by Tess Adair
And she could hear sounds, too. She distinctly heard the sound of footsteps, somewhere up ahead.
The footsteps made her nervous, though she no longer found herself wracked by the full-body panic that had overtaken her inside the total darkness. She knew they might still belong to an enemy, but now it occurred to her that they might also belong to an ally.
She began to walk forward, her pace and sense of direction surer than they had been before. She was headed toward something, and though she did not know what it was, she could sense that it was near at hand.
A few moments later, she stepped out into a well-lit field. To her left and to her right, tall grasses stretched as far as the eye could see. Ahead of her, another tree line stood waiting. Above, the sky spread in every direction, an ocean of midnight blue.
Driven by a sudden impulse, she paused to glance down at herself. She was disconcerted to see her body wrapped in some kind of medieval-reenactment peasant dress, complete with a bodice and an apron. Her right hand now gripped an iron fireplace poker.
When she looked up again, she realized she could see something else on the other end of the clearing. It looked like…a young Asian girl, sitting in a chair with her eyes closed. Someone else appeared beside her from out of nowhere, but the face was wreathed in shadow. Jude could not make it out. Whoever it was stepped over to the girl, pulled out a blindfold, and tied it across her eyes.
Mother?
But the figure was already gone. The girl sat alone and vulnerable, her eyes covered up by black silk. Behind her, Jude watched a new light glow its way into existence. As soon as she saw it, she knew that this was the light she wanted. If she could only get there, she would finally be safe.
Her feet began to carry her forward without conscious direction. As she took her third step, she saw the blindfolded girl shudder. She took another, and the girl shuddered again.
Was she imagining it, or did the blindfolded girl become more and more frightened with every step she took?
That’s stupid, she told herself. I’m not close enough for her to hear me, and with the blindfold on, how could she see me?
She took a deep breath, steadying her mind and clearing her thoughts. She was just reading into things; she had to be. She could feel the remnants of her panic inside the darkness, and she was projecting that onto this kid. That was what made the most sense.
Suddenly, up ahead of her, she saw a new light flare up. It was beyond the little girl, sitting just beyond the front row of trees behind her, maybe ten feet to the right from Jude’s perspective. As soon as she lay her eyes on it, she knew it was where she needed to go. She could feel, even from this far away, how safe it would be.
With one more inhale, she gripped the poker in her hand and braced herself. She pivoted right and stepped forward with confidence, making sure to propel herself into several steps at once, determined to make some headway.
Immediately, the girl shuddered again. Jude kept her eyes glued firmly on the archway ahead, but she could see her in her peripheral vision. As Jude continued on, she began to sniffle and shake, wrapping her arms around her torso in a defensive stance. Jude did her best to keep moving, certain that this was either a coincidence or a trick. But with every step she took, the girl appeared even more distressed and alarmed.
Eventually, the kid burst into tears. Jude managed a few steps beyond that, but she could feel herself slowing down. As a sob wracked through the kid, Jude came to a complete stop.
She could not go on. Her exit stood in front of her, but she could not reach it. As soon as she ceased, the kid’s tears ceased, too.
Jude took a slow, deep breath. She closed her eyes and told herself that everything would be okay.
When she opened her eyes, she could see the kid taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Comforting herself at last.
The longer Jude stayed still, the more the girl calmed down. Jude was nearly parallel with her by now, the archway still ahead, just beyond the tree line. With a resigned sigh, Jude turned her body toward the girl and away from escape.
She heard someone’s footsteps behind her, and felt a familiar presence come up beside her.
“Why don’t you help her?” asked Logan, coming parallel with her.
Jude blinked.
“I…I don’t think I’d thought of that.” She gave herself a small shake, eyes still fixed on the kid. “What about you? Why don’t you help her?”
“Wish I could. Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Come on. You know it has to be you, right?”
The light around them shifted, getting darker. Jude glanced up at the sky, where clouds were quickly crowding, turning into a storm.
“Can’t you help me?”
She felt rather than saw Logan nod.
“I can follow, but you have to lead.”
“Okay. I think I can do that.”
At long last, she glanced over at Logan. Instead of her usual motorcycle jacket, Logan was wearing a long black cloak that trailed the ground.
These outfits are something else, she thought to herself as she faced forward again. Despite the fear she felt rising up out of her stomach, she took another breath and stepped forward.
As soon as her foot met the ground again, that ground began to shake. Ahead of her, giant metal spikes erupted from the earth, all around the blindfolded girl. They shot upward in an arc, eventually forming a cage around her. The ground shook again, and that cage shot up into the sky, forming a gigantic stone tower.
Beside her, Logan chuckled.
“Not a fan of the subtle metaphor, are you?”
As Jude watched, little indents popped into the side of the tower, forming one long stone ladder, leading all the way up. Jude let her eyes follow it as high as they could, to where the tower burst into the sky and disappeared behind a layer of storm cloud.
One fat raindrop fell on her forehead, bursting on her skin and splashing into her eyes. She blinked and looked down, away from the storm and the impossibly high tower.
