"What makes you say that?"
"An entire classroom full of budding physicists didn't notice the bold face of six valence electrons in that picture, but you did." She poked my forearm and I nearly jumped from the unusual gesture. "And you don't even know what a valence electron is. They do."
"Fair point." I chuckled, and tucked my hands into my pockets. "What is it?"
"Electrons on the outer shell of the atom that helps in forming chemical bonds," she explained, simply.
"I think I've learned more knowing you these past few weeks than I have in an entire semester's worth of classes," I said.
"Speaking of learning, this might be a lofty invite, but I'm thinking of going to the Pacific Science Center this weekend. They have a planetarium and they're doing a presentation on neutron stars and other celestial objects. Would you like to go with me?" The way she presented it offered no pressure, no obligation, and absolutely no clue as to the nature of her invite. Was this a platonic ask or something more?
"Um, yeah. If you're willing to explain a million things to me during that time period, I would be game," I answered before I could ponder further the notion of what any of this meant.
"You'll be okay, I promise. I can meet you there at three if that's easier? Parking is annoying so I'll probably take an Uber or public transportation."
"Same. Meeting there is fine. It's not too far from me." What am I doing?
"Me either. Great." She smiled, and folded her arms over her middle.
"Thanks for your help," I said, gesturing to the board. "And the invite. I'm looking forward to it."
"Me too." She walked with me back to the classroom and to the double doors at the top of the stairs where a few students began to enter. "See you then."
"Don't torture these kids too much." I smiled as I walked backward a few paces into the hall. "Bye."
"No promises." She grinned before offering me a small wave.
***
"She invited you to the planetarium?" Angelina asked me while we sat around in the conference room after the meeting with the FBI broke up. The numbers and symbols I sent them appeared to be of interest to them, but they didn't tell me what they thought. Everyone else prepared for shift changes.
"She did. Ciara's sister says she's straight, but Angie, it feels different. It doesn't feel normal. You're straight. You don't treat me like that."
"Like how?" Her brow furrowed.
"I don't know. It feels flirty? She pays a lot of attention to me. The way she looks at me sometimes. Asking me to stuff. I haven't made a new friend in years who wasn't a work friend. Is this how people become friends?"
"I'm not sure, girl. Though Eve did say that she seemed to only have eyes for you and she gave you the game ball." She held up her hand. "Take that with a grain of salt considering the source."
"I know…How does she flirt?"
"She doesn't. She was always all action. Until Ciara. Ciara is all action, too, so it worked out for them."
"Yeah, they're cute together…"
"But Eve isn't the only clueless one. She thinks Alex has a crush on you." Angelina laughed. "Did you notice?"
"I didn't." I frowned at the notion. "She's not my type."
"Too passive, I know."
"I hope I didn't do anything to hurt her feelings though…"
"Nah. I doubt it. She's risky anyway considering the Frankie situation." Angelina perked up. "I follow the Wildrose connections pretty well considering I'm not even on the radar."
"Yeah, but you love gossip."
"Do not."
"Do so."
She waved me off. "Anyway, have you come out to Mira yet?"
"No…"
"Why not?" Angie swatted the table as if the notion frustrated her.
"Because I don't know her that well yet."
"Well, you're about to." She shoved my shoulder while we rose together. "Have a good weekend. One bonus to the feds handling this case is we get to have a weekend and just do our regular jobs."
"Agreed. Later."
Saturday afternoon came in a bustle of getting ready and picking out clothes. I didn't want to go overboard, but I didn't want to be underdressed either. Eleanor helped me pick out a pair of black skinny jeans, cuffed at the bottom, with black ankle boots and a navy-blue blouse. It was a step above what I normally wore for work, and nicer. Couple that with my hair down, a few manicured waves tangled within, and a light spattering of makeup, and my little sister had me on my way.
The entire ride there, my thoughts raced around in incomprehensible circles. One way or another, I needed to find out what we were doing with this situation.
Mira met me outside, as promised, at three. The sight of her immediately made my cheeks burn. Unlike the two states that I'd grown used to seeing her, work and soccer, she adopted a more casual-feminine look. Black hair down, long and smooth, a thin gray sweater dress, leggings and knee-high boots completed the look. The only aspect that remained the same was her crimson lipstick.
I never wanted that to stop.
"Hey," I said, approaching her while she gazed down at her phone.
"Hi." She perked up when she saw me, then leaned in to offer me a hug. I stumbled through it at first like usual. The sweet fragrance of her perfume met my nose and brought goosebumps over my flesh. "I'm so glad you came."
"Thanks for inviting me," I said when we parted. "I'm ready to learn about neutron stars."
"Good." She chuckled, then gave the end of my hair a faint tug. "You look nice."
"Thanks." My face nearly caught fire in that moment. "So do you."
A perpetual smile lingered on her lips. "C'mon, let's go inside."
We followed the crowd queued for the planetarium, and found our seats after a few minutes. The narrow seats had us sitting closer than I expected when they tilted back. We waited for the presentation to begin, and I faded into the high-tech projections of the domed ceiling. Holograms had me flinching every so often. Gazing at the dark, star-filled sky above us brought a sense of awe to my psyche. I hadn't seen the sky so clearly since my nights in Montana. Despite the simulation nature of the experience, it felt completely real to me.
