“After Uni? My memory is gone, but I can feel something there, like it’s being blocked. Flashes of things will come to me. Odd things. Things that should terrify me… have me committing myself to one of these places, except I feel with every fiber it’s real. And whatever life I lived then I was Scrooge.” He extended his arms, gripping my biceps. “And more than that, I know you were part of it.”
A sharp inhale sucked through my nose.
“You feel it, too, don’t you?” he asked.
My head bobbed, my eyes squeezing together. “Yes.”
“You aren’t the only one who felt the connection the moment we saw each other.” He gripped my chin, lifting it up to his face. His irises darkened with intensity. “And the things I wanted to do to you too… Dirty. So fucking naughty. In front of the entire party.”
Heat shivered through my body, my nipples hardening at his statement.
“I’ve been searching for you for days.” He inched closer to me, our bodies flushing together. “The moment I turned away from you, I knew I did the wrong thing. You were everywhere. I could see you, smell you, taste you, hear your voice as if you were really there.”
Every declaration he made was like he was peeling it from my own mind. Another reason I didn’t fully trust my senses. I could easily be projecting what I felt through this incredible illusion.
“You still don’t think I’m real.” He smirked, reading my thoughts. His hands seized the sides of my head. “Jessica has kept me very close, using Tim as a weapon. But tonight she got a call and ran out. I felt the pull to you. Knew I had to follow her. Things I can’t explain brought me straight here.”
“You asked why I’m out here?” I bit down on my lip, his gaze dropping to my mouth. “Because I also felt the draw. It was so strong. There was no question I’d risk everything. I didn’t know why, but now I do.” I tilted my head back, my full attention on him. “To get to you.”
His nose flared, his fingers digging into my head as he pulled me closer, our lips only inches away.
“We need to go. Get far away from her and this place,” he murmured, his breath stroking my lips, slipping down my neck. His forehead knocking against mine, desire heating every vein in my body.
“Yes.” I agreed, my hands sliding around his solid torso, neither of us moving. The need for him to kiss me overpowered the instinct to run.
His fingers gripped my hair roughly, pressing against me. His mouth barely brushed mine, and electricity sparked my muscles, my back arching, a soft groan catching in my throat. The desperation for him exploded, engulfing me—drowning me.
As if it had been held back for a long time and he had torn the barrier away with a single touch, a deep growl originated from his chest. “Alice…” My name coarse and raw as his mouth descended down on mine. Hungry. Raw. Sparks flamed through my body.
“I’m sure I’m supposed to feel something, watching my husband cheat on me.” A voice sliced through us like a guillotine, separating us with a violent cut.
Jerking away, our heads turned to the center’s entrance. My blood iced with terror, my pulse hammering in my ears.
Jessica stood at the opening, bundled in a long white fur coat. Rabbit. Her blood-red lips bloomed against the white fur, her blue eyes flashing under the moonlight.
All the nurses and guards surrounded her. Nurses Green, Mint, and Noel were in front.
Matt turned fully to her, his lids lowering.
“I am not your husband.”
A menacing smirk twisted her mouth; a shoulder lifted in a shrug.
“Maybe not technically, but are you going to deny the child we have together?” She journeyed forward, confidence oozing from her, regal and fully in charge. “Clearly you care little for him, since you are willing to risk everything for her.”
“He’s not our child,” Matt replied low and quiet, like this was the first time he admitted it out loud.
Jessica’s cheek twitched, but she started to circle us, a shark moving in on its prey. “A beautiful girl makes men go stupid. I knew you couldn’t resist her and would eventually follow me here. You are pathetically predictable. As usual, a man only thinking with his dick.” She rolled her eyes, going around Matt. “Though it’s stronger with her. What is so special about her? From the moment you met her, she’s completely ensnared you and every creature she has come across. She’s been able to break through my powers on you. I don’t get it. So far, I’ve come up with nothing unique. Nothing in her blood, nothing in her mind. Why her? Why is she so special?”
