I stepped back, letting Moira’s hands slide from my arms and severing the connection. Her eyes told me if I walked out that door after she’d begged me to stay, that would be the end. She didn’t have to physically say the words, but I knew it was coming.
I think I’d known all along.
I’d tried. I’d tried the hardest I could. But love had no bounds. When fate stepped in and veered you off the path you were on, you had no control over what would happen. And right then, I had no control over the way Lola consumed me. The way my body burned with the need to get to her because she might be hurt. It wasn’t about protecting her. It wasn’t about choosing between my wife and the woman I loved. It was never a choice, and I realized that now as I looked at Moira.
We’d had a loving life together at one stage, but it had never been the way it was when I was with Lola. I’d never craved to see her, never felt like I couldn't go one more day if I didn’t hear her voice.
I took one last glance at Moira and spun around with my shoulders feeling lighter than they had in years.
LOLA
I rifled through the cupboard, searching for the meds I had in here somewhere. The heartburn was taking over my life, and I was sure it would kill me within the next hour if I didn’t take something to get rid of it.
My hand connected to the packet and I pulled, only to find them all gone. Dammit. Now I’d have to go outside and get some. It wasn’t a choice, because I couldn’t live the next fifteen minutes like this, never mind the whole night.
I pulled on a hoodie over my sleep tank and leggings, slipped my feet into my slides, and grabbed my wallet on the way out the door. Within ten minutes, I was exiting the store, taking the meds, and sighing in relief as it worked right away. I seriously needed to stock up on this stuff.
The elevator was finally working again, so I forwent the stairs for a ride up to my floor, and clasped on to my bottle like it was my life saver—it practically was at this point.
My keys jangled as I stepped off the elevator and started walking toward my apartment door. I looked up when I was ten feet away and halted, the keys slipping from my hand.
“Brody?”
He leaned against the wall opposite my apartment, and I tracked my gaze over his crossed ankles, up his slacks, and over his shirt tucked into them. His badge and gun sat proudly there, and for some reason, that made my breath catch. He was mesmerizing to look at, and I couldn’t stop staring. I finally made it to his face and his dark eyes that were zoned in on me.
I shook my head and dipped down. He wasn’t mine to think of like that, not anymore—he never really had been. I picked my keys up and gritted my teeth. Why was he here? What did he want this time?
“Lola—”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, moving toward my door. My shaky hands were betraying me, but I pulled my shoulders back and tried to give him my firm voice.
“We need to talk.”
I raised a brow and opened my door, stepping inside and looking back at him as he pushed off the wall. That one move shouldn’t have captured my attention the way that it had. “No, we don’t.”
His hand curled around the edge of my door, stopping me from closing it. My gaze moved from his hand to his face, and I blinked several times. The grinning face I’d been so used to wasn’t there, but neither was the firm lock of his jaw he’d worn since I’d found out who he was.
“Please. Give me fifteen minutes, and if you want me to leave, I will.”
I wanted to scream no. I wanted to tell him to go home—to his wife. But I did neither of those things, and instead, I stepped back so he could come inside.
“You say what you have to say, and then you can leave,” I told him, walking toward my small kitchen and placing my meds on the counter. I didn’t want to listen to what he had to say. I wanted to stay in this gray area I’d created where I didn’t quite hate him, but still kind of loved him.
Who was I fooling? Not myself. I loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone else, but he’d destroyed that with three words. You’re not enough.
I gritted my teeth at the memory and turned around to face him. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, facing me, his gaze flitting all over my body and stopping on my eye.
“I guess I should start at the beginning?”
“That’d be as good a place as any,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.
He pointed at one of the chairs in question, and I clipped my head in a nod. This was what I’d wanted from that first day, and it had taken nearly a month for him to finally come and tell me. So why did I all of a sudden not want to hear his explanation?
“I was undercover—”
I scoffed. “Yeah, I got that much.”
“To take Hut down.” He raised a brow. “The plan was to infiltrate him and turn you.” I opened my mouth, but he cut me off before I could say anything. “That plan went to shit the moment I met you. I knew I wouldn’t be able to put you in that kind of danger, but I told myself I needed to get closer to you so I could justify my decision.”
My nails bit into the soft flesh of my palms. “So I was a job to you?”
“No, let me finish, kid.” His chest moved on a deep inhale. “I fuckin' fell for you. I fell for you hook, line, and sinker, and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to stop it, I tried to step back, but...I couldn’t. And then I was in deeper than I expected, and it wasn’t about just taking Hut down anymore, it was about protecting you.”
“Well, you kinda did a shit job considering you couldn’t protect me and Hut is back out on the streets.”
“He do that?” he asked, pointing at my face and the bruise around my eye.
I shrugged, feeling the fight bubbling up inside me. “So what if he did? It’s not your business now, is it?”
“I want it to be my business,” he ground out and stood.
I didn’t want him to stand. It was much easier to put my front on when he was sitting, and I had the higher advantage.
“You don’t get to choose that.” I gripped on to the edge of the counter. “From the moment I found out who you were, you’ve been a different person.”