"Like what you see so far?" she asked, her voice soft.
"It's amazing." I drew my gaze away to see the reflection of the full moon twinkling in her eyes. "And beautiful."
"Yeah." She seemed to gulp after her agreement. "It is."
We both turned back to the sky, and watched as the presentation began a few minutes later.
For a full two hours, I listened to the narration on the astrophysics of a neutron star, pulsars, and blackholes while full-fledged immersed in the light show above and around us. I never expected to enjoy it as much as I did.
A few minutes before the end, a warm hand wrapped around my wrist and I looked to Mira. She leaned over when she had my attention and whispered close to my ear, "Stars make me hungry."
The sound of the booming star explosions covered up my laughter. "Me too."
"Dinner after?"
I nodded and she smiled before returning to her reclined position, her hand retreating from my wrist. From that point on, my focus shifted from enjoyment to attempting to decode the woman beside me.
An hour and a half later, we found ourselves tucked into a cozy booth at my favorite ramen restaurant. Both of us had steaming bowls of ramen noodles in front of us and glasses of white wine. We chatted about neutron stars, and Mira's commentary on the presentation had me hanging on her every word.
"Collapsed stars condensing into a ball of neutrons then merging to form blackholes is something I never ever thought about," I said, after she explained the nature of them.
"The most interesting part is the pulsars. Imagine being able to see that, flashing lights in the universe in regular intervals." She smiled around her bite of noodles, her soft green eyes reflecting the dim light in their steadfast gaze.
"I imagine everyone thought it was some sort of alien communication or somet
hing at first."
"They did. Yeah." She set her chopsticks down, narrowed her brows, then leaned her elbows on the table. "You're looking at me funny."
"How am I looking at you?" I nearly choked on the broth that I sipped from the spoon.
"Like you're actually interested in what I say."
"I am," I told her, because it was the truth. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Not many people are. I mean, students and colleagues, yes, but none of my friends. Or family even."
"Well, they're missing out." I set my spoon down and lifted my wine for a sip.
"I don't think they'd agree," she said, leaning back in her seat.
"I don't care if they do. It's my opinion." I laughed when I heard myself and set my glass back down on the table. That was enough alcohol for the time being.
Mira chuckled, tilting her head as she watched me and toyed with the napkin beside her bowl. She grew quiet, and her expression softened to pensive as she stared at the frayed paper. I let her have the moment, to think about whatever it was that bothered her while I contemplated my discussion with Angie.
"So, tell me about your friends?" she asked out of nowhere.
"My friends?" I considered my answer for a moment before responding. "I don't have too many. Angelina is my closest. Her best friend is Eve, so naturally I have some connection to her and Ciara, but not much. What about you?"
"The soccer girls are my closest friends. Our friendship revolves around the sport, mainly, and our after-game meals. A few of the other professors at the college and I will share a meal now and then. Nothing super close. Are you and Angelina close?"
"Somewhat, yes. Most of the homicide team goes for drinks after work at Jimmy's Bar. Have you been there?"
"Dive bar?" She shook her head. "But I've been past it."
"A lot of cops go there. The food is pretty good and liquor is cheap so we keep going."
"Understandable."
"I spend most of my non-work time with Robert and now Eleanor since she's been here, but they're growing up and building lives of their own. It's been great to see them flourish. Eleanor wants to dorm on campus next year and Robbie graduates with his Masters. Things will change more then," I blurted out in the wake of her sudden loss for full sentences.
"You've been a good sister to them, it sounds like. It's wonderful to know someone as kind as you…"
"I'm not sure if I'm generally kind, but to them I am."
"I think you're generally kind and you just don't know it."
"What makes you say that?" I asked, giving up on my resolve and stealing another sip of wine.
"The way you've so readily agreed to hang out with me, for one. We didn't know each other at all, and my over excitement about meeting a detective didn't turn you off."
"Not at all…" Quite the opposite actually. "What seems exciting about it?"
"I'm not sure. Most of the people I know are some sort of science nerd or average citizen. Detective work is hands-on, practical, and helpful. Theoretical physics." She shook her head. "Doesn't do much for humanity except impart information that is hardly useful in day-to-day life. Solving crimes, that's helpful and honorable."
"Thank you. Physics are important though, Mira. Your interests are valid, regardless of how you use it. I like to read about psychology and consciousness. It's not useful, per say, but it's interesting and I like it," I told her. "I mean, watching Netflix isn't necessarily useful either, and I sure do a lot of that."
"Yeah." She laughed, her gaze flickering from her bowl to mine again. "I do, too."
We fell into quiet again, and I watched her as she continued to toy with objects in front of her.
"You okay?" I asked, and she nodded.
"I'm enjoying spending time with you," she said, her voice quiet. "It was nice not to go to the planetarium alone."
"I've never been before, but I would go again. I've enjoyed spending time with you, too."
"I think that's why I appreciate your company. You like to learn things and you have an open mind," she said. "At least that's part of it."
