“Hey, you can stay here anytime you want. The couch is really comfortable. Or …” Brian stopped short and I glanced at him.
“Or what?”
“Or you could crash with me,” Brian said with a twinkle in his eyes. “I mean, I know we’re not kids anymore, but we used to crash in each other’s beds all the time.”
“Yeah, we did,” I said, feeling the beginnings of a genuine smile curl up on the sides of my mouth. I held Brian’s stare for a long moment and I could feel a tiny sliver of hope bubbling up inside me. Hope that this was a sign—that things would start to get better for me with Brian around. But just as the feeling started to grow it was immediately dashed by the realization that Brian didn’t know the whole truth about me … and I was too scared to tell him.
“Let me show you my room,” Brian said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward a doorway. “It’s upstairs.”
I froze right where I was standing. I didn’t want to say no to him, but I also didn’t want Brian to see me go up a long flight of stairs. And even worse, struggle to come back down. The limp was one thing, but the fact that I could never seem to get my bad leg to bend in the right direction when I was coming down the stairs was humiliating.
Just then one of Brian’s roommates came into the kitchen. “Hey, Brian. Shane and I were gonna head over to Collins Park. You wanna go?”
“Hey, Alex. You remember Nate from Hank’s barbecue?” Brian said to his roommate.
“Yeah, hey, Nate,” he said, giving me a little wave.
“Hey.”
“Shane is actually home for once?” Brian asked, then looked back at me. “He’s one of our other roommates. He’s hardly ever here. He says he’s off studying somewhere, but I’m not so sure about that.” Then he wagged his eyebrows a few times and Alex laughed.
“No doubt. I’d like to think he’s getting a little somethin’ somthin,’ but, I don’t know. The kid is pretty nerdy.”
“Hey,” Brian said with a laugh. “Nerds need love too.”
“Ha ha ha. You guys are hilarious.” I turned to see another guy enter the kitchen and figured it had to be Shane. I was pretty sure he was an omega by his size and demeanor, and Alex seemed about as alpha as you could get. Shane grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge, then turned back, looking at both Brian and me. “You all ready to swim? It’s so nice outside today.”
“Oh,” I said in a panic. “I didn’t bring a suit.” I was hoping that would get me out of having to take my clothes off in front of anyone, but especially in front of Brian.
“That’s cool,” Brian said. “It’s that clothing optional beach I was telling you about. You can wear whatever you want.”
“Yeah, preferably nothing,” Alex said with a grin as he glanced at his friends, but then got serious when he looked back at me. “I mean, if you want. It’s totally optional, man. No pressure. But we did finally crack this tough nut.” Alex gestured at Shane with a nod. “It took him weeks to get up the balls to … show us his—”
“Hey, you don’t need to tell him all my embarrassing secrets. I’m Shane, by the way,” he said, holding his hand out to me. “Don’t let Alex bug you. He thinks he’s funny, but I’m pretty sure he’s the only one that feels that way.”
“Nice to meet you. I don’t know, though,” I said, searching my mind for an excuse to not have to go to a place where I would be expected to take my shoes off. “I’m not really a fan of sand.”
“Really?” Brian asked. He looked like he was about to say something else but stopped, and I knew why. He’d been there every summer of my childhood when either his parents or mine took us to the beach. We would play in the sand and in the cold pacific ocean all day long until we got called in for dinner.
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess it bugs me now.”
“Well, that’s cool,” Shane said. “I’ve got a big blanket we can all sit on. And Holden said he’ll stop by around noon with The Treat Boat. That’s his ice cream boat that he takes up and down the river. He always gives us freebies, we just have to wade out to meet him.”
“Sounds fun … but I don’t know—”
“Come on, Nate,” Brian said with a smile. “It’ll be fun.”
My heart melted a little in a way that only happened when Brian looked at me. When he smiled at me and his whole face lit up. I was so scared of him finding out about my leg, but, when I really thought about it, I was more scared of being alone again. It had been a whole year for me of getting passed around from one place to another and never feeling settled, and I was tired of it.
Neither of my parents had any brothers or sisters, and my grandparents were all dead, so I had no family to turn to when my parent’s house was sold and their bank accounts were emptied.
There was really no place for me to go and no one to be with except for the people at The Sunnyside Home. I was glad to have a place to stay, and Daniel was nice, but I didn’t feel anything special there. Not the way I felt when I was with Brian. When I was with him I felt like I was finally back home again. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll go to the beach with you.”
Chapter 2
Brian
I was so glad Nate decided to come to the beach. It was weird because he seemed so reluctant to do just about anything. It was like pulling teeth to get him to come over and hang out, not to mention getting him to do something fun like go to the beach. And that wasn’t like him at all. Not the way he used to be when we were kids, anyway. Nate had always loved the beach.
Seeing him again after all these years was like a dream come true. I’d always felt something special toward Nate, even before his omega status was revealed, which wasn’t very long before he and his family moved away. When I was younger I pictured the two of us being best friends for the rest of our lives, I guess because I didn’t understand how adult couples worked. I figured we’d found each other and would build sand castles together forever.
