"I know. And it isn't even good sometimes." Eleanor rolled her eyes and I choked on my own saliva when I made to swallow my emotions.
"Who have you been sleeping with?" I asked through hacking coughs.
Eleanor giggled at me, rolling her eyes. "No one here. Don't you remember bible camp? That's where the sex happened."
I cocked a brow at her while composing myself. "I remember. How do you think Mom found out I was gay?"
"She got kicked out." Ellie jabbed a thumb in my direction while she looked at Mira. "Terrible stealth."
"You got kicked out of bible camp?" Mira laughed at me and I swatted her arm. "You rebel."
"Fifteen-year-old gay girls aren't stealthy!" I defended, chuckling at them.
"Maybe we don't get stealthy until sixteen. That's when my stealth happened." Eleanor grinned and I covered my face.
"Ellie!"
"C'mon! Be the cool sister who talks about sex."
"I'll talk about sex, but imagining you doing it with a boy at sixteen makes me hurl!"
Mira cracked up, dropping her hand down on the table. "Oh my God."
"Don't listen to her. She doesn't care about my age. She's freaked out because I'm talking about hetero sex." Eleanor sighed dramatically. "She can't handle penises. Little does she know how much jizz occurs in this house." She pointed down the hall and Mira nearly fell off her chair from laughing so hard.
"Ellie!" I launched myself across the table, and attempted a round of swats at her. She burst out laughing and a two-sided swat fest happened.
"Oh my God. This is the funniest night of my life," Mira said, her voice hoarse from hysterics.
Eleanor's giggles turned her face bright red as I grabbed her into a headlock and messed up her hair. "Beej!"
I laughed and released her after a round of protests, then dropped back into my seat. "Cool sister mode is broken. Grossed out parental mode cringing."
"Is not. Prude." She stuck her tongue out at me and I smirked.
"She's no prude, Ellie. Trust me." Mira grinned and my mouth fell open in shock.
"I knew it!" Eleanor clapped, laughing hard as she pointed at the two of us. "Mira will tell me all your secrets, Beej. Look out."
"Don't you dare." I laughed as my face heated to a flush with the bout of teasing. Mira grinned, patting my leg.
Yet another knock on the front door broke our conversation and Eleanor hopped up again.
"Do you like answering the door or something?" I asked her. "Also, it's after ten. Let me get it."
"I'm fine, Beej." She waved me off and trotted down the hall.
"In teenager time, it's like six at night," said Mira and I nodded.
Both Mira and I watched the hall for Eleanor to return, and sure enough, she did, with Riley in tow. Eleanor held his hand and led him back to the table, her formally jovial expression now riddled with worry.
"Can I stay?" Riley whispered, on the verge of tears as he avoided my gaze.
"Yes, honey." I dropped my feet from Mira's lap and made my way around the table to pull him into a hug. I smooched his cheek and he offered me an appreciative smile. "I'll give your mom a call. Okay?"
"Yeah." He nodded and I smoothed down his hair when he leaned back. "Sometimes I stay at Finn's."
"I get it. You're more comfortable with your chosen family." I cupped his face in my palms and he nodded right away. "Good thing because this family is super queer."
Riley laughed and blinked away a single tear that trickled down his cheek. I smooched his forehead and he nodded again, allowing me to dote on him. I wondered if he got any sort of affection at home. I knew his mother was generally accepting, but his dad was a problem. Even with a supportive parent, a toxic second parent could do just as much damage.
Eleanor stood beside Mira who now had her arm around her shoulders. In that moment, Eleanor and Riley appeared less like budding adults and more like teenagers who had no idea how to handle the complex emotions smacking them in the face.
"Maybe tonight is a big family sleepover night." I released Riley, then helped him out of his backpack. "Mira, you in?"
"Oh yeah." She chuckled and hugged Ellie when our reactions uplifted the young ones. "It'll be good practice for college dorm life."
"El, let's get some spare blankets and pillows for the living room. You and Riley can camp out here because it's more socially acceptable for teenagers who are dating to not be allowed in the same bedroom over night," I said, and it made Riley laugh.
