by Sands, Samie
“We cannot kill him,” I insist through panicked breaths. “He’s different, he’s special.”
“What the hell are you going on about?” Hannah queries. “Special how?”
“He turned so quickly, faster than the others.” Brain scans, we need to do brain scans. “We need to examine his brain, to see what happened. It could be the key.”
“The key to what?”
“To curing this, to putting an end to it all.”
“We can’t do that.” Hannah is starting to sound desperate. “We just need to keep this mess under control. He has to be killed, to prevent an epidemic.”
“No, no, no.” Why can’t she see? That’s the wrong decision. “We need to be humane...”
“Are you going to get him?” the doctor joins in. “Will you be the one to drag him from this room to pin him down?”
“If I have to.” Of course, I don’t really mean that. I have no intention of grabbing onto this beast alone, I just want the doctor to see that I’m serious. “I would much rather that you help me though.”
Please say yes, please!
“That is madness. No, we need to follow protocol. We need to kill this boy, just as we have done so all the others. This is no time for change.”
“Can’t we just...” I roll desperately through my mind, trying to find a solution that will suit us both for now. Time is of the essence, we can’t waste time on a petty argument. “Just lock him in here? Give me a moment to speak to someone. I’m telling you that this boy is different.” I don’t know why, but I’m convinced that somehow, he holds the key to everything. “Please?”
“Urgh, whatever.” He rolls his eyes at me. “Let’s just get going, shall we? We no longer have time to plan, we need to take action.”
I sigh so deeply with relief as we all leave the room and I close the door behind us all, that I forget everything else that’s happening. It isn’t until I move away, safe in the knowledge that Eric can still live another day, even if it isn’t in the way that I would like, or he would like for that matter, that suddenly I recall everything else.
The patients...too many for the hospital...the panic...the chaos.
I have to almost run to keep up with Hannah and the doctor, it’s almost as if they’re walking rapidly on purpose because they cannot stand to be with me anymore. Maybe I’ve shamed them in some way by insisting that we keep Eric alive, but it hardly matters. Once they calm down and they start to see reason, all will be forgotten. Soon enough I’ll make them see that I was right to keep him alive.
It saddens me to see him in such a sorry state, I feel awful that I left him to die alone. If I’d thought for just one second that he would go that quickly I would’ve...well I don’t know what I would have done, but I don’t think I’d have left him.
“Where have you been?” Dave grabs onto Hannah’s arm the second he sees her. I can tell that his grip is too hard by the way that she winces. I expect her to snap at him for that, but she simply leans in closer to listen instead. “We’ve had it, the announcement, from upstairs.”
“What do you mean?”
This feels deadly serious, it makes my heart thunder painfully in my chest. I open my mouth to speak, but I don’t totally know what it is that I want to say.
“The announcement,” he repeats. “The announcement that we have to kill.”
“What...everyone?”
Oh God, is this serious?
“Yes, everyone. They’re all going to die anyway, this is just to speed up the process. This is to stop all the medical staff from getting infected too. The way that the world is going, we’re going to need all the medical staff we can get.”
“So...we just have to kill?”
“Yes.” He hands Hannah a shiny, metallic object. “Here’s your knife. Best get to it.”
No.
No, no.
No, no, no.
This is too much.
Sixteen
Everyone rushes around me in a blur of activity while I remain frozen to the spot, helpless and hopeless. I’ve got a knife between my fingers, which I guess someone must have handed to me at some point, but I can’t do anything with it.
Dave and Hannah are already gone, they don’t seem to have any issue with what we need to do, which only makes me feel a million times worse. We’re supposed to be helping these people, they came here for a cure, not to be murdered. We can’t do this, I was supposed to have more time. I needed to find a solution and now it seems like it’s too late. If we’re taking this crazy step then all control of the virus must be done. The specialist medical facility is over and we’re all screwed.
How are we supposed to just be okay with that?
“Come on, Katie,” someone screams next to me. “Don’t just stand there, they’ll kill you.”
They...the dreaded people making all the decisions. Would they really kill me for not wanting to join in? I suppose that’s a question which doesn’t really need an answer.
I step into one of the patient rooms where blood spurts from every angle as medical staff slit the throats of the patients without a second thought as if it’s standard procedure.
