“I know. I know.” He bobbed his head. “You’re right.”
No! She’s not. Please, Dad, help me. I could hear my voice cry in my head, but nothing came to my lips. Terror burned at my stomach lining, but none of my thoughts or feelings bubbled to the surface, whatever they gave me keeping me silent. Obedient.
After another thirty minutes, my parents had signed and asked everything they needed to. Dr. Cane rattled off all the right-sounding answers to appease them, sounding more like a brochure than an actual doctor.
“Visiting days are Sundays, right? We can come then?” Mom and Dad stood up.
“Usually yes, but we think it’s best the first couple of weeks she has no outside influence.”
“What?” Dad burst, his head wagging violently. “No, no way. You didn’t tell us that. Are you saying we can’t visit our own daughter?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Liddell, but those are the rules for any new patient. No phone calls or visits the first two weeks. They need to get used to the schedule and rules. Think of it as a reset for her mind.”
“That’s bullshit!” Dad exclaimed, throwing up his arms. “I can’t be with my daughter on Christmas?”
“Those are the rules, Mr. Liddell.”
“Lewis.” Mom moved to him, clutching his arms, turning him to her. “This kills me too, but if this is the way we get our Alice back, to see our daughter get healthy again, then we must put away our heartache and think of her. Alice comes first.”
Dad gripped my mom’s face, a croaked sob escaping his throat before he nodded slowly. “You’re right. Alice is the most important thing,” he whispered, holding my mom, his lifeboat. His rock.
Gently they both kissed and hugged me as if I were so broken a squeeze would crumble me onto the floor like an egg.
“We only want the best for you.” Mom kissed my head after Dad. “We love you so much.”
She took my father’s hand, and both left the office, my mother’s sobs resounding down the hallway as they left me there screaming inside my head.
Chapter 10
Because I had been driven up to this facility in the dark, scared out of my mind, I couldn’t recall what the outside of the building looked like. But from the inside, it was built like an old mansion turned hospital, having two wings off the main area in the middle. With only two accessible stories, it wasn’t huge but held a vastness that was cold and creepy. There was no warmth to the tiled corridors or the limited design in the main room. The “hangout” area consisted of a few sitting areas with tables. On one side were two newish dark gray sofas and chairs facing a giant TV. On the other side, games and a few books were on a single shelf against the wall. On another wall were three large barred windows facing out onto the gardens, but that was it. No art or decoration on the walls. No personality. No feeling of being “lived” in.
It was like it had been staged for a movie set.
“This is where you will spend your time outside of therapy and meals. The bedrooms are just for sleeping.” The nurse motioned around the room, where twenty people mulled around, along with a handful of orderlies. Women, men, all odd-looking and peculiarly youthful, though I couldn’t put an age on any of them. Short to tall, large to small, they varied in size and shape. They either stared off in space or played at the craft table or a card game. I saw one lady who would randomly scream out from her chair by the window but would then go quiet and space out, getting lost in the world inside her head.
All of them were sleepwalkers pretending to be alive.
“With points you can earn TV time.” The nurse drew my attention back to her. Nurse Green was a very plump woman who reminded me a lot of Dr. Cane. So much, I was convinced he was her twin or sibling. Same rosy cheeks, stumpy nose, and brown hair. Her head only came to my shoulder, with a deep snarl marking her face. She didn’t look like the cushy woman you wanted to hug, but more as if she’d beat me with a huge wooden spoon if I looked at her cross-eyed.
“Breakfast is precisely at seven a.m. Lunch at noon. Dinner at five p.m. In your rooms at nine. Lights out no later than ten. In between, you will have various therapy sessions. Once a day you have an hour to go outside. If you are a good girl, you can expand that by earning merits.”
“Good girl? Merits?” I snapped, sensing the drugs they gave me were wearing off. What the hell? Was I two years old?
“This is not Mommy and Daddy’s house. We have schedules and rules here. You will abide by them all.” She swung to me, seeming to relish my position, glaring like I had wronged her in the past. “And any snotty remarks or resisting? You. Will. Be. Punished. Every ding will put you further down on the naughty list.”
