by Beau Brown
His heart sank. He hadn’t even said goodbye to him.
But after all, it’s not like he couldn’t call Alex from work. It would be easier saying goodbye from a distance. Safer.
He did end up phoning Alex early in the day, but that was because the parts house had shipped the wrong item to Nance’s Garage.
“So tomorrow. Your car should be ready tomorrow,” Ross said, after explaining everything to Alex. “You okay for another day? You have enough to eat?”
Alex laughed at that, and Ross’s heart lifted. “I hope you didn’t buy all that food for me. There’s no way I can eat even half of what you bought.”
“Nah, I was low on groceries,” Ross said. Which wasn’t totally a lie—though mostly.
“I’d like to cook you a nice meal tonight as a thank you,” Alex said. He sounded tentative. No wonder after Ross’s performance that morning. “Will you be home for dinner?”
“Yes,” Ross said immediately, though he’d told himself he would be working late that night. And every night as long as Alex was staying with him. He repeated almost stubbornly, “Yes, I’ll be home.”
* * * * *
“I was thinking I could go into town with you tomorrow morning,” Alex said over dinner.
It was a really nice meal. Chicken Alfredo made with a ton of butter and cream, a crispy green salad with a light, tangy dressing. Alex was a very good cook—no wonder he was having trouble keeping the weight off.
“Why’s that?” Ross asked. Even to his own ears, he sounded like one of those old school paternalistic asshole alphas who didn’t want “his” omega going anywhere on his own. Christ. It was only that Alex was…vulnerable. Physically vulnerable, sure, but also liable to meet with treatment that hurt or upset him. Sweet Water was a small town and it had its share of small minds.
Alex, not seeming to notice anything odd in Ross’s reply, was saying, “I’ve got a check-up in the morning, and hopefully it won’t be too long after that before my car’s ready.”
“What time’s your doctor’s appointment?”
“Nine.”
“Hm.” Ross thought it over. “I’ll pick you up and take you to the doctor’s office. We can stop by and see how your car’s coming along afterwards.”
That clearly surprised Alex. “That’s not necessary. I don’t want to put you out any more than I already have.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah, but Ross.”
Ross raised his brows. “Wouldn’t you rather that to sitting around in the jail house all morning?”
“Well, but I could always go wait at Starbucks.”
“Are you supposed to be having all that caffeine while you’re pregnant?”
Alex spluttered a laugh. “I haven’t had any so far. Every time I bring up the idea of Starbucks, you shoot it down.”
“Wouldn’t you prefer taking your time getting ready in the morning instead of rushing around to leave with me at the crack of dawn?”
“Sure. But I hate to keep being a nuisance.”
“You’re no nuisance.” Ross heard that and felt himself change color. Hell, yes, Alex was a nuisance! And yet…he was the nicest possible nuisance and Ross did not look forward to his leaving.
Admit it. He dreaded the idea.
How in the hell could this have happened? Was he that lonely? If so, he needed to sign up for one of those Alpha/Omega dating sites because he could not be falling for every stray omega with a sob story.
Not that Alex did much sobbing or had offered much of a story.
No story at all, really.
To his shock, Ross heard himself say bluntly, with no tact, no finesse, no leading it up to it at all, “You haven’t said. How did it happen?”
Alex had been smiling at the “no nuisance” comment. Now he stared at Ross as though he didn’t understand the question. When he did, he flushed.
“How did I get pregnant? The usual way.”
“Obviously not.”
Alex seemed to lose color. “No. I guess that’s true.”
“So?”
Alex’s eyes were very blue. “You really want to know?”
“I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”
Alex shrugged. “Then I’ll tell you.”
Chapter Four
He couldn’t tell him though. He didn’t want anyone, especially Ross, to know the truth, so Alex tried to give the CliffsNotes version.
“It’s not much of a story. I was stupid. There was a party at a frat house. I had a couple of drinks and…and things got out of hand.”
There was no comprehension, let alone sympathy in Ross’s face. Not that Alex expected it. He was not painting himself in a very sympathetic light. But it was the truth, as far as it went. He had been stupid.
Ross was scowling. “You let things get ‘out of hand’ with a non-tribe guy? How does that even happen?”
This was the tough part. Alex bit his lip. “I…don’t know. It just did. I didn’t watch my drinks carefully enough.” That again was the bare bones truth. “I should have been more on guard.”
“You sure as hell should have.” Ross shook his head in disgust. “What does the father say? Is he willing to help support this kid? Or is this supposed to be only your problem?”
“He doesn’t know.”
Ross looked surprised and then still more grim. “You didn’t tell him? The guy has a right to know, Alex. It’s his kid too.”
“I know. But…” Alex swallowed. Looked away. “It’s complicated.”
“I doubt it.”
What the hell did Ross know about it? What the hell did any alpha know about it? Alex looked him in the eyes. “I don’t know who he is.”
“What?”
Alex could feel his face turning red. “Like I said. I was…out of it. I-I think I had sex with a couple of guys that night. The father could be any one of them.”
“Jesus Christ.”
Alex said nothing. What could he say that wouldn’t make it worse?
