by Red Phoenix
When my eyes finally flutter open, I find Thane watching over me and feel momentarily disoriented.
“How are you?” he asks with concern.
As the fog of sleep slowly lifts, it all comes back to me again. Shaking my head, I sit up slowly and croak through a dry throat, “It’s hard to tell.”
Thane hands me a cup of coffee. “I got you this from the café. It’s still hot.”
I take the insulated cup, sipping the black coffee. It burns pleasantly on the way down, soothing my ragged soul.
I pull the sheet off and find my entire body is covered in dark bruises.
“You look worse than you did last night,” Thane says, worry coloring his normally calm voice. “Do you need to see a doctor?”
I look at him as if he’s crazy. “Of course not! There is no way I am answering questions about how this happened,” I growl angrily, a fresh wave of humiliation washing over me.
“Still…you may need medical attention.”
I throw the sheet back over my body to hide it from his gaze. “It’ll be fine. I’m fine.”
Thane states somberly, “I think you should press charges against Samantha.”
“That will never happen.”
“Why? This is clearly assault. Why protect her?”
“I am not protecting her. I’m protecting myself,” I explain. “I don’t want people to know about this. As far as I am concerned, it never happened.” I turn away from him in shame.
I feel Thane’s hand on me.
“But it did, Anton. This is not something you can forget, and she needs to be held accountable by the law and punished for her actions.”
I turn back to meet his gaze, my eyes narrowing in irritation. “If I go to the police, I will be the one punished, don’t you understand? All the details would become public knowledge. Not only would I be a laughing stock here in America, but everything that happened would get back to my family. No one can know!”
“Are you planning to confront her yourself?”
I wrinkle my nose in an angry snarl. “If I see her, I will kill her.”
Thane suddenly looks troubled.
“I won’t,” I assure him. “As much as I want Samantha to pay, I don’t want her dead.” Shaking my head in disbelief, I admit out loud, “I cared for that woman…genuinely cared about her.”
Then I growl in disgust, asking him, “How I could I possibly fall for a woman capable of this? What is wrong with me?”
His eyes flash with anger. “Nothing is wrong with you. No one knew what she was capable of—not even her.”
“So, you spoke to her last night,” I state, rather than ask.
“I did.”
The assault is still too fresh to go over the details with him, but I need to know why. “What did you find out?”
“When I got to her dorm room, I found Samantha huddled in a corner, babbling to herself.”
I take small comfort knowing she’s suffering. I want Samantha to drown in her guilt.
“What did she say when you confronted her?”
Thane sighs before answering. “She was in shock, unable to reconcile what she had done to you.”
I snort in anger. “I told her to stop between my bouts of blacking out. She has no excuse for what happened.”
“I agree,” Thane states emphatically. “And I did not allow her to give me any excuses.”
I glance at him, finally asking the only question I need answered. “Why? Why the fuck did she do it?”
“After hours of talking to her, I believe it boils down to a need to prove herself as a Domme to you, and a desire to give you the same life-changing experience you gave her.”
“Well, she fucking changed it,” I snarl, spitting to the floor.
Thane looks at me with compassion.
But I warn him, “If she comes anywhere near me, I will snap.”
“I understand and told her that under no circumstances was she to contact you.”
I can feel the rage building as images from last night replay in my head. Tears of fury roll down my cheeks. “No one can understand the betrayal unless they’ve experienced it.” I swipe away the tears, my voice ragged when I tell him, “I never truly understood what Tatianna went through. Sure, I understood it on an intellectual level, but not on an emotional level. It makes what happened to her even more horrifying to me now.”
I turn away from him, ashamed that I wasn’t able to protect her.
“Tatianna should never have known such pain,” Thane says with empathy. “No one should.”
“She couldn’t survive it,” I cry out, my voice cracking with emotion, remembering my beautiful Tatianna lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood.
Thane puts his arm around me in support. “We can’t change the past, but you and I can impact the future.”
Even though his words resonate in my soul, I reject them. The pain is far too great to imagine a future.
The anguish continues to build up inside me until it reaches an unbearable level and I suddenly let out a primal scream—a long, loud cry of agony—releasing the pain and humiliation I feel.
Seconds later, someone raps hard on the door. “Everything okay in there, Durov?”
Thane speaks for me. “He’s just letting out the frustration after a rough semester.”
“Well, tell him to cut it out. It scared the crap out of me and I’m suffering from a killer hangover.”
After he leaves, Thane tells me, “That scream didn’t just scare him. It chilled me to the bone. I think it might help if you take a shower and let the hot water relax you.”
Still shaking after my emotional release, it takes me a moment to respond. Moving stiffly, I get out of bed, feeling bruised and broken.
I turn on the shower and keep upping the heat, burning my skin with the scalding water in an attempt to wash away the feeling of defilement. But, no matter how hot the water gets, I still feel unclean.
After the water turns cold and I begin to shiver, I finally get out and dry myself off. Wiping away the steam left on the bathroom mirror, I stare at myself.