If there’s no hope then you will be doing them a favor, I try to convince myself. Leaving them in that state, if there’s truly no answer, is so much worse.
But I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of the dream just yet.
As I take a step towards the bed of one of the victims that I’ve felt very sorry for recently because of the state he’s in. my knuckles turn white. There’s a trickling sensation in my hand which suggests that I’ve pierced my skin with the blade. I don’t bother to check though, I have a mission at hand and I need to at least attempt to complete it. I might not like it, but I don’t want to die myself. I guess my self-preservation is stronger than anything else.
I’m sorry, I blink tears away as I slide the blade closer to the boy’s neck. He snarls and growls at me, his teeth aim for my skin, which keeps me going. If there was even a scrap of humanity left within this boy I wouldn’t be able to do it. This is for the best. I have to do this.
The silver connects with his skin and I drag it along, much too lightly. It does no damage which only makes it more agonizing for me. I have to do it again, much harder this time. I half expect blood to fly out him like I’ve seen it do with the others, but it’s more of a trickle than anything else.
“In the head!” someone screams from another room. “It has to be in the head.”
I ignore that statement as I move over to the next bed. There I find myself staring down at a pale, beautiful, very human-looking teenage girl.
I gulp. Am I supposed to do this to her as well?
“It’s a mistake,” she yells shrilly. I can see the sheer terror behind her eyes, which coincidentally is exactly how I feel.
“Yep, it always is,” I hear my mouth saying as if that’s a reasonable answer to her. I don’t know what my brain was thinking when it came up with that statement, it probably just wanted to shut her up before I changed my mind.
I hold the blade out, I press it to her skin, but before I can do anything at all everything changes in a flash.
Alarm bells ringing. Lights flashing. Fear. Panic. Where is that screaming noise coming from?
Seventeen
My hands try frantically to grip the wall behind me as I snap my mouth shut to stop myself from screaming. Panic has a full grip on me right now, and I need to shake it off. Worrying won’t get me anywhere, I need to gather up my brain to ensure I get out of here alive.
Some of the infected are roaming through the room, looking for prey. I guess if I think about it logically then one of the other medical professionals must’ve stopped killing them and set them free instead. I can’t think of any reason to do that unless it was a rebellion against the idiots made this decision.
I hate it too, but I don’t know if this is the right way to go about it!
It isn’t just the infected being freed, it’s the ones
that don’t seem to have the virus, including the poor teenage girl that I almost killed. As I watch her rushing past me I squeeze my eyes shut to close the world out for just a moment. I can’t believe I almost murdered someone who’s fine, someone who was talking to me, telling me that she was okay.
What sort of monster am I?
I thought I was one of the good guys, but I acted like another mindless drone in that moment, following orders to save my own life. I put myself before everyone else. Not everyone did that, someone created this chaos. That person is the hero.
Maybe.
As my eyes remain closed I wait for death to come for me. I figure that looking out for myself made me act in a way that I don’t like, so now I need to just let go of life. If the world is done now, which I truly suspect it might be, then it’s best to go now. The one’s who die in the early days are the lucky ones, right?
Or maybe I’m just thinking that way because I’m too afraid to move.
The tension builds up in my stomach, anticipation courses painfully through my veins, I almost don’t want to know which way the fatal bite will come from as my shoulders tense. I don’t know how it’ll feel to be bitten, or what it’ll be like to turn, so I just wait expectantly for it to happen...
And then it comes.
Actually, it isn’t as agonizing as I expected. I don’t even know if I can feel teeth, but since this is all such a new and crazy thing, I suppose that’s to be expected. It isn’t going to be like anything that’s come before.
It’s the end now, I suppose it’s time for me to experience the AM13 process for myself.
The memories of my life take a turn for the worst as the virus starts to work its way through me. I regret everything. I spent such a long time focusing on making a name for myself that I didn’t think to have a life. I spent less time with Mom than I would’ve liked, I stopped talking to my old friends, even missing out on a potential relationship with Ryan...I have no one to blame for that but myself. Maybe if I’d just told him how I felt we could’ve actually had something.
Not that it matters anymore.
