Saul

by Frances June

  She arched a beautiful eyebrow and mumbled to herself as she dumped her plate in the kitchen sink. The clatter was awful, saying everything she wasn't going to say aloud.

  "I just couldn't sleep anymore, I had to get up... I wanted to see your beautiful face in the daytime for once!" I made a swipe for her again when she sauntered past but she wiggled her hips out of my reach.

  "Stop working at the bar and maybe we could spend more daytime time together for a change." She smirked and left to get ready for work.

  She never failed to mention how much she'd like for me to keep normal social hours but that was just too far removed from my old life. Working in an office, making more money, putting on a suit; these were all attributes Morgan associated with the real world and living clean sober lives.

  It wasn't that she was wrong but her reasons for clean living were different than mine and I couldn't bring myself to go the whole nine yards. Not yet, anyway.

  With her out of the room I checked my phone. Nothing from anyone. I scrolled through my contact list and stopped at Billy's name.

  Billy being found floating like a busted up pinata didn't sit right in my mind. Sure I was sad, he was my brother, for lack of a better term. We grew up together, we looked out for each other. Maybe Luke was right. Maybe I was partly to blame. I clenched my teeth as I resisted the urge to smash my coffee cup.

  After Morgan left I bundled up to face the frigid winter air. I had to resist the urge to take some form of protection with me. Seeing Ash and the others again had set of a chain reaction in me that was as difficult to stop as a freight train going full throttle.

  The pier was way too far to walk so I took a cab. Unfortunately, fate had decided I’d been received enough hand-outs though, because the cabbie wasn't one of Billy's old friends. By the time I paid the fare I was $50 down and left with sticky hands from the door handle.

  Saul found me whilst I was viciously wiping my hand on my pants in hopes that whatever was on my hand wasn’t toxic in any way.

  "I think the deal is you wipe your prints off what you stole..." He approached with his usual calm and unnerving resolve.

  To look at him you might not know he was pretty deep in drugs trade. Or maybe you would, depending on how much you knew about it. The way he saw it was that he wasn't doing anything too bad, he wasn't a mule or a dealer he was just a product manager who made sure things were where they were supposed to be.

  "Don't I know it, Morgan's still trying to wash your touch off." There wasn't a moment I didn't hate him for what he did to her.

  "Right off the bat, I'm proud of you bro, normally you'd start with the hitting and then move to the talking. That shrink you go and see is really making progress." He walked past me and started to make his way through the small park land towards the water. The smell of musky cologne lingered in his wake.

  "Wait," I ran to catch up, counting to ten in the process, "How the fuck did you know I was seeing... he’s not a shrink." The feeling of never getting out of the family dynamics washed over me again, like it had yesterday. It was like being strangled.

  "I have my ways, look," He spun on his heel and I stopped short. He was taller than me, intimidatingly so sometimes. "I didn't ask you here so I could sign you back into the fraternity so let's get that rant out of the way right now."

  His hands were deep in his pockets, gloved no doubt. He always wore gloves like it was his trademark, the bastard.

  "You’re saying Luke didn't put you up to this?" I had my doubts that this wasn't some sort of secret bid to bring me back on side. Luke had always been the ring leader, we all fell into line behind him. Mostly.

  "Luke doesn't know I'm here and, to be honest, I don't think he's all that keen to have you back, man. You left us out to dry and for what? For Mor-"

  My fist connected to his jaw before he could utter the second syllable. He went down hard and for a split second I wished I'd made it to ten but then all my rage about Billy's death surfaced along with every repressed feeling I had regarding my miscreant family members.

  "Fuck, man, fuck. Stop - stop!" Benji came out of nowhere and hooked his arms under mine until he held me in a painful arm lock behind me. I fought, twisting and putting all of my body weight into my struggle but he remained strong. "You'll kill him."

