Damn Maret’s stupid clothes.
He ran one hand through her hair. The other drifted to her lower back, drawing her close. She gasped, and her arms went round his neck, her fingers carding their way into the hair at the back of his nape. He delighted in the gentle tug, and the kiss turned into something less slow and leisureish.
Andra’s shirt was the first to go, followed by the fraughted robe Zhade wore. He felt like he could breathe for the first time in over a moon. But he didn’t have time to wonder bout it, because they were tumbling onto Andra’s cot, and the feel of her neath him was overwhelming. His kisses traveled down to her neck and lower. They were panting, and by the time they had removed all their outer garments, Zhade was shaking.
He paused to look down at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen. Her eyes had a glazed quality, her pupils blown wide.
“Do you want . . . ?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, pulling him down to her for another kiss.
He went slow and steady, pausing whenever Andra was uncertz. It was awkward, as all firsts were, but they were doing this together, and in the end, when they were exhausted and tucked under the covers of Andra’s cot, with Zhade’s arms round her, he realized there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.
* * *
Zhade woke slowish to the feeling of warm breath against his chest and soft hair under his chin. Without opening his eyes, he hugged Andra closer to him, letting out a contented sigh.
Things were going to be evens. He’d hit some dustrocks in his journey to being guv, to saving his people, but he had Andra, and with her, he could do anything.
She shifted slightish in his arms and he kissed the top of her head. She tilted her chin up, eyes peeling slowish opened.
“G’morning,” she mumbled.
He placed a kiss on her lips.
“Don’t, I have morning breath.” She buried her face in his shoulder.
He chuckled softish. “Is that what you called it? We call it dream taste.”
She snuggled closer.
He couldn’t hold the stupid grin off his face. “Are you happy? I purpose, last night, we . . . And I wanted to make certz you . . . What I purpose is, I hope that . . . I’m for true happy, are you happy?”
Andra looked up at him, her smile mirroring his own. “You know I’m happy.”
“For certz, I mereish wanted to hear you say it.” He kissed her forehead again.
“What time is it?” Andra turned to look at her timeteller. Zhade ran the tips of his fingers over the soft skin of her back. She turned to him with a huff. “Shit. I have work to do.” Her muscles tensed.
Zhade ran a soothing hand down her arm. “You always seem so stressed. What is it? Are you having trouble with the rocket? Is there something I can do to help?”
Zhade felt Andra go still in his arms.
“Neg,” she said. “It’s . . . I mean there’s more to it . . .”
“I might be able to use the Crown to help sorcer it.”
Andra snorted, and Zhade smiled reflexiveish. “You do that and it’ll fry your brain. Even I couldn’t interface directly with the rocket.”
“You said that bout the gods’ dome too. And I sorcered the small one you gave me with the Crown full well.”
“Zhade!” Andra slapped him lightish on the arm. “That was . . . stupidly dangerous.”
He grinned. “It’s a habit of mine.” She didn’t return his grin. “Neg, I reck it’s evens. It almost acted like a conduit . . . or a buffer, tween me and the magic.”
Andra crossed her arms and pouted. “Well, I still don’t like it.”
Zhade kissed the frown off her face. When he pulled back, her brows were still drawn.
“What is it?”
“It’s just . . . I have something to convo you.” Andra took a deep breath and let it out. She winced. “Some of the colonists are awake.”
Zhade’s eyebrows shot up. “For true?”
“Firm. Including my fam.”
He propped himself up on his elbow. “Can I meet them?”
Andra stiffened. “Yeah. Just . . . not right now.”
Zhade smiled, though this time it was a bit strained. If his parents were still alive, he’d want them to meet Andra. For certz, his father wouldn’t have cared, and his mam had recked her and wrecked her. But he still would have wanted them to reck he and Andra were together.
“Why did you finalish decide to wake them?” he asked.
“It’s . . . a long story.”
Maybe Zhade should have been going to all those meetings with the Schism, so he could reck what was bothering Andra. Or maybe he should have gone so he could have convoed her what was bothering him.
