He had outargued me. Suddenly, something in his look, like sparks of anger and surprise, made me stare at his eyes.
The second most handsome person I had ever seen in my life just entered the library. He was tall, with an upright poise, wearing a black pullover under his open black coat. His skin was wheaten and black, straight strands of hair were falling on his face which was full of angles. When he made a move to push them, two mysterious eyes were revealed. They were almond shaped and big, with long black eyelashes which were shading their astonishing honey-beige-gold colour. Their colour was not clear. He surely was the dominant male of the college. My open mouth when I saw this divine creature, did not escape Camen’s attention. He came towards us. It seemed they knew each other without being friends. I assumed it from the look in their eyes.
“Hi, Camen”. The dusky god said, without looking at him. His eyes were directed at me. “It has been a long time”, he continued.
For a moment, I thought Camen was ready to jump at him, as he was standing tight with a strange style. It was a strange situation. The stranger was looking at me, I was looking at Camen and he was looking at the stranger. After a few embarrassing moments Camen spoke and he sounded extremely calm, as if there was not tension just a few moments ago.
“Hi, Eric. I did not expect to see you so soon”.
He smiled at him.
“What makes you think I would be wasting my time?” he chortled.
“Repentance, maybe”, he answered ironically.
“Repentance? For what? For the redemption or the salvation of my soul?” he said laughing.
They were talking, saying words I could not understand. They were both absorbed in the memories of a previous, apparently bad, event that had connected them. They seemed so much different, and yet, so similar. Both of them were so engagingly handsome with extraordinary move and grace, full of self assurance and divine power. They could be brothers.
“I am Eric Crown”, he said and stretched his hand to make a typical handshake. I got ready to speak. I did not have the time.
“Adriana Prime”, Camen introduce me.
I extended my hand toward his.
“You are very beautiful, Adriana”.
He smiled, obviously pleased with what he was seeing. “Thank you very much”, I whispered in astonishment, lowering my eyes as I was sensing Camen’s intense look.
“I used to know a girl that looked a lot like you”.
His style became serious, his eyes were melancholic. It was clear that he was deeply connected to her.
Camen was ready to explode.
“I do not think she looks like her, Eric. Not at all, I would say”.
He turned abruptly towards him with a light smile, balancing his angry look.
“Are you sure about that, Camen? Look at her hair, her eyes, her pale skin. Who are you trying to convince?” he said as he was spreading his hand to touch a strand of my hair.
Camen automatically came and stood next to me.
“What do you say, Adrian”, he called me using my nickname “Shall we start our research?”
It was obvious that he did not want to give Eric any chance for further discussion.
“Yes, sure”, I answered in a low voice.
Eric pulled his hand.
“See you soon, Camen”, he said but his eyes were staring at me as if he was addressing me, and he hid into the rambling corridors of the library.
Now things were clearer. It was certain that I looked so much like someone from Camen’s past, as Eric had revealed, that I caused all this turmoil earlier. And it was even more certain that this stranger was the reason for their present relation-whatever it was- because she was probably the bone of contention between them.
“Who was that?” I asked with curiosity. To my surprise, I heard him saying “My brother”.
So, a strange woman had caused such a controversy between the two brothers that, their relations were interrupted and they were behaving like enemies.
“Your brother?” I mumbled.
“Yes”, he said, clearly tired from the previous scene. He sat and put his fingers into his hair. He raised his head and looked at me intensely; he smiled at me and fondled my cheek as if he knew me for years. I stopped breathing.
He pulled himself abruptly and placed an amazing edition of Cappella Sistina’s frescoes in front of me. Surely, it was from the previous century, that a very good copyist had transferred, with a surprising way, even the smallest detail of the chapel’s ceiling. I quickly opened the recent edition and made the comparisons. I was really amazed.
“Where did you find this? I asked him flushed.
“Here, of course!”
“But how?”
“You must see beyond what you see, Adriana”.
It was, then, clear to me that the angel in my dream had a direct connection to Camen, as irrational as it may have sounded.
All this could not be a coincidence.
“You said so before. What do you mean already, Camen? What is that I cannot see”, I said annoyed.
“Well, wait...! It was not something personal. It is just that when everybody else was searching for the latest editions, with digital illustrations of the frescoes, no one saw this edition from the last century next to them. Or maybe they saw it but they thought it was not worth paying attention to it. What I am trying to say is that, it is worth noticing small details, either around or to the point of what interests us”.
“Well, tell me how you got this book. It looks very old. I mean, it should not be here”, I asked with curiosity.
