by Gina LaManna
“I mean, I’ve seen one.” Elsie’s cheeks grew pinker and pinker. “But the first time I ever touched one was last night.”
Kate tried not to let her surprise show. “Oh?”
Elsie rolled her eyes. “It’s not what you think. After my mom went down to the bar, I went into the bathroom and opened up one of those stupid packages to see what the thing looked like. I mean, it’s been causing this whole big issue on our trip; I figured I should investigate and know what it was.”
Kate raised a hand, held it over her mouth to prevent her reaction from showing. “And?”
“You know…” Elsie shrugged. “It looked like a balloon. It smelled gross. I filled it with a little water and then threw it at Tom when my dad went to get ice.”
Tears leaked from Kate’s eyes, and she couldn’t tell if it was due to the hilarity of Elsie’s innocence or the fact that this was something Ginger might have done back in their dorm days—sneak into Kate and Whitney’s room with Emily as her sidekick to pelt one another with water balloon condoms.
“Right, well,” Kate said. “I guess you’ve never had to worry about taking a pregnancy test. I have, and I’ll tell you—I never am.”
“Oh-kay,” Elsie said, adding extra vowels to show she really didn’t care either way, but could Kate please keep her worrying to herself, so Elsie could stop talking about such mortifying subjects and read in peace?
However, while Elsie sunk back into her novel, something clicked in the back of Kate’s brain. Something that made her angry.
With horror, she realized that Max had been manipulating her for months. It’d been his decision to take a break, his ultimatum that had forced Kate to choose between a boyfriend and a baby. He’d convinced her to feel guilty for wanting to continue trying for a child, for wanting to jump straight into that sixth round of IVF because they could. Because they could afford it, because they were two people (supposedly) in love, because they had the means and the drive and the slim shred of hope that was the only thing that truly mattered.
Kate now saw Max’s plea for a break more clearly, for what it truly had been from the start. It had been a way of distancing himself from the relationship. Even if it had been subconscious on his part, it had been a sign, and she should have recognized it. Max had been over their relationship for some time. Only he hadn’t seen fit to end it until months later, wasting precious minutes of Kate’s life as they barreled toward a dead end together.
However, even during their so-called break, Kate hadn’t truly been able to shut her mind off. Even when she’d been trying her best to cooperate for Max’s sake. She’d tried not to pay attention to her erratic periods. She’d tried not to reach for the pregnancy tests she kept stashed in every drawer of the house. She’d tried not to reach for the thermometer, but she knew. And she knew that her last period had been extraordinarily light. She’d chalked it up to stress, but maybe…just maybe…she’d been wrong.
Kate shuffled into the bathroom, leaving an oblivious Elsie to read in peace, and removed a test from her bag. She stared down at it. She must have taken hundreds of these in the last year. Sometimes twice a day, just to be sure. Could this time be different?
As Kate finished her business and washed up, turning the test facedown on the counter so she couldn’t see the results, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Could she be pregnant with Max’s child?
Kate considered carefully. She had been queasy and sick all day. She’d chalked it up to a hangover, but in retrospect, it could have been early signs of morning sickness.
A breath crashed out of her as she leaned forward and gripped the counter with shaky knuckles.
The answer was yes. Technically, she could be pregnant. The window of ovulation, along with the timing of their sexual encounters over the past few weeks, made that entirely feasible. But did she want to be pregnant? Would it be worth tethering herself to Max until the end of time for the sake of a child?
Reaching for the test, pulse racing, Kate knew the answer.
Yes.
With a shaky hand, Kate flipped over the slim stick and rested it against the counter. She stared at it, and stared at it, and stared longer. She felt her heart drop toward her knees. Then she picked up the plastic, snapped on the cover, and threw it all into the garbage. It clanked off the side and landed facedown in the bin.
“Everything okay in there?” Elsie called.
“Fine,” Kate replied.
