Sleep wouldn't come, and not even his beloved books could suck him in. He'd reread the story of the soul stealers and thought it was good, but reality kept intruding in his thoughts. He stopped trying to concentrate on something specific and let his mind wander.
How do you deal with society expectations? he wondered. He thought he'd have figured it out by now, but obviously hadn't. Can you ignore them and do your thing without feeling guilty all the time?
Angela, Pamela, his daughter, his family – brothers, sisters, and in-laws and nephews and nieces he'd never met. Vanessa and her father. Matt and Diane, Warren and Bonnie. Angela. Pamela.
Eventually, he fell asleep, as past and present danced together in his dreams.
***
Mr. Gold had invited him personally, so Carl went to the Gold mansion, wondering if it was about the recession. He found Vanessa pouting on the couch and sat on an armchair after greeting her.
"Is this some kind of official summons?" he asked her.
"Yeah," she snapped. "He has an announcement to make."
"I hope it's not about us," he commented. "Maybe the recession – what do you think?"
She glared at him, but he smiled.
"Knock it off, Vanessa, you're twenty-five, that's a quarter of a century, you're not a child anymore," he chided.
"Why did you give up on me?" she snapped.
"Because life is too short to live a farce," he replied. She looked oblivious to the recession. He hoped her father wasn't shielding her still. He must have been hit too. But maybe Vanessa was just too self-centered to bother.
She averted her eyes and resumed her pout. He looked around, remembering his years by Mr. Gold's side.
Then his former boss came into the room, holding hands with a very elegant woman. It took a moment to Carl to recognize his mother under the blush that made her look younger – and in love.
"Dad!" Vanessa screamed, shocked.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" Carl asked, surprised.
"I was worried for you, so I came to meet my in-laws," she answered. Then she exchanged a satisfied look with the man by her side. "You could have introduced us to each other sooner, you know?"
Mr. Gold chuckled and squeezed her hand. "Well, since you young people couldn't keep your marriage going, we thought to give it a try ourselves," he announced.
"You what?" Vanessa gaped.
"You're getting married?" Carl asked.
"Yes," his mother answered, beaming. "I think it's time we start thinking about our own happiness. You're all grown up now."
Carl smiled fondly at her. "Of course, Mom."
But Vanessa wasn't convinced. "Dad, she just wants your money!" she protested.
"Look who's talking of marrying for money," he father chided. "And you had enough on your own!"
Vanessa's lips trembled, her eyes filling with tears. Daddy's girl felt betrayed, back-stabbed, abandoned.
Mrs. Martin let go of Mr. Gold's hand and went to sit near Vanessa.
"Vanessa, your father has been lonely long enough," she said gently. "And I will not try to be your mother, nor a step-mother, nor will I deprive you of what is rightfully yours. I'm past child-bearing age, so you'll always be your daddy's girl."
Vanessa sniffed, then glanced at Carl. He smiled and shrugged – he was very happy for the elder couple.
Eventually Vanessa relented and Mrs Martin hugged her, forcing a smile on her lips.
Carl noticed Mr. Gold seemed to be waiting for his approval, so he went to shake his hand. The man had been almost a father when he was only an assistant, so Carl was glad his lonely mother had found him.
11.
Warren couldn't find what he was looking for, but stopped searching when he saw Bonnie's portfolio. It had been some time since she'd showed him her drawings – he thought she had stopped doing them.
He took the portfolio out of the drawer to look – yes, he remembered this one, oh, he'd forgotten about that one – mostly his portraits done in the past ten years. But then there were five or six new drawings of Carl she hadn't shown him. She'd put her "best" on the wall by the door, but there were more.
In the past year, she'd been drawing only Carl.
Warren opened his mouth, but no sound came out as he realized what it meant. Adding this discovery to her refusal to be intimate with him since they'd rushed to Carl's mansion in the middle of the night could mean only one thing.
He looked at the two drawings traced from the yearbook's photos on the wall in front of him and it hit him. Bonnie was in love with Carl – always had been.
He slapped the portfolio closed and put it back into the drawer. How could he be so blind? True she'd never mentioned Carl – and he had vanished from their lives for some twenty years.
He buried his face in his hands. So stupid! I should have known there was something fishy when he came back into our lives!
She must be obsessed with Carl, but hadn't said it out loud yet. And Carl was divorced now, what if she decided to speak her mind?
Warren stormed out of the house and went straight to St. Martin, LLC.
"Hi, may I talk to Carl?" he asked the new assistant, who looked vaguely familiar.
"Uh... he's in a meeting... But it should be over soon, do you want to sit down and wait for him?"
"Fine." Warren slumped on a chair, realizing Carl had hired his younger brother as assistant. So he was recovering his past. Bonding with his family again. And then his classmates. And...
Warren's eyes couldn't stop on anything, his feet couldn't be still. He rose again.
"Changed my mind," he muttered, leaving without listening to Carl's brother's protest.
Carl caught up with him in the street. "Warren, wait!"
Warren didn't stop and balled his fists in his pockets.
Carl was a little out of breath. "John told me... what did you want?"