He gave me an arch smile.
“The other copy is, in fact, kept here in Oxford, although it exists in digital form. This is mine. I brought it with me because I thought it might be helpful to our work. Besides that, I prefer paper editions to digital ones... they hide so much history on their pages”, he explained.
“Ah!” I exclaimed in embarrassment because I had thought everything revolved around me. I guessed the dream had negatively influenced my judgment.
“Well, what did you want to see?” he asked again looking at me as if he already knew what I wanted.
“Oh! I do not know exactly. To see, perhaps, what I cannot see”, I answered smiling.
“This is very serious Adrian”.
He bent very close to me, looking at me seriously. And as I was standing there, unable to say or do something that would spoil the magic of the moment, my thoughts were running fast searching for the right words, perhaps drawn from a novel. I stopped thinking and remained looking at him, losing every contact with the real world around us.
It is funny how we lose our words, how we stand at the mercy of our own minds, how we become bewitched for just a moment, from something so unexpectedly common: a look. Not because our eyes are the reflection of our soul but because the eyes are the ones that do not see beyond what they see. And what I was seeing now was a charming human being bent in front of me. I was ready, without any resistance, to fall into his arms. I, so much, desired to touch his skin, to interlace my fingers into his hair, to kiss his lips… that, I was scared from my own desires. I wanted him. This was the only sure thing. I wanted him irresistibly; I wanted him completely, for myself.
This realization shocked me. Not because a woman has never desired a man so much- history is full of merciless and destructive love affairs- but because I knew him for only one day. I automatically estimated the developing course of my desire for him. If I was in the same position after a month, how would I react?
A sudden power cut, which lasted less than a second, came to upset me even more. For a moment, I thought that Camen’s whole body shined in the unexpected darkness, exactly like the angel in my dream. A violet-silver light jumped from around him giving him a shine out of his world. Being frightened, I stepped back and saw him, the next moment, standing in front of me as human again. He noticed the change in my attitude. He, himself, looked terribly agitated. I was sure he understood what I had
seen. I immediately connected it with the tiny speck of light that jumped from his fingers at the dining room. However, this was not comparable to anything else. It was majestic. His own light was bathing him, he was self-luminous and he was illuminating the darkness around us, at the same time. I was sure for one thing now. Camen was different!
“It was a small power cut, Adriana. Do not get upset”, he tried to reassure me when he saw my agitated expression but I was already terribly disturbed.
As I attempted to get up, a light dizziness made me stagger. I held his arm, which really quickly was placed around my waste, and as I was ready to tell him that I was alright a second dizziness, together with a feeling of tiredness, threw me in his arms, entirely.
The last thing I remember is him calling my name with his face distorted from terror.
Tiled paths were flowing out in front of me and were mixing among the tall stony buildings. I entered the widest path, running with all my power. Nobody was hunting me. I wanted to catch up with something. I did not know exactly what. At the end of the path there was a square full of people. A huge Christmas tree was illuminating it. The snow that had just started to fall was caressing my hair and was blurring the view further away. I stopped for a moment and then continued with slow steps towards a figure that was standing still and dark. It seemed like he was patiently waiting for me. As I was approaching, I distinguished Eric’s beautiful face and I extended my hands towards his, which he kept with palms downwards ready to hug me. He pulled me to his chest and touched my face with his fingertips, looking at me in ecstasy, completely absorbed, unable to move or speak.
“Eric”, I whispered…
I opened my eyes and saw Camen’s agitated face.
“Adriana, are you alright?” I heard his soft voice and felt his breath as he was bending his whole body over me. I stretched my head touching, slightly touching his lips. The restlessness in his eyes became a surprise. Apparently he did not expect it and even more apparently, I was dizzy and I did not know what I was doing. He pushed me softly and moved to the next chair.
“Oh, excuse me! I thought I had a dream”, I said really confused by my behaviour.
When he spoke, his voice sounded completely calm.
“You fainted to be precise, Adrian, and there is no reason to apologise. You were almost unconscious”.
“I am sorry”, I repeated, feeling ashamed now that I was completely aware of the reality and also of my actions.
“Adriana, please, maybe it is my fault too”.
His style showed that something was bothering him.
“You? How can it be your fault?”
I guess he had said that to make me feel better.
“And yet, because of my agony, I had bent too close to your face, I was smelling your perfume, I was feeling the warmth of your body…”
He suddenly stopped; as a verification, more to himself, rather than as justification to me.