But as she looked in the mirror, bleary-eyed and exhausted, she knew everything wasn’t fine. The test was negative. And despite the complications a pregnancy would have caused under the circumstances, the result had broken her heart.
It had all been in her head. She’d wanted to be pregnant so badly that she’d turned a hangover into morning sickness, when the reality was that Kate was simply getting older. She couldn’t drink like the college student she used to be, nor, it seemed, could she make the naive dreams of her past come true.
Kate composed herself with a few deep inhalations. She had a wedding to attend, an upset teenager in her bedroom, and an ex-boyfriend to face before the week was over. She could push her sorrow off for another few days. She’d done it before.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Elsie asked, looking up from her book as Kate appeared in the doorway. “You look a little, I don’t know, tired.”
“I’m fine. But you should be getting to dinner, missy.” Kate brushed a wayward strand of hair from her face. “Are you going back to your room to change?”
Elsie looked down at her athletic shorts and tank top. “Do I have to?”
“Let me find something for you.”
“Your clothes won’t fit me,” Elsie said, but there was a distinct gleam in her eye as she finally peeled that magnetic book from her hands and set it on the bed. “Your clothes are, like, for supermodels.”
“You’re very pretty, Elsie. A bit shorter and skinnier than me, but nothing a few pins can’t help. I have a sort of flowing gown that will make you look like a queen. What do you say? I’m already bored thinking about my breakup and want a distraction.”
“I thought you loved him.”
“Yes,” Kate said, not wanting to discuss him any longer. While Kate had loved Max, she’d loved the idea of a child more. If she hadn’t been so desperate for a family, she would have seen Max for the asshole he was a long time ago. “I think it was a blessing in disguise that he ended things when he did. I can move on now.”
“Well, I have no doubt you’ll find someone else. Or you can adopt a baby, if you wanted to be alone. Sometimes I think that would be easier.”
“Me too,” Kate whispered before she realized she’d said anything at all.
“You should think about it,” Elsie said in the confident way that only teenagers can. “I know you’d be a great mom.”
“You’re only saying that to be nice.”
“No, I mean it.” Elsie rested a hand on one of the gowns, testing the luxurious fabrics beneath her fingers. She looked surprised to be touching something that wasn’t from Target. “I’ve only known you for, like, a day, and already you’re sort of like a cool big sister that I’m not really related to. I wish you were my mom, even though you’re probably not old enough to be.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Kate cleared her throat. “I’m the same age as your mother. And she’d be hurt if she heard you talking like that. She does love you, Elsie.”
“Er, okay.” Elsie shifted uncomfortably. “I mean, I know my mom loves me, and my dad does too. But my dad’s a goof, and my mom’s all intense about everything, and you’re a nice mix of both. And you listen to me, and you talk to me like I’m a normal human being, not an idiot.”
Kate cleared her throat again, annoyed by the sudden tickle tormenting her esophagus. She ran a hand over her forehead and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to pull herself togethe
r. This rush of emotions was unprecedented for her, and she didn’t particularly like it.
“Let’s get you dressed.” Kate focused her sights on Elsie as a distraction. “You will be the star of the show.”
“Isn’t the bride supposed to be the star of the show?”
“Not when I’m on the job,” Kate said. “I have the perfect shade of lipstick to bring out your eyes.”
Once Kate finished with Elsie’s hair and makeup, she helped her slip into the pretty French dress Max had insisted Kate wear. Kate realized, suddenly, that it had been made for Elsie.
The dress hit right at Elsie’s feet and had demure straps that hung off her shoulders. There was no cleavage. (Kate was only a tiny bit concerned about Ginger’s reaction to her using Elsie as a human dress-up doll.) But Ginger could hardly object to the beauty that was Elsie Adler. She looked like an elegant prom queen. But older, more mature somehow.
And when Kate saw Elsie look in the mirror and smile, it was the only confirmation Kate needed to know she’d done a good deed. It almost made her forget about the pregnancy test tainting her trash can. Almost.