As she hesitated to take another step, she felt Logan’s hand come to rest on her shoulder and give her a reassuring squeeze.
“I’ll be with you the whole way.”
With one final nod, Jude walked forward and began to climb.
Chapter Sixteen
The Way Back Down
Jude woke up flat on her back. She could feel the soft sleeping bag beneath her, offering a thin layer of protection between her body and the ground. Above her, the sky was dark as ever. A few feet away, the fire still burned.
She came up to a sitting position and found that Logan was already there, looking at her expectantly.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
Jude was nonplussed.
“For what?”
“To try out an eira summon.”
Jude blinked several times. She couldn’t remember how they’d gotten here. Was she still dreaming?
“Uh…what?”
“You might be a little disoriented now, but…the ritual worked. I felt it. For a little while, at least, your mind is clear. So, are you ready?”
“How do I tell if I’m ready?”
Logan shrugged.
“Best way to tell is to give it a shot. Try to call the fire. Just…just look into it, and then tell it to come to you. Aim to hold it in your palm.”
“Oh…okay.”
Jude straightened her back and leaned forward a little, casting her gaze in the direction of the roaring fire. Was she dreaming? It was hard to say.
Just like Logan said, she looked right into the flames and asked them to come to her. On an impulse, she stretched out her hand and imagined the fire blossoming from it, softly spreading its warmth through her muscles. In her fuzzy, half-awake state, it seemed more possible than it ever had before.
But that didn’t stop her from nearly falling over in surprise when it worked. A small stream of flame leaked out of the fire, slowly pooling in her hand. She held it up in f
ront of her face, scarcely believing it was real. Maybe she was still in the ritual dream, after all.
And yet…it felt real to her. Fantastical as it was, it felt real. She felt strangely at peace, as if the fire warmed not just her body but her mind, too.
She sat that way for several minutes, marveling at what she could do. She made the small flame dance up and down, made it leap as high as a few feet before bringing it back. Eventually, finally, she could feel her grasp on it start to fade. The flame got smaller and smaller, even though she was doing her best to keep it going. It felt like trying to hold onto water as it slipped through the cracks in her fingers.
And then it was gone. She felt simultaneously elated and disappointed.
“I did it,” she said, and to her own ears, her voice sounded defeated.
“You’re a natural,” said Logan, a chuckle in her voice. She gave Jude a congratulatory clap on the back. “Well done, kid.”
Jude nodded dumbly. She was so empty now. And even colder than she had been before. When the fire had come to her, she’d felt its presence throughout her whole body. It was as though she’d suddenly felt her own connection to the world around her, and it had been wonderful. But now that the fire was gone…it was like someone had cut that connection at the source.
“Are you all right?” asked Logan, looking concerned.
“I don’t know,” said Jude honestly. She had trouble finding the words to express it out loud. “I feel…I feel like I’ve lost something, or…like I am lost.”
“Ah, yes. The comedown can be a little rough sometimes, when we use the ritual for a jumpstart, like we just did. But not to worry. Tea’s almost ready.”
Jude blinked and looked at the fire again. Sure enough, a new kettle hung from the spit, apparently set up by Logan before Jude even woke up.
“The ritual…was a jumpstart?”
As Logan nodded in reply, the teakettle began to whistle. Grabbing it with a gloved hand, she poured some into the same mug as before, apparently emptied of its previous contents, and handed it over to Jude.
“This will help, I promise,” she said, ushering it into Jude’s hands.
The mug was pleasantly warm to the touch. Jude clutched it gratefully, desperate for anything that might bring her own warmth back. She brought it close to her face, closing her eyes as she inhaled its scent.
Her memories of the night were starting to come back to her.
“So that…all of that…was it a dream, or was it…something else?”
“Yes and no.” Logan picked up a second mug and filled it for herself, then settled into her seated position. “I call it the dreamspace, but…it’s more than a normal dream. It’s kind of like…the space between your own subconscious and the collective unconscious, to borrow a phrase. The drink you and I took a few hours ago—”
“Wait,” said Jude, startled, “it’s been hours?”
“About three hours, yes.”
“Jesus.”
“So…like I was saying, the drink we took, it allows us to enter the dreamspace while retaining a little bit more of our conscious selves. Everything you saw in there was real, in a sense, but it was also inside your mind. Do you follow?”
“It was like…a dream where you’re also awake?”
“Close enough, yeah.”
“So…why was I dressed like a ren-faire Cinderella?”
Logan laughed.
“Like a what?”
“Like Cinderella, but sorta…I don’t know, like I was doing a way too serious cosplay version.”
“Ah.” She laughed again, shaking her head. “Well, there are two ways to look at it, depending on what you believe.”
“What’s the first?”
“The first is that it didn’t mean anything. Just like with dreams, the mood is what matters, not the scenery. The images are mostly random, just snapshots of memory, superimposed onto the narrative through a kaleidoscope’s lens. Of course, if that’s your take, you can still learn something from what you choose to read into, in that random imagery. What you want it to mean, or…what you’re afraid it might mean. Things like that.”
