He kissed my neck, in those places only he knew, and I moaned with the ecstasy of his touch.
If he wanted me, he could take me in the storeroom, on top of the vodka boxes, or in Violet’s office on the new sofa. He could fuck me anywhere he pleased but he pulled away from me and took my hand to lead me out of the bar.
I quit fighting. I’d always been his and always would.
Because, more than anything, I needed Holden King.
Chapter 18
I WOKE UP THE NEXT morning, wondering if it'd all been a wild sex dream but There was definitely someone beside me in my bed. I peeked then pulled the covers tight over my head.
Fuck. I had done it. For good or for bad, this wasn't a dream. It was a reality I had to deal with.
He stirred and I tried not to move so I wouldn't wake him. That way I could put off dealing with this for as long as possible. We'd come back to my place so it wasn't even like I could get dressed and sneak away. There'd be horrible morning-after crap instead. He'd be polite but cold until he made some excuse to flee. I wanted to be the one who fled, not the one who was left behind. That would give me the power.
He stirred again, turning onto his back.
I wasn't the kind of creeper who watched someone sleep but I did like the way Holden's face looked when he relaxed. The gentle light softened the contours and made him more like the boy I'd known growing up. I wanted to run my finger over his lower lip but that might wake him. Instead, I touched the words on my collarbone, the ones that matched his. Those words tied me to him when nothing else did.
I’d lied when I said I never noticed them anymore. They were part of me. Those words were my comfort, my home.
If I stayed perfectly still, not even brushing away the wisp of hair falling onto my face, I could freeze this moment so that it would live forever. One perfect moment before things went downhill, because that's all I could imagine from here.
The light coming through the cracks in the blind let me know it was still morning, hours before I had to go to work. I silenced the part of my brain screaming that this was wrong. I could blame the night before on too much vodka, a stupid drunken mistake, but maybe that was an excuse I told myself so I could lapse without guilt.
Then, without thinking, I flexed my hand and my bones cracked. The noise rang out like thunder in the silent room. Surely that would wake him.
If I jumped in the shower, that would give him an escape route. He could run without talking to me and I'd not see his back as he walked out the door.
Before I could do that though, he rolled toward me, muttering incomprehensible words in his sleep. The muskiness of him hit me as he turned and I ached to touch him but I refused to let my body move.
Then he put his arm around me and pulled me to him. All my resolve melted away. I’d be strong but not just yet. This was a stupid game but I couldn't stop. He gripped my heart in ways too powerful for me to resist. Maybe this was best. I'd get him out of my system, be free of him forever.
I ran my fingers down his chest. My body knew his in the way you remember an old neighborhood. Some of the landmarks had changed but the path was still the same. His body had become harder, less forgiving but I could find the scar on his left hip without even seeing it.
My fingers reached his belly button. Drawing tiny circles drove him crazy. Then I traced my way down the line of hair. He pretended to be asleep but, from his breathing, I knew he was awake. He reacted so fast to my touch, his cock hard and ready to go.
"Same old Carlie," he whispered. "Always horny in the morning."
I laughed. I hated him calling me horny and he knew it. But I couldn’t argue with facts.
He grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me on top of him. His strength overwhelmed me.
"You'll have to do all the work. I'm stuffed from last night."
I wasn't sure if he was talking about his efforts on stage or the performance once we got home.
I sat up to straddle him, his cock pressing against my thigh. He ran his hands up my sides and along my arms until he grasped my wrists. For a moment, we stared at each other. I wasn't sure what I could read on his face and I tried to hide all my doubts and insecurities from his scrutiny. I gulped and turned my face away. More than any of the sex, this moment was too intimate for me. I didn't want to be exposed to him.
He laughed gently and ran his hands back down my body, stopping when he got to my nipples. The way he pinched them had me bucking against him. I couldn't wait. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a condom.
"SHIT, LOOK AT THE TIME," I said as I rolled over. I'd thought we had hours but I'd been so wrong.
"What's up?"
"I have to get to work or I'm going to be late."
I jumped out of bed. He lay there, languidly stretching. Tempting me to crawl back in beside him. If I didn't look at him, I'd make it to work on time and in one piece.
Shit. Work.
"Don't tell anyone at the club," I said as I slipped on some panties. "Please do not tell anyone. God, no one saw us leave, did they? Where were they?"
I didn’t remember seeing anyone. Violet would’ve been still upstairs. So would Alex. He’d have been working that crowd. The only person who might’ve noticed was Mark but he’d have been busy when the crowd hit downstairs.
He laughed a little. "Embarrassed to be with me, are you?"
"Yeah, actually I am. Also, I don't need people getting all up in my personal business. I have little privacy as it is. I just want to keep things separate."
"If that's the way you want to play it... but they'll find out soon enough."
I hooked on my bra. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, this isn't a fling. It's not a one-night stand or even a one week fling even. Now I've got you back, I'm never letting you go. You're mine, Carlie. Mine for life. I won't lose you so easily this time."
I finished getting dressed without answering him. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. He talked all the time about what he wanted and how he saw things between us. He never asked what I thought. He never said he'd be mine for life — and, if he did, would I believe him?
