This situation went on for months. I tried every physical action I could think of. I even brought in managers much more senior than them to mediate. They were, of course, brilliantly cooperative on these calls, only to return to their old ways the second it was just them and me.
I was working 18-hour days at this point and the day came when I just didn’t have the stamina to continue with this onslaught. The only choice I had left was to start recording the phone calls and reporting them to HR, which would’ve netted them a slap on the wrist and ended my career (this was my reality at the time). I went home one Friday night, physically and emotionally exhausted. I was done with this situation. I had to be. I just couldn’t take it any more. Yep, I’d reached my breaking point.
That’s when I finally opened myself up to a solution. In my desperation, I declared that there had to be a better way. There just had to. I finally remembered all my Law of Attraction books, which had been gathering dust on the shelves, and decided to try and shift this energetically. I used a combination of visualization and the ‘letter to the Universe’ (see Appendix II), to work my way up the Spectrum from hating these ‘jerks’ to the point where I could send them love, and really feel it. This process took me about two hours during which I had a huge release, and after I was done, I went to bed. I took the weekend off for once and rested. I didn’t really focus on this situation. It just wasn’t a concern to me any more. Something had definitely changed.
On Monday, I went to work as usual. But that was the only ‘usual’ thing about it. The entire situation was as though it had never really existed. These managers who had tortured and harassed me for months were suddenly cordial and respectful; they only called me when they needed to (about once a week as compared to daily) and, when they did, it was pleasant. They weren’t my best friends or anything, they didn’t go out of their way to help me, but all the harassment stopped. The change was so radical I actually went to the very senior manager who’d helped me in the past to find out if he’d had a little chat with them (not that this had ever made any difference before). He assured me that he hadn’t.
What’s more, I’ve never experienced such harassment from anyone, since. The vibration that had been attracting such situations into my life had been released. I was done with it and it was done with me. I’d made the change on Friday night and by Monday I was living in a whole new reality. So, when I tell you that this shit is real, that your physical reality will change and pretty quick at that, I mean it literally.
* * *
Using your memories to release resistance
You may have noticed that both the ‘Yeah… but’ technique and visualization work in the stage 3 of a Progression. There’s a reason for this: once you get past stage 3, you are looking at physical manifestations (even synchronicities are small physical manifestations). Trying to make a change to your vibration via your physical manifestations is like trying to get healthier by adding vitamins to your poop. You need to start earlier.
While the ‘Yeah… but’ technique and visualization are incredibly effective, there will be times when they don’t do the job. You can work with pretty much any belief, however, no matter how ingrained, by using the following ‘memory technique’ in conjunction with visualization – meaning that you’ll try to shift your belief by visualizing first (always do it the easy and simple way first).
Let’s say that you noticed that in your visualization of the new, supposedly way better workplace, your colleagues are total idiots who make your life hell. You try to contradict that scenario by seeing yourself in a workplace with co-workers who are competent and nice, but you just can’t. When you attempt to see that, it doesn’t feel good at all, there’s no release, and in fact, it’s making you more and more uncomfortable. Good. This discomfort is feedback – it’s an amplification of the emotion of this one piece of resistance. You’ve turned up the volume on your resistance, making it easier for you to feel it. This is the same thing that happens when a Progression reaches stage 5 and beyond. The manifestations simply get bigger and more obvious, triggering an ever-greater emotional response in you.
As you sit with this one aspect of your visualization, the idea that your co-workers can’t be anything but uncooperative jerks, you are actually starting a mini-Progression, one that’s much more specific to the beliefs that are keeping you from having nice colleagues. These beliefs are a little more ingrained, affect more than just this situation, and your mind won’t let them go quite this easily. As I said, as you attempt to change this vibration, more discomfort will come up. This discomfort will be an emotion. Feel it (time to get your emotional hands dirty again). Don’t run away from it even if it’s not comfortable (it won’t be). Running away from your uncomfortable emotions is what got you into this mess in the first place, so give it a full minute or two. Wait for thoughts, memories and ideas to come up. Yes, you were already in stage 3 on the larger visualization, but you’ve now started a new Progression for just this one aspect of the job. Keep sitting with the feeling and look for a memory, an example of something that happened that perfectly represents how this situation feels. And when I say ‘look for’, I mean ‘notice when it comes up’. Do not try to generate a memory or go hunting for it. This process happens automatically as you continue to activate a frequency. Remember to use that process.
You may be wondering if it’s a good idea to focus on something that feels bad. After all, didn’t I teach you to focus on what you want? Doesn’t focusing on something that triggers negative emotion bring about more negative manifestations? Well, yes. But here’s the thing: you’re already focusing on this unwanted frequency. This process is simply making you aware of it, aware of how you’ve already been feeling the entire time. And you’re doing so in a controlled manner, keeping the manifestations confined to the thoughts, memories and ideas of stage 3. You’re using the same process that brings about the negative manifestations (and you freaking know that works, am I right?) to clear them.