I could not understand why it came as a surprise to him, since everybody trying to bring a fainted person round would have done the same thing. Oh, my God, only the thought that I fainted in his arms made me feel ridiculous and, in combination with the irrational and daring kiss that I had tried to give him, he would surely consider me as cunning. I felt my cheeks flared up from excitement. Fortunately, my skin colour was well hiding it.
I raised myself a little on the chair that Camen so carefully had placed me on and I straightened my hair. He moved protectively towards me at a safe distance.
“It is late and you are tired. I had better take you home”.
“Yes”, I agreed in a low voice.
On the way home he was silent and seemed lost in his thoughts.
When we arrived, he politely said goodnight- more typically than he should have done- and I saw him disappearing behind the trees at the street. I went up to my room feeling very tired, wishing Christine was asleep. I felt the need to be alone after all that had happened.
Indeed, silence was prevailing when I came in. I heard Christine’s rhythmic breath which showed she was deeply asleep. I quietly lay down on my bed and brought back my recent memories. I was rethinking the desire I had for Camen, the strong attraction he was creating to my body and mind… No matter how strong these feelings were, it was completely strange to my character to act in this way. Thus, the circumstances under which I had tried to kiss him were extremely strange. Being unconscious I saw a dream- something I did not know was happening during a faint since it was my first one- with someone I had just met and yet I fell so eagerly into his arms. And obviously, if I had not recovered I would have kissed him easily; something I did in the end, very easily, exactly between the two conditions. The truth was that I had my excuses but the shame would not go away.
The whole evening at the library, was strange from many points of view. The texts of our homework led us to a discussion about the frescoes of Michael Angelo at the chapel of Cappella Sistina. And Camen’s words were similar to those of the angel in my dream: Do you see beyond what you see? There was the terror in his eyes when he first met me because of my similarity to someone from his past, as it was revealed to me because of his brother’s Eric unexpected appearance. There was also his strong interest for my face and of course, Camen’s interest which was not a product of my imagination but tangible and easily understood by anyone.
Yes, all these could happen-not very often of course- but they could. What made me wonder, however, and made my imagination gallop like crazy, was the shine I had seen surrounding Camen.
Not golden as in my dream, but a violet-silver shine that was bathing his whole body and made him look out of this world. As time went by, I was even more certain that it was something else, something different from me and the rest of the humans.
I looked at Christine that was peacefully sleeping in a small baby’s style while a dim smile was rippling on the edge of her lips. I got up, very carefully, and turned on my computer, waiting for a few moments for the search engine to appear. When it did I remained still, not knowing what to look up for. I typed the word “shine”, but I found nothing significant or something different, as I expected, from the usual meaning of the word.
Being exhausted, I turned the computer off. Tomorrow, in the daylight, maybe I would clarify a few things; if they had really happened and they were not an outcome of my tension and fatigue.
A week without ending
In the morning, I heard Christine cheerfully calling my name. I slowly opened my eyes and saw her smiling face. Really, where did she find this joyful mood all the time?
“Good morning! Are you going to class or you are planning on staying in bed all day?”
“What time is it?” I wearily asked her. Sleeping did not help me rest at all. I was feeling weak and confused from last night’s thoughts.
“It is seven in the morning… What happened yesterday?”
“What happened?” I asked wondering.
“I did not hear you coming in and I thought you would be with Camen?”
“In fact, I was with Camen and the rest of the group, trying to examine the topic of our project”, I said abruptly.
I was not in the mood to explain last night’s events to Christine, at least not now.
“How did it go?”
“Good, at least for a start, we separated the bibliography. You? Is everything alright?”
“Well, fine, fine, everything is perfect”, she answered somehow doubtfully and hastily while her eyes were wandering around in the room.
Her behaviour seemed strange to me and I looked at her with curiosity.
“Is there something wrong?”
Her face froze.
“Oh…no! I am a little tired… I must go”, she said and grabbed a coat on her way out. “See you later”, she said over her shoulder.
“See you”, I barely managed to tell her.
What a strange girl, I thought and got out of bed.
The grey morning allowed a dim light to enter the room bu
t my mood was not the best in order to dream, as I used to do on the rainy days in Florence. Nonetheless, I brought Camen in mind and shivered at the memory of his lips that I barely touched. I wondered how his kiss might have been if it had lasted longer.
The sound of a phone ring made me jump up and brought me back to reality.
“Hello, Adrian!”
My mother’s melodic voice filled me with joy.
“Hi, mum”, I said calmly.
“How are you? How are things? Did you meet anybody? How did you find your classes…?” I was expecting this. She was always talkative.
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