All he had were pretty words. Well, maybe something more. But it was just sex. I could keep it at that level.
Before I could race out the door, he grabbed me and pulled me back onto the bed, kissing me with all the passion that should've been burnt to ashes from the sex we'd had. Even after all that, he had reserves?
It took all my will to push him off me and walk out the door.
"See you tonight," he said as I left.
Chapter 19
IT WAS A GREAT DAY to be going to work. I'd skipped my morning workout because my workout with Holden had been more than enough. Now that my freak out had finished, the post-sex bliss kicked in.
The sun-kissed my skin, the day had a magical quality and the world contained more happiness than I'd ever thought possible.
When I got to the bar, I whistled a little song as I went about setting up. Then I stopped myself. Was I being too happy? My entire self bubbled over with the joy of being alive. That was so not me. I wasn't a bubbling-with-happiness person. I simmered with anger. That was my thing.
It wasn't like spending one night with Holden was any cause for celebration, anyway. It was just sex. I needed sex and he'd been conveniently available. The extent of our involvement ended at my girlie bits. No attachment, no commitment, just furious humping and orgasmic bliss.
I whistled again. Not just any song but that bloody “Rock Princess”. It had a damn catchy chorus, that was facts. But I had to turn the dimmer switch way down on my shining light or everyone would know my business.
The trouble with Trouble was that people cared way too much about other people's business and, if anyone found out, they'd make much more of this sleeping with Holden thing than it really was. I didn't want them talking about it. I sure as hell didn't want them interfering.
I just needed to distract them. I tried to act like my fee
t were hitting the ground when I walked and my body didn't glow. The light beaming out of my eyes could be hidden if I didn't look directly at anyone. And I wouldn't, under any circumstances, sing.
Jackson was, as always, the first through the door. Not long after, Alex swanned in, full of self-congratulations about the success of the reopening.
"Did you see the crowd? Everyone was there. Every single person who has influence in this town."
"Razer wasn't there. He has influence." Jackson tried to hide his grin.
"What did you think, Carlie?"
"It was fantastic. You've worked so hard to make a success of things and it's really paying off. Want me to get you a drink?"
Jackson peered at me over his beer glass. "You are Carlie, right? The same Carlie who works here every day?"
"What are you talking about? Hey, have you done something with your hair? It looks great!"
Jackson harrumphed.
Shit, had I really said that? Jackson was right. I wasn't the regular Carlie. It was hormones or some shit. The image of Holden's arm around me as we'd snuggled in bed that morning floated into my mind and I bend down to check the fridges so I could hide my smile.
"Maybe I should extend the place," Alex said. “The office next door doesn't seem like it's doing too well. Maybe they'd consider selling. Or maybe it'd be better to move up. A rooftop bar in the summer. That would make money..."
"Not a chance in hell of that,” Jackson said. “Neighbours bitch enough about the noise. Damn middle-class wankers, move into the area because they want to be close to the action but bitch like hell about the noise.”
Alex sighed.
"Anyway, don't you have enough to be going on with? Running a club is a serious business and you have your band as well. There's going to come a time when you are going to have to make a decision about which you want to do."
"See, the plan is that with competent staff like Carlie, I won't need to focus too hard on the club"
I flashed him a huge grin. "Thanks, Alex."
"God, all this niceness today is making my beer taste sour."
Jackson was just an old grump who didn't understand what a wonderful place the world could be. Just because other people were happy didn't hurt him any way. And it was really nice of Alex to call me competent.
Hell, I started humming. I stopped myself before anyone noticed. I think.
I smiled just thinking about that thing Holden had done with his tongue the night before. And again this morning. I wondered if he'd do it again tonight.
Then Alex's phone rang.
"Oh yeah," he said when he hung up. "We've got a serious meeting lined up. First step to the big time. That was Jim Baxter."
He waited for a reaction. I had no idea who that was or if I should know him. Jackson had a look of recognition, though.
"Jim, he's a good bloke. You'll do well if he signs you."
You could see Alex's ego inflate.
"Good luck," I said.
"What's up with you?" Jackson asked. "You're freaking me out. Say something snarky. Anything. You've turned into a mushy cow. Either you're angling for a raise or you're in love."
He knew. He had to know. The way he looked at me, as though I had traces of sex on my face, he knew. I could hide nothing in this place. My face flushed, the redness growing. I had to say something snarky or I'd reveal everything. But I couldn't think of anything snarky to say.
Then I remembered.
"Hey, Alex. You owe me,” I said, holding my hand out.
He reached into his jacket pocket and got out an envelope that he put in my hand. Then leaned over to whisper in my ear.
"I took out the $500 bonus because you didn't stay until the end."
Damn, did nothing escape him? I flicked through the money, making sure he hadn't shorted me.
"Don't you trust me, Carlie?" he asked.
"I don't trust anyone."
But then Jackson got chatting to Alex about the record label people and I was forgotten.
