CHAPTER LXII.
I AM PUT TO GREAT TORMENT BY MY PASSION.
As soon as I was strong enough to get about, I went daily with my ladyinto the woods a-hunting; but as yet my left arm was useless, thoughgetting strong apace, so that I could but play the part of squire toher. But, Lord! to see how dexterous she was with the bow, did give memore pride and pleasure than any of my own prowess. Yet from thetenderness of her love for all living things she was averse from thispractice, which we men regard as an amusing pastime, and therefore wouldshe kill nothing but that which was necessary to our existence.
I remember one day, when she had drawn her bow to shoot a dove that satpluming its wings on a bough, she relaxed the string and returned thearrow to her sheaf.
"'Tis a fine fat pigeon," says I, "and we have naught for our supper:why have you spared it?"
"Do you not see her mate in the bough above?" says she. And so we suppedon fruit and cassavy that night; but with no regret.
However, if there were moments of pain in these expeditions, there werelong hours of delight; for now the woods were as like to Paradise as themind of man can conceive, nothing lacking to enchant the senses; and tospeak of all the rare and beautiful flowers and fruits we carried hometo garnish our cavern would be an endless undertaking. And as thesewoods, valleys, and purling streams were like Paradise, so was I like ablessed soul therein; and I doubt if many men in all their lives sum upso much pure joy as every minute yielded to me. Here, day after day, Istrolled beside my dear lady in the shade of delicate flowers, envelopedin sweet odors, and with warbling birds around us. But to my senses thesweetest music was her voice, the daintiest bloom her cheek, the mostintoxicating perfume her breath. Looking around, it seemed to me thatall Nature did but reflect her beauty, and therein lay its perfection.There were favorite spots where we would rest, noting the development offamiliar things--how these buds expanded, how that fruit ripened, howthe young birds began to stretch their naked necks beyond the nest'sedge, crying for food; indeed, there was such scope for observation, andmy dear lady was so quick to perceive and appreciate all things ofbeauty, that no moment was dull or tame.
While we indulged to the full our love for rambling, we were notunmindful of domestic things. The season was now come for plucking silkgrass, and of this we cut an abundance, and laid it on the rocks to dry;for my lady designed to plait it, in the Ingas' style, into a longstrip, which she might make up into clothing by-and-by. This plaitingwas the first work I put my hand to, and though I bungled sadly over itto begin with, I grew defter in time, so that I could do it as well inthe dark as in the day. Many an evening we sat weaving our grass hourafter hour, with no light but that of the stars as they twinkled forth,chatting the whole while of other matters. But before I got to thisproficiency--indeed, as soon as I could plait decently--I made a hat formy lady; not so much like a woman's as a boy's, that it might go fairlywith her habit; and this, with a couple of bright tail-feathers from amacucagui[6] stuck in jauntily o' one side, became her mightily, thoughI say it; but, for that matter, anything looked well that she took forher use.
[Footnote 6: These birds are as like our pheasants as any two peas in apod.--B. P.]
About this time we had the good fortune to catch a partlet sitting on anest of fifteen eggs; taking these home without delay, we clapped theeggs in a corner of our conies' cavern, where the hen, after some littleado, sat down upon them, being hemmed in with the hurdle that parted offmy bed-chamber from our parlor, which I fetched out for that purpose.
About a fortnight later my Lady Biddy came to me in great glee onemorning to say that every one of the eggs were hatched out; and I knownot which looked the more content, this old hen strutting carefullyamidst her chicks as proud as a peacock, or my dear lady casting somecassavy pap before them for a meal.
And now the conies multiplying prodigiously, that cavern was full ofyoung live things, so that there was as much work to provide for theirmouths as our own; but there was never too much for my lady to do, andshe would not part with a single one.
"They are my children," she would say, with a little sadness in hersmile.
With these innocent pleasures and hard work my lady beguiled the days,and so two months passed away--two months, as I say, of inexpressibledelight for me. Not a day passed without my discovering some new charmin her person, some fresh grace in her character, which I had previouslyoverlooked. And how to keep this adoration that filled my soul fromoverflowing by my lips, or my eyes, was almost more than I couldcompass.
One day when I was culling a nosegay, and seeing in the pale pink andcream hue of the flowers resemblance to my lady's cheek, I (being thenalone) did with extravagant passion bury my face in the fresh coolbloom, kissing them till my transport was spent. Then, looking again atthe blossoms, I was sobered to perceive how I had crushed out theirfreshness and beauty, so that they no longer bore any likeness to mydear lady's face.
So then I resolved I would not suffer myself to fall in love with her;but that was easier said than done. For 'twere as easy to promise youwould not grow hungered or athirst. However, one thing was possible, ifI had any manhood, and that was to keep my love from being known to mydear lady.