He watched Ross bleakly thinking it through, working it out, but the conclusion Ross came to startled him.
“You went to a party while you were in heat?” The revulsion on Ross’s face was hard to take. At least his parents hadn’t jumped to that conclusion.
“No. I mean, I was on heat suppressants. Of course.”
“Bullshit. You had to be in heat. You forgot to take your pills, you went into heat, and so you went to the party looking to get laid. Like a goddamned animal.”
“I sure as hell did not.”
It was like talking to a wall. He’d never realized how stubborn Ross McClintock could be. He’d always seemed so fair-minded in carrying out his duties as sheriff.
Ross said, “Nothing else explains having sex with multiple non-tribe partners followed by a non-tribe pregnancy.”
“Really? Nothing else could explain it?”
But no. No. He could not let himself go there. This wasn’t about him. This was about Reid. She was the only thing that mattered now.
“You let yourself go into heat,” Ross repeated. Like he was talking himself into it? Like he wanted to believe it was all Alex’s fault?
But then, it was Alex’s fault. So why was he bothering to argue? Except, there was being at fault and there was being criminally stupid, and he wasn’t criminally stupid. Alex protested, “I didn’t. I wouldn’t.”
Ross didn’t even seem to hear him. “Your fathers spent their half their lives trying to prove most omegas aren’t brainless cunts who can’t think beyond their sexual urges, and then you run around acting like some backwater brainless cunt. Christ almighty. You didn’t even have the sense to use birth control.”
That did it.
“You. Go. To. Hell.” Alex rose. Not easy anymore, and not dignified having to haul himself to his feet, but he stood under Ross’s gray-ice stare and glared steadily back. He was trying not to shake, but it wasn’t easy. Goddamned hormones. He choked out, “All these years I thought yo
u were different from these other close-minded redneck assholes. You just wear a bigger hat, McClintock.”
It was Ross’s turn to go red in the face. He opened his mouth, but Alex wasn’t done.
“The only thing I ever wanted was to get married and raise a family. A nice, normal family with a nice normal alpha who would love and respect me and not immediately accuse me of being a brainless cunt if I ever got into real trouble.” His voice cracked, but he kept talking. “I didn’t ask for this, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have done anything to ruin my chances of having my own family—including be so stupid and careless as to forget to take my pills. Or use birth control. You can think what you want—which is apparently what everyone else thinks—but you’re wrong. One hundred percent wrong. You don’t know anything about my situation, and I sure as hell don’t have to explain myself to you.”
Ross sat back in his chair, folded his arms across his muscular chest. His expression was stony. “Don’t then.”
He should have left it there. He had just said he refused to explain, but he couldn’t help adding, “But I was not in heat. I was not craving sex. Maybe I shouldn’t have danced and maybe I shouldn’t have flirted and maybe I shouldn’t have had that drink. Hell, maybe I shouldn’t have gone to college in the first place.” Alex stopped.
What was the use? There was nothing in Ross’s face but GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. “Just…go to hell.”
He left the room.
Alex was in bed with the lights out and the covers over his head so his crying could not be overheard. It was angry crying mostly. Not entirely. Either way, he was doing his best to keep the sounds of distress to himself, which is why he didn’t hear Ross knocking on the door or the door opening or the floorboards squeaking. He didn’t hear anything but his own quiet fury—and yes, hurt—until Ross’s deep voice spoke directly from overhead. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”
Alex froze beneath the sheet.
Ross’s voice sounded strained. “I had no right to say any of that to you, Alex.”
Alex threw off the sheet and sat up. “No. You didn’t.”
Ross’s tall shadow was outlined by moonlight. The shadow drew a deep breath. “Please. Don’t upset yourself anymore.”
Alex reached over and snapped on the lamp sitting on the tall bedside table. He was startled to see that Ross looked genuinely worried. His eyes were dark with emotion and there were harsh lines in his face. He was still wearing his jeans, but he’d shucked his shirt and was barefoot, so he must have been on his way to bed when he’d had this change of heart.
If it was a change of heart—and not just worry that Alex might go into labor in his guest room.
Alex said bitterly, “You really think I’m that stupid? That careless? That I’d—”
“No.”
Alex stared up. Ross said, as though the words were painful, “I apologize—sincerely—for every ignorant, judgmental, hurtful word that came out of my mouth.”
Alex was too surprised to reply. He stared up.
Ross said, “I’m not even sure what got into me because I’ve always thought I was different from those other close-minded redneck assholes too.” That was intended to be a little humor to defuse the situation. He paused hopefully, but Alex didn’t move, didn’t smile.
“You’re young, that’s all. And young people…take chances. Make mistakes. That’s all I meant.”
“You called me a ‘brainless cunt.’ You called me a ‘goddamned animal.’”
Ross closed his eyes for a moment, as though the words had hit him, instead of the other way around. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I don’t think you’re either of those things. I think you’re a nice kid who got into trouble. And that is all I think.”
Funny how that didn’t ease the pain as much as it should have. Okay, yes, the retractions of ‘brainless cunt’ and ‘goddamned animal’ were welcome. But being told that Ross had never thought of him as anything but a nice kid…wasn’t as comforting as clearly intended.
