by Kayley Shaye
“Thank you.”
I leaned back in the seat and laid my head on the cold glass of the window as we passed cars. What I would give for just five minutes with my dad to tell him how sorry I was for the way I acted towards him. I missed him so much already.
It is true what people said about never leaving or cutting someone off without straightening out an argument first because you may never see them again. I just wish I had thought about that before walking out the door.
***
I was so glad when we finally got to the hotel with Jesse walking with me and not leaving me immediately to wallow in my sorrow.
I opened the door to the room and almost immediately fell onto the bed. It was going to be nice having a break from the clubhouse. “Jesse?”
“Yeah?” He stood by the wall like he didn’t know what to do.
“Stay with me tonight.”
Jesse crawled onto the bed with me and sat near the edge. “And Steve?”
“We will take care of him tomorrow. He’s not going anywhere.”
“We?” Jesse raised his eyebrows.
“Yes, we,” I said. “He killed my dad. I’m not about to sit back and let you take care of it yourself.”
“Fine. I’m glad you said that actually because I wasn’t going to leave you here alone anyway.” He turned to his side so he was facing me.
“What would you have done if I had told you to screw off?” I asked, running my finger over his leather cut and patches. My fingers stopped on his ‘President’ patch.
“Sleep outside the door all night.” He began watching my finger.
I chuckled despite the circumstances. “I’m sure you would.”
“Did you really believe all the stuff you said today? That I killed your dad?” His eyes trailed over to mine, and I quit playing with the patch.
“I didn’t want to believe it, but what was I supposed to think? It was your van.”
“But I said I didn’t do it.” Jesse looked a little hurt. That fact alone made me feel horrible. He leaned up on his elbow and hovered over me. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” I whispered. I might have been in doubt earlier, but who wouldn’t be? All I knew was that I was wrong for what I said, especially when I told him Ryder was right. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He moved away and peeled off his shirt and cut.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I admired his muscles and tattoos. A few scars littered his back, but he still showed them off well.
“I can’t sleep in a shirt. I get tangled up.” He tossed it to the floor.
“You get tangled up? Oh, I’m sure.” I smirked. “I think you’re just trying to tease me.”
Jesse smiled and laid down. He pulled me to him. His arms wrapped around my body and I felt safe. “Nah, me? I don’t tease.” He chuckled.
I smiled at him and softly ran my fingers over his scars. One in particular was deep. “What’s that from?” I asked as my curiosity took over. It felt like a knife wound.
“That’s still a little tender, ya know,” he muttered and I dropped my fingers from it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I moved back so I could look him in the face. My own ankle was still sore. “Stab wound?”
“Yes,” Jesse said with a sigh. “It was deep. It happened a few weeks before I met you.”
“And? Details.”
Jesse chuckled at my persistence. “I’m a hit man on occasion. This occasion didn’t end the way it normally would,” he admitted. “But the hit needed to be done.”
I gasped. “A hit man? Who was it?”
“A no-good, dirty older man who liked to touch children. One of my buddies from high school, Jason, reached out to me through another friend of his. My buddy got locked up for trying to murder this man for touching his daughter,” Jesse said. “He asked me to finish the job for him.”
“What happened? Was he already injured?” I asked.
“Yeah, he was in pretty bad condition. I figured it was going to be a piece of cake. Boy was I wrong,” Jesse said and laughed. “The man’s thirty-year-old son was staying with him to help take care of him and his injuries. I had no idea, and it didn’t occur to me that he might have someone over.”
I gritted my teeth as he spoke.
“I went in through the backyard and entered the house through an unlocked sliding door. Found the man’s bedroom and shot him in the head as he slept. As I was turning around, I got a knife to the back. I struggled with him for a minute before I put my pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger.”
I gasped again. “How were you not arrested? Your blood must have been all over the place!”
“Not at all. I checked,” Jesse said. “I didn’t pull the knife out of my back until I was away from the scene. Luckily, the blade somehow stopped the wound from gushing.”
I should have been terrified by his story, but I wasn’t. Bad judgement call? Nothing new! “I guess you didn’t have a cut on, or the knife couldn’t have gone so deep.”
“No, I didn’t want to risk someone seeing me leave the house. Dead giveaway with the name on the back. Could have died over a job I didn’t even get paid for,” Jesse muttered.
“Why not?”
“It was a favor, and if you ask me, any guy who puts his hands on a woman or a child deserves to die. If I had the time to torture that man, I would have.”
I shivered. “Wow, it blows my mind that you haven’t gotten caught. What did you do with the pistol?” I asked curiously.
“I can’t give up my secrets.” Jesse nudged me in the ribs “That’s for me to know.”
I sighed and leaned back into him. “You’ve really killed all of those people that everyone claims you have?”
“Most of ‘em.”
“Don’t you ever feel bad about it? Ever? I’ve only killed a few out of self-defense, mostly, and even then, I felt like a terrible human being,” I admitted.
Jesse wrapped his arms back around my body. “I used to. It used to bother me every single day, but not anymore. It is what it is now. I see it as survival of the fittest. Talk shit, get hit.”