Allow a memory to come up. Don’t dismiss it. It won’t necessarily have anything to do with your job; in fact, it probably won’t. Remember that the underlying belief probably has nothing to do with your job. The key here is to recognize that as you match this frequency, as you feel this discomfort, anything that manifests must also be a match. You can’t actually attract anything else in that moment. This means that all the thoughts and memories that enter your mind in that moment are relevant. This is an incredibly important point because just about everyone tends to dismiss the thoughts that come up as they do this exercise. They’ll think, ‘Oh, that can’t be it. That’s got nothing to do with this situation.’ The memory that surfaces may seem irrelevant, but I promise you, it’s not. It can’t be. You with your focus have called it forth. Once again, you’re not hunting through all your memories in order to find a relevant one; you’re letting the mechanism of the Law of Attraction bring the relevant ones to you.
This is not an intellectual process, where you have to judge the memory to be valid or not. Trust what comes up. Take a look at whatever information is revealed. Observe and experience it. Don’t try to change it, don’t try to dismiss it and don’t pretend that whatever happened didn’t bother you (it totally did). Don’t try to use spiritual and happy shiny words to describe what happened or how you felt about it. I can’t tell you how many spiritual people I’ve talked to who were stuck in a situation they couldn’t shift, who told me stories of rude colleagues or family members only to dismiss their statements immediately with a saintly ‘but that’s OK. I don’t mind.’ It’s not OK and you do mind. This is exactly how you’re ignoring your emotions – you decide that something shouldn’t bother you, and you simply decide that it doesn’t, even though it clearly does. That’s denial in its purest form. Stop it.
Replay the memory that just came up and assume that it’s valid and relevant (it always is). Engage with it. You’re gathering more information on what this emotion is all about, the belief that’s causing it. Y
ou are NOT trying to find the origin of the limiting belief. If an early memory comes up, great. If the memory is from last week, that’s fine too. Remember that your obsolete programs were either installed as a bundle even before you were born and in the first years of your life, or depended on one of these already installed beliefs. The ‘origin’ could be hundreds or even thousands of years old. There’s no point in hunting that down. You’re simply letting the most relevant information present itself. Ask yourself:
What happened?
How old were you?
How did you feel?
As you engage with this memory, your emotions will become ever more specific. You’ll get more and more information. What exactly happened that made you feel this way? What were you really pissed off about? Talk or write about it if you can; this will help to keep you focused, even if you’re just talking out loud to yourself. If you have the kind of mind that likes to wander, using a focusing mechanism like talking or writing can really help.
Let’s imagine that a memory from your childhood comes up, where your older brother destroyed a school assignment you’d worked hard on. Maybe a diorama (do people still make dioramas?) – you know you would’ve gotten an ‘A’, but now the whole thing is in bits on the floor. You complained to your parents, but they couldn’t or wouldn’t help. Keep the focus on how you felt and how you feel now as you activate the memory. DO NOT, at this point, try to excuse anyone, see it from your adult perspective, rationalize that this wasn’t a big deal or otherwise shift the focus from your own emotions. Recall how you felt then, not how you should feel now. The memory wouldn’t have come up if it didn’t reflect something that’s active within you NOW. You’re activating the frequency of the limiting belief to a larger degree, letting it bring you more information. The information will be in the form of greater details and more clarity on exactly what you were feeling. In this case, you might be surprised to learn that you felt the whole situation was incredibly unfair. Your assignment was ruined and the ‘authorities’ that were supposed to take care of you (your parents) did nothing. As you realize these details, you begin to see the parallel between this older incident and the situation with your colleagues. You get irrationally upset with them when they don’t cooperate, because you have a belief that others WILL destroy your good work and there’s nothing you can do about it.
This realization is usually enough to release the resistance. I’m not kidding. When you figure out what it is that you’re really reacting to (or a representation of what you’re really reacting to), it gives you the chance to make a new decision, to come to a new conclusion. This can often happen spontaneously. In this case, you might realize that you are not a child any more, and that your co-workers are not related to you. You could see that your co-workers aren’t actually messing with you – they will not just come and destroy your diorama, or your report, but that this is what you were secretly afraid of and reacting to. You realize that you have a lot more power now than you did as a child, that you can speak up for yourself, and that if your colleagues ever really did cause you some kind of harm, there would be repercussions. This realization, that the danger you were unknowingly afraid of (that they would destroy your work) is incredibly unlikely to happen, can actually bring about the release of this fear.
