by A. J. Logan
Pushing the car door open, I get out of the car and head to the barn after she’s disappeared inside. I’d debated on parking in the front, letting her know I was here waiting, but I didn’t want her to run.
Following the path into the barn, I walk up the stairs, and, reaching the landing, I stop.
Sadie shoves the wooden shutter open, the evening light spilling into the barn. Hardly sparing me a glance, she spits over her shoulder, “Of course you’re here. My life isn’t fucked up enough. What do you have up your sleeve now?” She rifles through stuff in the corner of the barn that looks untouched for years. She tosses a shovel aside, then throws some metal tools in the same direction. They clang loudly against the floor as she continues her search. What she’s searching for she’ll never find in that pile.
“Can I help you find something over there?” I ask. I want to hear her voice, keep her attention on something other than the thoughts in her head.
“An ax.”
Okay. “What do you need an ax for?”
“None of your fucking business.”
“If it’s to chop me up into little pieces, it’s my business.”
She halts, slowly turning a murderous glare my way. “That would be too kind of me. You deserve far worse.”
If I went by her expression alone, the ax would indeed be aimed at me. But I know she’s intent on destroying something else. I’ll self-destruct soon enough, so she doesn’t need to worry about me.
Sadie locates the ax, grabbing it as she stomps over to the opening. Lifting the ax above her head, she brings it down as it digs into the ledge just at the corner of the window. Right where she’d said she saw the cardinal land.
Fuck, I want to reach for her, bring her into my arms so bad, but she needs to destroy it. Push the memory out of her mind. Something that brought her comfort, now brings her misery.
Quickly raising the ax over her head, she repeatedly brings it down as the blade disfigures the wood, chopping away a piece of the board little by little. She then moves over, swinging the ax against the wooden wall of the barn. There’s no relief coming to her because she’d need to raze the entire barn. Bulldozing the place she’d felt closest to her mother wouldn’t lessen the betrayal. But it might feel good as fuck to exorcise the demons.
The ax drops out of her hand as she stands, observing the damaged wood, breathing heavy from the strenuous activity. Her knees give out beneath her, and she falls to the floor. A gut-wrenching sob echoes through the barn, carrying out over the fields as she buries her face in her hands.
I can’t refrain any longer. I rush to her, falling to my knees, and engulf her in my arms. Her shoulders violently shake as she cries. Her arms snake around me as I sit back, pulling her onto my lap. I can’t get her close enough, hold her tight enough. She’s in agony, sobbing uncontrollably, surrounded by once happy memories that have now crumbled around her.
“I hate her. I hate her so much,” she sobs, burrowing her face against my chest in an effort to get closer. “You should’ve told me.”
“It wouldn’t have changed what she did.”
“I don’t understand.”
And she probably never will, because the one who can give her answers is unreachable. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”
Her breathing slowly settles down, her sobs quiet, and we remain wrapped together until a voice calls out for Sadie.
“That’s my grandma,” Sadie whispers, pushing up from my lap as she rubs her shirt across her face and heads to the staircase.
I stand, debating if I should stay put before quickly deciding to follow Sadie. Her grandma has her in an embrace as she whispers tenderly, then strokes her granddaughter’s cheek, wiping at Sadie’s face.
“I just miss her,” Sadie says with a strained voice, looking to me as her eyes plead for me not to say anything. “Grandma, this is—”
“Dylan,” Pearl says, looking at me with surprise.
“How do you know him?” Sadie asks her grandma as she looks at me.
“Oh, we met not too long ago. You didn’t tell her?” Pearl tsk-tsks as she gently pats me on the arm. “He gave me quite a fright.”
Sadie keeps her questioning look on me.
“Did you get your car back yet?” Pearl asks.
“No ma’am.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon. You solved the other part of the equation.” Pearl winks at me, with a giddy smile.
I don’t have the heart to tell her I haven’t solved anything, I’ve only made things worse.