I chuckled at his choice of words. “Interesting viewpoint.” I had never heard anyone talk like that before. I may not have approved of his lifestyle and how he went about things, but I couldn’t judge him because I really wasn’t all that different from what he was.
“I lied,” I whispered, looking up at him. “I am your sweetheart.”
Jesse smiled, and for once, it wasn’t cocky. It wasn’t a smirk either; he was truly happy. “Good, because I wasn’t planning on letting your ass go anytime soon.”
I leaned up and kissed him gently. I drifted off into a deep sleep shortly after with Jesse’s arms still firmly wrapped around me.
Never in my life, not even with my ex-boyfriends, had I felt as loved as I did with Jesse in such a short amount of time. He looked and acted tough more times than not, but he had a soft spot when it came to me and I loved him for it.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Three days later, I was busy cleaning the new dishes that I hadn’t shattered all over the floor, just so you know, when my phone started ringing on the kitchen counter. I quickly rinsed my hands and dried them before picking it up. ‘Damien’ read across the screen. “Hello?”
“Are you busy?” a rough voice came from across the line.
“Damien, is that you?” I asked.
“It’s me. Answer the question.”
“I’m just washing dishes. What is it?” I moved back over to the sink and leaned against it. It seemed he was being extra demanding today. It was rare that he called me though.
“I just have a question,” he started. “Have you . . . noticed anything different with Ryder lately? I think you’d be one of the first he’d come to if something was wrong. Then again, I thought it would be me, too.”
“He was coughing up blood the day we got both of the clubs together. I thought he had gotten hit by either Talon or Col
t, but he said he didn’t and insisted he was fine. That’s the only thing I’ve seen. But why, Damien?” I asked. “Why do you think something is wrong?”
“Remember when Talon said that ‘they weren’t done with this?’” Damien asked.
I rolled my eyes as I remembered his words from three days before, right before he took off on his bike. “I remember.”
“Yeah, well, he wasn’t playing. He went off on Ryder yesterday about the Rebels and all the stuff we’ve been put through because of them. Ryder didn’t fight back with him at all. He told Talon to screw off because he wasn’t going to hear it that day. Doesn’t really sound like him, does it? Over the past two weeks, he seemed a little off, but I thought nothing of it until now.”
I put my hand on my hip. I glanced around my kitchen in thought. “No, it doesn’t. Maybe he was having a bad day yesterday?”
“That’s not all. Yesterday, he refused to come on a ride with us because he was too tired and he looks it too. I don’t know what has gotten into him, and he won’t talk to me, Sage. I’m worried. He’s not telling us something, I just don’t know what it is.”
My stomach sank. “Has anyone else noticed a change in him?”
“Liam, Trigger, and Talon have. I think the others have too, but they aren’t saying anything if they have.” I heard the faint sound of wind in the background.
“Damien, where are you going?”
“To the store. We’re starving, and you aren’t here to get us food.” He chuckled lightly.
“I’ll go to the store now. Don’t worry about it. I won’t trust you to go to the grocery store alone anyways. God only knows what you’ll bring back. I can talk to Ryder when I get there. Just let me get dressed, and I’ll head out.” I grabbed the van keys from the table. Jesse and I needed to buy a vehicle, but the clubhouse van did just fine for now.
“Thanks, Sage.” Damien chuckled. “Hey, before you go, do you know what Jesse is doing here today?”
Jesse was at the clubhouse? Wasn’t it a little too soon for that? “Um, I didn’t know he was there.” I sat down on the couch, so I could pull on my shoes.
“Yeah, he and Ryder left in the van for about two hours and then came back. Ryder came in and went right to his room without saying anything to any of us.”
“I’ll try to figure out what’s going on. Give me an hour.”
***
Damien and Liam helped me carry in the grocery bags once I got back to the club. I had gotten nearly three hundred dollars’ worth of food because the guys always ate a lot. They better be happy I loved them.
I dropped the last of the grocery bags on the bar to let the guys go through them and put everything away. I received a few hugs and even got spun around by Liam because he hadn’t seen me in a few days. None of them had actually because Jesse and I were trying to get settled into our new house.
But as soon as we were done, I would be at the clubhouse a lot more. I was already starting to miss it.
“He’s in his room?” I asked as I looked over to Damien.
He nodded his head as he perched himself on a stool. “Yep. Probably won’t talk to you though. At least, he won’t talk to us.”
“We’ll see.” I put my phone in my back pocket and walked down to Ryder’s room. I knocked softly before I twisted the doorknob. Let’s hope like hell I wasn’t interrupting anything. “Ryder?”
Light blue eyes met mine, and a small smirk twitched his lips upwards. “It’s about damn time. Three days too late.”
I smiled and shut the door quietly. I took in his form on the bed with his hands behind his head. Ryder was wearing a pair of dark jeans with a blue shirt and his cut over that. He appeared tired. “Give me a hug.”
“You come over here.” He chuckled. “I’m not getting up.”
“Lazy,” I muttered. I walked over to his bed and leaned down to hug him. “You won’t even sit up to hug me?”
“I’m lazy, remember?” Ryder smirked. I sighed and took a seat on the dark grey comforter. My hands fiddled with the bracelet on my wrist as I tried to figure out what I wanted to say, ask, or do.