Warren stopped and looked him in the eyes with barely contained fury. Who should he blame for being blind? Carl, Bonnie, himself?
"I don't want to have this conversation anymore," he grunted.
"Come on, Warren, this looks serious," Carl insisted, oblivious. "What's up?"
Warred stared at him, trying to control himself. He couldn't blame Carl for being as blind as he'd been. Carl obviously had no idea Bonnie was in love with him.
"Ever been aware of the girls who had a crush on you in high school?" he asked bluntly.
"I thought you were the heartbreaker back then," Carl answered, startled.
"Well, except for the only one I cared for."
Warren turned his back on Carl and walked away. Thinking about it now, it was obvious Bonnie already had a crush on Carl way back when. This explained a lot of things. If only she had spoken...
"Warren, wait! What do you mean?" Carl protested, rushing after him.
Warren stopped again.
"Bonnie doesn't want to marry me 'cause she's in love with you." His voice shook with rage. "Now stay away from me."
He turned his back on Carl who grabbed his arm.
"Can we talk about it?"
Warren freed himself and threatened to punch Carl.
"Stay. Away. From me!"
He stormed away.
***
Bonnie came home from work and found the closet open and half empty – Warren's half. She slumped on the bed with a sigh. So he'd given up on her at last. She couldn't blame him. But in the past eight months – since Carl Martin had come back into her life – it had become harder and harder for her to pretend she cared for Warren.
Then the doorbell rang. She rushed back to the main room to open and gasped in surprise.
It was Carl. "Hi. Is Warren here?" he asked with a shy smile.
"His stuff is gone," she answered, a little puzzled, letting him in. Had Warren talked to Carl and not to her?
"Did you two have a discussion or a fight?" he inquired, stepping inside the house, but not sitting on the couch.
"Not that I'm aware of
," she answered. "I guess he got tired of waiting."
"Why won't you marry him?"
She shrugged and averted her eyes. As if she could tell him – her renewed obsession. She was getting worse than in high school. And she was supposed to act like a grownup. But when it came to Carl, she just relapsed into her teens.
"Dunno," she muttered. "He's sweet and loves me, but..."
"Cindy showed me the drawings in your bedroom," Carl said.
She stared at him, shocked. "She... what?" So her secret was out! What did he think of her skills? But mostly, had he figured out why he'd been her only muse for the past months?
"Calm down, no harm done! It didn't really open my eyes, did it?"
She pouted. "I did them a long time ago." Liar. You did the latest last week, when Warren wasn't around. From one of Pamela's pictures – damn her!
"And back then, whom did you prefer?"
"You were gone. He was there." She glanced at him and frowned. She knew he was smart. He'd understand now.
"So it was always me. You never said it, though." Now Carl was serious.
"We're not all outspoken like Pam," she snapped. "Besides, you disappeared. Warren stayed."
Carl sighed. "So you spent years with a man you didn't love, after all."
"But he loved me," she retorted. "And I felt guilty enough not to start a family with him."
"And now he's gone. I wonder what opened his eyes."
"I have no idea..."
She crossed her arms and stared at her feet.
"I think you're in love with an idea of me that doesn't exist," he said, sounding amused again.
"I know," she muttered. I just can't get rational with you. You're my dream and I'll never be able to consider you a human being!
"I thought maybe we could go on a date and start knowing each other better," he continued.
She looked at him, puzzled, then slowly brightened. So, she had a chance at last? Going out with him and getting to know him better – all those things she dreamed about way back when that never happened?
"Why not," she said. "I have night shift today... are you free tomorrow?"
"Sure. Pick you up at seven?"
She wanted to scream "Yes!", but simply nodded, speechless with happiness.
12.
"I admit I'm quite fond of my high school years," Bonnie said over dessert. They'd been a little embarrassed at the beginning of the dinner, studying each other, but when they'd started talking, they'd gone down memory lane and felt in their teens again.
An awkward moment of silence, then Bonnie's comment made Carl smile.
"I'm glad they're over, though," he said. "So, what have you become, a nurse or an artist?"
She shrugged. "Drawing is a hobby."
"I know something of art. I think you're good."
"I disagree. And I like being a nurse. I like helping people."
"But who helps you?" Carl asked, remembering Cindy's words.
"I don't need help!" she protested. "I don't have a weak heart!"
She smiled fondly at him, and he smiled back.
"I want to diversify more, I was thinking of opening a publishing division," he announced.
"Have you written anything interesting?"
"I haven't for years, but suddenly last year I had an idea and wrote it down."
She brightened. "Can I read it?"
"If you promise to draw the cover," he answered.
"Aw, come on, I'm not that good." she waved him off with a snort. "Especially with sci-fi, if it's still your favorite genre."
"It is." He grinned. She remembered. Impressive. "Then I could maybe add a collection of art books to the novels. Would you like to be the first author?"
She chuckled and shook her head.
"Thank you, Carl, but you should probably start the collection with Pamela's photos! They are certainly better than any of my drawings!"
"I'll be the judge," he replied. "I mean, Pamela is good and photography can be an art form too..."
Her smile faded away and she averted her eyes.