I don’t recognize the hollow man looking back at me.
Walking out of the bathroom, I glance around the room. I can’t remain here another second after what happened.
“Come with me to the beach house,” I tell Thane.
“I can’t, my friend. It would put you at risk.”
“What are you talking about?”
“There’s no need to concern yourself. You have enough to deal with right now.”
I can sense his fear and want to help, welcoming the distraction from my own hell. “Tell me what’s going on, comrade.”
“No.”
I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze hard, insisting, “Tell me.”
He lets out a tortured sigh before answering. “My mother has been transferred to the psych ward.”
“She is crazy,” I remind him.
“You don’t understand. She’s adept at manipulating the system. I guarantee she’ll be out in six months—if she doesn’t decide to escape first.”
“Do not concern yourself. You have people who will protect you. I won’t let her fuck with you again.”
“I have no problem if she comes after me. I’m not afraid to take her to hell with me if needed.” Thane shifts his feet, obviously uncomfortable about telling me what’s truly bothering him.
Furrowing my brow, I demand, “What is it, then?”
Thane starts pacing the room, shaking his head. “This isn’t the right time…”
I narrow my eyes. I’m in no mood to be played with.
Thane stares at me for a moment, then digs into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. “This was left under the door of my dorm.”
I notice his hand is trembling as he hands it to me. A feeling of misgiving crawls over my skin as I open it and read the typed message.
The Russian is first.
I shake my head, staring at it. “What does this me
an?”
“It’s a threat from my mother. There’s no other explanation.”
I glance at the note again, feeling a perverse desire to face her. “You and Anderson will join me at the beach house,” I state again.
“I’m a liability you don’t need right now.”
“Nyet, you are not. We are stronger together, comrade.” When he says nothing in response, I press the issue. “Agreed?”
He nods, but I can sense he wants to run, believing it will save me.
Rather than give him that chance, I pack a bag and walk out with him, slamming the door on my dorm room—and the memories of last night.
Muffled curses echo from the nearby rooms in protest to the loud sound.
I escape down the stairs, wanting to leave unnoticed, but my friend Lucus stops me. “What the hell happened to you, Durov?”
I say nothing, but my heart starts beating faster and a cold sweat covers my body as the fear of discovery sets in.
“Hell, you look like you got hit by a Mack truck. How many shots did you drink last night?”
Realizing he thinks I’m suffering from a simple hangover, I force a smile. “I was the last Russian standing.”
He punches me in the arm, not realizing he’s just opened a wound. I grin wider to cover up the pain as I make my way toward the door, grateful I’m wearing a black shirt. “Next time, I’ll invite you to join me and we’ll see how many shots you can handle,” I tell him as I head out.
“You do that, but we’ll be drinking bourbon.”
“Hah!” I laugh, walking out the door.
“You okay?” Thane asks when it closes behind us.
“I’ll live.”
I walk fast, not wanting to run into anyone else. I feel as if there is a neon sign over my head announcing that a woman assaulted me. I know it’s irrational but I can’t shake the feeling.
When we arrive at Thane’s building, I’m pleased to see Anderson has not left yet. “Get packing,” I order.
He glances at Thane with a worried look. “What’s happened? Where are we headed?”
“To my beach house,” I answer.
Anderson slaps his hand against his thigh, grinning. “If that’s the case, you don’t have to tell me twice. I’m all for lounging on the beach. Best kind of medicine I know, other than the grandeur of my Rockies.”
I dismiss myself while they pack, heading to the bathroom to dress my open wound in private.
Having been independent all of my life, it surprises me how much I need these two. But what happened last night has shaken me to the core, and I don’t trust myself to be alone right now.
I return to find them both packed and ready to go.
“Do you have any more of that soup?” I ask Anderson.
He smiles. “As a matter of fact, I do.” Grabbing the last of his stock, he plops the few remaining packages into his duffle bag.
We head to my beach house in silence, both Thane and I too lost in our own thoughts to make light conversation. Thankfully, I feel the darkness start to lift as the blue expanse of the ocean opens up in front of us as I crest the last hill.
Anderson whistles. “Hell, yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.”
I nod in agreement, a smile coming to my lips.
Hopefully, this is what my soul needs to recover. At the very least, I’ll be able to get a tan.
Power in Waves
The first thing I do when I enter the beach house is to strip out of my clothes and change into my swimming trunks. Grabbing a towel and a bottle of vodka, I head toward the door. “Meet you on the beach,” I tell the others on my way out.
Anderson can’t help but stare in shock at the multiple wounds on my body. When our eyes meet, he gathers himself and asks good-naturedly, “Hey, you want me to grab some glasses?”
I fight off the feeling of shame. “Nyet. Get your own bottle.”
He chuckles, but I note Thane’s concern as I walk past.
“Don’t worry, comrade. I can handle my liquor.”
I don’t bother shutting the door as I leave, knowing the other two will soon follow. Dropping my towel and bottle on the sand, I head straight out into the water, needing to lose myself in the waves.
