by Elena Carter
“I agree. They absolutely do.” Tina was relieved to see Emmy in loving hands. Although, she still felt guilty for forgetting about her.
“Here, I brought her this.” She dug into her purse for the snack she’d brought. “It’s good for her teeth, they said.”
“How sweet of you. Thank you!”
Tina put the treat on the coffee table. For a few moments, silence filled the room, interrupted only by Emmy’s happy purring. Tina wasn’t sure what to say next or how to ask about Alice. But the situation was getting more and more awkward, so she had to say something.
“Alice always says Emmy’s purring is better than any sleeping pill,” she said. “I think I’m starting to understand. Or maybe I didn’t have enough coffee today.” She chuckled. “Have you heard from Alice, by the way?”
“No, I haven’t. She did say she might be gone for a while. When she was leaving me Emmy and the key.” Emma slapped herself on the forehead. “The key! Of course.”
Esmeralda sat up on her lap, visibly annoyed.
“Is everything okay?” Tina’s eyes widened.
“What is your name again, dear?” Emma had an almost guilty look on her face.
“Tina.”
“Of course. I absolutely forgot, my dear. I’m sorry! Alice left you the key. She said you would come. She said you’d need to pick up something there, and she’d ask you to water the flowers.”
Tina’s eyebrows climbed up. She almost blurted out “Pick what up?” but she managed to bite her tongue in time. The part about the flowers was an additional shock. Is it a coincidence? I don’t understand anything. I got the message about the flowers much later. Unless … unless she planned all that. And maybe she’s not even planning to come back at all.
Her thoughts raced, but she knew there was a great chance that answers waited for her in Alice’s house.
I need to get the key and go there, and then … and then we’ll see, she thought.
Emma kept stroking the cat. “I could have done it, of course. I watered the ones on the porch once. It was such a hot day, and I was working in the garden anyway. It’s not hard for me, you know. But I haven’t gone inside. I figured you’ll go there anyway, so you can water the ones inside the house. I remembered about the key after you left last time. I was so annoyed at myself … And look, I almost forgot it again today.” She sighed.
“It’s okay,” Tina said. “No big deal at all.”
“I’m getting old, dear, that’s what it is.” Emma smiled sadly and shook her head. “Besides, when Cynthia was here, we’d remind each other of things. We’d keep an eye on each other. And now, I don’t have anyone to look after me. Except Esmeralda, of course.” Her eyes watered.
“Well, I hope she does a good job.” Tina laughed. “And I can stop by once in a while to check on her checking on you. If you don’t mind.”
Emma’s eyes glistened with tears. She looked at Tina for a few moments without saying a word. Then she nodded and said, “That would be lovely. Emmy and I will always be happy to see you. And when Alice is back, we could all get together and enjoy a nice cup of tea. I’ll make my apple pie, Cynthia’s favorite.”
“That sounds great. You know, even after Alice returns, and Emmy goes back, I’d love to pay you a visit once in a while. I can also help you in the garden if you need it. And then we can have tea and you can tell me all about Cynthia.”
Tina watched Emma’s lips tremble and felt a lump in her throat. The loneliness the woman was feeling was tangible. It poured out, filling the air in the room, making it thick and viscous and bitter. That taste was very familiar to Tina.
“Before I forget for the third time, let me go get you that key.” Emma got up, still holding the purring cat in her arms, and walked over to the front door. “I keep them all here, in one place.”
Tina heard the keys jingle somewhere in the hallway, and then Emma said, “By the way, how about a cup of tea, if you’re not in a rush, of course?”
“I would love it.” Tina smiled.
After having a cup of tea with Emma and repeating her promise to pay her a visit soon, Tina left her and Esmeralda and headed back to Alice’s house.
Excitement and nerves battled within her. She had no idea what she would find, nor did she know what she was looking for, but one thing she knew for sure: Alice had left her the key for a reason.
It was obvious she knew she’d be gone for a while. The question was if she was even planning to return.
Tina shook her head, chasing the troubling thoughts away. She was standing on the porch in front of the door, not sure if she was ready to turn the key.
It felt strange to be on the porch again, holding the key in her hand, after the dreams she’d had. The cold little piece of metal proved the fact her friend wasn’t there. And Tina had no idea where she could be.
With a sigh, she slid the key into the lock and turned it. The door opened easily, welcoming her in. Tina stepped over the threshold.
What exactly am I going to do here? She bit her lip. I guess I’ll look around, see if I find anything strange. I’ll at least water the flowers. I wasn’t able to do it last time because I couldn’t get inside.
Alice’s house looked immaculate, as if someone had cleaned it right before Tina’s visit. The interior looked as cozy as it used to, but there was something different in the air—in the atmosphere.
That’s what a place feels like when its owner is gone. Tina shuddered. Okay, Tina, stop being overly dramatic and get a grip. Focus. What did Alice want me to see?
Tina walked around slowly, her gaze tracing the surroundings, looking for hints, clues, messages, or anything that she supposed could be meant for her.