She flipped her hand at me, though it sounded more rhetorical than a question. “Her tests showed me nothing.” She stopped in front of us. “I guess I’ll just have to go deeper.” Cruelty laced her words. “Dig deeper into her brain.”
“You aren’t going to fucking touch her.” Matt stepped closer to me. “You have a problem? Take it out on me.”
“What?” I snapped to Matt, my head wagging, nixing that idea. “No elfin way!”
“Oh, don’t fight.” Jessica laughed. “I have plans for both of you.” She clicked her tongue. “My notes have been expressing worry and fear about my husband’s mental health for a long time now. The fear growing is that he might hurt our dear child.”
“You. Bitch.” Matt lunged for her. The four guards she had posted at the front gate and door jumped for him, grabbing his arms, trying to pull him back. Still, he dragged them across the ground, abhorrence vibrating off him like a wild animal.
He leaned into her face, his jaw locking with fury. “Leave Tim out of this. He’s an innocent in this. A child!”
“Is he?” She curved her brow. “And who is watching our innocent child while you chase after Ms. Liddell here?”
Matt’s chest fluttered, and I could feel more than see the defeat raining down on him.
“Exactly. What kind of parent leaves their child unattended in the middle of the night? Not a rational, stable one.”
Matt dipped his head, mumbling so low, I couldn’t hear him, but I swear he said, “He’s not real.”
“Noel?” Jessica clicked her fingers at him. “Escort Ms. Liddell back.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He stepped forward. “Back to her room?”
“No. Alice has been an exceptionally bad girl. She needs to be punished.” Jessica’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Take her to the room.”
Noel’s jaw tightened, causing my stomach to drop.
“The room? What the fuck is ‘the room’?” Matt snarled, wiggling against the hands holding him.
Noel dipped his head, striding over to me. I shuffled back, but he nabbed my arm, yanking me forward.
“No! Let her go!” Matt pulled against the guards, trying to get to me. “Don’t. Touch. Her.”
“Don’t be jealous, Matthew. Your turn will not be long behind.” Jessica clutched her rabbit coat around her body, smirking at him. “You have actually done me a favor coming here tonight. No longer do I have to pretend I love you or that sickly excuse for a child.”
A roar erupted from Matt, the guard’s heels digging into the frozen ground, trying to keep him in place.
“I will kill you,” Matt gritted through his teeth, his face an inch from hers. “Count on that.”
“No, my love.” She patted his cheek. “I will destroy you. Along with my actual husband and your precious Alice. For good. Everything you love, things you don’t even remember you love, will all be gone soon.” She twisted down her lips in sadness, reeking of mocking cruelty. “You really should have run when you had the chance.”
She whipped around, strolling out of the maze, her procession scrambling to follow, like she was the queen.
The blood-red Queen of Winterland.
Noel hustled me forward, pitching the odd thought from my mind, his hold firm as he moved us quickly out of the labyrinth. Craning my head back, I tried to find Matt through the throng of people, but the narrow lanes and mass of people hid him from view.
“Matt?” I screamed bac
k, my legs stumbling to keep up with Noel’s pace.
Terror for him, for myself, hammered my heart viciously in my chest, trying to climb up my ribs into my throat. She had isolated me from my family, from my life. There would be no phone call to check on me tomorrow or even the next day. And if Matthew’s theory about himself was right, he had only her and his son.
She had us exactly where she wanted.
“Alice!” His deep voice rumble through the crowd, sounding far back, his voice the only truth and comfort I had. My anchor.
Our group stepped out of the maze, the lights from both inside and outside of the building tinting the snowy gardens a pallid yellow. My eyes went to the second floor, noticing Bea’s room was dark.
“What did they do to her?” I flicked my chin up to the vacant room.
“Hole,” Noel replied briskly. “But that is nothing compared to what she’s going to do to you.”