"What is it?" he asked, puzzled.
"Did you... did you have her?" she asked. "Pamela, I mean."
"Yeah. Too late, though. Don't love her anymore."
She brightened again. "Sorry. It was none of my business."
He stared at her, amused. "I've been blind and deaf since we met again," he said. She was still jealous of Pam.
"I've done my best to hide my feelings." She blushed, lowering her eyes. "I'm aware that my idea of you might not be you."
He smiled. "So, what do you want to know to check your idea?"
***
Bonnie went home still dreamy. Carl left her with a good-night kiss on the cheek. And that was fine. They'd been strangers for so long, she wasn't expecting love at first sight for either of them. He sounded interested in getting to know her better, and so was she. They didn't really want to rush into bed together, so maybe they were both ready for something different.
He called her the morning after to ask if she was okay. She started looking forward to his calls, even if she hated the phone. And when he sent her his manuscript, she almost couldn't believe her eyes.
She read his story carefully, noticing how he had changed but not so much. He obviously still had a wild imagination – alien humanoids trying to steal souls? – and he wasn't trying to write like his favorite authors anymore. He had found his very own voice, even if he hadn't written fiction for years.
She met him to discuss his manuscript, Soul Stealers – and they were still friends. She didn't want to kiss him or anything yet, and he didn't try anything. Warren had vanished and Bonnie started thinking she'd love to move in with Carl and find him by her side in the mornings, but she didn't dare say so.
What if he had enough of marriage? What if he preferred a younger wife, like his ex? What if his friendship was just that – friendship? Brainstorming stories with him was wonderful. Talking to him was a dream come true. But what about him? She couldn't figure out what he really wanted.
She knew he'd seen his ex at his mother's engagement party. He'd said Vanessa looked quieter now. She asked him if he'd found someone else – a single, glamorous woman to marry, but he'd just laughed. He was probably not ready to get married again yet. She couldn't blame him.
So there she was, forty, with a long relationship left behind in a house that felt empty now that Warren was gone – even if she didn't really love him, she missed the company. And there was Carl, now single, but with only short flings in his background and a very short marriage. Would they ever be able to become a couple?
***
Carl thought Bonnie proved to be an excellent first reader. And in spite of her crush, she didn't look like she wanted to kiss him or anything, so he assumed she was still trying to figure out if she was really in love with him or with the old idea. Considering he'd had to go out with Pamela before he could forget her, he couldn't blame Bonnie for not rushing into his arms after her split with Warren.
Finally he went back to the observation point for the third time after another six month.
I shall forgive those who hurt me. I shall think positive. I won't pay forever because I made the wrong choices in the past.
And then Bonnie joined him, since they'd decided to meet there.
"Hey," she greeted. "Can you believe it's been a year since we met here?"
He smiled. "A very hectic year, full of important decisions."
"Things can only get better now." She stood next to him and crossed her arms, staring at the city.
"Of course. I think this time I made the right choices." He turned to look at her. "What about you?"
She shrugged. "I didn't really choose anything so far, I just took what was given to me."
"So you had no dreams?"
She looked him in the eyes, serious. "I had one, but he ran away. So I found someone that looked like Prince Charming."
Warren. The most wanted boy in school.
>
"He loved you," he said, averting his eyes. He still felt as if he were stealing his best friend's girlfriend.
"I know." She sighed. "But I discovered I wasn't living in a fairy tale, and that Prince Charming doesn't exist, so I kind of gave up on the whole romance business."
"I gave up on that after the prom," he admitted. "I've had lovers, but they never lasted. I guess I've been a bastard to most of them."
"What about that woman?"
"Angela? She has my money, so she's fine. She's allowing me to see my daughter, but she doesn't need me any more than Pamela."
"Told ya you shouldn't have apologized to Pam!"
"You've always been jealous of her!"
She smiled sheepishly. "True. Because she had your heart and gave it away."
"You can't blame her for my decision to become wealthy and successful," he chided. He took her in his arms. "That would actually be my mom. The culprit, I mean."
"I always liked your mom." Her voice shook as she dropped her gaze and weakly tried to push him away.
"She probably liked you more than she ever liked Pamela," he assured. "I think I fell for Pam precisely because she was a girl my mother despised."
She looked at him, stunned, and he smiled.
"Anyway, let's bury the past again, shall we?" he suggested.
She blushed. "Sure," she whispered.
He pulled her closer to kiss her and she didn't try to stop him. The brushing of their lips became a long, passionate kiss.
13.
Warren sipped his coffee, his muffin untouched. He felt tired and depressed – old, as if he'd aged ten years in a month. The realization that Bonnie didn't love him had hit him really hard. He'd found another apartment, but it felt too empty to have breakfast there, so he'd gone to his usual coffee shop before heading for work.
"Warren?"
Startled, he looked up. Pamela Lynch. Less glamorous than usual and serious as if she'd put away a mask.
"Are you all right?" she asked, worried.
"Yeah. I'm just tired. I'm doing overtime," he grumbled.
She sat in front of him, staring intently at him. "Why, you need money?" She sounded genuinely concerned.
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