“It’s about to get dark, so I’m gonna get back to the house. Are y’all staying in town?”
“No, I’m going back to school.”
“Well, have a safe trip back and stop by to visit me soon.” She gives Sadie a quick hug and peck on the cheek before turning to me and doing the same. “You too, Dylan. Don’t be a stranger.”
“Yes ma’am,” I reply as Pearl walks out of the barn, leaving me alone with Sadie and her questioning look. “After I lost the race, I drove here. Your grandma saw me pull up and came to see who it was since she didn’t recognize my car.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“My mind was messed up that night. I didn’t know which way I was going until I turned around to find a little old lady holding a shotgun pointed at me.”
“What?” Sadie gasps.
“Yeah. She said this was her granddaughter’s barn, and I needed to get my trespassing ass off her property. So, I told her I was here because of her granddaughter … and I told her about Noah and losing the race. I left here and drove straight back to you.”
Sadie remains quiet for a few minutes, processing the information. “How’d you know I’d be here tonight?”
“Because I see you.”
She steps forward, looping her arms around me as she rests her head on my chest. “Will you follow me back to my apartment tonight?”
“Yes. I can drive you there.”
“No. I’m not leaving my car again.”
“Okay.” I don’t argue because I’m just thankful she wants me to follow her, what she doesn’t know is I’d follow her anywhere, even into the burning flames that are sure to incinerate us both.
45
Sadie
“See ya later.” I wave to Jett as I’m leaving work and he gives me a friendly smile. He wasn’t happy to hear of the news that Dylan and I are … whatever we are, but I understand. He’s trying to protect me after what happened three days ago when I had a breakdown in front of him.
Dylan says Jett is jealous, but Dylan is the one who keeps a grumpy stare directed at Jett at all times. As far as I’m concerned, Jett is a good friend but nothing more. It’s Dylan I want, and I’m thrilled to see him waiting in the parking lot to pick me up. Even with my car back in my possession, he still insists on driving me everywhere, and I can’t say I mind all that much. The only thing he won’t budge on is letting me pay him back. Little does he know I already opened an account solely for the purpose of saving the money to give him back for the tuition. What he does with it is his choice, but I will give it all back to him someday.
There’s a tension between us as we arrive back to my apartment, and I think I know why. “Are you racing tomorrow?”
“No.”
“What about Friday night?”
“No,” he replies, not giving me anything to go off of other than his flat tone.
“Would you tell me if you were planning to race?”
“Yes.”
“Dylan, what’s wrong?” I ask as he goes to leave the room.
Stopping as he reaches for the doorknob, he keeps his back to me as he replies, “My mom called me earlier to find out when I’d be home for my aunt’s wedding.”
“When is the wedding?”
“This weekend.”
He’s leaving. “Are you going?”
“I told her I couldn’t make it. She was disappointed but said she understood.”
“So, what is it t
hen?”
His arm reaches up, clutching the back of his neck as he turns to me. “Emma called me afterward, crying because she wants me to come home. I told her I’d be there.”
A slight smile peeks at my lips thinking of how his little sister has him wrapped around her finger. “That’s good. I’m sure she’s excited to see you.”
Dylan avoids looking to me as he whispers, “I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of going home. Of telling my mom why Noah was here.”
“She’s not gonna blame you. She’s gonna welcome you home with open arms and so is Emma.”
He looks over to me with an agonizing expression. “Will you come with me?”
“I’m not sure if I can. I have to work this weekend, but I’m sure Toby would give me the day off Saturday if he knew we were going out of town.”
“I don’t want to go without you.”
“Then I’ll be there.” When have I ever been able to resist him? Meeting his family makes me nervous, him wanting me there makes me ecstatic. “Are you sure your mom won’t mind?”
“She won’t.” He reaches over, cupping my face in his palm. “She’ll love you.”
I hope so.