"What difference does it even make?" Eleanor laughed, and broke away from Mira to grab the bedding from the closet.
"None at all. But we're going to go with it." I winked at Mira on my way into the kitchen to put away some of the leftovers. She followed me with the empty pizza boxes.
"Well, things get interesting around here pretty quickly," she said. "A lot like a day on campus."
"It really is. I'm gonna call his mom. Keep them distracted?" I asked, kissing her quickly when she reached around me to the trash.
"Will do. Is his mom difficult?"
"No, but it's late and she asks a lot of questions if the father is around."
"Gotcha." Mira nodded then scurried back out to help them set up for the night.
Mrs. Milton answered the phone in two rings and, sure enough, asked me a dozen questions, not all of them about Riley.
"Are you alone right now, Mrs. Milton?" I asked, glancing around the corner to where Mira helped cover the sofa and loveseat in sheets and blankets.
"My husband is in his study, yes."
"Is Mr. Milton hard on Riley?"
"At times. At first, he refused to acknowledge him as a boy. Now, all he does is put pressure on him. 'C'mon, son. Be a man. Man up. A real man would…'" She paused to sigh. "No matter what, I can't seem to get him to understand that none of that helps. Not Riley or anyone."
"I get it. Listen, Mrs. Milton. We're happy to have Riley here when he gets stressed out for a respite. I know he spends a lot of time at Finnley's with her moms, but as a second resource, he's always welcome here."
"He is hardly ever home and honestly, he's happier when he isn't. I've pushed for him to dorm at U.W. next year and he's thrilled. My husband was already talking about a football team. Can you imagine that? I'll have a pancake with a T.B.I. for a son. George is clueless."
I tried not to laugh, and shook my head. "Riley sees hope on the horizon for being on his own. Let's all foster that."
"Thanks for looking after him. If it wasn't for you and Vee, our relationship would be quite strained as I try to keep the sanity around here," she admitted.
"I understand. Have a good night."
"You, too."
With Riley and Eleanor settled on the prospective couches and a movie playing on the flat screen, Mira and I took our leave down the hall.
"Fair warning, I share this room with Ellie," I said before opening the door.
"The fact that I haven't seen your bedroom yet is a little unnerving." She followed me in and, as expected, Eleanor's half of the room had clothes and shoes strewn about and the bed remained unmade.
"You know," Mira began as she slipped out of her shoes. "This place could be the next Barbary Lane."
"I don't…what even is that?" I laughed as I kicked off my boots, and peeled the soiled clothes off my body. "I need to shower, babe. I'm a mess."
"Ever read Tales of The City?" she asked and I shook my head as I tossed my clothes in the hamper before grabbing my robe from the closet.
"Nope. What's it about?"
"All different types of people in San Francisco. I read it years ago. There's a lot of LGBTQ people in it. This transgender woman, Anna Madrigal, buys this big house and rents four apartments to tenants who are like bisexual, gay, straight. There's drag queens and brothels, rich people and cheaters. It's a little wild," she said, dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed.
"That sounds very gay, baby." I grinned at her then leaned down to kiss her. "Why'd you choose that b
ook?"
She chuckled while she watched me tie my robe around my middle. "It was assigned in a writing class I took in college. I never forgot it. Barbary Lane sounded like a fun place to live. Chosen family, close friends, a ton of weed."
"You like weed, do you?" I grinned and she swatted my rear.
"Go shower so you'll let me cuddle you."
"Yes, Mistress." I laughed as she made for a swat at me again, but dodged it as I headed out to the bathroom.
On the way, I paused in the hall to snoop on Riley and Eleanor who had lowered the volume on the television and their conversation carried in the quiet to meet my ears.
"I don't care if you go on T or not, Riley. I like you for who you are, not what you look like or what body parts you have. You can't make that decision based on me. It has to be for you. Same with surgery."
"I know. But what if you want me to be able to…you know."
