by Cat Schield
Joshua was so intent on the drink that he failed to note his brother’s scowl. “I’ll have what he’s having,” he said, indicating Oliver’s choice.
When the waiter delivered the asked-for “cocktail,” Oliver leaned back and waited for his brother to take his first sip. The resentment burning in his chest turned to harsh satisfaction as Joshua registered surprise when he tasted no alcohol.
“Club soda with a twist of lime,” Oliver pointed out, choosing to feed his anger rather than set it aside. “My drink of choice.”
That his brother thought the worst of him convinced Oliver to wait before discussing Sammi and the baby. If Joshua assumed he was incapable of maintaining his sobriety, then why would he believe that Oliver was qualified to be a good father?
“I thought maybe you’d...” Josh looked abashed.
“Fallen off the wagon?” Oliver quizzed, his lips twisting into a sardonic smile. “With everything that’s going on, my sobriety has been sorely tested, but I’m doing okay.” More than okay with Sammi in his life. Despite the looming chaos of his father’s trial, Oliver was looking forward to what his future held.
“Has Dad’s attorney reached out to you?”
Oliver nodded. “Yes.”
The attorney had left several messages about Vernon’s eagerness to have his sons visit the prison where he was awaiting trial. That his father arrogantly assumed he could summon them after fifteen years of silence made Oliver’s blood boil.
“Are you going to see him?”
“No.” He studied his brother, remembering Vernon’s pride in his eldest son. To his surprise, there was no sign of the envy that usually afflicted Oliver when he recalled those days. “How about you?”
“I haven’t decided.” Josh looked grim. “There are days I wish he’d—” Oliver’s brother broke off and swallowed hard “—never been found.”
“How are things going with Black Crescent now that Vernon has reappeared?”
“I’m worried his trial is going to mess up all the good work we’ve managed to do in the company’s name.” With Josh at the helm, Black Crescent had repaired its tarnished image through community outreach, donations made to various nonprofits and reparations made or attempted toward affected families. “And the media circus surrounding his capture and trial is making my search for Black Crescent’s next CEO impossible.”
“So it’s not going well?”
Josh shook his head. “My top picks have turned us down. At this point I’m unsure if we’ll ever find a suitable replacement.” Oliver’s brother looked like a man who was staring at a bleak future. He cradled his drink between his palms and glared at the contents as if wishing it were something stronger than bubbly water. “Even though you told me you don’t have the best track record, I don’t suppose you’d be interested in the job?”
Oliver laughed. “Oh, hell no. When I said that, it was my way of politely declining. I love my job, and I’m good at it.”
His brother’s emphatic response made Josh smirk. Almost immediately, however, his amusement faded back to melancholy. “You know I really envy what you’ve done with your life.”
Given that Josh had assumed his brother’s drink had contained alcohol, Oliver snorted. “You don’t say.”
“You followed your passion. Your photography is amazing. And you get to do what you love.” Joshua had given up his art so he could be the man of the family.
“Did you forget the part where I was kicked out of Harvard, and then spent the next five years drunk and high until I was nearly beaten to death when I was trying to score?” Because Oliver was pretty sure Josh hadn’t.
“No.” Joshua’s expression soured. “You were a screwup back then, but you’ve changed. In fact, you might be the most successful of us all.”
Oliver stared at his brother in open astonishment. Would Josh still believe that once he learned that Oliver was going to be a father?
“After Dad disappeared,” Oliver began, “why didn’t you just turn your back on the company and keep going with your art?”
He’d always perceived Joshua as the brother who was the most together. He had done the right thing while Jake ran away and Oliver descended into addiction.
“Believe me, I wanted to be selfish, but someone had to look after Mom and the company.”
Oliver knew Josh’s disdainful tone was directed at his absent twin, who’d refused to change his plans to backpack through Europe after their father disappeared with the millions he’d stolen from Black Crescent. Even if he’d had an aptitude for business, Oliver had been far too young running a multimillion-dollar hedge fund.
“Did you resent having to step up while the rest of us got to do what we wanted?”
“You mean did it bother me that both you and Jake scoffed at me for following in dear old Dad’s footsteps and didn’t appreciate that I gave up my dream for a life I never wanted in order to take care of Mom?”
“Yeah,” Oliver murmured. “That.”
Joshua’s lips twisted into a sardonic smile. “Not at first. In the beginning I was able to point to all of you and revel in how I was doing the right thing. I viewed the sacrifices I made as my success and your failure.” Josh shook his head. “But what did I get for my pride? I was miserable and alone. It kept me from reaching out to you, to Jake. I put up walls and was surprised when no one wanted to climb over them.”
To think that Josh, always known as the “good” twin, had suffered because of the choices he’d made was something Oliver would spend time wrapping his head around. It had never occurred to him that his brother might have regrets.
“So what are your plans after you step down as CEO?” Oliver asked, turning their conversation from the miserable past to a brighter future.
“I’m going to focus on things that make me happy.”
“It seems like you already have that covered with Sophie.”