“Naughty list?” I laughed, my eyebrows curving up.
“For that you already have a ding on your record. The more you defy me, the worse it will be for you here. I promise you that.” She shoved her fat sausage finger into my face, her voice going low for just me to hear. “You should have lost your head that night. You have only made things problematic for us all.”
“What?” I stumbled back. Off with her head! A blur of a picture of a woman screaming this at me whipped through my mind faster than I could grasp it, but I could feel the fear now like it really happened. “What did you say?”
“Everly!” Another nurse stepped up, her unibrow curving down in censure. “Take a break.”
“I’m sorry,” Nurse Green muttered. “I just couldn’t stop myself.”
“Just go. I’ll take it from here,” the blonde nurse ordered, her name tag displaying the name Pepper. She was the exact opposite of Nurse Ratched. So skinny her cheeks were sunken in, with a long nose and pointy chin. She was my height, but so boney, all legs and arms.
Green glowered at me. Turning, she stomped away.
“She’s pleasant,” I quipped.
“Nurse Everly Green is to be respected here.” She twisted to me. “You understand? We are all to be if you want to do well here.”
I knew myself too well to think I was going to do well in this place. I didn’t like authority, my mouth always blurting out my thoughts, and my stubbornness would fight just to spite them.
“Sure thing, Nurse Pepper,” I smirked.
“Only those who have earned it can call me by my first name. You call me Nurse Mint.”
My mouth dropped open. “Pepper. Mint. Are you kidding me?”
Her beaklike nose lifted in a huff, her arms folding. “For that. No lunch. You will sit in our quiet room and think about your attitude.”
I blinked at her. This place felt unreal.
“I’m a twenty-five-year-old woman.” I stepped into her space, my jaw locking. Her eyes widened as she swallowed. “Treat me as an adult and I might consider pretending I respect you. You understand?”
Her throat bobbed with fear before she locked down her expression. “Now you will go without dinner,” she snarled. “Noel,” she called over her shoulder.
A stocky man stepped out from behind the desk. He was only a few inches taller than me but was so wide his arms rippled with huge muscles. He was massive. His smooth, dark caramel skin and glowing, light amber eyes stilled the air in my lungs. He was beautiful, but the scowling expression and hunched shoulders headed toward me like a linebacker.
“Mashed potatoes and gravy,” I muttered, stumbling back. He nabbed my arm, gripping me tightly.
“Take her to the quiet room. She will spend the day there.” Pepper Mint smirked at me. “She will learn who is in charge here. No room for rebels here.” She waved me off.
Noel grunted, yanking my arm and forcing my body to follow.
“Hey!” I thrashed against him. The flimsy indoor shoes they gave me squeaked across the smooth floor, giving me no grip. “Let go of me!”
He gripped tighter, his head forward.
Wiggling and kicking, he effortlessly dragged me into the elevator, the buttons on the panel showing there were more than two floors.
He hit the B.
Basement?
Fudge pudding. In my pants.
“Please. Let me go!” I elbowed him and jabbed my foot into his leg. With a swoop of his arm, he locked me against him, my back to him, my arms pinned to my sides, my legs too close to kick at him.
“Stop,” he grumbled into my ear, his voice grave but strangely calming. And fuckin’ sexy. “No use to fight.” The doors dinged, opening up. He walked me out, and my heart dropped to my toes, terror scratching up my throat.
The basement was directly out of a horror movie: dark, dank, smelling of death and rot with rows of windowless cells down the spine-chilling corridor. Only one light hung in the passage, shadowing creepy shapes along the metal doors. Tapping from leaking water and groans from a furnace just iced the disturbing cake.
“Nooooo,” I cried, battering against his stone body. “This can’t be legal!” As if I was being forced back into unending darkness, the yearning to be in the sun, outside, stabbed fear behind my eyes.
