“Someone should have told me I couldn’t. It would have saved me a lot of time trying not to drown.”
His mother’s eyes gentled. “You’re doing okay.”
Okay. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, but he’d take it.
“We both are.”
“And Brynn,” Alice added. “Especially given all she’s been through. What does she think about you fostering the child?”
“She’s not thrilled, but it’s better than Remi being taken out of Starlight. I don’t think she has a lot of faith in me.”
Alice raised a brow.
“I’m not the same as I used to be, Mom. Hell, you said yourself, town residents respect the job I do. I’m working my butt off. Why can’t people let go of judging me by my past?”
“Are we talking about people in general?”
He shook his head, amused and irritated at his earlier question being posed to him. “I want to help her.”
“And you are. You will.” Alice reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. She’d turned sixty last year, and while her hands were still delicate, with long graceful fingers and manicured nails, there were also subtle age spots and obvious veins covering the backs of them. Time didn’t stop for anyone, even those rooted in the past.
“What are you going to do with Remi while you work?”
“I’ve called Mimi Briggs to see if she has room in her day care. A couple of the women from the department used her when their kids were little. I trust her.” He glanced toward the baby monitor as it crackled on the counter.
“It’s a shame to have another disruption for the child.” Alice patted his hand. “Why don’t I come over during the day and take care of her? At least for the first week.”
Nick’s heart slammed against his chest. He never would have expected his mom to make that kind of offer. “It’s a big imposition.”
“It will give me something to do—a good distraction. The holidays aren’t my favorite time of year anymore.”
Nick nodded. He struggled every year to make sure his mom didn’t slip into a pre-Christmas depression. There were so many reminders of his dad and his brother and the traditions they’d had as a family.
A sharp cry sounded through the monitor, and he immediately stood. “I’d appreciate that, Mom.” He leaned over and gave her an awkward hug. Nick still found himself unable to release the thought that she’d lost the wrong son. Nick’s guilt and his mother’s grief had coalesced to form an invisible barrier between the two of them. He loved her, of course, but recognized his love would never be enough to truly help her heal from the losses she’d suffered. “I need to go check on her.”
She nodded. “I’ll head home unless there’s anything else?”
“You’ve done so much already. Thank you again.”
“Nick, you’re my son. I’d do anything for you.”
Breathing through the rubber band that tightened around his chest, he nodded, then started for the stairs.
Remi was crying in earnest by the time he walked into the spare bedroom where he’d set up the crib his mom borrowed. The tiny wails cut through him, and he wondered at the wisdom of allowing his mom to leave.
What the hell did he know about taking care of a baby? He’d signed up for the foster program after his second year on the job, mostly so he could work with and mentor older kids and teens who might not have another positive role model in their lives. Despite his training, he’d never expected to be called on to serve in this way.
In theory, he knew what he was doing. In reality...
Alone in the quiet of his house, with only a dim night-light illuminating the room...he was as lost as if he’d been dropped into an unfamiliar forest in the dead of night.
He scooped her up and ignored the fact that his hands trembled. Of course, he’d seen friends and coworkers who were parents hold babies. He supported her head with one hand and her body with the other.
There was no funky smell like she had a dirty diaper or another sign of obvious distress. He’d fed her recently, a full bottle. But even as he cradled her close, her squalls became louder and more insistent.
“I wish I spoke baby,” he murmured, racking his brain for any random baby-care tips he might have inadvertently picked up. As a single guy, Nick had never paid much attention to babies. He was going to be renting Mr. Mom and Three Men and a Baby as soon as he had a moment to spare.
Which might not be anytime soon if Remi didn’t stop crying. He walked in a circle around the small space in front of the crib, jiggling her the way he’d seen his deputies do with their babies. “Please stop crying. Please stop crying.” He said the words over and over and then put them to a melody. His own little desperate lullaby.
Oddly enough, as soon as he started singing, Remi’s cries lessened. Nick was so shocked that he stopped, sending her into another fit of wailing.
Could singing be the secret sauce to settling her? He didn’t know any kid songs or real lullabies so he launched into a version of his favorite Johnny Cash tune.
Remi continued to whimper for the first verse but by the time he got to the chorus about a burning ring of fire, she’d relaxed against him. Her breath came out in ragged sniffles as if she’d exhausted herself.
Did babies this young have nightmares? Or had she been roused by something—the sound of the old radiator or the house settling—and gotten spooked at being in a strange room.
He couldn’t blame her, nor did he have any illusions he was some kind of talented baby whisperer. His voice was gravelly and off-key on certain notes, but the little girl in his arms didn’t seem to care.
And all he cared about was the fact that she seemed to be falling back asleep. Not taking any chances, he sang about a fever hotter than a pepper sprout next. At the end, he glanced down and found her sleeping soundly, one small hand curled into the fabric of his flannel shirt.
As gently as possible, he lowered her into the crib once again. He stood watching for almost a minute, until he was certain she would stay asleep.
