by Ford, Brenda
I just don’t know what to do. I know that going back to Vegas is probably a stupid idea, but at the same time, I can’t bear the thought of not being by my father’s side when he dies. If he’s dying.
In the end, there’s no use debating with myself. I already know what I’m going to do. Without telling Darren or ringing Natalie, I pack a bag and head to the bus station.
I’ve got to say goodbye.
* * *
I’ve hardly been gone for six weeks yet when I arrive at Casa di Russo, it feels like I’m stepping back in time. All this wealth, splendor and those defense ranks seem like they belong to another lifeline.
I’m on edge when I ring the buzzer at the gate and announce my arrival. Nothing is said to me in return; the gates simply swing open. It seems to take forever for me to walk up the drive to the mansion steps.
The security guard lets me in and tells me Silvio is in the living room.
I’ve never felt more alone as I take step after shaky step to where I know he is. I catch sight of him as I reach the doorway and I stand a moment to watch him. He’s got a glass of whiskey in one hand and his head in the other. The drapes are drawn so the room is dim and dark. I can smell the booze from here.
I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath before I can find the courage to step into the room.
“Silvio. You wanted me. Here I am.”
He looks up and I can see the shock register on his face. He doesn’t move.
My voice is wobbling. “Are you going to hurt me? Shout at me? Call me a whore?”
“No, Rose.” He looks down at the floor, his shoulders slumping. “None of it matters now. Dad’s not got long left.”
I dare cross the room and sit beside Silvio. He looks so broken my anger dissipates even though I’d been so determined to let it blaze.
“What’s going on?”
“Cancer.”
“Since when?”
“A little over two years now.”
I draw in a sharp breath. “And neither of you felt it necessary to tell me?”
“You don’t understand what we do, Rose. You’ve never been a part of it.” He clenches his jaw. “It would do no good for the whole of Vegas to know he was on his last legs. It makes it too easy for predators to strike.”
“What kind of cancer?”
“Stomach.”
“Oh god.” I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel sick with sorrow and confused emotion. I should still be so angry but all that rage is simply…gone. “Where is he?”
“Master bedroom.”
“What state is he in?”
“He’s being kept comfortable.”
I nod and stand. “I’m going to see him.” I look at Silvio intently. “Is it safe for me?”
Silvio holds up his hands. “We’ve got bigger things to worry about right now. Besides, it’s too late to change your plans and the damage has been done. You rejected Raffaele.”
“Have there been consequences?”
He looks defeated. “There are always consequences.”
I don’t ask for any more information and I don’t wait to see if I’m struck with any guilt. I take myself upstairs. I feel nervous when I’m standing outside my father’s doorway. I don’t know what I expect to see on the other side.
I push the door inwards. I hear my father before I see him; the sound of haggard breathing and the beeping of privately-purchased medical machines. I should have known that my father would never have deigned to breathe his last in a hospital bed.
The drapes are open in here and my father looks wan in the light. His skin is pale and clammy. His lips have almost a blue tinge to them. The amount of weight he’s lost in just a few weeks is unbelievable. He’s skin and bones in monogrammed striped pajamas.
“Papà?”
His eyelids flicker open and he sees me. “Rose.”
Relief washes over his expression and he holds open his arms. I go to him and embrace him without hesitation. How could I do anything else? My papa is barely clinging onto life.
Seeing him like this brings me tears in spite of all that’s happened. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Papà?”
“You didn’t need to know, Cara.” He pats my hands with his cold palms. “And if you’d have known I was ill, it would have only made it harder for you to walk away.”
“Is that what you wanted, for me to leave?”
He struggles to swallow. I reach for a glass of water at his bedside and help him to drink. He catches his breath before explaining himself to me.
“I regret the last few conversations we had.” His voice is more sincere than I’ve ever heard it and he’s not letting go of my hands. I perch on the mattress next to where his frail body lies. “I wanted you to know that. I’ve made many mistakes in my life but pushing you away was the greatest.”
“I never understood, Papà. One day I was your little girl and the next I was a pawn.” He blinks rapidly and tries to sit up. “Let me.” I plump the pillows up behind him and help him sit upright.
“My little Rosie…you were always my little girl. There has been so much I’ve kept hidden from you. You were always too good for the world I brought you into. You were too pure and innocent to be a part of the life I had created. There is so much you don’t know…”
I grip his hands. “I don’t know it all, Papà, but I know enough. Your other business is dangerous and…unsavoury.”
“You are too sweet to say it even now. I’ve been a gangster, a mobster and a bully all my life, Rose. I’ve trod over every person I could to get to the top. I’ve cheated, I’ve stolen, I’ve lied, and I’ve killed. There’s no low I haven’t stooped to. I’ve taken prizes no matter what the cost.”
I blink and tears roll down my cheeks. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I want you to understand, Cara. I was never trying to sell you off; I was trying to keep you safe.”
“I’m sorry, Papà. I don’t understand.”