  My fight left me as the anger subsided and I looked down to see Ash on the floor with a bloody nose and his hands wrapped around his ribs. My foot ached meaning I'd kicked him. I didn't remember it; I'd blacked out which hadn't happened in a long time.

  The usual shame that came with the anger bubbled under the surface.

  "Thought you'd quit." Ash said between spitting blood.

  A couple who were walking through the park looked at us with disgust and fear whilst they hurried past. I only hoped they didn't call the cops.

  "I have." My hands had automatically reached for a cigarette which I'd lit and slipped between my lips without thinking. The urge to inhale burned my lungs but I resisted. It felt good to withhold the release. "Why is he here?"

  Benji reached down to help Ash up. He was shorter and bulkier and I had no doubt he was taking something; his muscles were that unnatural Popeye type that jutted in and out with a disregard for natural body development. No wonder he'd been able to hold me back; in my heyday I'd have torn through both of them without so much as a tin of spinach to help.

  "I'm here to help, just like you are." Benji was nervous around me. I didn't blame him; we'd never been that close. Of all of us me and Benji was the most different. Benji and Billy, though. They'd been inseparable. It was only now, looking at him, I could see how the grief had affected him. He looked like he hadn't slept since we got the news.

  "Help with?" I could see where this was going. I was already plotting my escape.

  "Yeah, well I hadn't got that far yet Ben - see, Saul, we're kind of on a mission..." Ash rubbed his ribs. He sounded winded which made me a little happier about the situation.

  "A mission..." He sounded like Monroe. I turned around, sure I was going to leave.

  "To find out what happened to Billy." Benji finished for Ash.

  I inhaled. The smoke curled through my mouth and licked its way down into my lungs. My head swam a little and then I felt sick and it was fucking great.

  "You're out of your minds." I threw the butt to the ground and walked away. The smell of the water in the air was sickening; I wondered how many dead bodies had stewed in that water, lapping against the concrete like soggy, bloated croutons.

  Before I'd made it to the end of the path Ash had grabbed me by the arm. When I turned he ducked and stumbled back quickly. I'd forgotten how powerful I could feel, especially when faced with someone who actually feared me. The buzz was better than the cigarette.

  "Hate me, hate Luke, but don't hate the others. Especially Ben. You know as well as I do that the others didn't do anything-" He looked over his shoulder where Benji stood starring towards the pier. "He spoke to Billy just before it happened you know."

  I didn't know. I didn't know anything about anyone anymore. Ash was right, it wasn't the other's faults. It was his and Luke's and the others got tarred by the same brush because I knew I couldn't cut ties with them and keep seeing the others without the lines being blurred. It was all or nothing and I'd chosen nothing. No, I'd chosen Morgan and I would never regret that.

  "He said he was going to find out what happened on his own, you know. He's gotten pretty brave." Ash sounded half proud but I heard the lilt in his voice.

  "Billy was brave, too, remember? So brave he didn't care about the fall out and look what happened." I couldn't get caught up in this.

  "Normally I'd agree but not this time. Benji thinks foul play." He looked more concerned that I'd given him credit for. It was easy to believe he didn't feel the empty painful chasm I felt at the loss of Billy but maybe I was wrong.

  "Of course It's foul play, what, did you think he fell into the water after a night on the town? He'd had his teeth ripped from hi
s skull!" The mental image was burned into my retina's like scar tissue that would never heal.

  "You know what I mean." He gave me a meaningful look, like I’d fall at his feet the same way everyone else did.

  Benji approached, slipping his phone into his pocket.

  "We're good to go." He gave me the same look as Ash but it was a pale imitation. It pissed me off just as much, though.

  "Go where?" I didn't really want to know the answer. I was on the edge of the knife; I could fall either way. Backwards to Morgan and a life of hassle free, bartending bliss, or forwards head first into the old unknown.

  "Down to the pier." Ash replied.

  He clapped his hand on Benji's back and led him towards the waterfront. I knew what he was doing, it was an old trick to temp the other brother into doing what they wanted by leaving them out. Reverse psychology 101.