Then he turned to leave, only to stop in his tracks. His heart beat a wild rhythm against his rib cage as he realized that he and Remi weren’t alone.
Brynn stood in the doorway of the bedroom, watching Nick like she was as spellbound by his singing as little Remi.
* * *
Brynn’s breath caught in her throat as Nick walked toward her. Emotions assailed her from all directions, but even more powerful was the deep feeling of need that invaded every part of her body.
Without thinking, she reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. His hands splayed across her back, their strength and warmth an unexpected comfort. She rested her head on his shoulder and exhaled. The tension that filled her released its hold, and even if it was only for this moment, she appreciated any reprieve.
“Thank you,” she whispered, although the words felt like a paltry choice to express how she felt.
She’d gotten to Nick’s door as his mother was leaving. Although Alice Dunlap was one of the leaders in what passed for society circles in Starlight, she’d also been one of the few people in town who hadn’t seemed to judge Brynn for her unplanned pregnancy. Brynn’s mother had deemed Alice a snob and maintained that Nick’s mom and her friends looked down their noses at women who weren’t part of the town’s “in crowd.” Unlike her mother, Brynn had always admired Alice’s grace and composure, even after enduring the back-to-back deaths of her older son and her husband.
“You’re doing the right thing by that child,” she’d said, as she gestured Brynn into Nick’s house. “Don’t let anyone tell you different.”
“Nick is the one who saved the day,” Brynn had responded and then jolted when she heard Remi’s loud crying from upstairs.
Alice had given her a small smile. “He might need a bit of saving himself,” sh
e’d said before closing the front door.
Brynn had hurried up the stairs, more concerned for Nick than the baby. Babies cried and a tiny part of her envied Remi the freedom she possessed to let the world know her feelings. But Brynn didn’t want Nick to regret his seemingly unplanned offer of help. This wasn’t going to be an easy journey for anyone, and she would do everything she could to mitigate any difficulties.
If Nick had doubts about handling a baby, he was keeping them to himself. By the time she got to the small bedroom, he was singing quietly and Remi’s cries had subsided. Brynn had stood transfixed by the scene in front of her.
The broad-shouldered, handsome-as-sin police chief crooning to the tiny babe in his arms. Was it possible for a heart—along with ovaries—to actually melt? If so, Brynn’s would be in a sloppy puddle around her feet.
They stood together for several minutes, and Brynn drew comfort from Nick’s big body and his heat. He felt both familiar and totally new. They’d spent so much time together as kids and teenagers, and she’d been half in love with him for most of her youth. She knew his scent and the way he took a longer inhale then exhale. But their bodies pressed together was a different sensation all together.
She tried to ignore her reaction, the way every inch of her skin tingled. It had been so long since she’d felt this way—if she’d ever felt this way.
On a shuttering sigh, she pulled back, afraid if she let herself stay with him for one more second, she might not have the strength to let go.
Nick didn’t release her. Instead, he lifted one hand and smoothed his thumb across her cheek. “Your freckles have faded.”
She opened her mouth to answer, but all that came out was a soft puff of air, so she gave a shaky nod.
“Brynn?”
Still no words, so another nod.
“I’m going to kiss you.”
At those whispered words, she couldn’t even manage a nod. Her body went on high alert. Involuntarily, she licked her lips, drawing a sexy half smile from Nick.
He leaned in, his breath fanning her mouth. “Was that a yes?”
She didn’t respond, couldn’t make a sound. Instead, she pressed her lips to his, a gentle touch that reverberated through her like a fanfare of fireworks.
A low groan sounded in the silence, and she realized it was Nick and not her. His palm cupped her cheek in the way of kissing scenes from every romantic movie she’d ever watched. She should have guessed that Nick Dunlap would kiss like a movie star.
His mouth grew more insistent, and she gladly opened, inviting him in deeper, caught up in the taste of him and the way the kiss made her come alive.
She’d felt numb for the longest time.
How was it possible to be in her twenties and feel like her lady parts had already shriveled up? Now everything inside her seemed to bloom like desert flowers after a heavy rain.
She wanted this. This moment. This man. So much more.
The thought of more in her already complicated life made warning bells go off in her fuzzy brain. Then Remi let out a small cry in her sleep, which had Brynn yanking away. Nick wasn’t for her. She’d learned that lesson years ago and couldn’t afford to repeat her past mistakes.
Especially not when the baby sleeping a few feet away needed her. Needed both of them.
He released her without hesitation, color high on his cheeks and his chest rising and falling like he couldn’t quite catch his breath.
At least Brynn wasn’t the only one affected.
She gave a wan smile and turned for the stairs, hoping he believed her fast retreat was so they didn’t wake the baby by speaking.
In truth, she needed time, even a few seconds, to gather her wits. What the heck had she been thinking kissing Nick?
Where could that lead? No place good for her heart or her peace of mind.
When she got to the kitchen, she stopped, then pivoted toward him.