46
Sadie
Maybe enormous isn’t the correct word for the Atwood residence. Although the mansion feels even larger on the inside than it looks on the outside and is impeccably appointed and boasts every modern luxury, it also feels hollow. It’s not the size of the house or the décor that makes it feel lonely; it’s Dylan’s detachment since we arrived, and even before that. Unconsciously, my hands grip my forearms as I walk down the hallway, my heels clicking along the marble floor.
I debate messaging him so I’m not lost and wandering around all day, but I’m bound to run into someone eventually. Stepping into the kitchen, I spot the cook from breakfast at it again, whipping up a gourmet meal that makes my mouth water even though my stomach churns with unease.
Greeting him with a smile, I glance around the kitchen. “Is Dylan around here?”
“No, miss. I haven’t seen him since breakfast.”
Yeah. Me neither. His mom insisted I join all the ladies at the beauty salon to get my hair styled for the wedding, and I hadn’t seen him since we returned. The majority of the time, I chatted with Emma. Well, she did most of the talking, but I loved every moment of it.
I continue my search through the house and make my way to the garage. I’d always thought Kyle’s home was massive, but it could fit inside the Atwood’s garage. I step outside, exiting from the side door, and as I walk around the back of the house, I see the last-minute wedding preparations being done. The grounds are already gorgeous, so it was easy for Dylan’s aunt to transform the area into a beautiful and elegant spot for her small wedding.
“Sadie, sweetheart,”—Dylan’s dad greets me with a warm smile as he holds his arms out—“you look stunning.”
“Thanks, Mr. Atwood,” I reply, to which I get a serious look. “Sorry. Bill.” I laugh, recalling him requesting that I call him by his first name so he doesn’t feel so old. “Have you seen Dylan around?”
“No, I haven’t,” he replies, waving Dylan’s mom over as she heads our way.
“Oh, Sadie, that dress is gorgeous.” Judy lightly clasps my shoulder as she smiles.
I reply with a nervous thanks as I smooth my palms down the soft satin of the maroon minidress. The two wonderful people in front of me have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome, but I still feel a little odd being here … with his family.
“Well, we’ll find him.” Bill motions for me to follow him into the house. We walk down a long hallway as he glances in a few rooms.
“This study was his favorite hideout as a child. He was either in here or in the garage.” Bill shoves the door open, waving inside the room. “Yep. He’s hiding in here. Some things never change.”
Some things never change.
Glancing into the room, I spot Dylan sitting in an armchair, staring out the window. The scene breaks my heart as I recognize the anguish in his posture.
Bill retreats, heading back outside as I step inside the tension-filled study and sit in the chair across from Dylan.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
He leans back, turning up a bottle of whiskey, taking a generous swig. “You found me.” His words are a little slurred, but other than that it’s flat, monotone Dylan.
Precisely what I was scared of.
Before I can respond, Bryce saunters into the room. “Hey, lovely doves.”
Dylan doesn’t respond to him either, and sadly, it makes me feel a little better thinking it’s not only me he’s shutting out. I don’t want him to be hurting and keeping everyone at arm’s length.
“Maybe he’ll talk to you because he won’t talk to me.” I stand, offering the chair to Bryce as I leave the room. Downstairs, I return to the ceremony area where I ask what I can help with. At least this way I’ll contribute something, because I’ve felt nothing but useless since arriving.
The wedding reception is in full swing. The guests chatting, dancing, and joyfully celebrating as Edita and her new husband spin around the dance floor. Emma is in middle of the action, dancing with two other kids, enjoying every moment. I’ve barely gotten to know her, but I completely get why she has Dylan wrapped around her finger, I’m sure Noah had been too.
Looking over my shoulder, I spot Dylan reclined in the chair, his eyes on the table where his fingers tap in a steady motion. He hasn’t said more than two words to me since the wedding began and I have a feeling the rest of the trip will be the same.
Bryce dances over, sitting in the chair beside me. “There’s a wedding going on, in case you two forgot.”