“Girl,” Noel hissed in my ear. “Do as you’re told. Keep your head down. Be smart. Learn.” It should have been a threat, a warning for me to behave, but the directness in his timbre felt more intentional. As if he were trying to help me instead.
Curious.
I stopped fighting and turned my head to him when he reached for a door, opening it to a tiny lightless room. He gave nothing away, but when he pushed me into the space, his eyes landed on mine, and he stared at me with intention and intensity.
Curiouser.
His face disappeared as he shut the door, the squeal of metal raking up my spine as the door slammed shut, a cry breaking from my lips in the pitch-dark room. With the crank of a lock, my fists banged on the door in panic.
“Let me out. I promise. I will do as I’m told,” I screamed, but only darkness answered me back. Claustrophobia itched at my skin, pumping my lungs.
Sliding down the wall, I tucked my knees in and closed my eyes, pretending I had control over the suffocating blackness. The room was no more than three feet square.
Tears burned at my eyes, but I bit them back, my mind rolling over Nurse Noel’s words.
Be smart. Learn.
I didn’t trust a single asshole here, but his sentiment kept rolling around in my head, his tone stressing words like he was telling me to be smart with my actions. Learn your surroundings. Study every person here. Weakness. Strengths.
Fight the clever way.
“The more absurd you are, the more rational you become,” I muttered to myself. Having no idea where the declaration came from, it felt bizarrely accurate. “And Alice, you are about to go utterly bonkers.”
Chapter 11
The screech of the door popped my lids open, and I flinched against the dim light. My bones were locked into a ball in the corner.
“Are we going to be a good girl today?” Peppermint Patty put a hand on her hip, staring down at me over her long sharp nose.
I didn’t answer as my vision tried to adjust to the assault of light.
“Answer me, Alice. Or no breakfast.”
“It’s morning?” I croaked, stretching my muscles from their frozen position. Twinging with pain, I pushed to my feet. Dirt coated my skin. The memory of bugs crawling over my skin made me shiver. Sleep had been a fleeting desire. Fear, strange shrill noises, bugs, the cold, not knowing the hour, and my stomach aching with hunger only let me surface sleep in tiny measurements.
“Yes.” She nodded. “You will learn your actions have consequences here.” She motioned for me to move. “Now, let’s get going. You have a session right after breakfast.”
“Figuring no time for a shower?” I took a step, my arms wrapped around my stomach.
“The hour between six and seven is for that. It is now breakfast time.”
My teeth dug into my lip, trying to hold back a lippy comment. It wasn’t my fault I missed “bathing hours”, and the hole I had been locked in came without an ensuite.
Nurse Mint eyed me like she was waiting for me to spout off, a smirk growing on her face when I stayed silent. Fine. If she wanted to believe she was winning, I’d let her. But I would win the battle. I had no other choice. In my gut I knew they would never find me “cured.”
Peppermint Stick led me back up to the first floor, where the middle area was both the dining area and check-in desk. The wings of the building were used for the kitchen, therapy sessions, and doctors’ offices. The second floor consisted of more patient living areas on one side and the orderlies on the other side. I did find it strange that most workers seemed to live here and not have a home outside this hellhole.
“Get your breakfast. Someone will be back promptly at seven fifty-five to take you to your session.”
“Oh goody,” I mumbled.
“Excuse me?” she asked sharply.
“I said, thank you.” Saccharine sweet, a smile curved my mouth. “I appreciate your kindness to me.” Okay, so I couldn’t go cold turkey.
She stared at me, her nose wrinkled, but I knew she couldn’t tell if I was being serious or not. She seemed to have no understanding of sarcasm.
Walking away before she could decide, I went straight for the cafeteria-style setup. A few people were in front of me, holding trays, waiting for what looked like slop to be dropped on their plate. Silently we all inched along, the kitchen staff behind the counter looking as happy to be here as I was.