“The Russo and Alfonsi families have had a long rivalry in this town. Jacopo and I try to keep things stable but sometimes our men’s egos get the best of them. Some of our men got into a scrap with some of their men and shots were fired. Two of Jacopo’s men were killed. A hit was put out on us all. It started an all-out war; all those old wounds over territory and business were opened, and they were still raw.”
“What happened?”
“Jacopo retaliated. He came to my house, Rose—this house—and opened fire. A guard was killed, but your brother and I were unharmed. But the threats kept coming…not only against me but against mine.” He bowed his head and shook it sadly. “Silvio wanted to stand our ground and fight fire with fire but I knew my days were numbered.”
He sits up even further to be closer to me and squeezes my hands intently. “I did all I could to get out of the gutters I was born into. I didn’t want the same for you and Silvio, and suddenly I saw myself with one foot in my grave and about to live my children unprotected and under attack.”
“That’s why you encouraged Raffaele?”
“I knew he’d had his eye on you and I saw the opportunity to take the target off your backs. To let him know there was no need to fight. When I died, all that was mine would be his. In exchange, there would be a ceasefire until I passed and you would be left in his care. I knew you’d be provided for and safe from harm.”
He meets my eye desperately. “Cara, if I had years and strength enough in me to stand up and fight, I would never have let that arrogant, sleazy, murderous bastard be in the same room as you. But I knew without me here there were only two options—you on his arm or in his firing line. I was trying to protect you from coming to harm but also from the knowledge of all you’ve done.”
“Papà…I don’t know what to say.”
“You are good, Rose. You have goodness deep within you such as men like Silvio and I can never imitate. You’re pure. When you were near me, I’d feel some sense of redemption for all I’ve done. I’d know t
hat for all the damage I’d left behind me, something good would also come from the life of this reckless man.”
“Silvio said there were consequences for me leaving.”
My father looks pained. He simply sighs and tears his gaze away from mine. “Those are not your burdens to bear and it was wrong for me to ever make you a part of it. When I die, I want you to go back to wherever you’ve been and stay there. Keep yourself safe and keep your head down. If you are out of sight, perhaps you will be out of mind for those killers.”
“Darren is a kind and decent man.” There is a lump in my throat as I think of him. “He was a Navy SEAL. He’ll protect me.”
“Does he provide for you?”
I lean forward and kiss my father’s head. “We provide for each other.”
“And are you happy?”
My tears spill hot and fast. “So happy. He treats me like a princess. He’s so caring and kind. He’s strong but so gentle. He’s smart. I think you’d have liked him.”
“I’m glad.” He nods slowly. “You were wise to marry someone different to your father. This cycle of violence and madness will end with you.” He looks up at me with curious eyes. “Were you ever really married to him?”
“I am now.” I blink through my tears to keep my eyes on my father. “We’ve been together all this time. We’ve built a life.”
“Already?”
“It’s been so easy.”
“This morning I transferred $200,000 to your account. It was the most I could do without being scrutinized.”
“Papà, I—”
He holds up a hand. “Use it, Rose. Keep it. Build a life with it. Use it to make sure your children grow up safe, happy, and educated. Make sure they are good—like you.”
* * *
My father dies less than eight hours later. We make the relevant calls to have him taken to the morgue and just like that, he’s gone.
Silvio and I find ourselves in the early hours of the morning, just as the sun is rising, unable to eat or drink anything. We simply sit together in silence for a long time. I’m the first to speak.
“What will you do now?” I ask him.
“God knows, Rose.” Silvio is slumped in a living room armchair. “I guess it’s my turn to take up Dad’s mantle.”
“And what exactly does that mean?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Do you really want to know?”
“I guess not.” I pull up my feet under me, curling up on the armchair beside Silvio’s. “You know, there’s no rule saying you have to follow in his footsteps.”
“What else am I meant to do?”
I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Silvio look helpless. The usual stern and macho expression has fallen from his face and he looks like a lost little boy. He rests his elbows on his knees and sits leaning forward with his head bowed.
“You could do anything you wanted, Silvio. Sell the casinos—let the Alfonsis have them, and go your own way.”
“It’s a lot to give up.”
“Is it?” I meet his eye intently. “All this bloodshed and looking over your shoulder? My own father tried to marry me off to stop any of us getting shot. What is there to miss about that kind of danger and compromise?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I’m not smart, Rose. I’ve always been good at Dad’s other business. I’m cunning and attentive. I strategize. I see patterns. I enjoy the adrenalin rush that comes with seeing Alfonsi’s men sniffing around and knowing there’s going to be a fight.”
“It’s not the glamorous life you think, Silvio. You’re romanticizing a horrible existence.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” He scowls. “You were always his favorite, you know. Dad would have given you anything and he shielded you from everything. I wasn’t dragged into it whether I liked it or not. Then I found I had certain talents. He noticed me then.”