I’m lucky. The tide is especially high today, making the waves crash violently into the shore.
Exactly what I need.
I need to release the rage burning inside me, and I welcome the fight against the powerful waves as I push myself out past the breaking point.
After a worthy battle, fighting against the relentless power of the water, I finally make it out far enough to ride the large swells. I savor the sting of the salt invading each wound on my body, knowing it will help them to heal faster.
I try to relax as I tread water, determined to forget the events of yesterday even though memories of last night keep flashing in my head, tormenting me.
I hear splashing beside me and open my eyes to see Thane swimming up.
“What?” I growl, not wanting his pity or thoughtful advice.
“I was contemplating dunking you.”
Now, that is something I can get behind. Without any warning, I dive down and swim toward Thane, going for his legs to pull him under the water.
He struggles, but he can’t break free until I let go and we both swim to the surface gasping for breath.
“Never mess with a Durov,” I laugh as he coughs up ocean water. I look to the shore and see Anderson is still on the beach. The last thing I want is for the guy to treat me differently because of what happened.
“What’s up with the cattleman?” I complain.
Thane looks back at the shore and grins. “Nothing. He’s decided to partake of your vodka while you’re out swimming.”
My eyes narrow in anger. “Like hell he will!”
I start swimming back to shore, and suffer being pummeled by the waves again as I draw nearer to the beach. The violence of the water keeps forcing me into the sand time and time again until I finally make it to shore.
“Unhand the vodka, now!” I order as I approach.
Anderson lifts my bottle and grins before taking a swig, just to rile me up. I march over to him, glaring.
“Now, don’t get your swim trunks all in a bunch,” he teases, handing me the bottle.
I snatch it from him, making a point to wipe off the opening as if he’s defiled it before I take a long draught, reclaiming it as mine.
Anderson looks me over and snorts. “Bloody Russian.”
I look down at myself. Seeing my state, my lips slowly break into a smile. All of my wounds have reopened and are bleeding because of my recent battle with the waves. I throw back my head and burst out laughing, appreciating Anderson’s sense of humor.
I know I am with good friends because nothing has changed. Instead of treating me as if I am weak, both Thane and Anderson are giving me shit. I need that more than they know.
Handing him back the bottle, I declare, “For that, you deserve a shot.”
Anderson winks as he takes a long swallow.
Thane has made it back to shore despite the harsh waves and walks up to us as I take the bottle back.
“I thought for sure you would have punched the guy by now for daring to touch your vodka.”
I look at Anderson with admiration. “A man who has the nerve to steal my vodka and then make fun of my bloody state deserves to drink with me.”
Thane shakes his head at Anderson.
I take a long draught, savoring the vodka as it travels down my throat. Stretching out on my towel, I listen to the ocean waves with a genuine smile on my face.
The other two join me on either side and we lay sunning ourselves in silence. Being in the company of two people who can accept me without judgement puts me at ease—and the combo of fine vodka and California sunshine only adds to that feeling.
Turning my head toward Anderson, I ask, “What are your plans for the summer?”
“I’m headed back to Colorado in two days to
spend the summer at the ranch. Our Kuvasz just had pups and I can’t wait to hold them.”
“I bet they’re cute,” Thane murmurs, soaking up the sun with his eyes closed.
I frown, turning my head toward Thane. “I thought you said you didn’t like animals, comrade.”
Thane opens his eyes and shrugs. “Bandit and Kiah are more like people in dog form—and almost as big.”
“True,” Anderson agrees.
I’m confused by Thane’s sudden change of heart. He is not an animal lover any more than I am, so I call him on it. “I find it odd that you would say that when you have no use for pets.”
“Well, I make an exception for those two. Besides, they’re working dogs,” he replies. Thane sighs in contentment as he basks in the warm rays of the sun.
I still can’t fathom it and stare at him in disbelief.
“You’d love Kiah and Bandit,” Anderson assures me. “And Bandit has a sadistic sense of humor like you,” he states with pride.
“I may have to visit your ranch just to meet your dog people.”
“My family would welcome you,” Anderson states amiably, but then adds, “However…if you touch any of my sisters, I will rip your heart out and eat it in front of you.”
I laugh. “I like this side of you, cattleman.”
Anderson props himself up on his elbows and stares at me. “You think I’m kidding?”
I laugh. “Nyet. I can tell you’re a good brother and respect you for it more than you know.”
He seems pacified by my answer and asks for a swig of my vodka. I hand it to him, and then pass it to Thane when he’s finished.
“You’re not planning on drinking me under the table, are you?” Thane asks before taking a sip.
My lips twitch in amusement. “It would not be a challenge, comrade.”
He tips the bottle back and takes a long, Russian-worthy gulp of my vodka.
I raise an eyebrow, impressed by his determination. However, I don’t believe for a second he’ll last long against me, and I don’t need him passing out so soon.
Enjoying his company, I take the vodka back without challenging him to drink more and chug a healthy portion myself.
“Ahhh…I enjoy the warmth of Russian vodka. It’s like a blanket for my soul.”