He cleared his throat.
“Soze, I have something to convo you too.”
Andra looked up at him through her lashes. It probablish wasn’t the best idea to do this while they were naked in bed together, but the best time would have been yestereven before anything had happened, so they could have started everything being honest with each other.
“Is it bout the angels?” Andra asked.
“Evens, a bit. But also . . . bout Tsurina . . .”
“What about her?”
“Seeya . . .” Zhade swallowed. “I have Tsurina aprisoned in your old room—”
Andra jolted, propping herself up on her arm. “Wait. No! What?” The blanked dipped low, and Zhade got distracted.
She sat up, pulling the blanket over her chest.
“What do you mean Tsurina is imprisoned?”
Zhade lay back, ruffling his hair and putting both hands behind his head.
“Soze, Tsurina realized I was me. I purpose, not Maret. And I imagined she was going to kill me, and for certz, she probablish would have, but then Meta showed up and conked her on the head. We put the real Tsurina in your old room, and I gave Meta Tsurina’s face. Sole, not mereish her face, her full body, marah? With that graftling wand.”
Zhade suddenish felt nervous. He wanted Andra to be proud of what he’d accomplished, but convoing the graftling wand was tricky. Firstish, he’d used it to heal her wound, and hurt her so bad, she’d destroyed the spell. Then he’d used the wand to change his face and betray her. He held his breath as he waited for her to respond.
“Are you serious?”
Was she mad? Impressed? Sometimes she was so diff to cipher.
“Can I see it? The wand, I mean.”
Zhade broke out into a wide grin. “Oh, I reck you’ve already seen my wand.”
She swatted him on the chest. He captured her hand and brought her palm to his lips.
“Firm. I’ll bring it next time.”
“That’s . . . really impressive, Zhade.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I am, aren’t I?”
She rolled her eyes, but Zhade could tell she was quite in love with him.
He stretched out on the cot and put his hands behind his head. “Anyway, I’ve been . . . convoing Tsurina, and she’s been skooling me how to use the Crown.”
Andra’s jaw twitched.
“What happens?” Zhade asked. “This is good magic, marah?”
“Why do you need Tsurina to teach you? And why are you just now telling me?”
Zhade put a hand on her hip. “I was a bit distracted yestereven.”
“Hmm,” she said, moving his hand away.
Something akin to hurt rose up in Zhade. “Sorries. It’s not like you told me bout the gods wakening soon and sooner.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them, and the look on Andra’s face dug in the knife.
“Neg, sorries and worries,” he said, softer. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine.” Andra gave him a weak smile.
He sat up and placed a gentle kiss
on her lips, to see if she would respond. She did, shyish, and his palm on her cheek felt it start to warm. He pulled back before he got carried away.
“Sides, it’s not like you’d wait to tell me something that imported to me.” He tossed his legs over the side of the bed and scanned the room for his pants. “Like if you figured where Rashmi is holding my brother.”
His pants were on the far side, and he heard Andra suck in a breath when he got out of bed naked to retrieve them. He grinned as he took his time reclothing himself. When he turned round, Andra was still in bed, with the cover over her, face pale.
“Seriousish, we’ll must rid you of shyness,” he said, bending over to give her one last kiss. It was sweet and brief, but then he pulled her closer for another. He took his time and felt Andra melt into him. He smiled through the kiss, and when he finalish pulled away, he was breathing hard.
He stared into her eyes, and she stared back, but there was something in her expression that bothered him.
“What? What happens?”
Andra watched him for a moment, and her eyes drifted to his temple. “I think we should remove the Crown.”
“What? Neg! Why?”
She swallowed. “We don’t know what it is, and I’ve . . . It’s just that there are a lot of . . . unseen consequences with tech you don’t understand.”
Zhade took a few steps back. “Tsurina recks how it works, and she’s skooling me. So, actualish, I do comp how it works now. I can do . . . amazing things. I can save Eerensed from these rogue angels.”