“I love your hair out of your face like that,” Kate said. “You have such pretty features. You should show them off more often!”
“I’m not interested in dating yet, really.” Elsie scrunched up her nose. “Do you think I’m weird?”
“No, I think you’re brilliant! Don’t let yourself get distracted by boys now. You have plenty of time in and after college.” Kate crossed the room to where Elsie stood in front of the mirror and adjusted a bobby pin before leaning down to whisper in her ear. “And let me tell you a secret. Women don’t dress for men. At least, not the sort of woman I want to be. We dress for ourselves.”
Elsie gave an open-mouthed nod of realization, as if Kate had turned into Yoda with her sage advice. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Dress in a way that makes you feel good, and confident, and powerful,” Kate said. “And it’ll be your most attractive self. I guarantee it. Whether that’s in a business suit, a ball gown, or a sports bra.”
“What if I don’t know who I am yet?”
Kate squeezed Elsie’s shoulder. “I’d say that’s perfectly normal, and it’s more than okay.”
“How’d you figure out what you want?”
Kate considered, thinking back to her late-night Googling, and her misguided relationship with Max. “I’m still not sure I know what I want.” She forced a smile in the mirror, toyed listlessly with Elsie’s hair. “But I’m working on it.”
“Will you let me know when you figure it out?”
“Of course.” Kate looked at the clock, her fingers still intertwined in Elsie’s new curls. “Shit! Here we are chatting away, and we’re already late for dinner. Come on. We need to go, or your mom will be pissed at me.”
“You swear a lot for someone who wants to be a mom,” Elsie said. “My mom only swears when she thinks we can’t hear or when she’s driving.”
For someone who wants to be a mom. Kate stilled in the doorway, shaken by Elsie’s flippant phrase. She was beginning to wonder why the hell everything the teenager said seemed to be affecting her so strangely this afternoon when her phone beeped with a text message and graciously offered her another easy distraction from trying to decipher what it all meant.
“Perfect. That was your mom saying she’s running late and will meet us there. If we hurry, we can still beat her downstairs. Do you think she’ll be upset at your dress?”
“Who cares?” Elsie said. “I look fabulous.”
Kate gave a nod of approval at her confidence, then rested a hand on Elsie’s back as they scurried from the room and closed the door behind them. The pair hopped in the elevator and made it to the lobby area where a beefy rent-a-cop named Ralph sat with his arms across his chest, frowning at an arch of white roses.
“Name?” he grunted, obviously tired of the old song and dance.
“Elsie Adler,” the teenager said, shooting Kate a conspiratorial look. “And, ah, Ginger Adler.”
Ralph merely gestured toward the party. “Have fun,” he said with all the enthusiasm of a dead fish.
“What was that all about?” Kate asked, giving Elsie the side-eye as they shuffled toward the entrance. “I’m on the invite list—Whitney was my friend. Although, truth be told, I was planning to skip tonight’s dinner. I haven’t dressed for it.”
“You’re always dressed for a fancy dinner. Plus, I thought you might want to come inside for a minute, and I wasn’t sure if Max would have tried to take your name off the invite list when he broke things off,” Elsie said. “I know you’re friends with the bride, but even I know men can be assholes.”
“Your poor mother,” Kate murmured, but she didn’t feel all that bad. Ginger would get in one way or another. Ralph was no match for Ginger Adler, and Kate was certain Miranda Rosales wouldn’t have approved of last-minute guest changes. Max might have fooled Ralph into taking Kate’s name off the list, but once Kate got inside, it would be an easy task to clear up the matter with Whitney.
“Whew,” Elsie said. “We beat my mom here. Hey, I see Sydney and Lydia out on the deck. I’m going to go say hello to them if you don’t mind.”
“Okay, well, I’ll stick close until your mom gets here.”
“I think you should find Max,” Elsie said. “Maybe it would give you some closure.”