“What is she going to do?”
Noel gnashed his teeth. “Fight, Alice,” he said into my ear. “I can’t help you in there. You were made a lot stronger than you think. I know you are her.” He yanked me up the stairs to the institution, marching in. The heat inside stung my face like a slap, my nose instantly running.
The few nurses on duty at the main desk watched our group parade through with wide eyes as Noel directed me down the right corridor, my wet boots squeaking over the linoleum. I knew exactly where Noel was taking me, my insides snaking into knots, panic hazing my mind.
“Take him to the Rose Room until I’m ready for him,” Jessica ordered the men dragging Matt. I twisted to see him. Through the chaotic cluster hustling around us, my eyes found his. Our gazes locked. Not one word was said, but I could feel the connection, the words we both kept silent.
I will find you.
Chapter 17
Noel pulled me into the room, my breath coming out in puffs. It wasn’t much different from when I was in here yesterday, but it frightened me far more. My eyes slid to the tray holding all the needles and instruments. In the middle of the tray was a hammer and an orbitoclast. A lobotomy ice pick…
“No.” My feet ceased moving, terror so deep, bile burned my throat as I started to scream. “No, please!” My legs gave out, and my body plunged to the ground. Noel caught me and picked me up, dropping me in the chair.
“Please… Noel. You don’t have to do this. Please,” I pleaded. He worked at the straps to bind me down. The betrayal was a sword straight from the fire being rammed into my stomach. Even though he told me not to trust anyone here, I still hoped he would assist me when it came to something this horrendous. “Help me.”
He watched me intently, strapping me in. “You are tougher than you look, Alice. You have it. Extra muchness.”
Muchness. I felt anything but strong at the moment. This was the stuff of horror movies, the ones that really messed with your psyche because it could happen in real life. At one time they had.
The 1900s were brutal with narcissistic doctors who thought their “experimental practices” were better than love and kindness. The doctors who came up with these treatments to “cure” people were the ones who needed to be locked away and medicated, not the innocent patients who couldn’t help their mental troubles, unlike the supposed “doctors.”
Thrashing against my bonds, shrill cries bubbled from my lips. I looked exactly like the wild animal they were treating me as. Feral. Crazed. “No, please… you can’t do this to me.” I wiggled again and realized something.
Noel left my binds loose…
“Actually, I can.” Jessica stepped into the room, sans her rabbit pelt, which made me want to skin her alive. Wear her as a coat. Today she had on black slacks and a gray cashmere sweater, black booties, her hair perfectly curved under her chin. Stylish and elegant even to perform a lobotomy. “The paper Dr. Cane had your parents sign gives me full right to do anything I deem fit to help you.”
Whatever happened to the doctor? I hadn’t seen him since Jessica had placed him there as a prop. Dread rained down on me with realization. “He’s not even a doctor, is he?” I snarled at her while I twisted my wrists trying to inch them out without her notice.
A light smug smile bowed her mouth. “Your parents needed a second opinion. I offered them that.”
“You. Demented. Bitch.” I spat at her, saliva running down my chin, my loose hair curtaining around my face, sticking to my cheeks.
“And yet it is you who sits in the chair, not me.” She picked up a surgical gown, pulling it on. “Dr. Cane may not be a ‘licensed’ doctor, but he has done many procedures for me.” A figure appeared in the doorway as if she summoned him from thin air. “Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you, Dr. Cane. All good things, of course.”
The pudgy round man, who resembled the shape of an egg, waddled into the room, already dressed in a surgical gown.
“Serving you is my privilege, Majesty.” He bowed his head, toddling up to the tray. His rosy cheeks and bright eyes glinted with excitement. His tongue slid over his bottom lip as he touched the instrument, like it turned him on.
“Noel, you can leave.” Jessica nodded to the nurse. He dipped his head at her, peering through his lashes. His severe gaze fastened on mine, telling me to use the opportunity he presented, before turning for the door. “Wait!” Jessica screeched.