"Jordan says, 'That's what strap-ons and fingers are for.' I believe her."
I covered my face and shook my head, suddenly doubting Jordan's influence for a hot second.
"I mean it when I say it has to be for you. All of it has to be for you. Promise me that your decisions will be based on what you want, not what you think other people will want," Eleanor said, and I slipped into the bathroom closing the door quietly behind me.
I didn't want to overhear anymore intimate details of their very important exchange. It wasn't for my ears and it sounded like they were handling the very adult topic with maturity and grace.
I took the quickest shower of my life before sneaking back down the hall to join Mira in bed. She leaned against the headboard with her socked feet crossed at the ankles while she watched me close the door.
"I don't have any work clothes with me," she said. "So I have to be up kind of early to head home and change."
"Ten bucks says they call me into work at four in the morning anyway." I pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms from my dresser drawer then searched for a T-shirt in the mix. I found nothing and huffed. "Someone's been pilfering my shirts."
Mira laughed and I settled on a camisole before joining her in bed. "I love your family," she said.
"Me too."
"Is this what every night is like around here?" she asked. "I mean, I've been here for more formal meals but on random nights."
"Yep. Every night since Eleanor's been here. When it was just me and Robert, we were like two ships in the night sometimes, docking only to share meals together a few times a week. We still talked a lot."
Mira held her arms to me as we settled into the pillows. I snuggled against her and she brushed her lips across my forehead. "It's very fun."
"It is, but we need more space. I've put zero effort into looking because of Ellie heading off to the dorms."
"True. It's only about six weeks away at this point."
"I'm definitely going to miss having her here. But turns out, I have a new roommate already on deck." I chuckled and she rubbed my back in soothing circles while I mimicked her gesture around her stomach.
"That was pretty hilarious. Sometimes you think they're grown adults and then…"
"And then they're hiding boyfriends in their bedroom at twenty-five. Yup. Did Mikey visit you today?"
"He did. He's very upset at Sedona," she said, and I reached up to stroke her cheek.
"So are you. So am I. I'm sorry I missed his visit. Work was nuts."
"It's okay. It was good for us to just talk for a little bit. He's very nice to me."
"He loves you, baby. Has Sedona tried to talk to you?"
"Not yet. I don't want to talk to her. Ever again really."
"I know." I brushed my thumb over her bottom lip and she nodded. "Have you talked to Saoirse and the soccer girls?"
She nodded, taking a deep breath when her emotions dipped again. "They want to have dinner on Saturday."
"Gonna go?"
"No. I like our Saturday nights together."
"Baby, your friends are important too. Why don't you invite them over for dinner? That way we don't have to leave."
She shook her head and nuzzled me, her lips pressing against my cheek.
"How come?"
"I dunno."
"Yes, you do." I poked her nose and she scrunched it up.
"I feel like I don't have anything in common with them sometimes." She shrugged, her gaze falling away for a moment.
"Is this a new feeling?"
"Not really. It was easier to pretend when I didn't have anything going on in my life. It's harder now," she admitted, her gaze meeting mine again. "You know something?"
"I know a few things." I smiled at her and she traced my lips with her finger.
"Whenever I mention things being harder right now, you get this look on your face. It's not overt or anything, but this tiny little brow crinkle that happens which tells me you're worried. Sometimes, the light in your baby blues dims and I can tell you're afraid." Her words left her delicate lips and slammed into me like a freight train. "Why does that happen?"
"I don't know…" I tugged her hand to my chest and hugged it.
"Yes, you do. What are you afraid of?" She fingered my hair from my face and tilted her head, a light smile on her lips. Images of our first meeting, the day at the planetarium, and dinner after fluttered through my mind. It made me smile.
"Do you remember the day at the planetarium?" I asked.
"I do. It was a great day."