Kate paused midstride and looked down at the girl. Except, she realized, girl was the wrong word. Elsie stood quietly still. She watched the bride and groom from the entrance, looking not like an awkward child but like an elegant young lady. Her chin tipped high and her shoulders were straightened. What was more, Elsie Adler had made a surprisingly good point about confronting Max.
As Kate stepped past another majestic floral arrangement, she considered the teenager’s advice. Maybe she did need closure. After all, it was ridiculous what Max had put her through. Just yesterday, Kate had been desperate to conceive a child with this man. A man who had proceeded to dump her at a family wedding without having the courtesy to discuss their future—or lack thereof—in private. Worse, Max hadn’t bothered to check in with Kate one measly time in the ensuing twenty-four hours to make sure she was all right.
Yes, Kate thought. One last conversation with Max should do the trick.
Appetizers had already begun to circulate the perfectly decorated room. Servers dressed in snappy suits carried trays of custom cocktails between the guests, each sparkling beverage garnished with a spear of exotic fresh fruit or a sprig of greenery. Tiny sweets adorned with edible flowers and sparkling sugars sat on a dessert table, and the marvelous three-tiered cake next to it was surely only a precursor to the real thing.
Kate might have been uncomfortable surrounded by so much love, love, love if she weren’t so distracted with her own thoughts. She hated the bitter disappointment another little white-and-pink stick had brought upon her, and the fact that it still had the power to drain her soul so completely, even after all this time. At the same time, she felt energized by brand-new dreams of adoption and surrogacy. The latter had sparked the first hopes of something real that Kate had felt in a long, long time.
Kate clung to those hopes as she spotted Max over by the bar, his hand around a gorgeous blond with a huge bottom. The woman wore a lacy white dress that Kate thought was a little tacky considering the bride had on a flowing, white lace dress as well. Somehow, Kate suspected, this woman suited Max better than she ever had.
But that didn’t mitigate her annoyance at being dropped like Max’s discarded socks. Kate walked across the room and gave a twitch of a smile as she leaned up against the bar next to him. The bartender scooted toward her looking interested, but Kate took cheery pleasure in brushing him away with a flippant, “Oh, I don’t plan on sticking around.”
Kate cleared her throat, but Max didn’t budge. He was t
oo busy inviting his new girlfriend to Cancun for a long weekend. He’d always said he would take Kate to Cancun. They’d never gone.
She listened idly for a few minutes, and when Kate tired of the conversation, she gave her fingers an impatient tap against the counter.
Max heard and turned, a look of angry frustration on his face until he saw who’d made the noise. “K-Kate?” he stuttered. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“But…” Max’s gaze flicked nervously to the front door. “There’s…er, a guest list, and…”
“If you thought tricking poor old Ralph into removing my name was going to stop me from attending the festivities, then I suppose you don’t know me very well,” Kate said, silently thanking Elsie’s intuition. “You wouldn’t want me to get Whitney and Miranda involved to clear up matters, would you?”
Max’s face paled.
“Don’t worry, this won’t take long. Surely your girlfriend can wait a few minutes.”
“She’s not… Kate, you don’t understand. We’ve just met,” Max said. “We were only talking.”
“I think you and I should talk for a few minutes.”
“Honey,” Max said, and both Kate and Blondie looked toward him, as if he might have directed the endearment to either one of them. It was a very awkward moment for Max.
“Er, Angela,” Max said more clearly. “Can I have a second?”
Angela blew out a breath, gave a succinct nod, then sashayed off to find a table, drink in hand. Kate gave her plenty of time to leave, watching leisurely as Angela found a new man, an older gentleman sitting alone, and eased into the seat next to him with a flirtatious pose.
“You’ve been doing a number on my credit card,” Max said. “What else do you want from me?”
“I truly hate to interrupt your date, but I wanted to say thank you.”
Max raised his eyebrows. “For?”
“Breaking up with me.”
“But—” Max frowned, squinted. He rubbed tension out of his forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”