by M J Marstens
Water stops talking, looking baffled at her outburst.
And our laughter.
“Is something wrong?” he finally ventures.
“You can’t call them shit-wizards! Where in the gods’ green Earth did you hear that?!”
“Uranus told me to use it. It’s a cool human word for friend.”
“What did I tell you about listening to him- or any of the others?!”
Water looks crestfallen at her censure.
“But, my heart-”
Vesta doesn’t give him time to wheedle or make an excuse, she simply marches out of the room with him trailing, and barks out, “You may talk quietly until we return.”
The class is silent for a minute after their departure, but finally, Fox Tail speaks.
“Does ‘shit-wizard’ not mean friend?” she asks.
I can tell Marsyas wants to fuck with the oblivious girl, but I beat him to it.
“No, it’s a title reserved for those in high rankings, as a sign of respect.”
The others in the room nod their heads in agreement at my words.
Just then, Chiron the Uptight walks back in, grumbling about Vesta and Water. He clears his throat and apologizes to the class for their absence.
“Does anyone have any questions while we wait for Vesta and Water to return?”
Fox Tail raises her hand timidly and Chiron calls on her encouragingly.
“Do you prefer to be called Headmaster Chiron or Shit-wizard Chiron?”
The centaur’s face blanks and without a backward glance, he simply walks out of the classroom.
Again.
“I think he prefers Shit-wizard Chiron,” Marsyas comments.
“Definitely Shit-wizard Chiron,” I concur.
Fox Tail makes note of it.
Oh man, the fun I’m going to have.
How the Fuck Did This Become My Life?
Chiron
The first time I walked out of the classroom, it was so I didn’t lose my composure and slam the newly reincarnated succubus into a wall and fuck her brains out.
The second time I walked out, it was so I didn’t strangle her.
In retrospect, I might have wanted to strangle her before, and I still want to fuck her, but the need to wrap my hands around her neck and squeeze is stronger.
Something tells me the little seductress would enjoy it, though.
I’m still reeling from her arrival.
What was the Universe thinking?
And if Lilith is reincarnated, that means so is her twin.
What does this even mean for the rest of us?
I have a headache just from thinking about it; it’s quickly building to a migraine when I think about all the trouble Lilith has already caused.
And will continue to make.
Nothing good can come from the Goddess of Deviant Sex made from another Goddess of Deviancy and Sex.
I shake it off and head to the teacher’s lounge to talk to Vesta and Water so that I can figure out what’s going on. I make a mental note to keep Lilith and the gullible kitsune apart. I swear to the gods the Universe is punishing me. For what, I have no damn clue.
I walk into the lounge and freeze.
Vesta, still in her old lady human form, is on her knees in front of Water, who is coming all over her face. Only her glasses keep Vesta’s eyes from taking the brunt of the Element’s money shot, but nothing can save my eyeballs from the horror in front of me.
I’m already scarred from seeing Venus manifest herself a dick and freaking nut out Lilith.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take, to be honest.
I turn and walk back out to give them some privacy.
I wait five minutes.
Then another five more, just in case Water decides to return the favor for Vesta.
All I can think is: how the fuck did this become my life?
Water steps out a minute later, whistling, heading back to teach his class, presumably.
Vesta clears her throat and nonchalantly apologizes.
I look everywhere but at her foggy glasses.
Water definitely returned the favor, if the look on her face is any indication. And seeing a seventy-something-year-old woman have a post-orgasmic glow is. . . There really are no words to explain it. I wish they would switch to their true forms when together, but I swear they get off to their human forms.
“Chiron, are you listening to me?”
“No,” I say gruffly, when Vesta scolds me. “I’m too traumatized.”
“Bah, I’m sure you’ve walked in on worse. Hell, you watched Venus-”
“Don’t!”
She sighs at my command.
“Chi, you’re going to have to move on. I know you had your heart set on Venus, but she’s not for you. She’s with her true mates. You can’t keep avoiding all talk of her. In fact, you can’t avoid her at all because you and I both know you need to speak with her. Immediately. We must know what the Universe is planning. I swear the world already feels chaotic with Lilith and Moon reincarnated. And as humans, no less. Also, tell her to keep her mates away from the Elements. I swear they are the worst influence in all the realms.”
I balk at Vesta’s words, but I know she’s right.
I need to talk to Venus.
I haven’t seen her since she founded the academy and held an opening ceremony.
She’s offered to come back and teach or help out, but I turned down any offer; although, I know her mates must pop in from time to time, pissing off Vesta and the other Minor goddesses by teaching their mates unsavory human terms.
I run a hand through my hair.
“Fine, I’ll speak with her,” I tell Vesta curtly, before leaving to go to my office.
“And Vesta?” I call out over my shoulder, “Please keep all conjugal time private.”
“I’m not the one who didn’t knock,” she remarks to my departing back.
I don’t point out that the teacher’s lounge isn’t my definition of private.
I just pray I don’t walk in on them again.
I enter my office and sit down, pretending to read some notes, but really avoiding the inevitable.
Fuck.