As I got older I realized my feelings were starting to change—that what I felt for Nate was something more than friendship, and that I wanted to do a lot more than play in the sand with him. For a long time I wondered if maybe we really were meant to be together. But that all changed when his parents moved him across the country. I was sure he felt the same way I did, but that night he left we were both too scared to make a move. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself all these years. I was the alpha and I should have kissed him. But I didn’t and I lost my chance.
But now Nate was back and I had a second chance to make the move I’d never had the guts to make when I was fifteen. And I didn’t want to blow it.
But when I looked in Nate’s eyes now something seemed different. His eyes were still beautiful—big and blue and kind—but the sparkle that was there back then wasn’t as prevalent now. He had a hard time looking me in the eye and when he did he seemed scared. Like he’d seen the worst thing anyone had ever seen in their life … and he couldn’t stop seeing it.
He said his parents died in an accident, one that he was involved in too, but he didn’t tell me much more. I kept fantasizing about him coming over and spending the night in my bed with me, like we used to do all the time. I imagined him opening up to me, telling me about everything that happened. In my dreams we kissed and when he looked up into my eyes he was the old Nate again—passionate and generous and kind … and incredibly sexy. The Nate I ached for.
I wanted to help him be happy again. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and make him feel safe and loved and take all his pain away. But more than anything, I wanted to kiss his soft lips and feel him curl up against my body. Like we almost did that night before he left. But I also wanted to feel myself moving inside him. I wanted to fill him up and mate with him while he gazed up at me.
I wanted Nate to be mine forever.
Now that he was back I was going to do everything I could to help him. I wanted him to know that he had me—that I would always be here for him, no matter what.
“This spot is good,” I said as
we approached a section with some big trees. “Half in the shade and half out.”
“Ya big weenie,” Alex said as he kicked off his flip-flops. “I’ve never seen anyone so afraid of the sun.”
“Well, I don’t have pre-tanned skin that never burns like you do,” I said, pulling my T-shirt off over my head. I glanced over at Nate and he was just standing there with his arms folded in front of him. He’d already made that weird comment about not liking sand and I didn’t want to push him, so I just smiled when I caught his eye. It just about broke my heart when I saw the panic there.
“I’m so getting in the water,” Shane said as he flipped his red plaid blanket up in the air and let it float down on top of the sand.
“Seriously? That water is nasty.” I was surprised to hear Nate speak, but I was even more surprised that he was being so negative. I wanted to bring him here so he would have fun and relax, but when I looked over I saw that he still had his arms folded and he was scowling.
“They’ve really cleaned the river up in the last few years,” I said, kicking off my sneakers and unbuckling my belt. “It’s supposed to be fine to swim in now.”
“Well, I’m not getting in there,” Nate said gruffly.
“That’s cool.” I pulled my pants off and hesitated a moment before I pulled down my boxers. I’d never been totally naked in front of Nate before and it was a little weird. But there was actually nothing sexual about having no clothes on. It was totally natural and innocent. It was our society that sexualized naked bodies and made us ashamed of them.
I wanted Nate to see that it was no big deal, but I also kinda wanted to see his reaction. So, I guess it was a little bit of a big deal, after all.
I pulled my boxers off and got down on the blanket, then rolled over, put my arms behind my head, and gazed up at Nate. I couldn’t help but smile as his eyes moved up and down my body.
“Why don’t you take off your shoes and get on the blanket?” I asked with a smile. I just wanted him near me. I honestly didn’t care if he was wearing his jeans or a gorilla costume.
“Because I don’t feel like it, all right?” Nate snapped. “I’m taking a walk.”
I watched as he made his way back in the direction we had come, and I noticed how he struggled to walk in the sand. Suddenly I felt like a total asshole. Maybe Nate didn’t want to come to a beach for a reason I didn’t know about. Maybe this was all harder for him than I realized.
“What’s his problem?” Alex asked. “He’s been kind of weird all day.”
“Hey, he’s been through a lot,” I said. “His parents both died, like, a year ago. Give him a break.”
“Sorry. I had no idea,” Alex said, then turned and ran to catch up with Shane as he waded into the river.
I felt like total shit. I didn’t want Nate to be upset, but I really didn’t know what it was that had made him angry. I got up and pulled on my boxers and ran after him. As much as I didn’t care about walking around naked on this beach, I didn’t particularly want to stand there with no clothes on and try to talk to Nate when he was angry with me.
“Hey,” I yelled as I ran up behind Nate. “What’s the matter?”
He stopped walking but he didn’t turn around right away. Then, when he did he didn’t look up at me. “I shouldn’t have come here. I just want to go home.”
I didn’t say anything right away. About ten different questions just about popped out of my mouth, but I didn’t want to make Nate even more uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do. “Well … um … it’s Shane’s car and we’re basically on an island right now and—”
“Yeah, never mind. It’s fine.”
“It doesn’t seem fine,” I said, taking a step closer to Nate. “Do you want to talk? I mean, if you feel like it, we can sit down over here somewhere on the sand and—”
“I can’t sit down.”
“Why? What is it? The sand?”
