“No shit, Hawk,” Pinkie grunts. “Already texted him. He’s on his way. Says she packed her shit already.”
“Fuck,” Hawk hisses. “Never a dull moment, drama up the goddamn ass around here all the fuckin’ time.”
My eyes widen and I press my lips together, knowing that I’m part of all that drama. His gaze cuts to me and I expect him to give me a dirty look, but he doesn’t. Instead, his lips curve up into a grin and he smiles at me. His face is kind of soft and I don’t understand it at all.
“You doin’ good?” he asks, his voice smooth.
Nodding, I don’t release my lips to speak, I’m too scared to say a damn word to any of these people. He chuckles as if he can read my mind. Then, he opens his mouth to say something when I hear a woman shout his name. His lips don’t just curve, they move into a huge smile before he whips his head to the side.
I turn my head to look at the woman who is standing at the doorway. She’s gorgeous. Not just beautiful, she is stunning. She’s dressed much like me in shorts and a tank, but I can tell they’re way better quality than my super cheap clothes.
I don’t notice the woman behind her, but when she steps to the side, I see her. She’s pregnant, newly, but you can still see her small round bump in front of her. They’re each carrying shopping bags as they walk closer toward the bar and Hawk.
“You have a good day, babe?” he asks as the gorgeous woman slides her arm around his shoulder and touches her lips to his temple.
She looks about thirty years his junior and I wonder if she’s his daughter when he wraps his arm around her and cups her breast. I blink, hoping that she isn’t his daughter. Although, in my world, a move like that would not mean a damn thing between father and daughter.
“We did, got the baby some sweet little things.”
“Get me anything sweet in those bags?” he asks on a chuckle.
She hums, then leans forward and whispers something in his ear. I notice the way his gaze darkens and I assume that she did exactly as he asked, got him some sweet things.
He clears his throat, adjusting in his seat before he drags her across his lap. She lets out a giggle and watching them behave so freely has me wondering if everyone in this club is so openly happy. The other woman is watching me, and I tear my gaze from Hawk and the other woman to look at her.
“I’m Trista,” she offers with a smile.
“Pamela,” I whisper.
She nods. “You’re Jag’s woman?”
My eyes widen and I press my lips together, shaking my head. “No. He helped me, but I’m not his Old Lady.”
She studies me for a moment, then her lips curl up into a grin. “Okay,” she says, drawing out the word. “It’s your birthday today, right?”
Nodding, I swallow the thick knot in my throat. I have been dreading this birthday for my entire life. I had been avoiding the fact that today was my birthday, even to myself, pretending that it could pass without anyone ever being the wiser.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Party tonight to celebrate. We’re going to have fun. Dinner will be here soon, I hope you don’t mind we just ordered some finger foods, nothing fancy.”
Lifting my gaze to meet hers, I know that my eyes are wide and I’m probably staring at her in shock, because I am completely shocked at what she’s saying.
“A party?”
“Don’t get excited, the guys here will find any excuse to party. Your birthday just gave them another reason, but all of the Old Ladies are coming tonight. They want to meet you,” the gorgeous woman announces. “I’m Avah, by the way.”
“Pamela,” I say, introducing myself again.
“Pretty,” she says with a wide, happy grin.
I can feel my face heat and look down at my glass as I continue to dry it. “I really don’t need a party, not at all,” I say, my voice softer than normal.
The fact is that I’ve never had a party. There has never been a cake, presents, food. My birthday just meant that I was one year closer to eighteen, and that was all that mattered. A hand wraps around my wrist and I lift my head, my gaze shifting up the arm of the woman holding me. I expected Trista or Avah, but it’s Pinkie.
“You ever had one, honey?” she asks, her gaze is almost dark and I don’t quite understand it.
Tears fill my eyes and I hate it. I hate myself for being so damn weak and emotional. I shouldn’t care, it doesn’t matter. I can’t have missed what I’ve never had. I shake my head before I realize what I’m doing.
“No,” I whisper. The women all gasp, but Pinkie hisses. Hawk grunts, but I ignore them all. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter. They aren’t really celebrated, at least not the way you see in movies or on TV.”
I realize what I’ve said and that they know exactly what I mean when the look of pity crosses over their faces. Pity. Except for Pinkie, her gaze is filled with anger.
I hate it and yet I don’t know how to tell them that I don’t want it, because to be honest, I even pity myself for the life that I’ve had and the future that I had in front of me before Jaguar found a way to get me out.
JAGUAR
Mamba chases after Maria, but I continue to do my job. No way in fuck am I getting mixed up in their domestic shit. Though I have to admit, I would have liked them to stick around a little longer so I could hear the drama. I’ve been out of the loop for so long that I have no idea what is going on around this place anymore.
A few minutes after he leaves the room, Eagle appears in the warehouse. I expect him to narrow his gaze on me, to give me a dirty look, but he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls up a chair across from me and starts to work with me.
“What’re you doin’?” I ask.
“Workin’. Can’t stand around and do nothing.”
Dipping my chin, I don’t say anything, because I’m the same way. I am too full of nervous energy to sit around and do nothing at all. I can’t even watch a whole fucking movie without getting up a few times and walking around.