When did I become such a cowering baby?
I blow out a breath and summon the Goddess of Love and Beauty to me through our connection.
Instantly, a stunning vision of pink pops into my office, followed by the less-stunning and downright menacing visions of red, purple, and maroon.
Venus’ mates.
Mars, Pluto, and Saturn.
Why couldn’t the cheerful ones ever accompany her?
“Chiron!” Venus chirps happily and rushes over to hug me. “Wow! Look at this office. You need a beard. And a phoenix in the corner.”
Despite myself, I smile.
Venus’ existence had been wholly human before she learned of her godly identity.
Even now, she still identifies with the human realm.
Hence the reason why Liminal Academy is fashioned after Hogwarts, and I’m sitting in Dumbledore’s office.
Venus is still talking. I had forgotten about her propensity to never shut up.
I clear my throat politely.
She doesn’t take the hint.
Her asshole mates grin at my discomfort and I grit my teeth to keep from punching one of them in the face. They might be stronger, but in liminal form, I’m bigger.
I’m half a fucking horse that makes Clydesdales look like ponies.
Finally, I give up being polite and simply cut off the babbling woman I love.
“Could we talk for a minute? About something serious?” I pause, looking pointedly at her mates. “Alone?”
They growl, like I’m going to bind their woman and fuck her.
I’m not afraid of these fuckers.
But I am afraid of Venus.
When you see the woman of your heart manifest a dick and create another goddess from the cum. . . you gain a healthy respect for the crazy
.
And any sane person knows- you don’t fuck with crazy.
Suffice it to say, Venus is certifiably crazy, with a capital C.
“Of course we can be alone,” she says, turning to give her mates a look.
None of them budge and Venus lets out an exasperated sigh.
“Go away, you three! I’m not going to do anything with him; it would be a sacrilege to do something sexual in Dumbledore’s office!”
Mars opens his mouth to offer a rebuttal, but then closes it again.
You can’t argue with crazy, either.
Giving me nasty looks the entire time, Mars, Pluto, and Saturn shuffle out of my office, slamming the door.
“Why are you in this form?” Venus asks, bringing my attention back to her.
I don’t ask for clarification. I know what she means. On Earth, she knew me by another human form. I can hem and haw around the issue and pretend this body is easier to maintain because this form is actually my human half in liminal form, when I’m a centaur, but she knows. She knows it’s because I ache inside from losing her.
From never really even having her.
She’s really asking: Have you moved on, considering you’ve chosen this form?
I don’t answer Venus, but she can feel my pain through our link.
I choose this form so my old one doesn’t remind me of my loss.
Also, it’s the closest I can get to my liminality while teaching here.
“Venus, we need to talk-”
“Yeah, Chiron, we do,” she cuts me off. “Chiron. . . you know I love you, right? Like a sister. And I just want what’s best for you.”
I drop my head to my hands and groan.
No good ever came of those words.
Mother Cock Meets Baby Jizzum
Chiron
“Dove,” I break-in, using her godly nickname, “no man ever wants to be told that he’s loved like a brother. Besides, you’ve explained this to me before. I’ve moved on, and we have bigger problems to contend with. Lilith’s been reincarnated.”
“WHAT?!” Venus shouts, and instantly her mates pop back into my office, prepared to rip my balls off and wrap them around my throat.
“Lilith’s been reincarnated!” Venus tells them excitedly, and they turn their attention to her.
Now I’m confused.
And uneasy.
“You didn’t know?”
Surely, the Universe would have told her, or she would have felt the humanization of her. . . jizz child, right?
“No, I haven’t reconvened with the Universe lately. I’ve been busy. . .”
“She’s started some wars,” Mars supplies with delight, the violent fucker.
“By accident!” she defends, and I cringe.
I can only imagine the mayhem she’s caused.
Gods, what was the Universe thinking?!
“I want to meet her,” Venus suddenly interjects into my thoughts.
I cringe harder.
“No, that’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?!” she demands, and I look to her mates for help.
The bastards simply smirk, enjoying my discomfort.
“Because. . . you’re a bad influence,” I finally confess. “And not just you,” I assure Venus, “your mates, too.”
This seems to enrage her more.
Suddenly, ridiculously large penises start popping up all over the walls in the office. I know an equine penis when I see one; I am half-horse, after all.
“Why?” is all I can manage in a strangled voice.
“Because you’re acting like a horse’s dick again! Be glad I don’t turn you into a real one, like I did las-”
I lift a hand for silence.
I don’t need a reminder.
“Fine,” I acquiesce just to shut her up.
I mentally tell Water to send Lilith to my office, and I count my breaths to remain calm.
“You’ll have to make it quick. Today is the first day of classes and students have just finished their orientation. There is only a fifteen-minute break between classes. Also, could you please remove the-”
A knock sounds at the door and Venus turns away excitedly, leaving my walls with dangling dick sculptures.
I pray that they’re just sculptures.
“Come in,” I say in the same strangled voice.
The door opens and Lilith walks in sensuously, trailed by the meek kitsune.