Andra stood, taking the blanket with her and holding it close to her chest. “Oh, and what? You just trust Tsurina now? You have her imprisoned, and she’s teaching you out of the goodness of her heart?”
Zhade started pacing. “Neg, for certz not. We made a deal.”
“Oh, my god, another deal?” Andra blinked, shook her head. “What is it this time? Evil lessons for . . . comfortable accommodations in my old bedroom?”
Zhade ruffled the back of his hair. “They’re not evil lessons. They’re Crown lessons, and I didn’t have anywhere to put her but your suite. Believe me, I hate seeing her there, but this is not mereish bout me skooling the Crown. She has info bout my mam.”
Andra’s eyes went wide, her skin going ashen. “What?”
“She says my mam is alive and she can tell me where to find her.”
Something flashed cross Andra’s face, and she let out a shaky breath. “Zhade. I . . . your mam . . . she’s dead.”
“Maybe not! You were executed, but you’re alive. So is the Second. Why not my mam too?”
“No, I mean. She . . .” Andra bit her lip. “I saw her. When I went out into the Wastes.”
Something inside Zhade broke. He grabbed a chair to steady himself. “What?”
“It’s not her though,” Andra hurried on to say. “It’s a clone. She . . . I don’t know how to explain it. She looks like your mam and she has access to all your mam’s memories, but she’s not her. She’s a different person.”
The room spun. Zhade’s throat began to close, and he felt the sting of tears in his eyes. “You recked? You recked my mam was alive, and you didn’t tell me?”
“It’s not your mam!”
“Where is she?”
Andra shook her head. “It’s not her, Zhade.”
He felt a surge of anger rise up in him. “Where is she?” he growled.
Andra continued to shake her head. “She’s not your mam. She looks like her and thinks like her, but she’s not her. Seeing her would just make things harder for you. She doesn’t love you.”
Zhade clenched his jaw, staring at his feet, and let out a heavy breath. “It looks like she’s not the sole one who doesn’t love me.”
With that, Zhade turned and left, Andra still clinging to the blanket.
TWENTY-SEVEN
00110010 00110111
Andra threw herself into her work upgrading ’implants.
It was draining, but it kept her mind off her feelings. Because the truth was:
Her feelings didn’t matter.
Her feelings were manufactured, programmed, false. The result of hundreds of algorithmic equations working themselves out in her artificial synapses. She was meant to feel things for humans, but it didn’t mean she was human.
She had moments of doubt—like maybe she should take Zhade to his mother’s clone—but they passed. She didn’t mention him when she called Griffin for the first time. She took Mechy with her into the Wastes. They had to go about one hundred meters outside of the city before she got a signal on the comm.
“How’s it going?” Griffin’s clone asked.
“Good.” Andra scuffed her feet against the sand. “Good.”
And it was good.
Cruz had set up makeshift workspace for them to do the upgrades. It was no longer an auditorium with an operating table in the middle. They put up walls, proper monitors and work’stations, holo’displays. All the standard lab equipment—which included scalpels, radioactivity-neutralizing agents, and a huge cleaver Andra hoped they’d never have to use. In the corner was the air’lock, the pocket buzzing around the space almost lazily, happily. Each day for weeks, people walked through its chamber, appearing to the pocket as though they, too, were anomalies. Maybe it had just been lonely all this time.
Andra’s success with the ugrades didn’t change the fact that Ophele was still in a coma, and it was Andra’s fault. It didn’t reconcile her with Zhade or convince Skilla to build the rocket with the empty cryo’tanks. It didn’t make her sister forget she was an AI.
But she didn’t tell Griffin’s clone any of that.
“I’m glad you converted Cruz first,” Griffin said. “He’ll be a lot of help to you.”
“Converted him?”
“To your side,” Griffin clarified. “And I should have thought of the patch downloads. Or rather, it should have appeared in the first Griffin’s memories. But excellent job adapting to the challenge!”