Giving us runny eggs, toast, and one link of sausage, they moved us down the line, controlling our portions. Even starving, I grimaced at the meal, scooting over to the coffee. No sweeteners or milk were offered, only a single tagless bottle stood near the pot. Picking it up, I sniffed at the opening. The smell chilled my skin, icier than I had been all night while sleeping against weeping stone walls.
Peppermint.
“No.” My stomach dropped as I peered around the room, anxious she would suddenly show up. The one who had my family hooked on this stuff.
“You using that?” A man came next to me, pointing at the bottle. He was extremely short, the top of his head coming below my chest.
“No.” I dropped the bottle back on the table with a thud.
“You’re missing out. It’s the only good thing here. They don’t let us have anything sweet. So this is my daily slice of heaven. It’s so good.” He licked his lips, pouring an obscene amount into his cup. “I’m Happy.”
“Alice.”
“Welcome to crazy town. The more you drink, the better it is.” He smiled brightly, tipping his cup at me before strolling away to a table.
Staring at the bottle like it was poison, I backed away, hiking to an empty table in the back.
I ate slowly, watching, analyzing, my eyes rolling over the patients and staff, taking everything in.
“Be careful. Sanity is like a flame. Poof! Out goes the light.” A woman slid onto the bench next to me, causing my head to jerk to the side. A crazed laugh bubbled up her throat, her eyes glimmering with light. It was the same woman who had sat by the window, erratically shrieking out nonsense. Great. The truly insane were attracted to me.
Her shoulder bumped me, and she giggled, stuffing a spoonful of eggs into her mouth. Something about her felt familiar and reminded me of someone.
She appeared young but also felt older than me. Her black hair was split into two braids, plaited down to the middle of her back. She had a cute button nose and huge brown eyes with the rosiest cheeks I had ever seen without the help of makeup. That was another thing not allowed here. Not that it mattered to me; I never wore much. But it seemed a tad extreme.
Shifting a little away, I tried to swallow the watery eggs.
“Oh, Alice.” She sang my name. “The girl who changed it all.”
“How did you know my name?” I snapped to her.
“Oooohhhh,” she cooed. “Everyone knows who you are, Alice. You…” She bonked my nose with a deadly seriousness. “Changed every-thing.”
Her face went from blank to fully whooping with giddiness.
Shit! This girl
is the nuttiest Yule log ever… I paused, my lashes fluttering with a twisted sensation, my head bizarrely picturing the penguin vision I saw at Jessica’s office.
“I see it.” The girl leaned right up to me, tapping my temple. “It’s all in there. Spin it! And let it all fall out.”
“Okay, Bea.” The huge nurse tapped the girl’s shoulder. “Remember what we said about personal space.”
Bea grinned up at the beautiful Noel, her cheeks turning an even deeper pink.
“Alice is different.” She spun on the bench, turning herself to him, opening her arms wide. “It’s time! Switch! Switch!” She leaped up, darting off across the room.
“Wow.” I shook my head, taking a sip of the bitter coffee.
Noel leaned over and set a plastic cup in front of me. My eyes went to the pills, feeling my shoulders droop. Medication to keep me nothing more than a functioning dead person. Someone who couldn’t find the will or energy to fight back.
“Every morning you will be given your medication.” His deep gravelly voice reminded me of a movie actor. “You can take it while I walk you to your session.” He nodded for me to pick up the cup.
I did what he asked, rising with my coffee and cup of pills, and followed him out of the cafeteria. As we walked, his eyes slid up to the video camera on the far back wall before they went down, staying on something longer than natural before he faced forward again. My gaze traveled to the same spot.
A garbage can.
A tiny flutter of hope drew in and out of my lungs.
Instinct took over, whether he meant to lead me to this or not. I angled my body away from the camera, so they only saw my back, drawing the paper coffee cup up to my mouth, gulping the last bit before chucking it in the trash… along with the plastic cup of pills.
It was seamless.
No one would even blink at it, but anxiety still twisted my guts in knots. Nurse Noel did not even give me a second glance as he continued down the hall.
Ascending From Madness Page 8