by Elena Carter
Tina couldn’t understand what exactly in Kate’s message was so disturbing. Sure, it sounded a bit dry, and she had completely ignored some things Tina was addressing in the original message. But after all, she did agree to meet, didn’t she?
Tina shrugged and started cleaning the stove. Maybe she doesn’t like texting, she thought. It is a bit of an awkward situation, really. What did I expect?
But what the hell did she mean by helping me? That’s the part I don't understand. I didn’t ask for any help.
The more Tina thought about the message, the more annoyed and confused she became. Combined with the fact she’d ruined her morning coffee and had to clean the stove instead of enjoying her breakfast, all of it completely spoiled her mood.
However, she finished wiping the stains on the glass, washed the cezve, and turned the stove on again to repeat the procedure.
“Take two,” she said. “Now, focus, Tina. Don’t take your eyes off the damn coffee.”
“What exactly did you expect to hear?” Natalie asked on the other end of the line.
“From her? Or from you?” Tina was still feeling a bit annoyed.
“I would say both, but I see you’re in no mood for jokes.” Natalie laughed. “Relax, T, I’m trying to help here.”
“Sorry, Nat. Didn’t mean to be edgy. I don’t even know why it annoyed me so much. There’s nothing terrible in that message.” Tina rubbed her forehead.
“That’s exactly why I’m asking. If we understand what your expectations were, we’ll see what upset you when those expectations weren’t met.”
“I understand. I guess it’s not easy to answer because I really don’t know. I’m not even sure I had any expectations. I thought she might not even bother to respond. Or maybe she could reply and be all open and vulnerable and share her feelings and emotions. Or she could have told me to fuck off. Or … she could have asked me how I was coping?” Tina paused.
“Maybe that’s it,” Natalie said quietly.
“Maybe … Yeah, I didn’t think of that.”
“On the other hand, you might be right. Maybe she’s not comfortable discussing feelings and emotions in a text?”
“With someone she doesn’t even know.” Tina chuckled.
“Exactly! What a weirdo, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess I might have overreacted a little bit.” Tina nodded. “Although, I still don’t understand what she meant by helping me. I’m actually trying to help her.”
“And how exactly is she supposed to know that?”
“You’re right.” Tina sighed. “Of course she doesn’t.”
“You said you wanted to discuss something important, right? Maybe she thought it was something important to you, and you were asking for help? So it’s actually kind of her to offer help. See, that’s a whole different perspective.”
“Absolutely. I see it now as you’re saying it. I don’t know why I’m on edge. Maybe it’s because of Alice. She still hasn’t called, and that dream was very strange and unpleasant, although it all ended well.”
“I think there’s one more thing.”
“What do you mean?” Tina arched her eyebrows.
“Well, since you mentioned the dream, Greg wasn’t there this time, was he?”
“No. But I guess you’re right. I was getting used to seeing him in my dreams all the time. Plus, this was not a good place. I would’ve felt much better if he was there.”
“Of course you would.”
“Natalie, you are wasting a tremendous talent of a psychoanalyst. This could be a very successful career.”
“It’s never too late.” Natalie chuckled. “I’ll practice on you for now, and I also have some material for analysis at home.”
“Not the M&Ms, though, right? They’re too young and innocent!”
“Which makes it even more interesting. And by the time they start having boy issues, I’ll be a pro.”
“Poor girls. Considering how you see right through people, I think they will struggle if they want to keep any secrets from you.”
“Oh, Tina, my greatest wish is for them never to want to keep any secrets from me. It’s not realistic, I know. But, still, I want to always be their best friend.”
“You are. And you will be. You’re the best mom in the world. You shouldn’t have any worries about that.”
“Thanks. I do have my doubts and worries, but it means a lot to hear this.”
“I mean it. You are my best friend too, and I really appreciate you. Thanks for showing me a different perspective. And for listening to my moaning, as usual.”
“It’s okay, I’m used to it. I even miss it sometimes. It’s become such an integral part of my life.” Natalie laughed. “When are you thinking of going to Kate’s? Have you talked to Mike?”
“Not yet.” Tina shook her head. “Haven’t replied to her, either. I guess I’ll see if Mike is up to it first, but I’d prefer to go this Sunday. Wouldn’t want all this tension to brew in my head for another week. Plus, I have this idea …” Tina hesitated for a moment. “Nah, it’s stupid.”
“What is it?”
“Well, I kind of had a feeling that after I have this talk with her, I’ll see Greg again. Silly, really. It’s probably completely unrelated.”
“Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but I don’t know what to say, really. Dreams are definitely beyond my psychoanalytical jurisdiction. That’s your field of expertise.”
“Not yet.” Tina sighed. “Wish it was, but I’ll get there. Last night showed me I’m on the right track.”
“Of course you are. Just listen to your heart and intuition. Try to make the trip this Sunday. I wish I could go. I even asked my mom if she could babysit, but she had something planned. I really wanted to support you.”
“Nat, you’re always supporting me. I wouldn’t have made it without you.”
“That’s what friends are for. Sorry, Hun, gotta go. I think I heard something from the girls’ room. Text later, okay? Love ya.”