“I…” He scrubbed his palm over his face. “You’re right, I have. I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to put what we had behind me and concentrate on my wife and son. But…”
The air seemed locked in my lungs as he trailed off. Nothing good came after but. But you’re not enough.
“I should have explained it, I should have told you I was trying to do what was best—”
“For who? You?” I chuckled, the sound so far from humorous it wasn’t even funny. “Because it certainly wasn’t for me. You split, Brody. When it became a little tough, you took off, back to the family you’d built.” I pushed off the counter, feeling the fire burning in my veins. “Did you wonder how I felt after it all? Did you wonder what I was feeling?”
“Fuck,” he spat out. “Dammit, Lola.” He lunged forward, gripped the sides of my face, and leaned his forehead against mine. “How do I make you understand that from the moment my eyes met yours, you were the only thing that mattered?”
“You can’t,” I croaked out, “because it’d be a lie.” I was losing steam, tiredness hitting my body at full force.
“It’s not.” He shook his head and pulled back a fraction. “The only lie is the one I’ve been telling myself.”
My hands twitched at my sides, begging me to touch him, to grip on to his arms and not let go, but I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t let myself go there just because he’d turned up once. “Which lie is that then?” I asked, cursing myself. I should have left it alone.
“The one where I said you weren’t enough.”
I flinched, knocking my hip against the counter, but the pain didn’t register, only his words.
“You are enough, Lola. You’re more than enough. You’re everything.”
“No.” I shook my head and pulled away, trying to put as much distance betwe
en us as I could. “You don’t get to do this.” My hands clenched at my sides, and I continued to back away until I was in my living room, and he was still in the kitchen. “You don’t get to come here now and decide that you want me. You don’t get to make the decisions, Brody.”
“I’m leaving Moira,” he blurted out. “Well, technically, I guess I already have.”
“And you thought I’d just be here waiting for you? That I was sitting here all this time while you figured out what you wanted, and then when you came back I’d come running into your arms?” My face heated, the anger burning through me.
“I—”
“You don’t get to say what happens here, Brody. You left me!” I threw my arms up in the air. “You left me in that house for a week after what he did knowing you could have taken me if you wanted to. You left me when I found out the truth. All you do is leave!” I dragged in a breath, not quite able to catch it, and lowered my voice. “All you do is leave.”
“I promise, Lola”—he stepped toward me, but I backed away—“I won’t ever do it again. I’ll be there, every step of the way.” He blinked, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “If you’ll have me.”
If you’ll have me.
It was never a question of if I wanted him because I did. I knew that without a doubt, but I couldn't let him get away with what had happened. I couldn't let him walk back into my life right now and pretend nothing happened, especially with a baby on the way.
I had to be strong, but most importantly, I had to be sure he really wanted to be with me, and not just because he and Moira had another argument.
“Actions speak louder than words,” I croaked out. “You show me that you want to be with me—only me—and then we can talk.” He opened his mouth, but I held up my hand to stop him. “We need time, Brody. You need time. I refuse to be the woman you bounce to if you leave your wife.”
“I’ve already left her,” he ground out.
“Then you definitely need time. You need distance and clarity because I need to know you’re in this one hundred percent.” My hand fluttered to my chest, resting over my thumping heart. “I need to know that you mean what you say, to be able to trust you, because right now, I don’t believe a word coming out of your mouth.”
His dark-brown-eyed gaze didn’t move off mine, and I showed him I meant every word I’d said. I refused to be the backup plan. I wouldn’t let myself get put through the wringer, but more importantly, I wouldn't do that to our baby.
I desperately wanted to tell him—to show him the ultrasound picture from a few weeks ago. To explain how I was ten weeks along and that the heartburn was killing me. But I couldn’t—not yet. He needed to figure out what he wanted first, and then we could talk.
“Actions speak louder than words,” he croaked out and nodded. “I’ll prove it to you.” He spun around, walked to the door, pulled it open, and left.
Only then did I let the tears fall.
Chapter Thirty
BRODY
I’d been naive to think I could turn up at Lola’s apartment and that she’d be waiting there with open arms. I’d hurt her. I’d hurt the one person who mattered most in this world, and now I had to fix it.
Actions speak louder than words.
She was right. I could have talked until I was blue in the face, but she needed me to show her I meant what I’d said. She needed proof that she wasn’t second. She’d never be second prize to me.
The first thing I had to do was explain it to Moira and Cade and leave the house. I hadn’t gone back last night. Instead, I’d stayed at a hotel because Lola was right. I needed clarity. There was no doubt in my mind how I felt about her, but she wasn’t the only one in this situation.
I walked inside the house and pushed my keys into my pocket. It was so silent, I wondered if anyone was here, but Moira’s SUV in the driveway told me she was.
My footsteps pounded on the floors as I walked into the living room, spotting Cade half lying on the sofa as he watched TV.
“Cade.”
His head lifted, and he clicked pause. “Dad.” He puffed out a breath. “Are you finally here to get your things?”
I frowned at him. “What?”