Alex shoved his tangled hair out of his eyes. He nodded wearily. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. Apology accepted.”
Ross hesitated. “You’re sure you’re all right?”
“I’m fine.”
Ross’s fingers twitched like he was about to reach out, then stilled. He said gruffly, “Can I get you something? A glass of water?”
Alex shook his head. “No. I’m okay.”
Ross continued to stand there seeming at a loss. More than anything Alex would have liked to reach out to him. He longed to be held, to be told that everything was going to be okay—even if it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t, he knew that. Ross’s gut reaction had shaken him, warned him of what he could expect from others in the months, years ahead. People who wouldn’t rethink their snap judgments and come to apologize. The realization left him feeling exhausted and frightened. Something as simple as a hug from Ross would have meant a lot.
But Ross was not really the huggy kind. Besides, he was liable to think that Alex was making another brainless cunt move.
Alex lay back on the pillows, pulling the sheet up to his chin. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Ross replied in that low voice.
After the door closed soundlessly behind him, Alex snapped off the light. But he didn’t sleep. He stared into the darkness for a long, long time.
Ross brought him breakfast on a tray the next morning.
“You didn’t have to do this.” Alex felt silly and embarrassed as Ross placed the wooden tray over his legs.
“It’s my turn to make breakfast,” Ross told him. “You just take it easy this morning.”
“But I’m happy to fix breakfast,” Alex said. “Really.” He hated lying in bed—it gave him too much time to think about things.
“Relax,” Ross growled. “You deserve this.”
Really?
Into Alex’s confused silence, Ross added, “I’ll be back at eight thirty to pick you up.”
“Okay.” Alex doubtfully poked the runny eggs with his fork.
“Anything else you need?” Ross looked such an odd mix of anxious and stern, it won a reluctant smile from Alex. Stupid as it no doubt was, Ross’s concern gave him a funny, warm feeling in his solar plexus.
“I’m fine. Thank you for breakfast. I’ll be packed and ready to go when you get back.”
Ross nodded curtly. It seemed like he might have something else to say, but he turned and left the room.
A short time later, Alex heard the SUV’s engine fading into the distance.
Ross was no cook. The eggs were a mess and he’d burnt the toast and had to scrape it, so the butter hadn’t melted in. But the orange juice was cold and tangy, and the strawberries were sweet and full of vitamin C and fiber. It was one of the best breakfasts Alex had ever had because it had clearly been prepared with care, if not skill.
After breakfast, he showered and shaved. He did the few dishes, packed his single bag, and then wandered around the large, empty downstairs trying to control his mounting anxiety.
He couldn’t understand why he was so nervous. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing new, anyway. The baby felt fine. She was kicking away, as though keeping him company as he circled the floor. He had checked his bank account, and his parents had not closed his savings. He had the money to pay for his car repair. He was upset about the rift with his parents, but he had not changed his mind about keeping the baby. He felt certain he was making the right choice. So, it wasn’t that. Oh, and he and Ross were friends again.
Ah.
Ross. Yeah. That was part of it. He was afraid he was never going to see Ross again. But that was just silly. Waco was less than an hour away. He could always come back to visit Ross. Thank him for his kindness. Introduce him to Reid.
It wouldn’t be like it was now. This had been a special window of time in their relation—friendship. At moments, it had almost felt like they were together, a couple. Like his boyhood dream
had come true and Ross was really his alpha.
Which was not the case, of course. But sometimes when he caught Ross looking at him, Alex was reminded of when he’d been young and confident enough to believe Sheriff McClintock noticed him, thought he was special…that it would only be a matter of time…
This kind of thinking was not only pointless, it was kind of pathetic. He had to keep his thoughts focused on all that lay ahead. He could not afford to start mooning about what-might-have-beens. Because what might-have-been was nothing. Ross was not going to claim him. Ross still thought of him as a kid. A kid who had recklessly messed up his future. And despite Alex’s growing certainty that Ross really was the alpha for him, it was plain that Ross did not see Alex as his omega.
There was nothing new in any of this, so why he was suddenly filled with a sense of something close to panic, made no sense. He had to leave. Ross had not asked him to stay—and would not ask him to stay.
What if I begged for a few more days?
Ross would probably agree—and he would probably be completely, and rightly, weirded out. Because what the hell? That would not solve anything. Ross would be agreeing simply out of kindness or pity, and that would be worse than being told to leave. Or should be.
“What is wrong with you?” Alex asked his reflection in the mirror over the fireplace.
It was natural that he would be a little worried about the future. There were a lot of challenges ahead. But even so, he had never been afraid of a challenge, never believed himself helpless or weak. The baby was a lot of responsibility, and…yes, he was nervous that everything rested on him, but he also believed he would be equal to the task. He wasn’t the first single dad in the history of the world.
But the more he tried to reason his way through his fears, the more dread he felt. What. The. Hell. Was he really going to have a panic attack over leaving Ross’s house?
In the midst of his thoughts, he heard the return thrum of Ross’s SUV.
The sound snapped him out of his spiral. Of course he was not going to beg to stay longer. Normal people did not do that kind of thing.