If you had approached this issue logically, the idea that you were afraid that your colleagues might actually derail your career would’ve seemed ridiculous and outlandish. This is how your mind keeps you in denial – it requires the solution to make logical sense, which it generally won’t. It makes no sense to be afraid that your adult colleagues will break your report by playing basketball in the house and smashing it to bits. And yet, this is exactly the kind of belief that you’ll find when you go digging. It’s almost always something mundane, boring, nonsensical and seemingly harmless. It’s actually quite rare to find real trauma or something really shocking and big (yes, really traumatic experiences do surface through this exercise, but you’d be surprised how many people are afraid of this vs. how many people that actually happens to). Our fears seem like huge monsters under the bed, but more often than not, when we pull them out into the light, they’re these cute, harmless, cuddly little stuffed animals going ‘grrrrrrr’. You’ll wonder how the hell you could’ve ever been so afraid of that.
Chapter 11
Using Your Emotions to Release Resistance
Releasing resistance doesn’t have to be complicated. Remember always to start with the simplest techniques first. Once you identify what you don’t want, focus to the best of your ability on what you do want (make sure this is an emotional goal). This can and very well may already do the trick. If it doesn’t, notice what kind of objections or ‘Yeah… buts’ come up, then contradict them via the method I shared with you in Chapter 10. If this doesn’t work, you can go deeper by using visualization, as well as memories that you’ve deliberately attracted to represent your resistance to gain more information about what’s actually holding you back. The idea is to start simple and then delve progressively deeper until you shift the energy. In this chapter we’re going to focus on releasing the most ingrained type of resistance – the BIG stuff that everyone struggles with.
Not all beliefs will budge when they are identified; these are the really tough mothers. Don’t worry because now you understand the Spectrum of Empowerment, you have the tools to work your way out of any frequency and into a better-feeling one. When working in stage 3 (thoughts, memories, ideas) doesn’t work, we can continue the process in stage 2 (emotions). We’re simply going to pick up where the ‘memory technique’ from Chapter 10 left off, meaning that you’ve already:
Identified how you feel.
Focused and activated the feeling you want instead.
Used a visualization to show you where your vibration is.
Attempted to shift that vibration by changing your visualization.
Sat with the aspect that didn’t want to budge and started a new Progression.
Manifested a related memory and figured out what it was that you were REALLY reacting to.
I know that sounds like a lot, but once you get the hang of this, that entire process can take as little as five to ten minutes.
In our example from the previous chapter, your brother destroyed your school project and your parents did nothing. You felt it was unfair, to say the least. But simply identifying the correlation between this event and your current manifestation of uncooperative colleagues didn’t bring relief. It didn’t shift the underlying belief. It’s time to bring in the big guns.
As you may recall from Chapters 7 and 8, certain beliefs and their corresponding emotions can be mapped on the Spectrum of Empowerment, representing different levels of empowerment. As you move up the Spectrum, you not only feel better, you also become more and more of a match to what you want (which is what causes the better-feeling emotions). So, it stands to reason that if you had some kind of map, which helped you move up the Spectrum from one emotion to another, from one belief system to another, that would be helpful. I’m about to give you that map.
Using the map
Please remember that the emotions mapped on the Spectrum aren’t set in stone. The way we use words, including the ones to describe our feelings, is a very personal thing. The best way to know if you’re moving up the Spectrum is to answer the question, ‘Does this feel better?’ Notice that I didn’t ask if it felt ‘good’. When you’re in the lower part of the Spectrum, the next feeling you can reach may not feel good, but it will feel better. It will feel like relief. In some cases, you may need to reduce the question to, ‘Which one of these options feels less painful?’
It’s now time to bring all the parts of the Spectrum together and learn how to move from one emotion to another, preferably in a more positive direction. I’m going to give you some specific instructions on how to move from one group to another, keeping in mind that in order to work at this level, you must have already activated the energy of your resistanc
e. If you are insensitive to your emotions, you can use the visualization and memory techniques. If you are sensitive to your emotions and are easily able to recognize how you feel, you can set yourself up by first identifying how you feel, then activating how you want to feel, noticing any negative emotions that pop up as you do, and focus on those (feel them more acutely). Please DO NOT skip these steps. They only take a couple of minutes! This shortened process will activate only the resistance that’s relevant to your manifestation; in other words, the limiting beliefs that are actively blocking what you want.
Either way you are now feeling the emotion of your resistance and, yes, this will be uncomfortable. Find the corresponding emotional group on the Spectrum and use the instructions in this chapter to move yourself incrementally to ever better-feeling groups. I suggest that you read through all the instructions at least once, and then use them as a reference guide going forward.
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