Nevertheless, before long I had reason to believe she had guessed mysecret, for she also grew silent and downcast beyond her wont, and morethan once I spied her looking at me with pity and sorrow, as if she knewof my trouble.
One day, when I addressed her as "my lady," she said:
"Why should you call me by a title here where there is no distinction?Why not call me 'sister,' Benet, or plain 'Biddy'?--for we are asbrother and sister to one another, are we not, and must ever be?"
This hint showed what was in her mind; and yet if she had learnt mysecret, God knows it was against the best I could do to hide it.
I called her "sister" after that, hoping it would train my mind to thinkof her in that relation; but it did not, so that I knew not what remedyto get for the fever of my heart.
One morning we were made merry at breakfast by the partlet making herway over the rocks that divided us from the conies' cave, and bringingall her brood to pay us a visit, which was as much as ever she couldtempt them to undertake, and called for prodigious chuckling andscratching on her part. Our diversion somewhat relaxed the feeling ofrestraint within me, and when my dear lady, taking up a chick in herfair hands, held it up that I might see how bright and free were itseyes, I, looking all the while upon the lovely girl's head that was sonear me, was within an ace of bending down to touch it with my lips. Nowthis being a Tuesday was the day for grinding our cassavy meal, andperceiving by my heat that I dare not trust myself to stand by our benchall the morning beside my lady, I made believe I had a relish for fishthat day, and begged her to take her rod and line and go a-fishing whileI ground the cassavy.
"Nay," says she, "do you go a-fishing, for your arm is not yet strongenough to do this hard work alone."
But I protested I was able to do this, my arm being as well as ever ithad been, and that she was a better angler than I (as indeed was true),and so she presently took her rod and went over the rocks to a poolwhere fish abounded. When I had ground my meal and set the kitchenneatly in order, I betook myself to the rocks straightway; for I couldnever abide to let my lady be long out of sight for fear of accidentbefalling her. And that I might not scare the fish, I approached thepool noiselessly; but turning a rock that screened that part from view Iwas brought of a sudden to a stand by spying my poor little comradesitting on a big stone, her rod lying idly beside her, her elbows on herknees, and her face buried in her hands. She made no sound, but I couldsee, by the twitching of her shoulders, that she was sobbing. Then wouldI have given all the world to be able to go thither and comfort her--todraw her to me and soothe her as a brother might his sister. Butreflecting that we were but brother and sister in name, and that Ishould but add to her distress by my endeavors to assuage it, I drewback as silently as I had come, and going back to the cavern I sank downon my stone
stool as wretched and sore at heart as might be.
"Poor soul," thinks I, "she must needs weep at times to relieve herovercharged heart. There are birds that do pine away in captivity. Thisis no home for her. These chicks and conies can never replace thefriends she has lost and can never hope to rejoin. Here there is naughtto hope for; even Nature must cease to charm her when she sees thatthese mountains and waters serve as the bars of a cage. What cheerfulword can I whisper? What can I do to bring joy into those dear eyes?"
In this sort did I spend the time till I heard her voice feigning to huma merry ditty, when I also put on a careless look to hide my care.
She had caught half a dozen fishes, so that she could not have given waylong to grief; nor was it in her nature to yield to useless regrets. IfI had judged only by her present manner I should have said that nothingwas amiss with her, for she persevered in sprightly conversation, albeitI could join in it but poorly; still, as we sat to our dinner, I notedthat the lids of her pretty eyes were swollen and red. Also I observedthat her cheek was thinner than it used to be, and the blue veins in theback of her hand more clearly marked. Then it struck me that perhaps herdejection arose from failing health, and that the vapors from the fens,wafting over the lake, had already attacked her, as they had beforeseized me.
Then of a sudden the thought came to me as I looked at her--
"What should I do without my dear little comrade?"
And at this reflection it seemed as if the food I was eating must chokeme.
God knows how I got through that meal. When it was over, I made apretense of feeding the conies to go apart where I might give vent tothe terrible emotion that brought me to a despairing grief. And sayingagain, "What should I do without her?" I wept like any child, but withthe difficulty of a man, so that I felt as if my heart was being tornout of my breast, and beat my foot upon the ground in agony.
However, this weakness passed away with my tears, and then bracingmyself up with more manly fortitude I swore, betwixt my clenched teeth,that all the powers of Nature should not keep my lady prisoner there. AsI said this, my eye fell upon a mark on the rock, left by the turbidswollen waters, and marking how the waters were now fallen from thisheight a good five fathoms, I conceived a means of escape which hadnever before occurred to me.
The Admirable Lady Biddy Fane Page 62