I wanted that money safely away before Alex found out I'd blurted to Holden that he'd paid me to watch the gig. I wasn't sure if that was against our agreement or not but since Alex hadn't specifically stated that I had to keep it quiet, he surely couldn't take the money back. He definitely couldn't if I'd spent it.
I slipped the money in my bag but then realized it wasn't the safest place for it. If I got busy serving, anyone could slip behind the bar. I'd worked too hard for that money to lose it.
That made me smile. It'd not really been that hard. Easiest money I'd ever made, actually.
Violet had a safe in her office for the band room takings. I could use that to store my precious money but she'd never actually given me the combination. And Alex talked about me not trusting anyone. Of course, I'd had no reason to know it before.
I took the notes out of the bag and stuffed them in my bra. I winced a little when they hit my nipple.
I figured I'd fooled them but later in the day Drew came in.
"Drew!" I called out, then stopped short because he'd been so angry with me last time.
We’d been through four busboys since Drew left. Brad, one guy who passed out at the bar after doing too many drugs on his shift, another guy who thought he could run the place on his first night then Rex, who’d tried to convert the customers to some weird religious cult.
Drew sat with Jackson and the two of them talked for a while. I didn't really pay attention because I was thinking about that thing and that other thing. All the things Holden had done to me. Then all the things I wanted him to do. Mostly I thought about the way his hips moved when he was on stage and the even better way they moved when we were in bed.
"See you tonight," he'd said when I left. Was that a definite thing? Like a locked-in plan? Or was it just a casual way to say goodbye.
When I turned to get myself some ice water, I noticed the horned and Hitler-moustached picture of Holden behind the bar. That had been a bit mean. I should tear it down. Was anyone watching? If they saw me tear it down, they might get the wrong idea.
Jackson caught my eye and nodded for me to come over.
"I figured since you were giving people second chances, you might put Drew back on."
Fuck. I knew he'd figured it out. But it was only Jackson. No one else knew.
Drew didn't make eye contact, he just huddled over, staring at his drink.
"What do you think, Drew? I asked him. "Are you willing to come back?"
I'd not had time to call any of the other applicants for the busboy job and, to be honest, none of them had been that promising. I'd also found out the beer tap had been faulty and needed to be fixed, so it wasn't totally Drew's fault. But I couldn't give in too easily. That would be a mistake after the way the staff had been acting. I had to make Drew work for it.
Chapter 20
BEFORE I SAT DOWN AT the Galaga table, I had every intention of letting Drew win. That would be the easiest option. Instead of seeming like a softy for letting him back, he'd win it fair and square. Well, seemingly fair and square anyway.
But, as soon as I pulled out that stool and sat down, I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't have that “letting someone else beat me” thing in me. It was like that gene was missing from my DNA. It'd been replaced with an abundance of killer instinct instead. I looked at his hopeful face and even that didn't sway me. That might make me a bad person but it made me a bad person who was undefeated at Galaga.
"I'll put $10 on Drew," said Jackson. "I reckon it's his day."
"I'm putting my money on Carlie," said Alex as he came down the stairs. "What are we betting on, anyway?"
Jackson filled him in on how I'd told Drew he could have his job back if he beat me.
"That seems a very random way of staffing."
"My bar, my rules," I said. Hadn't he just said that I was competent? He should have more faith in me but then I guess that was better than Jackson betting against me. Jackson just did it to pump up Drew's confidence. It
was his money and, if he wanted to blow it, he was free to do so.
"Are you ready?" I asked Drew.
He gulped and nodded.
The music started up and Alex sat drinks for us both on the table. I grinned then got ready to kill some pesky little alien bugs. I got to the end of the stage with a decent score. Far from my best but good enough.
Wow, the way the lights twinkled really reminded me of Holden's eyes in the moonlight. He had the kind of eyes that really caught the light. Intense eyes. When those eyes became focused on me, my knees trembled. No other man in the world made my knees tremble. You'd have thought I'd outgrown that by now but —
"You're dead, Carlie. Dead in stage two!"
Fuck, one lapse of concentration and I screwed myself. I wouldn't be doing that again. Steely focus.
Drew giggled like a little school girl. He'd be crying before I'd finished with him though.
Then Drew started. He usually made rookie mistakes but he was so focused. He couldn't maintain it, though. He didn't have my steely focus. When I played Galaga, nothing broke that focus.
I took a sip of my drink and waited for him to finish.
Had he been practicing in all his spare time since he left here? The way he played showed a maturity he'd lacked before. More strategy and less firing at anything that moved. He got through the first stage easily. Then the second.
"So, Drew," I said. "How's things been while you weren't working?" It was a dirty trick, trying to distract him but he always fell for it.
Except this time. This time he grunted and kept his eyes on the game.
My mind wandered since it was taking him so long to die. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.
"Darn it!" Drew yelled. Like he always did when he died. Ha.
But he'd gotten further than I ever expected.
I laughed as I took control of the game again. This would teach him a valuable life lesson about messing with me. I wouldn’t let myself be distracted again. Love, be buggered. This was war. Surely I wasn't so brain-addled by a night of hot sex that I lost all ability to destroy Drew.
Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas, #2) Page 9