“You’re blaming this gangster act on daddy issues?” I cast him a pitiful glance. “You’re lying to yourself, Silvio. I think you like it.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So when I leave, you’re just going to carry on doing whatever it is you and Dad have always done?”
“That’s the plan.” He turns to me with a serious expression. “You’re going to leave again?”
“There’s nothing for me here. I don’t want this life.”
“I’m on my own, then.”
“You don’t have to be.” I feel sorry for him. Even though I know he’s done despicable things and the words he said to me for refusing Raffaele are still ringing in my ears, I see him now as kind of pathetic. “There’s nobody left to impress. Dad’s gone.”
“All I’ve got is the legacy he left behind. It’s up to me to make sure it doesn’t fall.”
“You know, I think he didn’t even care in the end. He wanted us to have a better life but he came to realize he was going to abandon us in a dangerous world he built. Did he transfer money to you, too?”
“$200,000 last week.”
“Me too.” I stroke Silvio’s arm comfortingly. God knows how there is still empathy in me left for him. “It’s a lot of money, you know. Enough to start again.”
“What else am I capable of, Rose? I can hardly put ‘mobster’ on my resume.”
“What about ‘Vice President of Russo Casinos’?”
He smiles, a little condescendingly. “You’ve had your head well-buried in the sand. The Russo name has a certain reputation. People know what we’ve done. If you’ve married Darren, you’ve done well—you’ve managed to rid yourself of it.”
“You can change your name, Silvio. You can walk away from the casinos and all the other shit you’ve been up to. You can take the money Dad gave you, find yourself a home somewhere far away and find a nice girl to settle down with.”
“I wouldn’t want to be with the sort of woman who’d fall for a man like me.”
I realize there’s little I can say. Silvio has set his mind on doing what he’s always done and we’re not close enough for my words to carry any weight in convincing him otherwise.
“I didn’t tell Darren I was coming here,” I confess. “I have to leave in the morning.”
Silvio sits upright and fixes me with a pleading stare. “Don’t go yet.”
“You’ve convinced me we’re in danger now Dad’s gone.”
“That’s not going to stop me from burying him. No matter what enemies he’s made, he’s our father.”
I feel a stab of pain beneath my ribs; the knife of guilt twisting. I’m in shock from losing my father and yet distracted from my grief by the threat hanging over our heads. I want to say goodbye properly, but I don’t know what harm those extra days could do.
“Come on, Rose,” he urges me softly. “Who else is going to have anything good to say about him? He’ll be put in the ground with nobody to speak for him, nobody to pray, nobody to witness…It’s the end of a life. That should mean something.”
“Silvio, I can’t….”
“If you didn’t want to say goodbye properly then why did you come back? I know you’ll regret not being here for the funeral. And I don’t know what I’m doing. I need you here.” He swallows, his face a picture of grief. “Despite everything else going on, we’ve lost our father. We should be together to grieve.”
I wonder if I can tell him. “It’s not just me I have to worry about.”
“Darren isn’t on anybody’s radar.”
I lay my hand over my stomach and give Silvio a meaningful stare. “I’m pregnant.”
16
Darren
Rose was gone without a trace.
I came back from work to find the apartment empty and my heart immediately dropped to my stomach. I checked the camera footage which monitors the apartment door and windows and saw no unusual figures or strangers lurking around. All I know is that Rose left the apartment late and never came back.
I immediately start calling everyone
I can think of, starting with the neighbors. I check the apartment pool and even jog up and down through the town to check if she’s in any of the stores. I don’t know why I think she might be in a store—she’s been gone all night.
After calling everyone we have any connection to in Salt Lake City—including Rose’s work—I decide to broaden my search and ring Natalie.
She answers quickly. “Rose! How are you doing?”
“It’s not Rose. It’s Darren.”
“Oh, hi, Darren. What’s up?”
“Have you heard from Rose lately?”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
Natalie pauses and then lets out a long sigh. “I can’t believe I’m the one having to tell you this. I called Rose yesterday to pass on a message from Silvio.”
“What kind of message?”
“Her father is dying and she needed to come home to say goodbye.”
“And she went?”
“She said she had to think about it. But if she’s not there…”
“Jesus. Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I know the answer to that question. Rose would have known how I’d have responded. At the very least I would have insisted on coming with her and she would have tried to talk me out of it to keep me from harm’s way. So she decided not to tell me at all.
“Darren? Are you okay?”
“I’m driving down there.” I pick up my keys from the kitchen counter as I say it. “Can you do me a favor, Natalie?”
“What do you need?”
“Keep an eye out for her, will you? Keep trying to get in touch. I just need to know she’s okay.”
“I’ll see what I can do. How long will it take you to get here?”
“At least six hours.”
“Drive safe.”
“I’ll try.”
I don’t pack a thing. I simply jog to the car and put it in drive.
I’ve got to get to her.
* * *
When I arrive in Vegas, I go straight to Casa Di Russo. I’m not here to play games.
A security guard standing at the entrance holds up a hand to me as I approach. “Sir, this is a private property.”