“The baby’s Mountain’s. I just wanted to let you know, didn’t want you to think we were hiding anything from you,” he announces after a few minutes of silence.
I suck in a breath, holding it for a moment, then let it out. My hands continue to work, but they’re a little shakier now than they were a moment ago.
“Yeah?”
He hums. “Named him after him too. Santiago Lion,” he informs me.
“I’m glad it’s his,” I rasp.
I wanted a baby. I really did, but I was fucked up. I wasn’t even seeing straight at that time, let alone thinking straight. I would have fucked shit up even more had Della stayed with me, had she not done what she did, had Eagle not done what he did.
“You did the right thing. I’m glad that you did,” I say, lifting my eyes to meet his. “I was wrong in a lot of ways, but I’m glad he’s Mountain’s and I’m grateful as fuck that you did what you did and that you and Della are solid.”
Eagle’s eyes focus on mine, they don’t move and he doesn’t look away. “We’re solid, brother. Knew I shouldn’t have done it, but also knew I couldn’t walk away from her.”
“I get it,” I say.
“Pamela?” he asks.
I snort. “Turns eighteen today. I’m staying far away from her. She don’t deserve to have a man twenty years older than her fucking up her entire life. I ain’t good for nothin’, Eagle, and you of all people know that shit.”
He doesn’t say anything and we stare at one another for a long moment before we get back to work. I don’t know how long we work in silence, but it seems like an hour, maybe two, goes by before he speaks.
“Seems maybe you know where you failed and you aren’t the same man you were a few months ago. Also seems to me that what you and Della had was toxic, on both sides, and maybe with this girl it wouldn’t be the same kind of relationship.”
I stop packaging for a moment and stare at the tabletop. There is coke all over the place, baggies and a scale. This is what I can of
fer a woman, and this is supposed to be non-toxic? I let out a snort, then lift my gaze to meet his.
“She needs someone better. She needs to be out of the club life. She needs to find someone who can take care of her. Look around, that is definitely not me.”
Eagle watches me for a long moment, holding my eyes. Then he chuckles. I’m not sure what he finds so funny, but he lets me in on his joke.
“I think you’re absolutely who she needs, Jag. Don’t fuck it up, brother.”
Then before I can say anything else, he stands and walks away from me. I wonder why he’s left me alone, when Mountain walks in and lets out a grunt. “Birthday party is starting soon. Dragon said you could come and join, since it’s for your girl.”
Chapter Ten
PAMELA
The bar starts filling with people. Men and women alike make their way inside and I watch them file in. They don’t all wear Savage Beast cuts, some have on Sinister Skull cuts, and some don’t wear any colors at all. I feel like running away and hiding.
There are way too many people in the space. Food has been brought in and I watch as people eat and drink, though I stay in the shadows, too afraid to come out into the dim light. Then I see him. His limp is unmistakable.
Jaguar walks through the door, and I want nothing more than to run toward him and wrap my arms around him. I don’t. He wouldn’t want that. He’s made it clear that he helped me, and that is what our relationship is, even if I catch the way he looks at me out of the corner of my eye.
I think he wants more, but I don’t think he will ever act on it. I’m nothing but a little girl that he saved. I’ll never be anything more. Looking down at my feet, I wonder how long I have to stay out here before I can go back to my room.
“Where’s the birthday girl?” a voice shouts.
Lifting my head, I can feel my face heat immediately. Looking around, I watch as a gorgeous blonde walks out of the kitchen holding a double-layer pink frosted cake in her hand with burning 1-8 candles in the center.
Tears sting my eyes at the sight.
Jaguar is standing near her, his eyes searching the room for me. When they land on my own, he jerks his chin, which for whatever reason forces my feet to move. I walk toward the brightly lit cake, my thighs shaking with each step.
Then something happens. Something that has never happened in my entire life. The room erupts in song. An entire room full of hardened bikers and their women and even clubwhores sing me “Happy Birthday.”
My shoulders are shaking, my eyes watering, and tears are falling down my cheeks with each step that I take. The men and women part a path so that I can walk through the crowd toward the cake.
The song is finished by the time I arrive. “Make a wish, Pammy,” Jaguar rasps, just loud enough for me to hear.
Closing my eyes, I lean forward and I make a wish as I blow out the candles. Then I wish again and again, over and over, before I open my eyes. Everyone erupts into cheers and the blonde in front of me is grinning.
“You get the first piece, I hope you like chocolate?”
“I love it,” I whisper.
“C’mon,” she calls. “Let’s get this thing cut up. There’s sheet cake in the back for anyone else who wants some. Pinkie and the rest of the women are plating it all right now.”
“This is too much,” I say, trying to hold back the tears that will not stop falling.
She shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she turns and walks over to a small table where there is a knife, some plates, napkins, and plastic forks already set up.
“I’m Presley, by the way. Della told me it was your birthday a few days ago, eighteen, you needed a party,” she says nonchalantly, as if this is all no big deal.
As if this isn’t the biggest deal in my entire life. I want to run away, curl into a ball, and cry. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I don’t know how to act,” I admit.