"I think I knew I loved you then. Sitting in that reclined chair, your body heat against me while we stared at the stars. Neutron stars never seemed so interesting to me before. I never looked at the stars with anyone, even if it was simulated. I always felt so alone when I stared at the sky in Montana. It was a beautiful sky, but I was alone." I took a breath, before continuing. "Every time you touched me that day, my body caught fire and I never wanted it to stop." I leaned down and kissed her fingers. "Just like now."
Mira's eyes twinkled in the low light of the bedroom. She continued to stroke my hair, tucking it behind my ear while she listened to me. "I knew that day, too, that you were one person I would adore gazing at the stars with."
"Can we go back there? I'd really like to go back."
"Yes, love. I'll take you back there." Mira pulled me into an embrace and I allowed myself to settle into her arms. She pressed her lips to my cheek, breathing softly as we melted together into the cozy bed.
If Mira taught me anything, it was how to be held. How to surrender to the physical connection of another person, and allow myself to enjoy it. It was the safest, warmest, homiest place in the universe. No one held me like Mira. Never a parent, sibling, or friend. No matter what happened in the future, no matter where we went, I would always remember how she made me feel whenever she wrapped me in her arms.
Chapter Eighteen
"Olsen." Donovan's voice echoed down the hall and I nearly dropped my coffee. "Get in here."
"Now you've done it," muttered Angelina, and I all but kicked her on my way past.
I headed to the conference room, avoiding Sorensen's worried gaze on the way. Donovan sat at the table with Chief Walsh and Moreno with file folders and evidence bags strewn across it.
"Sit." Donovan pointed to a vacant chair beside Moreno, then slid one of the folders to me when I did so. I opened it, scanning through the photos of the deceased victims, all of which had zip ties around their necks.
"How many?" I asked.
"Twelve."
"Shit."
"You know, Olsen, when I hired you, I didn't think you'd be the kind of detective to catch serial killers ahead of the FBI." Walsh knocked on the table.
"He really was the killer?" I asked, glancing between them. Moreno smirked, his eyes brighter than usual.
"Sure was. His name isn't Steven Blake, by the way, it's Stefan Devereaux." Donovan opened a second file and showed me the mugshot and the rap sheet of the suspect. "Ex-military, dishonorable discharge for violence. In his apartment, we found more zi
p ties that matched the ones on the vics along with his manifesto."
"What was his motive for all this?"
"To outdo Washington's most elusive serial killer who had a body count in the states of thirty-two, and several living victims here and in Canada," answered Donovan. "We caught him half way through his rampage."
"That's it? That's the motive for all of this? Breaking the Four Point Killer's record?" Disgust churned my gut and I thrust the folders away from me.
"He got sloppy. Bold even. Varying his victims." Donovan handed me a notebook in an evidence bag with a swastika plastered across the front. "He wrote about all of it, similar to Four Point's partner. Devereaux wanted fame and for books to be written about him."
"Bullshit. Another radical white male summoning Nazis and set on destroying people and inciting fear." Anger boiled my blood and Donovan dropped her hand down on the table. "That horrible presidency is over and we're still cleaning up his messes."
"And you caught him," said Donovan, interrupting my tirade.
"Out of a stroke of luck," I said, remembering the article in the paper that Robert showed me.
"Quit selling yourself short, Olsen." Moreno pointed at me. "It was instinct."
"He's right. Good instinct. Clear mind. Sound detective work." Walsh nodded, tucking a cigarette behind his ear as if his word ended the meeting.
"Good thing I don't like creepy men watching me." I closed the folders and pushed them back toward Donovan. "Otherwise he might've made his body count goals."
"Agreed." Donovan picked up the papers and returned them to the evidence box beside her. "Good work."
"Devereaux's identity has been released, so expect some follow up," Moreno added before standing. Walsh joined him and out of habit, I stood with them.
Our party broke up, but Donovan remained in her seat. I made to follow my team but she rolled her chair in my walking path. "You know, Olsen…"
"What?" My brow furrowed and Donovan watched me, a single brow cocked as she surveyed me.
"Nothing yet." She moved out of my way and gestured to the door. "Just good work."
"Thanks…" I walked a wide path around her before heading back to Angelina.
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