“Jeez, Dad.” He sat up, looking just as tired as I felt. “Even I know that you two shouldn’t be together. All you do is argue when you’re home. It’s okay for a day or two, and then”—he made a bursting motion with his hands—“bam. Arguing again.”
“Son—”
“You know you’re making it worse by staying. You know that, right?”
“I—”
“Go to your room, Cade.” Moira’s voice was like whiplash, and I spun around to face her. Her face was perfectly made up, not a hair out of place on her head, and her clothes pristine. She didn’t look like a woman who was hurting. She didn’t look like a woman who was feeling anything.
“I’m good here,” Cade said. “I’ll only listen if I go up anyway. May as well hear it from the same room.”
“Cade,” Moira warned.
“He’s right,” I said, not letting Moira get another word out. “He should know what’s happening.”
Moira scoffed, placed her hands on her hips, and raised a perfectly styled brow. “You want your son to know you’ve been fucking the waitress from the diner?”
“Jesus Christ, Moira,” I spat. “Do you have to be so—”
“Honest?” she interrupted. “You want me to stand here and pretend that it’s okay? I gave you the chance yesterday, and you shit all over it. So you can get your things and get the hell out of my house.”
“Your house?” I laughed. “I pay for every goddamn thing in this house.” Her face crumbled, and I cursed. “Shit, Moira, I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole.”
“Yeah, you are,” Cade answered for her.
“I’ll leave, but I just…I needed to tell you I’m sorry.” She stared at me like I was nothing, and part of me relished in that. If she were screaming and crying, I’d have second-guessed myself, but Cade was right: we hadn’t been a real couple for years. It wasn’t an excuse, but we’d been pussyfooting around it and pretending it wasn’t happening.
“For what?” Moira asked. “What exactly are you sorry for, Brody?”
“For being away so much that we didn’t stand a chance.” I pulled in a breath and flicked my gaze to Cade, who was watching us with wide eyes. “For not being the dad I should have been to Cade.” I looked back at Moira. “For letting you down.”
“And…”
I frowned. “And what?”
“For cheating on me.”
“I…” I blinked, not prepared to lie anymore. I’d done enough of that to last a lifetime. “I’m sorry for hurting you, but I can’t be sorry for it. She—”
“Jesus,” Moira hissed. “You’re in love with her.”
I nodded, my words caught in my throat. I never thought I’d be standing across from my wife and telling her I was in love with someone else. But here I was, not a doubt in my mind about how I felt.
“Who?” Cade asked, and I looked over at him. He wasn’t sitting there like a sullen teenager anymore. He was standing, his face getting redder the longer we talked.
“Lola,” I told him, not willing to deny it. She’d wanted actions, and even though she couldn’t see these, I knew I’d done them. I was trying to do the right thing, and that meant transparency.
“Lola,” Cade repeated. “As in my Lola?”
Moira laughed, the sound echoing around the room. “Jesus, she has you both under her spell. Can you not see that she’s a goddamn whore?”
“Don’t,” I warned her. “She had no idea I was married. I was undercover for fuck’s sake.”
“Yeah, okay.” Moira pursed her lips. “I’m over it, and I’m over you. You think you’re the only one who’s been having his fun?”
“Mom?”
She ignored Cade and kept going. “You think I was going to sit around and wait for you to keep coming home? I have my needs, Brody
, and you weren’t meeting them.”
I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth, or if she wanted to hurt me, but I found myself not caring. I didn’t care if she’d slept with other people. I didn’t care if she had a boyfriend. I just...didn’t care.
I turned to face Cade. “I’m going to get my own place, son. If you want to come and stay—”
“It’s about time you became a father. God knows you haven’t since the moment he was born,” Moira snipped.
I took two steps toward her, having had enough. She had every right to be angry at me, but that didn’t mean she could use Cade to punish me. “I’m gonna say this once, and once only. You will not interfere with my and Cade’s relationship. I know I hurt you, and from the looks of things, you have no right to be angry, but that doesn’t mean he has to be stuck in the middle. He’s my son too, and I’ve done everything I can to provide for both of you. Don’t belittle everything I’ve done just because you’re angry.”
She huffed out a breath and twirled around. “Whatever. Be gone by the time I get home.” Her heels clicked along the floor as she walked out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
“Dad?”
“Son.” I scrubbed my hand over my face and through my hair, feeling a stress headache coming on. “As I was saying—”
“Why would you do that? Why would you sleep with Lola?”
“I know I hurt your mom, but—”
“You don’t get it.” His hands clenched at his sides. “I liked her, Dad.” His shoulders slumped, and he looked down at the floor. “I liked her.”
My eyes widened. “Wait...do you have a crush on Lola?” A laugh bubbled up inside me, and I did all that I could to keep it down. I didn’t find it funny that he had a crush on her, but it was the situation as a whole. I’d hurt Moira by cheating on her, destroyed Lola by walking away from her, and harmed Cade by loving the woman he was crushing on.
Fallen Duet: Brody & Lola: Free Fall & Down Fall (Easton Family Duet Boxsets Book 1) Page 31