Nate looked up at me for a moment. “Yeah, it’s the sand,” he said, glancing back down. “Look, I don’t feel like sitting on the ground … or talking … or anything.”
“Nate, please.” I put my hand on his arm, hoping my touch would comfort him. “I want to help, if there’s any way I can.” I looked around and noticed a downed log in a forested area that ran along the beach. “We could go sit over there.”
Nate finally looked up at me and I noticed a glaze of tears in his eyes. “Okay,” he mumbled before looking away again.
We made our way to the shady area, then sat down next to each other on the log. I waited for him to start talking. I didn’t want to push him any further. I already felt bad that I’d made him come out here when he was clearly so uncomfortable.
“First of all,” Nate said to his hands. “I want you to know that I was going to call you. I lost my phone and I was going to look you up, but that never happened. I had barely gotten settled back here when my dad announced that we were going sailing for Christmas break. We just packed up and flew to where the yacht was moored in the Gulf of Mexico, then took off sailing.”
Nate paused for a moment and I just sat there and waited for him to continue.
“It was really awesome at first. Everything was so calm and peaceful and warm. Not like the winters back east where we’d been living. We made it down to Costa Rica and dropped anchor for the night. It was a quiet little bay and my parents figured we’d be fine. But I guess the anchor got dislodged in the middle of the night and we drifted into a storm. By the time my dad radioed for help our yacht was practically sideways. Water was pouring in everywhere and we were all panicking. My dad grabbed the life jackets and handed me one, but the next thing I knew, a huge wave swept over us and we capsized.”
“Oh, my God, that’s so scary, Nate,” I said. I could see the fear in his eyes and I wanted to wrap my arms around him and take it away, but I wasn’t sure that’s what he wanted, or that I’d really be able to help him. I hated that he’d gone through such a horrible experience.
“Yeah, it was. I had the lifejacket in my hand and was still holding it when I surfaced, but I couldn’t get it on, so I just put it under one arm. It was so dark and cold and I couldn’t really see or hear anything but the storm. Everything around me was completely black. I kept calling for my parents but I couldn’t see them anywhere. I guess the boat had broken up into a bunch of pieces when it had been thrown around by the waves, and I found a chunk of the hull floating near me. I hoisted myself up and tried to find my parents but they were gone. I have no idea how I did it, but I held onto the hull until the rescue boat came, even though I could barely feel my legs.”
“Jeeze, Nate, how long were you out there?”
“I don’t know, a few hours, I guess. They told me I was lucky, that the search and rescue people found me almost immediately because I was near the yacht’s emergency beacon. I was taken by helicopter to one of the big hospitals in Costa Rica and I stayed in the ICU for a week. They told me my right leg had been badly injured during the accident and … well … it never really got any better.”
“Nate, that’s so awful. I’m really sorry.” As I watched the pained look on Nate’s face I wished there was some way it could have been me on that boat instead of him. I would gladly have taken his place on that piece of wood floating in the ocean. I would have been fine. But sweet, kind, gentle Nate had been out there all alone. I wanted to scream at how horrible and unfair it was.
“So, basically,” he continued. “After the hospital bills in Costa Rica and back in the US, the emergency helicopter ride, and my parent’s funeral costs, and credit card bills, and the mortgage on the new house, there was no money left and no place for me to live. My life was pretty much over.”
“But it’s not over, Nate. You’re still here,” I said quietly. “And I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re with me.” I took his hand and held it in mine and waited for Nate to look up at me. When he did, he looked incredibly sad.
“But you don’t know, Brian … things are different no
w. I’m different.”
“You don’t seem that different to me,” I said, trying to cheer him up, but I realized after I said it that it wasn’t the right thing to say.
“You don’t know.” I could see tears falling from his eyes as he looked out on the river. “I’m scared of everything now. I used to love the water. I used to love playing at the beach. Now everything seems so different … so wrong. I feel wrong.”
“Please don’t say that, Nate. I’ll do whatever it takes, whatever you need to feel better again. Just tell me and I’ll make it happen.”
Nate looked back at me again. “There’s nothing you can do, Brian.”
I stared into those beautiful eyes and my alpha kicked in full-force. I was not going to let Nate live in pain. I was not going to allow that sadness to remain in his eyes. I vowed to myself that I would do everything in my power to help him. “I think there is,” I said, wiping the tears from his face. “You’ve forgotten how much of a stubborn alpha I am. I’m not going to let you suffer anymore, Nate.”
Chapter 3
Nate
I sat there and stared into Brian’s eyes. I wanted so badly to believe that he could make everything all better. That I could just close my eyes and sink into his arms and it would be like nothing bad had ever happened. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I hadn’t told him everything. I hadn’t told him the worst part. That I wasn’t whole anymore.
“I grabbed you guys some ice cream!” I turned and saw Alex running toward us in the sand. “Holden was here for a bit but he had to take off. He had some guy on the boat with him but he didn’t introduce us,” he said with a shrug. “Here, I don’t think they’re too melted.” Alex handed each of us a wrapped ice cream bar.
Portville Summer Series: The Complete Collection Books 1-4: (MM Nonshifter Omegaverse) Page 2