“Love ya too. Give the girls a big hug from Auntie Tina, will you?”
Tina hung up and opened the recent chat with Mike in WhatsApp.
Tina: Hey! How are you? How about a little road trip this Sunday?
Tina couldn’t stop thinking about Alice. Ever since she had arranged the trip with Mike and messaged Kate to confirm, she was getting more and more nervous about the talk she had to have. She really needed Alice’s advice.
She called her a couple more times, but there was no response. She worried something had happened, and although she was trying really hard to follow Natalie’s advice and not let fears and negative thoughts take over, it wasn’t working. So Tina decided to visit Alice again. She wasn’t sure what exactly her Plan B was if no one opened the door, but she would figure it out when she got there.
Tina parked in front of Alice’s house. As she stepped out of the car onto the paved path, the vivid memory of the recent dream sent shivers down her spine. Tina took a deep breath and looked around. It was a nice sunny day. A light breeze played with her hair, and birds chirped in the trees.
See, everything is okay. Everything is normal. There are sounds. There is wind. And you can breathe and move easily, Tina thought while taking the first steps toward the house.
Everything did look the same as in the dream, but it was more alive this time. And she knew exactly what she was doing there.
The geranium she had brought last time rested on the porch, untouched. The note was still there too. Tina’s heart sank.
Stop panicking. This doesn’t mean anything, she told herself and knocked on the door.
Nothing.
She listened closely, but couldn’t detect any movement inside the house.
She waited a little bit and knocked again. Same result.
Tina walked around the house and checked the windows. She looked at the flowers on the porch and noticed the soil was very dry.
When did I speak to her last? Can’t even remember. Has it been that l
ong? I must have really got caught up in things lately. Should’ve checked on her more often.
All the windows were shut. Tina tried to listen for any sounds inside, but couldn’t hear anything.
Returning to the front door, she noticed an old lady next door with bags full of groceries struggling to find the keys in her purse.
Tina rushed over to the lady. “Hi! Let me help you.”
“Oh, thank you, dear. This silly keychain always gets caught on the zip inside.” The lady handed her the bags with a grateful smile. “Got it! I need to take it off, really, but I keep forgetting. Besides, it’s a gift from my sister. She passed away recently.”
“Oh … I’m so sorry to hear that.” Tina felt really awkward. She wasn’t sure what to say, and changing the topic sounded rude. Fortunately, the lady saved the situation.
“Did you come to see Alice? Is she back already?” she asked, as she unlocked the door and took the bags from Tina.
“Yes. I wanted to see Alice. I’m her friend, Tina.” Tina was happy to change the subject. “Back from where? She wasn’t returning my calls, so I came to check on her.”
“She went to visit her children. They live far away—I forgot where. I’m sure she told me…” The lady shook her head, trying to remember. “I don’t know. Somewhere far. And they never visit, you know? Everyone is so busy these days.” She shook her head again, now in obvious disapproval. “So she went to see them herself. She’s a good woman.”
“She is,” Tina echoed, while her thoughts raced in confusion. She was absolutely sure Alice didn’t have kids. Although, the fact she said it to her neighbor meant she was okay and had been planning to go somewhere.
Why did she have to make up a lie, though? Unless …
“Cynthia used to always tell me, family comes first. Nothing is more important than the family.”
Tina realized, while she was lost in her thoughts, the sweet old lady was going on about her late sister, and she’d missed all of it.
I hope I was at least nodding on autopilot, she thought.
“Of course,” she said, nodding her head actively.
Unless, she thought, this poor lady is confused, or maybe she had misheard or even imagined Alice saying that. Which brings me back to square one. Where is Alice and is she okay?
“If you have any questions, write them down on a piece of paper.”
Tina could hear Greg’s voice. He was somewhere behind her, but she couldn’t turn around.
“What questions? Why paper? And what do I do with it?” she asked, not fully focusing on the questions or expecting an answer. She was trying to figure out why she couldn’t turn her neck.
She was sitting in an armchair in front of a TV in the middle of a dark room. Pictures moved on the screen, but her vision was blurred and there was no sound, making them hard to decipher. Tina felt like rubbing her eyes. She wanted to see what was going on.
“You’ll leave her another note at the door.” Greg ignored her first two questions, but she didn’t care. She was feeling sleepy. She didn’t want to hear; she wanted to see. To see Greg and to see what was happening on the screen.
Tina yawned and rubbed her eyes. The image was becoming a little bit clearer. She rubbed her eyes again, more intensively, then blinked several times and looked at the screen.
A woman sat on a swing on a porch with a bottle of soap bubbles in her hands. She was laughing, but Tina couldn’t hear it. Three little kids ran around her, chasing the rainbow-colored bubbles. They were laughing too. Tina smiled. She had always loved soap bubbles.
The woman blew out a bunch of bubbles, and the wind made them dance in the air and sparkle in the sunlight. The kids popped some of them with their little fingers, and the bubble hunters’ faces lit up with joy. Others would escape and head toward the clouds. The higher they floated, the more they lost their color, fading out and then disappearing in the air.
Tina gazed at the woman again. She looked familiar.