Learn, adapt, Andra’s mother always said, and that was what Andra was doing. That was her role as AI. Even if her only purpose was the vague directive to help humanity.
So she would.
She would upgrade their ’implants, use their cryo’chambers to build a rocket, and get everyone to Holymyth.
Cruz was able to speed up the process, and they were soon upgrading entire LAC departments in a single day. First the cryo’techs, then upper management, then engineering and terraforming. Each time it was the same. The process started with a burst of intense pain, followed by a brief shutdown of the person’s entire system. Then they woke, feeling shaky and frail but regaining their strength quickly. The process was far more draining for Andra. With each upgrade, she felt a bit weaker. By the end of the day, she could barely make it back to the Vaults. Some days, she just stayed in the Icebox with her family. Her father seemed more chipper than she’d ever seen him, always telling Andra how proud of her he was. Acadia still didn’t talk to her, even though Andra could tell she wanted to be a part of the upgrade program. Oz was just happy to be awake with his family, playing with ’drones and begrudgingly making friends with the other LAC kids.
Andra still wouldn’t upgrade his ’implant, and though some of the parents were wanting their kids to undergo the procedure, Andra made up an excuse about their ’implants not being compatible yet. She could tell it irritated Cruz, so she told him if he could find a way for the procedure to be pain-free, she would upgrade the kids as well. Cruz started working on a solution, also attempting to find a way to merge a standard AI with the code in the anomalizer, so Andra didn’t have to be involved with each and every upgrade.
But he was an AI tech, not a specialist, not a coder, so the work was slow, and Andra was stuck watching people flatline and revive over and over, all while having a reset tool sticking into her chest.
>
She spent much of what little free time she had in Ophele’s tent, listening to her monitors beep, watching the holo of her heartbeat. A few times, she found Cruz in there too. It felt like they were doing penance, sitting by her bedside. Ophele had other visitors too. Raj and the cryo’tech team. Cristin Myrh would show up occasionally to stare daggers at Andra.
Outside of the Icebox, things were just as tense.
Rashmi mostly kept to herself, either still hurt by Maret or avoiding becoming involved in the ’implant upgrades. Andra never saw Skilla anymore, but Xana was spending so much time hovering around Dzeni, she’d basically moved into the Vaults. Meanwhile, Lilibet stitched blankets and clothes for the colonists, while learning more coding in her free time. Which she had lots of.
She hadn’t seen Kiv in weeks. For the first time since Andra had known her, Lilibet seemed . . . angry.
“Lastish I heard,” Lilibet said over dinner in the Vaults common room one night, “Zhade convoed him he couldn’t leave his post, but what post could that be! He can’t be seen in Eerensed! He made certz of that when he saved me.” She paused to smile. “I ’pen full glad he saved me. I purpose, I recked he would, seeya. I full time recked he ’penned a good boyo with a kindful heart, but now his face is recked acity and he has to stay belowground, soze what is Zhade making him do, seeya? Has he told you?”
Andra shook her head, avoiding eye contact. She hadn’t told Lilibet about sleeping with Zhade, or their fight afterward. “Maybe he’s doing something with the rogue angels.”
Lilibet groaned. “Maybe, marah, but what is he doing night and day that he can’t come see me and kiss!”
Andra felt sick to her stomach. What if Kiv’s disappearance had to do with Tsurina, or what she’d told Zhade about his mam? What if he’d sent Kiv into the desert to find her?
Andra didn’t want Lilibet to worry, so she just gave her a smile and patted her hand. “I’m certz everything will be evens.”
So it went, day in and day out, Andra hiding coughing fits and ignoring the voices in her head, which were now a near constant chant to destroy.
Some mornings, when she couldn’t sleep, she would get up early and sneak into the air’lock with the pocket. She was no longer afraid of it. She’d seen it interact now with hundreds of people. It danced around her and she would mentally interface with it, hoping it would spark her AI state. If she could reach that state of light and knowledge again, be able to harness that power, she could perform the upgrades faster or without pain, maybe wake Ophele from her coma.
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