She spotted a small watering can on the windowsill in the kitchen, tucked between two pots with geraniums.
“Might as well start with that,” she said.
After taking care of the flowers in the kitchen, Tina moved to the living room, going back to the sink to refill the can once in a while.
“All done here. I guess I should check upstairs too.”
She’d never been on the second floor of Alice’s house, and suddenly, she felt awkward. She knew Alice had left her the key, but it still felt like she’d broke into someone’s house while the owner was away.
“Don’t be stupid, Tina. Fill the damn thing with water and go upstairs.” In the silence of the empty house, the sound of her own voice was comforting her. She followed her own instructions and headed upstairs, holding the refilled watering can.
The first door she found led to the second bathroom, which meant there was no need to refill the can downstairs should it be necessary.
“That’s good.” Tina continued talking to herself, as she always did when stressed or nervous, “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”
The spacious bedroom with a burgundy cover on the king-size bed and matching heavy curtains looked too clean and untouched. Tina carefully moved the curtains to check if there were any flower pots, but the windowsill was empty.
“Okay, let’s move on then.” She shrugged, shaking off the feeling that there was something strange about that room, but she hadn’t figured out what it was.
The next room made her smile.
“This looks more like Alice,” she said, looking around the spacious office, filled with so many kinds of plants that it looked like a miniature botanical garden. The curtains were open, letting in an abundance of sunshine, and the wide windowsills of both large windows boasted a splendid collection of orchids.
Four tall flower stands—one in each corner of the room—were covered with multiple pots of different sizes with chlorophytums and tradescantias in them.
To the right of the door, by the wall opposite the windows, stood a large dark green sofa. A brightly colored patchwork blanket hung off one side, as if someone had tossed it aside while getting up.
“Now, this looks much more like an inhabited place!”
One wall was covered with bookshelves that we
nt all the way up to the ceiling. A massive desk with a comfortable-looking leather chair next to it was filling the other side of the room.
From the doorway, Tina spotted a white rectangular envelope on the desk, and her heart skipped a beat. “Okay, let’s see what we’ve got here,” she murmured.
She pulled the heavy chair out, the wheels squeaking slightly. Tina made herself comfortable on the cool and cushy leather seat, placed her elbows on the desk, rested her chin on her hands, and took a deep breath. She saw her name on the envelope as soon as she approached the desk.
Tina gathered all her courage, opened the flap, and took out the folded sheet of paper covered with neat handwriting on both sides. She bit her lip and started reading.
Dear Tina,
If you’re reading this, then I have most probably succeeded.
Also, no doubt, you’re worried about me and mad at me for not letting you know about my plan earlier.
I’m sorry. As I’m writing this, I’m not even sure if this is going to work, and maybe you’ll never see this letter. But if it does, and if you are now reading it while sitting in my favorite chair because you came looking for me and for answers, I’m sorry for making you worry. I know I will try to find other means of communication with you (again, if this actually works!), but there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to. There’s no guarantee about anything, my dear, and it’s fascinating and terrifying at the same time.
I know you’re finding this extremely confusing. Please bear with me, I’m doing my best. Trust me, I’m feeling also very confused and uncertain at the moment.
If it doesn’t work, on the bright side, I’ll get to spend more time with you. I will try to help you as much as I can. I will teach you everything I know. This part I’m writing as a reminder to myself, because if it doesn’t work, you won’t see this letter. But you’ll get to see me. And I will not be defeated by my failure. I’ll keep on trying.
It’s such a shame we didn't have enough time. I met you in the very beginning of your journey, and I knew you needed help and guidance. You needed someone to lean on. On this side. And I wanted to be that someone. I really did! I saw a soul mate in you, I saw a daughter I never had, I saw a lonely and scared little girl—the same lonely and scared little girl lives inside me. With all that said, I feel guilty for what I’m doing. But I had to try. I hope you will understand and forgive me. Someday, you will, I’m sure.
I’ve lived a long life, and a very interesting one. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve done a lot. I’ve lost a lot. I know we’ll meet again in this world or another, sooner or later, and maybe then I’ll be able to share my stories. But just in case, there’s something I want you to have. When you open the drawer under the desk, you’ll see my diary. A collection of true stories from the days of my crazy life that I was saving one by one—the good ones, the bad ones, all of them. Some will make you laugh, some will make you cry, some you will find very hard to believe, but they’re all true. I want you to have it. I want you to know me. Because if I succeed, all that will be left of me in this world will be memories. Hopefully, some of them will find themselves a home in the corner of your heart.
There’s something else. A little present that’s been waiting for you for a while. Open the little wooden box you will find next to the diary. It’s just a piece of jewelry from our world, but you know, the magic is not in the things themselves and not in the material they’re made of—it’s in the energy, feelings, and beliefs of the one who gifts it and the one who uses it. A part of me will always be with you in this brooch.
I know I’m jumping from one subject to another, dear. There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t say it all here.