Sophie Armstrong had burst into Joshua’s life while writing an anniversary piece on the “Black Crescent Fiasco.” The article turned out to be filled with wild theories and blatant inaccuracies about the Lowell family, especially Joshua. In the process of digging for background information, Sophie learned about Joshua’s supposed illegitimate child, but she never published the information. Instead she told Joshua what she’d discovered. Confronted with a DNA report, Joshua had contacted every woman from his past and found none of them had a four-year-old girl they claimed was his. Despite keeping it out of the article, the rumor mill got a hold of it, and everyone in Falling Brook knew.
“She is the best thing that ever happened to me,” Josh agreed. “When everyone else was convinced the DNA test was legitimate and that I was refusing to acknowledge that little girl as mine, Sophie believed me when I said I would never do that. And I wouldn’t.”
His brother’s fervent declaration resonated with Oliver. “Have you figured out what’s up with the DNA test?”
“I checked out the doctor who ran the test. Although he’s pretty shady, turns out his results are accurate.” Joshua paused for effect, and a smile ghosted across his lips. “Jake is the father.”
“You’re sure?
“As sure as an identical twin can be,” Josh said. “And I wish I could say I’m surprised that Jake hasn’t come forward to claim her.”
“Have you heard from him?”
“Not a word.”
Both men sat in silence for several minutes while Oliver processed what he’d learned. The waiter chose that moment to appear and take their order. After he left, Joshua settled his serious gaze on Oliver. “I’m sure you didn’t invite me to lunch to chat with me about my love life or Black Crescent. Or even our dad. So, Ol, what’s on your mind?”
“You know that conversation we had where we both agreed that we’d be disasters as dads?” Oliver paused and let a few of their choice remarks replay in his head. “And how I
went on and on about how I never wanted the responsibility of fatherhood?”
He let his voice trail off and waited for his meaning to sink in. When Joshua’s eyes narrowed, Oliver braced himself for his brother’s censure.
“You’re going to be a father?” Joshua asked, his tone neutral.
Oliver exhaled. “Yes.”
“You look as if you expect me to scold you about it. Well, those days are over. You’re a grown-ass man, and as such you need to take responsibility. But I think you already know that.” Joshua’s tone hit the perfect note, and Oliver smiled. “So what can I help you with?”
“I plan on taking responsibility for the child. To do anything else has never been an option. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what we talked about.” Oliver braced himself and asked the question that had plagued him since learning Sammi was pregnant. “Did you mean it when you said you’d make a terrible father? Was that just blowing off steam because you knew the child wasn’t yours?” Oliver could see from his brother’s flat expression that he wasn’t doing a good job communicating the angst that filled him. “When you say doing the right thing, are you talking about financial support or really stepping up and being a great dad?”
“I guess when I was in the thick of the situation and believing it was possible for me to be the child’s father, I was so caught up in finding the mother and child that I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking what would happen when I did.”
With everything that Joshua had been through in the last few months, Oliver wasn’t surprised that his brother would prioritize actual problems over abstract improbabilities.
“And now that you and Sophie are together, have you thought about having children?”
“To be honest, I know we will, but I haven’t considered what sort of dad I’d be.” Joshua wore a contemplative frown, as if Oliver’s questions had opened Pandora’s box. “I’m sorry if that doesn’t help you.”
“That’s okay,” Oliver said, hiding his disappointment. “This really is something I need to sort out for myself.”
“Who’s the woman?” Joshua asked. “Have you been seeing her for a while?”
“Samantha Guzman. Sammi. We only met recently—right after I received that fishing equipment—and I wasn’t thinking clearly that night.”
Joshua gave him an understanding nod. “Are you together?”
“It’s complicated,” Oliver admitted. “The thing is, I like her a lot. In fact, I asked her to move in with me. But I have no idea where things are going, and it’s not as if I ever imagined going the whole traditional-relationship route with a commitment and possibly marriage.”
“Neither did I, until Sophie came along.”
“But it’s different with me. I’ve never been the guy that other people could rely on. I’m not romantic, and most everyone who has dealt with me at one point or another thinks I’m a pain-in-the-ass jerk. And if all that isn’t bad enough, then Vernon had to get himself spotted on that Caribbean island and extradited back here to face trial. Maybe if that hadn’t happened, I could’ve eventually closed the door on my past. But now he’s reappeared, and the amount of media this has stirred up is driving me crazy.”
Oliver paused in his tirade and unclenched his fists. The rage that swept him every time he thought about how his father had been living it up in style all these years while they all suffered made him want to throw things. He took several deep breaths until he could continue on a calmer note.
“I don’t want to drag Sammi or our baby into this mess. Part of me thinks she’d be better off without me. Both of them would be.”
His chest seized at the thought of not seeing her every day. How could he survive not waking up with her in his arms, her beautiful brown eyes soft and warm as she watched him blink sleep away? He wanted to share the day’s adventures over dinner and make love into the wee hours of the night. To be around for every stage of her pregnancy and experience every first their baby went through.