She lifts her eyes, her gaze finding mine and holding it. “Have you ever had a birthday party before?”
Shaking my head, I roll my lips together as my shoulders shake. “I’ve never had a party. I’ve never had a cake,” I admit.
She continues to watch me, then blinks, then her lips curve up into a grin. “Then we did the right thing.”
I open my mouth to ask her what she means exactly, when I look to the side and notice that the women are filing out of the kitchen and they all have wrapped boxes and tissue paper bags in their hands.
“What?” I breathe.
Presley reaches for my arm, her fingers curl around my forearm and she squeezes. “Presents,” she whispers.
JAGUAR
I walk into the clubhouse just in time to see her blow out her candles. She’s beautiful, the candlelight surrounding her face. She closes her eyes and really thinks of her wish, then blows the candles out.
The girls haul her away after the candles are out and I continue to watch as she is taken to the corner of the room where the Old Ladies surround her.
I like that for her. Good women taking her under their wing. She needs that, needs to be surrounded by some good in life. Know she’s never been around it at the Punchers clubhouse.
“More than one brother eyeing her now that she’s legal,” a voice says next to me.
Shifting my gaze from Pamela, I look over to see Wolfe standing next to me. He’s not looking at her though. His attention is on me and me only.
“They can eye all they want. She ain’t theirs.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, tipping his chin down to look at me. “Yeah? Whose is she?”
I know that he wants me to say, mine. He won’t get that from me. As much as I want her to be my own, she’s not. She never will be either, no matter what I want. She deserves a lot better than I could ever give her—even at my best, which I’m not and probably never will be.
“Don’t know. But it ain’t anyone here.”
He chuckles, but I don’t ask him what he finds funny. It doesn’t matter. He’ll either tell me or he won’t. I don’t need to ask anyone anything. That’s not my place anymore. All I need to do is put my head down, get my shit straight, and hope to fuck that they trust me again one day.
“Seems she hasn’t gotten the memo, brother.”
I look from him, following his gaze over to where Pamela is across the room with the women. She’s looking directly at me, watching me. She doesn’t even pretend to look away when she notices that I’m watching her.
Instead, she fucking smiles at me.
“Fuck,” I hiss.
“You hang the moon, brother,” he says between laughs.
Shaking my head once, I shift my attention back to him. “She’s young. She’ll figure it out.”
He hums but doesn’t say anything immediately. “Maybe she’s what you need, maybe you’re what she needs.”
“Twenty years older than her,” I point out.
He snorts. “Thinkin’ you could talk to Dragon, Mountain, Coyote, Hawk, Taz, the list could go on. Hell, even me and Esther, we’re over ten years age difference. That shit don’t matter, not when what you got between you is good. When it ain’t fucked up and ugly, when it’s pure down to your bones. When it’s the heart.”
“Unlike me and Della,” I say, knowing that’s exactly what he was getting at.
“You know it wasn’t pure, it wasn’t love. It was fucked up. You know that shit, down to your marrow, you know it.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
I knew it then and I know it now. I can see it clearly, especially when I look at her and Eagle together. That’s good, the two of them and their baby. That’s really fucking good. We wouldn’t have had that, not for even a second. They did the right thing, even if it felt like the wrong thing at the time.
They did the right thing and I almost shattered it all because I’m a selfish, worthless, fuck. I don’t tell Wolfe any of that shit though. Instead, I shift my gaze from them and look over to the bar expecting to see Barra
cuda in his usual spot posted up to the bar, glass of beer in front of him.
“Where’s Cuda?” I ask.
“Nobody told you?”
The way he says it, my entire body jerks. He sounds shocked, startled even. Turning to him, I narrow my gaze on his for a moment before I answer. The look in his eyes, they’re wide and he’s shifting around nervously.
“Wolfe,” I say, my tone warning.
He clears his throat. “Punchers got him when they came in guns blazing. Thought you knew.”
My entire body goes cold, then sweat instantly breaks out all the way down my back. I shake my head, pinching my eyes closed.
“No,” I breathe.
“I thought you knew, brother.”
Brother.
The first time someone has said that to me since I got back here almost two weeks ago, but I can’t even let it wash over me, I can’t even feel it. Because Cuda is gone.
“There was a funeral?” I ask.
He nods his head, but doesn’t say anything. Then he lifts his hand and wraps his fingers around my shoulder, giving me a gentle shake. The conversation is over, I know it when he abruptly leaves. I’m good with that, too.
I don’t know what to do. This isn’t my home, yet. It may never be. I want to grab a bottle of booze and hide away in my room, drink until I pass out, but I can’t do that. I’m prospect status, no drinking unless approved, and whatever I take, after it’s been approved, I have to replace. I have no money to replace, so I won’t be taking.
Unmoving, I stay exactly where Wolfe left me. I watch the party around me, people drink, get drunk, then fuck, but I don’t see anything. I don’t even keep an eye on Pamela, which was my main reason for wanting to be here tonight.
She’s eighteen now, she’s fair game. I wanted to make sure nobody thought they could slide in there with her. But now, hearing about Cuda, the man who was more of a father to me than my own biological one.
UnCage me (Savage Beast MC Book 8) Page 9