Jude took a long, slow breath. Was she afraid of what the peasant outfit might mean? She still felt foggy enough that she wasn’t entirely sure what she felt.
“And…the second way? What’s that?”
“Mm, the second way. Have you ever heard of the collective unconscious before?”
“Nope.”
“Well, that particular term for it came from Carl Jung, but the idea is much older. There are some who believe that in most people’s early encounters with the dreamspace, they’re more likely to see everything through an archetypal lens. Experiencing everything they see as its purest archetype, instead of its normal form, out in the conscious world.”
“Archetypes, so…what archetype is the ren-faire costume?”
Logan shrugged.
“The maiden, maybe? Honestly, I’m not particularly familiar with all the different types.”
Jude sighed heavily, tested her tea, and took a deep sip. Almost instantaneously, she started to feel a little better, a little warmer. She took another sip and the feeling intensified. After a third, she was nearly back to normal.
She was also starting to remember more of the events of the dream. She remembered the hallway, and her fear, and the forest, and the girl…
“The blindfolded girl…she was me?”
“I think so,” Logan nodded.
“And I…I rescued her?”
Another nod.
“And when I was in the hallway, in the darkness…I could feel something else out there. Was that just you?”
Logan paused and took a sip from her own tea.
“It was me. But it wasn’t just me.”
Despite the warming effect of the tea, Jude felt a shiver run through her whole body. Determined not to think about it any longer than she had to, she pressed on.
“But I…I rescued myself, so…does that mean…am I good now? I mean, if the ritual was about releasing your burden…has mine been released?”
Logan gave a slow, sad sigh.
“It’s not a permanent fix, I’m afraid. Lovely as that would be, addressing your inner trauma isn’t as simple as rescuing a princess from a tower. Your inner demons are still there, we just…put them to sleep for a little while.” She shrugged, though the action looked anything but nonchalant. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”
Jude nodded and sipped her tea. They were both quiet for a moment, and Jude wondered if Logan was thinking about the same thing she was. Eventually, Logan gave her an answer.
“Do you want to talk about it? Your—your younger self, I mean. The blindfold, and…you know.”
Jude thought about it for a moment, but, inevitably, she shook her head.
“Maybe someday,” she said, quietly. “Not right now.”
“Okay. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
“I will.”
“Good. So, uh, with that out of the way, there is one thing that came out of the ritual that you should probably know.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, you still need a lot of practice, but…you’re one step closer to eira summoning now. The ritual we did, it removed some of the blockage you have. Some of the things that hinder you when you try to summon. I’m sure Aunt Adele has gone over this, but every time you meditate, that also—”
“Wait,” said Jude, shaking her head, “what did you just say?”
“I’m talking about meditation, and how—”
“No, before that. You said Aunt Adele. That—that lady that I’ve been taking classes from is your aunt?”
This time, it was Logan’s turn to blink.
“Did I not tell you that?”
A bubble of laughter burst forth from Jude’s lips.
“Christ, Logan.”
“I thought I’d told you, or that Knatt had.”
“Nope.”
“Oh. Sorry.”<
br />
Jude shook her head, the smile lingering on her lips.
“Anyway,” said Logan quickly, her tone serious, “I was telling you that you should have an easier time with eira now, but you have to keep meditating if you want to keep it and get better. The barriers between you and the power are largely psychological, but just like the dreamspace…that doesn’t mean they aren’t real.”
Jude nodded.
“I get it. I could…I could kinda feel that, when the fire came to me. So, yeah, I’ll keep working.”
Logan nodded too, apparently satisfied.
Silence fell between them after that. Eventually, Logan rolled out the second sleeping bag and a foam mat and went about setting up the tent. Jude helped her pack away all their extra things, and eventually they brought the fire down low and settled into the front of the tent. Jude didn’t feel particularly tired, but she found it comforting to sit there with Logan, watching the rest of the fire die away. Somehow Logan had packed her an extra thick blanket, and she sat with it wrapped snugly around her shoulders.
Eventually the fire died completely, and Logan burrowed down into her sleeping bag beside Jude. Jude followed suit shortly after, and as she did, she realized that an unfamiliar contentment had settled into her bones, guiding her easily to sleep.
She would come back to the blindfolded girl eventually, she knew that. And it comforted her more than she could say to know that Logan would go there with her when she did.
The Wolf was jubilant. She could feel it radiating off him as he bent over his work table.
And why shouldn’t he be? All his plans had completed successfully, if not quite smoothly.
Shame we had to sacrifice Phillips. He was so…obedient. But, well, the needs of the many and all that.
After all, Phillips had served his purpose far better than he ever could have known.
The Wolf still couldn’t believe he’d actually gotten to spar with the infamous shadow summoner. He’d suspected he might have been able to lure her to San Francisco, but he’d had no idea how fast she would work once she got there. He’d barely had to wait 24 hours to draw her out.