  It worked every time. I tipped forwards, feeling the wind in my face and seeing the life I'd managed to build fly past me like the string of a balloon whipped from your grip by one good gust.

  I ran the few steps to catch up and then stuck to trailing behind as Ash led us towards the police tape that created a barrier between us and whatever trouble we were about to get in to. We all looked around as if by some reflex and then we all crouched under the tape. Muscle memory.

  Chapter Five

  I t was hard looking at Benji without seeing Billy; they'd always been partners in crime, Ben and Bill, the terrible twosome. Turns out things hadn't been quite so peachy recently.

  "He'd gotten himself into something big, man. Bigger than anything he'd done before." Benji lit a dubious looking roll up and took a deep drag. He offered it out but both Ash and I declined.

  "He's right. A few months ago I tried to corner him because, y’know, I hadn't seen him in a while. When I suggested we meet at his place he got... evasive..." Ash led us over to where they'd dragged Billy's body out of the water. There were still traces of blood on the concrete along with little plastic triangles with numbers on. Evidence. That’s what my brother had been reduced to.

  "Since when is that odd, though?" I didn't want to think Billy had gotten in over his head because then Luke would be right.

  "He's never been that sketchy, not with me. He used to tell me about every job he took." Benji looked how I was starting to feel. Lost.

  "So, what changed?" Ash bent down and inspected the blood like he was a professional forensic investigator.

  When he stood up he looked in the direction of a small squat building that looked like an old boat house that had been hit by a giant storm about 50 years ago and then left to rot.

  "He got in too deep?" It wasn't that I didn't want to help but I could see what they were doing and it didn't seem like the smartest idea to me. "Something I think we should consider before we take another step towards that crap shack."

  Ash and Benji looked at each other, I knew the look, the one that said they had predicted my reaction.

  "But what if we can find out who did this?" Benji was actually taken aback that I might not want to get involved in this. Ash didn't.

  "If there's one thing we owe to Billy it's this, man. Don't turn your back on justice."

  I laughed out loud. It was cold, I could hear it like I was listening to someone else; even I felt shitty for how much of a dick I sounded.

  "You mean vengeance? How many times do we have to kick the shit out of someone for pounding on one of us? How many times are we going to take the heat because someone made a fucking bad decision? I can't do that anymore. I won't fucking do that anymore," I had to clench my fists and count again because I felt a rage blackout coming on. "If this is what happened to Billy what do you think is going to happen to us. This is a message and it's telling us to back the fuck off."

  I pointed to the blood, like they didn't see how much of it there was still staining the ground like the remnants of a butchers chopping board.

  "We can take anyone on!" Benji fought back. His determination might have impressed me if we were starring in a teen drama about a football team and a sack of shit coach but this was real life and people died.

  "You're living in a fantasy, Ben. Life catches up with you."

  We stood facing one another; the two of them against me. Somehow I was the bad guy in all of this when I was the only one living a half-decent life.

  "Not if you keep running from things, though, right? That's your way out of everything." Ash stepped into my space. We squared off like teenage boys in the school playground. For the first time in a long time I was the one to stand down and I was damn proud of myself for ignoring the burning I felt in my veins.

  "Just forget this, forget trying to invoke justice on the world and go back to normal life. At least that way we won't have to identify anyone else in a gross city morgue at shit o'clock in the morning."

  The sound of a siren broke the tension, I had to practically hold Benji back in case he dived into the murky depths in a bid to escape. Another reason I didn't miss the old life; the sound of a siren no longer caused me to shit my pants.

  "Before you take the high and mighty road you might want to follow me." Ash turned and walked towards the building with Benji hot on his heels. The sirens grew louder.

  Inside was just as crappy as outside with rotten wood beams crisscrossing above us like a dangerous cat's cradle.