Neither of us reply as Bryce gawks between the two of us. “Y’all need a drink.”
“Yes, I do.” Dylan walks off, stepping up to the open bar where he is no doubt ordering another drink that he doesn’t need. He’d sobered up a bit, but in the last hour, it seems like he’s trying to cancel out reality from the looks of him leaning against the bar and downing the shot glass.
“You don’t look like you’re having fun,” Bryce says, eyeing Dylan. “Just give him some time. He’s trying to sort through his head.”
Focusing on the dance floor, I watch as Bill and Judy spin around, looking joyful and in love. And I automatically wonder if it’s real or if they are struggling beneath the surface.
“Enough of this.” Bryce stands, holding his hand out to me. “Let’s dance.”
Giving him a half-smile, I place my hand in his as he leads me to the dance floor, dancing his way to the center as he turns and starts moving to the music. I follow along, finally feeling some joy as Emma joins in, dancing around us. Bryce grabs my hand, twirls me around, and dances to the music as I laugh. Everyone is having a great time until Bryce is abruptly hauled backwards.
Dylan raises his fist, striking Bryce in the jaw. As Bryce regains his footing, he loops his arms around Dylan’s torso, taking him to the ground. They’re both taking swings at each other until Bill and another man haul the two crazies off the dance floor.
Judy stands with her hand covering her mouth, devastated at what she’s witnessed. The wedding guests watch as Dylan shoves out of his dad’s grip and stomps across the lawn. Walking into the house, Bill follows his son. Emma runs over to her grandpa, and he engulfs her in a hug, her face buried against his chest as she sobs.
He’d gone too far.
Hurrying into the house, it doesn’t take long to locate the trio. I enter the kitchen after following the sound of Bill hollering at Dylan while Dylan’s yelling at Bryce, who in turn lays into his friend with every vulgar word I’ve ever heard and some colorful ones I haven’t.
Dylan looks to me, rage plain on his face. Bill looks over his shoulder at Judy and me. “Everything is all right. Dylan just needs to get some air and take a breather.”
“Isn’t that the fucking truth,
” Dylan says, jerking the tie from his neck and tossing it to the floor.
“What has gotten into you, Dylan?” Judy asks, clutching her hand to her chest as tears stream down her face. “Why would you do that to Bryce of all people?”
Dylan keeps his angry eyes on me as he says, “Because that’s what I do. I hurt the people I care about.”
Judy moves in front of Dylan, blocking my view of the hatred directed my way. “What are you talking about? This isn’t you. You don’t treat people like this.”
“No, I just send them to their deaths.” He steps to the side looking around the room at everyone gawking at him like he’s lost his mind before he looks back to his mom.
“Sunland. That’s where I’ve been.” Dylan clenches his teeth, his fist balled up at his sides. “He was there because of me. Noah went there because I told him about the race. He was only there because of me.” Dylan’s voice trails off in a low hiss.
Judy gasps, shaking her head. Her hand raises, slapping Dylan across the face.
Both of her hands clasp over her mouth, sobs escaping as she hurries out the room.
“We’ll talk about this in the morning.” Bill looks to Bryce then back to Dylan as he grips his shoulder and leans towards him. “Noah didn’t do anything he didn’t want to, just as you don’t. If he was there, he wanted to be. Give your mom some time.” Bill leaves the room but Bryce stays.
The redness on Dylan’s cheek softens my heart, but his enraged face tells me he’s not done.
“Go back to the party. Dance, have a good time, fuck the fun one.” He nods to Bryce, who lets out a cackle. Probably not the best move when Dylan is already pissed, but it is absurd.
“You’re really jealous because I was dancing? With Bryce?”
“Stop being an asshat, asshat,” Bryce says, slinging his arm in the air with a frustrated gesture.
“No. I’m fucking done with all of this bullshit.” His gaze has never left mine. He’s zeroed in on me with a rage I’ve never seen before. “You need to leave. Get the fuck out of my house.”