Did I see her on TV? Tina thought. She’s gorgeous. And this all looks like a commercial. A perfect happy family.
As if she could hear her thoughts, the woman glanced at Tina and laughed, shaking her head. It startled Tina so much she almost jumped, leaning forward.
While she was trying to catch her breath and slow her heart down, the woman on the screen handed the bubbles to one of the girls and got off the swing. She picked up the little boy chasing his sisters, gave him kisses on both of his chubby cheeks, and put him down. He immediately ran down the steps after the girls, who were now playing on the lawn.
The woman walked over to one of the flower pots by the front door and bent down. For a few moments, she looked for something under the bright red petals, carefully moving them with her hands until she retrieved a piece of paper, rolled into a tube. She straightened and unrolled it, reading the message. And then she turned and looked at Tina again.
Alice! It’s Alice! Tina grabbed the armrests tighter and wanted to jump up, but she couldn’t move.
The young version of Alice on the screen entered the house while the kids still played on the lawn. For a few minutes, nothing happened. Then the kids saw an old lady and ran happily toward her.
Tina recognized her as the woman she talked to the day before—Alice’s neighbor. The lady hugged the kids and told them something Tina couldn’t hear. They turned around and waved at the empty porch—Alice was still inside. The old lady smiled and nodded approvingly, took the younger two by their hands, and all of them strolled toward her house.
Tina was waiting for Alice to come out. She didn’t have any doubts it was Alice, but much younger. She now recognized the house on the screen, too. Although, it didn’t look completely the same, she could see it was Alice’s house.
“Come on, Alice. Where are you?” she said impatiently.
“If you have questions, leave her a note.” Greg’s voice sounded muffled and quiet.
“Greg?” Tina had forgotten he was in the room. She tried to turn around again. “Greg, where are you? I want to see you.”
Her vision was blurring. Her eyes felt like they were full of sand. Tina rubbed them furiously, and after a few intense blinks, everything around her became clearer.
She was sitting on the swing on the porch with a pen and a notebook in her hands.
She stared at the notebook for a moment, then opened it and started writing.
Dear Alice,
I think this is the only way for me to communicate with you.
I’m very worried about you.
I was told if I have questions, I should write them down.
So, here we go.
1. Are you okay?
2. Do you need help?
3. Where are you?
4. Are you coming back?
5. Will I see you again?
I guess I’ll just leave this in the flower pot now and hope you pick it up and read it. Somehow. Somewhere. Someday.
I miss you, Alice.
I need you.
Please don’t leave me.
Tina.
Tina tore the page out of the notebook and rolled it into a tube. Her lips trembled. She shook her head, got up, and walked over to the pot with the red geranium. She placed the note carefully in between the fragrant leaves, straightened, and said, “Okay, time to go home now.”
When she woke up, the sun was already high in the sky. Tina didn’t rush to get out of bed. She was thinking about the dream she had, feeling confused and a little worried.
It was obvious Greg was trying to help her communicate with Alice. It was also obvious something had happened, and Alice was somewhere else—definitely not just visiting her children.
Speaking of children, who were those little kids in the dream? Was the old lady right about Alice’s kids? But she came and took them away, like they were her children. Or, rather, grandchildren. God, this is confusing. Tina pulled the blanket over her face with a frustrated moan.
I don’t understand anything anymore. I th
ink I’m going crazy. And I’m supposed to visit Kate and pretend to be sane and be convincing.
She didn’t want to get out of bed, but the more she lay there, thinking about everything, the more depressed she was becoming. Besides, she was getting hungry.
Tina always said she envied people who lost their appetite when they were nervous or upset. That was not her case at all. Whatever she was going through, however stressed she was, her body demanded to be fueled on schedule. Especially first thing in the morning. She used to joke that breakfast was often the main reason for her to wake up.
That morning wasn’t any different. Her hunger won and forced her to get out of bed and head to the kitchen.
Tina turned the stove on, threw a slice of bread in the toaster and reached for the coffee jar. Her phone beeped in the bedroom. It sounded like an alarm, but she was sure she didn’t set it. Besides, she had a different ringtone for it.
She put the coffee jar down and went to the bedroom.
The phone was beeping somewhere underneath the pillows. Tina retrieved it and gazed at the screen. It wasn’t an alarm; it was a reminder. One she didn’t set.
Reminder: Water the flowers!
“Do you mind if we stop somewhere on the way? I need to check something quickly,” Tina said as she was getting in the car.
“Why not? We have plenty of time. I was counting on coffee breaks anyway. Been up till late last night.” Mike yawned. “What do you need to do?”
“Something I should’ve done yesterday, but was too lazy. Or scared. Or both …”
“What is it?” Mike yawned again.
“Water the flowers.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You need to water some flowers? And it scares you?”
“Tell you what, let’s stop for coffee first, then I’ll explain.” Tina laughed. “I think you could use some extra fuel.”
“Definitely. I was even considering an energy drink, although I don’t like them. They make me feel sick.”
“Did you work late?” She buckled her seatbelt.
“Kind of. At first I really needed to finish a couple of articles before filling in the spreadsheet at the end of the week. And then I went on YouTube …”