I will try to find you. Please don’t give up your journey. It can be hard, it can be scary and confusing—and I’ll be honest, sometimes it can be very dangerous. But it’s definitely worth it. Trust me. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve traveled to the most amazing corners of this universe, and not only this one. And you can do it too. It’s not a chance to miss.
If this works, I will disappear from our world. As opposed to just the soul traveling to other places while the body is asleep, this time I will physically end up in a different world.
Honestly, I am frightened. But at the same time I am determined to try.
If you’re reading this, it means you’ve met lovely Emma, who thinks I’m away visiting my children. And you know Esmeralda is in good hands. To be honest, I’m sure Emma is secretly hoping I don’t return any time soon. I know she’s happy with Esmeralda. She’s very lonely after losing her twin sister, I’m sure you’ve noticed.
Apart from you, no one will come looking for me. Oh, and I forgot to say, mi casa es su casa. You can use the house or anything in it whenever and however you may need. I’m sure you’ll love the office—maybe you’ll find inspiration there for your work or finally start writing your book! You can come whenever you want, bring your friends, or even move in if you want. And could you please keep an eye on the flowers when you’re there?
I think I said it all. Once again, dear, I am so sorry for all the troubles I caused you. I promise I will keep looking for you out there, on the other side. I am sure we’ll meet again. I can feel it.
After I put this in the envelope, I will go to sleep right here in the office and, hopefully, wake up somewhere else.
Don’t give up your journey. Keep your heart open. And don’t be afraid. Don’t miss your chances. Don’t walk past open doors that are calling you and promising a thrilling adventure. Take the chances. Live fully. On both sides.
With much love,
Alice
Tina put the letter on the desk and leaned back in the chair, staring into the wall. There was a painting of a boat in the open sea. It looked small, lost, and helpless in the deep blue vastness.
Just like me, Tina thought.
She was feeling numb. She stared at the painting, but she looked way past it, her gaze piercing through the painting and the wall behind it, through the invisible boundaries of this world, and into the myriad of others in the multiverse.
“A speck of dust in the endless space,” she murmured.
A tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Tina wiped it with her index finger and shook her head, as if awakening.
“Come on, T, get a grip. Should be used to it by now.” She smiled bitterly.
She folded the letter carefully, slid it back into the envelope, and reached for the drawer.
Inside was the diary—a vintage notebook, thick and heavy—in a weathered leather binding. Tina took it out and put it on the desk in front of her. Then she reached for the small box of carved sandalwood. After admiring the intricate work of an unknown artisan and enjoying the rich sweet scent of the wood, she opened the box and took out a brooch in the shape of a hummingbird, covered with hundreds of tiny crystals—dark purple, green, turquoise, and blue. Tina put it on her palm and stroked it gently with the tips of her fingers, smiling through tears.
“Thanks for coming. I’m glad you could make it.” Tina stopped studying the menu to glance up at Mike. A glass of red wine rested on the table in front of her.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Mike pulled out a chair opposite her. “When you have to choose between working and having a drink with your best friend—”
“Always choose the drink!” Tina raised her glass, laughing.
“Always choose the right place to have that drink and a good dinner as well.” Mike waved at the waiter. “Starving. You?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been reading this for ages, and I still can’t make up my mind.” Tina shrugged, closing the menu. “Here, take a look. You know what, you can even order something for me. I trust you.”
Mike raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and nodded, opening the menu that Tina handed to him.
The waiter appeared at their table a few minutes later, and Mike ordered the meals and a drink for himself. Once the waiter left, Mike leaned forward, resting his
elbows on the table, and looked at Tina. “Okay, now tell me.”
She sighed heavily. “Don’t even know what to say. Just didn’t want to be alone today.”
“I see.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “What happened? Anything in particular?”
Tina reached for her glass. “I wanna say nothing, but it would be a lie. It’s nothing and everything. Sometimes everything is … too much.”
Mike nodded, encouraging her to continue.
“I couldn’t be alone. Not today.” She shook her head.
“You’re not alone, T. You’ve got friends. Is Nat coming?”
“No, she can’t. In-laws visiting, family dinner. It’s your turn to listen to my moaning.”
“Ha-ha.”
The waiter returned with Mike’s glass of wine. As he was putting it on the table, Tina finished what was left of hers in a gulp and asked for another one.
“Promise me you’ll eat.” Mike regarded her with concern.
“I will. I’ll try, at least …”
“What happened today?”
Tina picked at a napkin in her hands, while struggling to find the right words.
“I lost someone,” she said finally. “Again. You know, Mike, I’m so tired of losing people.”
“Who? What happened? Oh, Tina, I’m sorry.” Mike’s voice was filled with compassion.
Tina told him about the letter she found in Alice’s house.
“It’s not fair. Why do these things happen to me? She’s not coming back. She left me. Why does everyone leave me, Mike?”
“Hey, hey …” He reached out and covered her hand with his. “Not everyone. I’m still here. And Natalie. We’ll always be here for you. You know that, right? You’re not alone.”
“Sometimes I think I’m cursed and meant to be alone. What’s wrong with me?”