“What the fuck is she doing here?” I roar, losing my composure.
The poor fox woman shrinks back even further into the shadows of the archway and looks ready to bawl. Lilith and Venus shoot me identical angry looks.
Like mother, like daughter.
Or like cock, like jizz.
Fuck if I know what they are.
“She came with, because Water wasn’t sure who you meant,” Lilith explains in wicked innocence.
I glower at the little liar.
“What’s your name?” I demand to the trembling kitsune.
“Tamamo-no-mae,” she replies shakily.
“Sounds just like Lilith,” Saturn comments dryly.
Clearly he hasn’t caught on that Lilith is up to something.
Again.
“Wow,” the little shit-stirrer exclaims, “I love your decorating! Was it hard to hang those cocks just so?”
“Yeah, they look perfectly hung from where I’m standing,” Venus joins in.
Tamamo-no-mae seems to startle at the mentions of ‘cocks’ and looks around dazedly.
Her mouth flaps open like a fish out of water, and I would feel bad for her, except I’m too busy feeling bad for myself right now.
After she makes a choking sound, she finally manages to speak.
“May I please be excused if you do not need me, Shit-Wizard Chiron? I-I-I don’t want to be late to my next class,” she stammers.
Of course, Pluto, Saturn, and Mars lose it when she calls me Shit-Wizard Chiron. Venus has a hand over her mouth to hide her giggles, and Lilith. . .
Fucking Lilith is wearing a grin so wide and evil, the Cheshire cat would be jealous.
Damn the little minx, this was her angle.
Why the fuck does the kitsune keep calling me that?!
My eyes narrow when I realize what’s going on.
“You are excused, Tamamo-no-mae.”
The foxy woman scampers off in a hurry, and Lilith shifts on the balls of her feet. . . waiting. The brat wants a confrontation. With this realization, I finally reign in my temper. I’ll be damned if I give this woman what she wants. I will remain unflappable.
Composed.
Imperturbable.
“Lilith, you need to get back to classes, too, but before you go, please tell us something. Why did the Universe finally reincarnate you?”
“It was time,” she responds simply.
“And do you know your earthly purpose?” I prod.
“Fo sho,” comes her smart-ass remark.
I feel my blood pressure rise.
Remain calm, I command myself.
“And. That. Is. What?” I grit out.
“That’s a nasty tick you got in your cheek,” Venus points out to me unhelpfully.
“It is,” Lilith concurs, but finally answers me. “My purpose is to spread carnal aberrance on Earth. You know, like a sixties sex revolution on steroids.”
“We say ‘roids,” Venus corrects.
“Thank you, Mother.”
“You’re welcome, Daughter!” Venus says, beaming. “I think it’s a noble quest. And I have just the thing to help you!”
“How the fuck is that a noble quest? The entire damn planet is overrun with too many humans; which happened because of too much fucking,” I mutter.
The other gods look appalled at my assessment.
“No such thing as too much fucking,” Pluto says darkly.
Great.
I’ve now pissed off the God of Death and Dirty Sex.
Luckily, Venus saves me by presenting ‘her daught
er’ with a gift.
With a flourish of her hands, a medium-sized rectangular box appears in ornate wrapping. Perched on top is a gaudy red bow. Venus looks pleased with herself as she hands the gift over to Lilith.
I feel queasy.
Even Venus’ mates look apprehensive.
Venus is kind of a. . . loose cannon, to put it politely.
But Lilith looks completely flabbergasted and touched.
“Thank you,” she whispers to Venus, fingering the pretty paper.
“Well, open it,” Venus urges, and Lilith springs into action.
After struggling to get past six layers of tape, no wonder the damn box was so shiny, Lilith shifts into liminal form and the gift drops to the ground. The smoky form of her body encloses around the box and dissolves the wrapping. She pops back into human form and opens the box, gasping in delight.
From amidst a mountain of tissue paper that makes me wonder how everything fits inside the box, she pulls out a. . .
Blue dildo.
With a red cape.
This can’t be happening.
Partners in Crime and Sex
Lilith
“Meet Super Blue!” my creator crows, beaming at me and the sex toy. “It can become sentient,” she says in a stage-whisper.
“What?!” Chiron and Venus’ mates cry in unison.
“Show some respect! It saved my life. From Bitchhole. This was before you balanced out your twin,” she assures me with a pat on the hand.
Bitchhole.
Humanisms are such fun.
I can’t wait to use this new one.
“How exactly is it sentient?” I finally ask Venus.
“Oh, when you need it, you’ll figure it out. But I do have one more piece of advice before you go.”
She leans in to give me a hug and whispers something mentally, on a link I thought only my twin and the Universe had access to.
Interesting.
“Fuck!” Mars yells. “She’s showing the succubus ninja pegging!”
“What the hell is ninja pegging?!” Chiron yells even louder.
“What does it sound like, you dipshit?!” Mars returns in a roar.
“She didn’t show me ninja pegging. . . at least I don’t think so,” I offer to the room.
Her mates look confused and Venus looks supremely satisfied.