“That can’t happen again,” she said at the same time he blurted out, “I’ve wanted that for so long.”
Brynn swallowed when it felt like her heart leaped into her chest. “Excuse me?”
“Never mind.” Nick dipped his chin and gave a small shake of his head. “You’re right. It was a mistake. Forget about it.”
He’d wanted to kiss her? That didn’t make sense. Nick had barely spoken more than few a pleasantries to her since high school. Of course, their paths crossed in a town the size of Starlight. He’d been one of Daniel’s friends. Brynn’s friend. But despite the crush on him that had felt so overpowering when she was younger, he’d never looked at her in that way. Or so she’d thought.
She didn’t want to forget even if she didn’t believe it could go anywhere. Her body hummed with awareness, but she ignored it. If nothing else, Brynn was a master of ignoring what didn’t serve her. “Our focus needs to be on Remi,” she said, careful to keep the emotion out of her voice.
“Yep,” he agreed, his lips barely moving.
“I came over to check on her,” she continued. “On both of you. Not for...” She waved her arm between the two of them and then quickly realized it looked like some sort of spastic bird, wing flapping, and pulled it down to her side.
“Understood.”
“Your mom let me in.”
“I figured.”
“And I heard Remi crying so I came upstairs.” She forced her lips together. Nick wasn’t an idiot so he didn’t need her stilted play-by-play.
“I hated hearing her cry that way.”
“You comforted her,” she reminded him, then exhaled a laugh. “I forgot how much you love Johnny Cash.”
“The man in black never fails.” One side of Nick’s mouth quirked. “Unlike some of us.”
“I’m glad your mom was able to help round up supplies.”
“She’s going to watch the baby while I’m at work.” He ran a hand through his hair. “At least until I can arrange other childcare.”
“I’ll help, too. Of course.” She nodded, more to herself than him. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you fostering her until I can be approved.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s huge.” She stepped forward, reached out an arm, then drew it back into her body. Touching him would get her nowhere.
“Have you told Tyler?” he asked quietly.
She shook her head. “I meant to tonight, but every time I opened my mouth, I started to cry. It’s ridiculous. I’ve cried more in the past twenty-four hours than I did after Daniel died.”
“It’s been a lot to process.”
“We both know how things work in Starlight. I have to talk to my son before word gets out about Remi.”
“That’s part of why my mom is going to stay with her during my shifts,” he replied. “She won’t say a word to anyone.”
“Your mom looks good. Are things okay between the two of you?”
The question felt inadequate given all she knew about Nick’s family history. His older brother had been the golden child, leaving Nick in the role of family clown. Brynn had always known there was more to him, deeper wells of emotion and ambition, but he refused to shake his devil-may-care personality. Then Jack was killed and Nick’s father had a massive heart attack six months later. Alice sank into a deep depression that was spoken of in hushed tones in grocery store aisles and after Sunday service.
Nick returned to Starlight and became a deputy, quickly earning a promotion when the longtime police chief retired. At the time, Brynn had been busy with a toddler and trying to make something of the cards life had dealt her.
Their paths had gone in different directions, and she’d forced herself to disregard how important he’d been in her life. Her best friend.
At the moment, memories assailed her from every side, especially when he shrugged and offered her the self-deprecating smile he�
��d perfected at a young age.
“I think so. I’ll never be Jack, but no matter how much we both want him to still be here, I think she’s come to terms with that. I have.”
“You’re a good man, Nick. You always have been.”
His gaze grew more intense as he studied her. “Not always.”
Heat flushed along Brynn’s skin. She’d spent a decade believing she was over her feelings for this man, only to discover how quickly they could blossom again.
“Close enough,” she muttered, then took a step away. Needing to get out of the house before she did something stupid like launch herself at him. “Mara is at my house, so I should go. Like I said, I wanted to stop by and make sure you didn’t need help. Clearly, you’re doing fine without me.”
“I wouldn’t exactly say that.” Nick’s voice was a low rumble.
“Then neither of us should say anything more.”
His expression went blank, as if he understood her meaning but didn’t like it. But he followed her to the front door without speaking.
“I’ll check in tomorrow,” she said at the edge of the porch. “I’d like to spend time with Remi while my foster application is in process so it’s not such a big transition for her. If that’s okay?”
“That would be good,” he said.
“Good night, then.” She lifted a hand and he waved in response.
Hurrying down the walk toward her car, Brynn was grateful for the cool night air surrounding her. She needed all the help she could get so she didn’t overheat from the desire that stretched like an electric charge between them.
Chapter Seven
“Why can’t we keep her now?”
Brynn placed a plate with grapes and a peanut-butter sandwich in front of Tyler, then took the seat across from him at the kitchen table.
“Because the state has a process for approving foster families. She’s going to stay with Nick until my application goes through. Are you sure you’re okay with this, bud? I know it’s a big shock. If you have questions...”
His Last-Chance Christmas Family Page 7