"I spent nearly twenty years of my life sheltered from learning about life, art, science, philosophy, everything. I've always felt like I was behind the curve and needed to catch up." I shrugged, continuing to observe her subdued presence. I don't know what I said or did to cause the excitement to dim in her features, but it lasted longer than I liked.
"You're ahead of it, trust me."
"So are you. Way ahead."
"In some ways maybe. Not others," she said.
"I think that's true of all of us."
Again, more quiet for a second until she met my gaze again. "Do you live far from here?"
"Nope. Barely a five-minute walk. You?"
"Same." Her brow furrowed. "My condo is two blocks over." She pointed west to where the sun began to set in the bay window overlooking the busy streets.
"My apartment building is on the other side of the park there." I nodded toward the front door. "We're pretty close."
"It's a quick commute to U.W. which is why I chose this area," she said.
"Same. I moved into that building when I was still a student. I went from a studio to a two bedroom when Robert moved in. I couldn't handle sharing a tight space with a teenage boy." I laughed while shaking my head. "The minute he learned about videogames, he hardly left the house and rarely wore anything except boxers for about a year. And the dirty socks everywhere. Why?"
She chuckled at the image I painted of my younger brother. "He sounds fun."
"He was. That first year was an adjustment. Then he settled in and found his calling. He works at the Italian restaurant across the street there." I pointed behind her and she glanced over. "Ever been?"
"All the time, but mainly takeout."
"He's there in the evening mostly. Tall, lanky, extremely clean cut."
"Does he have blue eyes like you?"
"Yes. All three of us have the same color eyes."
"They're very pretty."
"Thank you." I gulped and cleared my throat. "Green eyes like yours are uncommon. I think they're prettier."
"Well, thank you for that." She smiled and leaned back in her seat.
We both spent a few seconds hanging there until the server approached the table. He presented the check after we declined dessert, and before I knew it, we were heading out to the cooler night air.
I tucked my hands into the pockets of my jeans and headed in the direction of Mira's condo complex. Our gait remained slow, and our heels hit the pavement in time with one another. As we drew toward the street corner, we paused at the intersection that meant we should head in opposite directions. Except we didn't. I made the first move and turned toward her place.
"Where are we going?"
"I'm walking you home. It's getting dark," I said, nodding ahead of us.
"You don't have to."
"I work these streets every day and I'll worry if I don't at least see you to the door," I said, and she glanced down at my weapon ever-present at my hip.
"Do you always have a gun?"
"Mostly, yes."
"Does it make you feel safer?"
"Usually. Does it make you feel safer?" I asked, and she glanced from me to the buildings ahead.
"Not in and of itself. With you wielding it, perhaps, yes."
We walked a few paces in contemplative silence, until we entered the gates of the courtyard leading to the condo complex.
"Mira?"
"Hmm?" She gripped the strap of her purse tighter and turned left at the fork in the pathway of the building.
"I think there's something I should tell you. I mean, I feel like I should be honest about it." My tongue thickened in my mouth, and I swallowed down the anxiety that came with it.
"All right…" She paused beside a pretty marble bench perched in the grass between two cherry blossom trees. Her expression tightened, thinning her lips to a firm line.
"I'm not sure how you'll feel about it, but
I've enjoyed our friendship and time together over these past few weeks and I want to be…authentic. Not just with this, but always," I yammered on while floundering for the bravery to say what I needed. I hadn't come out to anyone in years. Everyone else in my life already knew or assumed because of how I met them.
"I'm a fan of authenticity," she said, though it didn't erase the tension in her features. Her eyes shimmered with something that resembled foreboding. "What is it?"
"I just want you to know that…I'm gay." I ran my fingers through my hair, unable to meet her gaze in fear of her reaction. "I mean, not that it's an issue or anything weird, but I felt like you should know. My brother is, too. And that's the main reason why we left Montana and our unaccepting family. Eleanor came with us to get her away from their bigotry."
"Oh." She breathed out the word, her hand falling from its grip on her purse, and she sat down on the bench beside us. She moved unusually slow, and the anxiety in my chest pitted my gut with the beginnings of the emotions that precipitated rejection. I glanced at her, as she stared wide-eyed at the pavement between us before she looked up at me again. "Is that all?"
"Um…yeah. That's all." I watched her, and her shoulders relaxed right away. "Does it bother you?"
"What?" Now her body unlocked, her brows lifting in a near-panic. "Of course not."
I let out a heavy breath, then lowered myself to sit beside her.
"Of course it doesn't bother me," she repeated, then gripped my forearm the way she had in the past. "I'm sorry that your family treated you that way. And your brother."
"Thank you." I patted her hand and she released me. "I was worried about telling you."
"I'm glad you told me," she said, her voice softer than before. "I appreciate your honesty."
"I appreciate your acceptance," I told her, because it was the truth. Despite her positive response, my heart continued to thunder in my chest, mainly because I still kept something from her. She was my friend, of that I was sure, and I had a schoolgirl crush on her. But I didn't want to tell her that. Risking scaring her off wasn't something I wanted to do right now, especially after the nicest day I've had in a long time that didn't involve quality time with my siblings.
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