“Dad won’t be front-page news forever,” Josh said, his gaze thoughtful. “We’ll all get through this. Even Mom is doing better than I thought she would be. I saw her this morning. I expected a repeat of the depression spiral from fifteen years ago. Instead she made me tea and told me we’d get through this too. She’s come a long way. Ol, don’t let Dad ruin another good thing in your life.”
“But what if I’m the one who ruins it?” Oliver had resisted facing this anxiety for too long. “I fight my addiction every day. It’s a battle I’ll be in for the rest of my life. What if I slip up? When I get stressed, the struggle increases tenfold. Sammi deserves better than to get trapped into a relationship with someone she can’t trust and can’t count on.”
“Do you really think she can’t trust or count on you?” Joshua asked. “Or are you just using your addiction as an excuse to avoid trying your hardest?”
Was that what he was doing? The last eight years had been hard, but except for a couple of slipups early on, he’d maintained his sobriety. Nor had he used his addiction to avoid doing something challenging. Starting now seemed a failure in itself.
“Not to mention,” Josh continued, “that you’re ignoring all the good she could do for you. Of course, you’d have to let her help, and that’s not exactly the easiest thing for us Lowell brothers to accept.”
* * *
Sammi stood in her closet, sorting through her wardrobe and her feelings for Oliver in light of his invitation to move in. She’d asked for a few days to consider his offer and, thanks to a long list of pros and cons, continued to grapple with the decision. In the meantime, and without anyone’s help, she’d located a temporary rental but hadn’t yet committed to it. The studio apartment was in an area Oliver would find acceptable and the size of an average hotel room. Though it was smaller than anything she’d lived in since her modeling career had taken off, the low rent offered her the ability to save up for when the baby came. Accomplishing this on her own had given her a boost of confidence. And provided an option if she decided not to move in with Oliver.
Abruptly the playlist Sammi had been listening to ended, and she became aware of the silent apartment. Her mother had moved out, taking the tense atmosphere with her, but the resulting emptiness filled Sammi with sadness and regret. She’d been so resentful of Celeste for driving her modeling career that Sammi had lost touch with their bond as mother and daughter. She would love to talk to her mother about moving in with Oliver, but she knew Celeste’s advice would be to get a big fat financial settlement from him, enough to set her and the baby up for life. Weeks earlier this might have irritated Sammi no end, but she was starting to understand her mother’s paranoia about being poor.
Today’s video shoot with Kimberly’s fiancé had given her a much-needed reality check. The answer she’d received about the chances of making much income off this fledgling idea had dimmed her enthusiasm about the project, but she was determined to give it all she had. Who knew what opportunities might arise from it, and Sammi needed to be open to any that presented themselves.
Which brought her back to the idea of moving in with Oliver. The decision would’ve been easier if she hadn’t slept with him again. Before that happened, she could’ve kept things strictly platonic, moved into his guest room, and pretended that she was immune to his sexy gorgeousness and the glimpses of sweetness that appeared like sunshine amid the dark clouds of his gruff exterior.
If she hadn’t succumbed to temptation, she wouldn’t be worried about what would happen when he tired of having her in his bed. Her thoughts turned to that twenty-three-dollar photo session that he still owed her. They never discussed it, and Sammi was starting to feel superstitious about what would happen if they followed through. When he’d initially offered the trade, she hadn’t thought beyond sharing a few personal thoughts, after which she’d received a portrait that would reveal her nature.
These days, her mind linked th
e photo with the end of her connection to Oliver. A ridiculous notion, since she was pregnant with his child. Sammi traced her fingers over her still-flat belly. She wasn’t a temporary fixture in his life. But on days when pregnancy hormones twisted up her emotions, Sammi wondered if she would continue to interest Oliver once he knew everything there was about her.
As if he sensed she was thinking about him, her phone buzzed with a text.
Want to have dinner?
Joy blazed through her, leaving giddiness in its wake. Since he’d gone to see his brother, she hadn’t expected he’d be in the mood for company afterward. From what he’d shared with her about growing up with twin older brothers and how all three siblings had been estranged since the scandal surrounding their father’s hedge fund, she’d imagined that he wouldn’t be in any mood for company.
Sammi engaged the reply box and began to type.
I’d love to.
Before she sent that message, she considered what she’d typed. Although love was the right word, it came off as too strong and too eager. She tried again.
What time are you thinking?
How about now? There’s a car waiting downstairs. I have a surprise for you.
Sammi rolled her eyes. While Oliver’s impulsiveness often thrilled her, sometimes she wished he didn’t assume she would drop whatever she was doing to be with him. This led her to ponder their different parenting styles. No doubt he would be a fun one, the dad who tickled and played right before nap time, leaving her to be the serious parent left to calm their child for sleep.
As this scenario played out in her mind, Sammi noted that in her mind they were co-parenting while living together. This made her sigh in mingled wistfulness and vexation. She had to stop imagining herself deeply entrenched in his life.
Their cohabitation could evolve into almost anything. Yet so far she’d resisted the temptation to ask him to define what was happening. Did he view her as someone he wanted to spend his life with? Was he content to drift along for years with no spoken commitment binding them together?