest gift Suz could ever give me. I thought the day we married I had hit the lottery. Today, with my wife asleep and resting, our parents surrounding us, and my baby girl in my arms, nothing comes close to this moment.
Nine years ago, I never thought we would be here today. The day I was drafted, it never occurred to me life would turn out this way. Everything I had ever known was turned upside down. Suzie still had a year of school to go, I was halfway across the country, Derrick was with a different team for the first time in our careers, and Zo had gone off the reservation.
It took a lot of hard work to get us to this day. Despite my schedule, I made sure I had time for my girl. It wasn’t easy and took calendar reminders to keep up with one another. That first year was the hardest we have had to overcome.
Looking down into my daughter’s eyes, the color so much like my own, I know she is going to take after her mother and cause a lifetime of joy and heartache. My girl isn’t easy. She is smart, too smart, but she is the sun and moon.
Looking around the room, my only wish is that those surrounding us find the happiness Suz and I have.
Spotting Alish, I chuckle at how difficult it was to win her over. My profession, unwillingness to kowtow, and easy acceptance of Suz wanting to start her own consulting business did not win the good Senator over. However, something changed the instant she found out she was going to be a grandmother, and she finally came around.
Whitehall will always be a bit of a wildcard to me. Over the years, I have discovered he loves his daughter, but is unable to express it. It’s a riddle I’m unwilling to work through. All I care about is that the man shows up for his daughter.
Derrick and Zoey have provided us with the biggest dilemma as of late. They are the constants in our lives. Both having known us since childhood. If only they could set their prides aside and simply be.
Ally squirms in my arms and has her mother waking.
“Does she need to eat?”
“You are fucking beautiful.”
Pushing a stray hair out of her face, Suzie looks around at our family and laughs. “You’ve lost your mind. Did you get sacked last week?” she says.
“No, but I did nine years ago.”
“Oh, God. Are you ever going to let me live that down?”
I get up out of the rocking chair and walk over to Suzie. I place our daughter into her portable plexiglass crib and kiss her head. She is as beautiful as her mother with her pink and blue bow beanie.
Crawling onto the hospital bed, I wrap my arms around my best friend. “Thank you, Suz, Ally is going to be as beautiful as you one day.”
“You aren’t disappointed?”
“With what?”
“She isn’t a boy?”
“God, woman. For the second time in my life you’ve sacked me.”
“How so?”
“You have given me another soul to love. One who will love me.”
“I love you, Bennie. Now where is my push gift. HA!”
“Woman, I owe Zoey a new car because your water broke in hers.”
“Pfft… Wait until you see the wardrobe Zo has gathered for our little lady.”
“Christ, don’t get me going, I don’t think my heart can handle it. I love her, but she needs a keeper.”
“Who knows. Maybe one day soon she’ll love again. You know the ladybugs work in mysterious ways.”
“And thank God for that.” I kiss my love’s forehead while I thank God, the fairies, and ladybugs for my two girls.
The End
About Monica
Monica lives in northern New Jersey with her three dogs; Sam, Reilly and Steeler. Raised by a football coach in the heart of Texas, football is a passion that is deeply rooted. Introduced to Nora Roberts by her mother at the age of thirteen, she spawned a lifetime love affair with books, all things romance and happily ever afters. Outside of writing, you will find Monica in her backyard enjoying time with her "boys", family, friends, and a really good Dirty Martini.
Visit her at www.monicadesimone.com
A Promise Kept
A Shadow Series Short Story
A.C. Williams
Tristan Morrow and Cole Piedmonte are high school sweethearts, and have seen each other through some tremendously dark times. Now comes the day they've been waiting for - their wedding day.
1
Late Afternoon
Cavegat Pass
Elkhart, Pennsylvania
June 23, 2004
The wheels of Tommy Morrow’s grey pick-up truck rumbled as he wound the curves of Cavegat Pass. An early summer rainstorm sheeted down from the heavens as the melodic tunes of Johnny Cash cranked from the speakers in the truck. They had just left Tommy’s autobody shop in Elkhart, and were headed back up to Morrow Manor, the family homestead just in time for dinner. Despite the formal name, and the elegant façade of the estate house, Morrow Manor was as laid back as can be. Well, as laid back as a house can be with less than 48 hours until the only daughter of the family was set to be married to her high school sweetheart.
“Big day comin’, aye?” Tommy said to Tristan as he whipped around a bend. His earthy eyes narrowed on the road ahead of him as a sly grin grew from the corners of his mouth.
Cole, who was sitting in the back seat, chuckled softly to himself as his fiance glared at her brother. Tristan’s right eyebrow raised, as she glowered at Tommy.
“Really, Tom?! You’re as bad as Aunt Bridgette and Liv… and oh, my god, Moira!”
Tommy laughed heartily. Shrugging his shoulders as he allowed a wide grin to grow upon his face. “Just tryin’ to lighten the mood a little,” Tommy explained. “You,” he said as he pointed to his sister. “Seem a bit… umm…stressed. And you,” Tommy said as he met eyes with Cole in the rear-view mirror. “Well, you seem frazzled.”
Tristan rolled her eyes as she diverted her attention from her brother’s face and stared out the passenger side window.
“Dude, it’s two days til the wedding…” Cole began as he ran his fingers through his dark hair.
“And our relatives. Ugh!” Tristan vented as a rush of air swept over her lips.