  "Ho-ly shit." Benji dropped to his knees and grabbed his head. He was covering his eyes for good reason.

  "How did you know about this?" I took the sight in and felt bile rise in my throat.

  The room was dark and stank of decay and death. It was earthy and unnatural at the same time. I covered my mouth with my sleeve in a bid to filter the air but it was no use, the smell permeated everything.

  "I got an anonymous tip last night that we might find something here but I didn't expect this. This is grotesque. This is hell." Ash's face paled and for once he looked disheveled despite being the most dressed up thing in the room. His shoes probably cost more than anything that had ever been in this place.

  "This isn't right, we shouldn't be here." Benji moved to the door and opened it for the air but he took a step back and let it clatter closed; the cops had pulled up and were walking over. "The cops, Ash, we need to leave."

  We looked for another way out but there were no other doors. There was a ramp that led down towards the water but other than that the only dry exit was the one that led to the cops. It didn't surprise me that within twenty four hours of being back in touch with my family I'd now been in the presence of them twice.

  "We're not doing anything wrong." Ash tried to use his imposing 'I'm the boss' voice but I had a feeling even he didn't think he'd get away with that line.

  There was no use in running so we waited whilst soaking in the sights of Billy's last moments.

  Blood stained the floor where a single wooden chair was placed. The arms and legs had chains wrapped around them which is how they must have subdued him long enough to burn his prints and pull his teeth. The rest was just crazy beyond comprehension.

  The chair sat in the center of a large circle which looked and smelt like it had been painted in blood. It was crusting and black in places which added to the sickness that churned in my stomach along with my anger.

  Inside the circle were strange symbols which could have been runes, I wasn't sure what they meant but they were painted with a ritualistic accuracy which was terrifying alone but there were words painted on the wooden planks behind the chair in a language I didn't know.

  'caue, caue-aspiciebat Olymp'

  "What does that say?" I nodded my head towards it and the other two squinted to read it in the half light.

  We didn't have time to stand around and try to translate it, the cops were getting closer. I could hear them talking on their radio's. In past experience that meant we were in for an ass kicking.

  Before they had a chance to storm in with guns pointed at our heads I snapped a picture of the words on my camera phone and s
wiftly slid it back into my pocket.

  "Freeze!" The first armed officer came through the door with a clatter, followed by another. They both had their guns pointed towards us and they moved in silence in opposite directions so they were flanking either side of our little group.

  I paid them no mind as I raised my arms above my head. I knew the drill, so did the other two who followed my lead.

  Benji even went so far as to get on his knees. I shook my head at him at the same time Ash bit out a laugh.

  "Have some self respect, you only go down on your knees when asked, pussy."

  Even I couldn't hold back a small laugh, warm memories flooded my idiotic brain. Only a moron would find comfort and pleasant nostalgia at a time like this.

  "Why am I not even surprised to find you here?" Jack walked in. He'd been holding his gun but when he clocked us he put it away and motioned for the officers to do the same. "I take it back; Saul." He gave me one of those silent hello's that appeared in a head twitch which I reciprocated.

  "You guys can head back to the car, this won't take long." Jack moved away from the door and jerked his thumb at the two uniforms.

  "You sure, sir?" The first guy who entered asked, his voice was high and wavered which gave him away as a rookie.

  "Yeah, don't worry about it."

  We stood in silence as the two left, letting the door swing shut behind them.

  "Alright, which one of you is gonna tell me what the hell you're doing on my crime scene? Didn't I tell you to drop it?" He looked pointedly at Ash who just shrugged.

  "You know me, I'm curious." Ash had relaxed since the two cops had left, he walked towards the chair and kicked the chains with the toe of his expensive shoes. "Were you going to tell us about this or were you going to keep us in the fucking dark?"

  By the end of the sentence Ash had lost his patience, his voice got louder in his anger until he was shouting. Benji had the good sense to grab Ash's arm because in a split-second Ash was trying to lunge for Jack.