“I’ll be at the clubhouse more once Jesse and I are settled in, just so you know,” I started.
“I know. Just don’t take too long. Guys are starting to miss your ass. I am too,” he said.
“Aww, Ryder’s being sappy today. I missed you too.” I lightly patted his arm. He swatted my hand away with a small chuckle.
When our smiles and laughs died down, I knew I needed to ask him what was going on, but I still doubted that he would give me a straight answer if it was something serious. “So . . . what were you doing with Jesse earlier?”
“We went out to eat. Talk about stuff,” Ryder responded.
I mentally scoffed. Sure, they went out to eat. I highly doubted it. “Talk about what?” I pressed.
“Everything.”
I decided to let that aspect go for now. I’d get an answer whether it be from him later or Jesse next time I saw him. God only knew what he was up to now. “You look tired.” I turned my body slightly on the edge of the bed, so I didn’t have to turn my head so far to see him.
Ryder’s eyes found mine again. “I am.”
“I heard you’ve been tired a lot lately. Wouldn’t even ride with the boys. Why’s that?” I asked with a frown.
Ryder rolled his eyes. “Go figure, the boys cannot keep anything to themselves. I haven’t been able to sleep much lately.”
“Why?” I knew I was probably annoying him with all the questions, but I couldn’t stop now.
“Why are you so curious? All I need is some more sleep, Sage. I am fine. Quit worrying.” Ryder’s eyes averted back to the ceiling, and that’s when I realized he was completely bullshitting me.
“Are you, Ryder? Are you really fine? Because people who are fine don’t typically lay in bed all day and cough up blood.”
“I still don’t know why that happened, Sage, so stop acting like I’m hiding something from you.” His face didn’t change expressions.
“You are. You know it, and I know it. But if you don’t want to tell me, there’s always Jesse. Maybe whatever this is, whatever you’re hiding, is the reason we got the clubs together in the first place. The Ryder I know doesn’t do . . . this.”
“Do what? Lay in bed?” He raised his eyebrows.
“No. Refuse to go on a ride, stay closed up . . . and pretend you’re just tired.”
There was so much more that I wanted to ask, but I knew it would get me nowhere, at least not right now. “I’ll see you later. I brought back some groceries, so you might want to get in there before the guys eat it all.”
“I’m not hungry,” Ryder replied with slight harshness to his voice.
I stood up and sighed. “Fine. Try to get some sleep then. Maybe you won’t be so tired.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
My first instinct when something wasn’t going right was to yell at someone. I openly admit that it was a terrible thing to do, and it was one of my biggest flaws. Even though I felt like yelling at Jesse as soon as he walked into the door, I knew there was really no reason for it.
Jesse didn’t have to tell me where he was and what he was doing every single hour of every single day nor did I want to know. Yes, I was beyond curious as to what he and Ryder had been up to because I sure as hell knew it wasn’t ‘going out to eat’, but that was no reason or excuse for me to yell at him for it.
So instead, I ordered Chinese food and had just finished setting it out on the table when he walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Hey, sweetheart.”
I leaned back into his warm body and sighed. My head moved back to rest on his shoulder. “I didn’t think you were ever coming home.”
“Felt like spending a little extra time at the clubhouse today since I’ve been so busy here lately,” Jesse said as he rested his chin on my shoulder. He seemed extremely tired.
“I get it. I went over to the clubhouse too. I g
ot a call from Damien,” I said as I moved out of his embrace and took my seat at the table.
“Oh really? About what?” Jesse sat across from me.
“Your brother.” My hand reached out and grasped the beer next to my plate of Chinese food. I took a swig. “Damien’s worried.”
Jesse’s demeanor changed slightly, and I could feel it. He was upset. Maybe he thought I couldn’t tell, but it was as clear as day to someone who knew him as well as I did now; at least, knew him as well as I thought I did.
I took in his form at the table: back straightened and eyes averted to the food that he still hadn’t touched and didn’t look like he was going to for a while. “I guess you already know I was over there.”
“Yeah.” I picked up a fork and stabbed a piece of sweet and sour chicken before biting off a piece. “I was really worried when I heard. Figured it was too soon to be coming right up to the clubhouse like that.” I dropped my fork back down and swallowed my food. Jesse still wasn’t eating. “Just tell me what’s going on, please.”
“I assure you, Sage. You don’t want to know. You really don’t, and I don’t want to talk about it.” Jesse’s eyes remained on the table.
“Yes, I do. I love Ryder, Jesse. If there’s something wrong, then I need to know. He won’t talk. All he said was that he hasn’t been sleeping much. The boys told me all he does is lay around and refuse to go on rides with them.” The real question was how long had this really been going on? After all, I hadn’t been around very much lately.
I stood up from the table and pulled Saran wrap out of the cabinet. I knew neither of us were going to eat now, and there was no use letting it go to waste. “I didn’t say anything to him . . . or anyone else, but I think he might be losing weight.”
“He is.” Jesse’s eyes continued to stare at the plates as I wrapped them. “I wondered when you’d notice. He’s been losing weight for at least two weeks now. He doesn’t feel like eating.”