“Ma’am?” He faced her, his expression stone, but I saw his Adam’s apple bob.
“Fasten her tight. I want to make sure she is secure. She already slipped away from you imbeciles earlier tonight.”
“Yes, Majesty.” He dropped his head, returning to my side.
“No,” I whimpered. “Noel…”
He tightened my binds a little more.
“More.” Jessica watched his every move.
He cinched all my restraints until they cut into my skin, carving out my last bit of hope.
“Go,” she ordered.
He once again dipped his head in a bow, swiveled around and marched out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
The click boomed in my ears like a gunshot. The last string of any possibility to escape broke, hollowing out my chest. The absolute aloneness floated me out into nothing where hope and happiness would not touch me.
“Shall we get started?” Jessica picked up a syringe. Dr. Cane licked his lips again, nodding his fat head.
“Don’t you want to do this with her fully aware?” He picked up the ice pick, ogling it like it was his favorite toy.
Fear comes in all different forms and intensities. The immobilizing terror which locked my entire body down went beyond every horror I knew could exist. I no longer felt attached to my body as shadows crept up around the edges of my vision, air not fully making it to my lungs, fright floating me away from any understanding except panic. Wild, guttural, raw panic. I understood how people lost bodily function or vomited, their system not knowing how else to deal with the crushing weight.
“Normally, yes. Especially for this one.” She glared at me, tapping at the needle. “But I need her to relax, let the block on her mind unravel.”
Panic scurried inside me like squirrels.
She stared down at me like a specimen, tapping my vein.
“What are you talking about?” A croaky voice came up from the pit of my stomach.
“The Land of the Lost and Broken took your memories and hid them, slithering through just enough, you thought you were going mad. I used that. You got enough flashes, enough glimpses of truth, to step perfectly into my design. Feeling yourself going crazy, your family watched you lose your hold on reality. Slipping from yourself, when in truth, it was the exact opposite.” She smiled at me cruelly, sliding the needle into my arm, pushing the drug into my vein. I stiffened, a cry breaking from my lips, still wanting to fight against her. There was nothing more helpless than when you had no control over your own body. Trapped in a prison of your shell. “Now, I need you to remember.”
“Remember what?” I snarled as she pulle
d the needle out, the burn of the drug already zinging up my arm.
“Winterland.”
“Winterland?” I furrowed my brow, the liquid she pumped into me crawling over my shoulders.
“I don’t understand. You are human. Nothing special. You have no magic.” Her lips rose up. “Not only did you get in, but you were able to travel through the mirrors. Only Nick can do that, but you opened the door, allowing us all to get through.”
“Magic? You sure you’re not the one who needs to be in this chair? You are nuts.”
“Soon you will see I am not.” She folded her arms. “But what does it matter, Alice? Your parents wouldn’t even listen to you now. The more you refute me and spout about how crazy I am… the more you are… in their eyes. Humans are so easy to twist, making them believe something without question. Without facts. And toss all control away at the drop of a hat.”
Elf on a shelf. She was right. Who would people believe? Her authority was indisputable to anyone not looking too deep. She acted the part of an acclaimed psychiatrist, and people easily gobbled it up because she said and did everything right. She had my whole neighborhood watch me melt down in front of them. I had no leg to stand on anymore. Even if I got out of here, they’d probably help her round me up again, thinking “poor Alice… she once seemed so normal.”
“Can I start now?” Dr. Cane bobbed his weight from one foot to the other, holding the hammer. Bucking against the warmth trying to soothe my muscles, ice shot through my veins opening into my stomach. I had seen a movie where they did this to someone, and their screams had haunted my dreams for months.
“Patience, Dr. Cane. That’s after her memories come back.” Jessica waved the overeager oval ass back. He was even more cracked in the head than she was, getting off on the pain and torture of others. “I need her to give me the information first, then we will turn her into a vegetable.”
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