Now that I have nothing left to lose, I flicker my eyes open to see what’s going on around me. I don’t have to make any decisions, now that I’m dead, which makes it a lot easier to process things. Noise zooms back into my eardrums as if I managed to shut off all sound as well as sight, and the volume of it is almost overwhelming. I suppose this could be just another, unexplored side effect of the virus. Anything is possible.
“Stop!”
“...it’s too late for that...”
“What now?”
Eventually, voices become clear, but I still can’t quite work out where they’re coming from. That is until one of them overshadows the rest.
“Miss?”
It’s a deep male voice, possibly close, but who it relates to I’m not quite sure.
“Miss?”
It isn’t to the left of me or the right. Maybe I need to force my aching neck to twist my head upright. I do, but it kills me.
“Miss?”
Oh...my...God.
It’s a cop, looking directly at me with sheer concern in his eyes. Only that isn’t the most terrifying thing about the scene above me. It’s the shiny, metallic gun in his hand. The one that’s pointed directly at my forehead.
“Miss, I really need you to answer me right now.”
Eighteen
My ears ring, my brain buzzes, I can barely part my lips enough to say anything, but still, this cop doesn’t give up on me.
“Miss? You’re going to have to speak to me soon or things are going to get real ugly around here. In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve got a huge mess to clean up here.”
Yeah, a mess that I’m about to be a part of at any moment.
It won’t be long before I’m a monster too, causing untold problems along with all the others. But before that’ll happen I need to go through the sheer agony of changing. I’ll have to suffer what I’ve seen so many go through before. The screaming, the shrieking, the begging to be killed. Seeing that from a medical professional’s point of view is one thing, going through it myself will be something else entirely.
I don’t think I’m brave enough.
“Pull the trigger,” I plead quietly with the police officer. “It’s the only way.”
A quick, mostly painless death that I won’t know much about is preferable to the unknown. I don’t know much, but I am sure of that.
The man gives me a look of understanding before a range of emotions cross his face. I recognize the internal battle that he’s going through, I was in that place before only moments ago. The only difference is I’m begging for death, I want to be put out of my misery. I’m much too afraid to face the future now. I need this.
Come on, I plead as I stare intently up at him. Do it already. I’m done, it’s time for me to go...
But nothing happens. Well, nothing that I want anyway because in a heartbeat everything’s changed all over again. The gun is gone, I’m being dragged to my feet, and someone’s pulling me into the outside area...I’m leaving the hospital behind.
“No,” I murmur quietly. “No, this isn’t right, I can’t...”
“Everyone into the riot van!” a cry bursts through the thick air. “We need to take you all somewhere safe.”
“I can’t go,” I beg to anyone who will listen. The only problem is that seems to be no one. “I have to stay here. I’m going to die. I’m infected.”
“Can I help you?”
As someone finally speaks to you, my chest swells with relief. I want to weep with joy. My eyes twist until I see a pair of warm, familiar eyes staring back at me. The girl. The teenage girl that I almost killed is the only person willing to give me any help.
“I...I...” I gasp, too stunned to really form an answer. “I...” I want to tell her everything but I’m too afraid to do so. I don’t really deserve her help, but I’m also not quite ready to give her up just yet. “What’s going on?” I eventually decide on. “I don’t know what’s happening at all.”
“I’ll look after you,” she tells me with a cozy smile. “Don’t you worry about anything.” I want to ask her if she remembers me if she knows what I almost did, but I don’t. Instead, my lips purse tightly and I wait for her to speak again. “My name is Rachel, by the way.”
“Katie,” I whisper back. “I’m Katie.”
“Well, as far as I can work out, Katie, the hospital isn’t safe anymore so we’re being escorted to somewhere that is...”
I won’t go, I can’t. I can’t endanger everyone else that’s okay. I’ll just run as soon as it’s time to get into the van. Simple. What can go wrong?
Nineteen
“...so, I still don’t really know what happened to Zac. Maybe it was the cops that shot him...”
Huh? I glance my eyes wildly from side-to-side, trying to work out exactly why I’m sitting in the back of the very van that I told myself I wouldn’t get into no matter what. Rachel’s still talking to me, presumably telling me about her time since the AM13 virus broke lose, and for some reason, I’m just sitting here listening, as if I’m supposed to be here.
“Wh...what?” I stammer as a reply. “What happened?”
“What next? Well, after I woke up in the bed I thought I was dead...until someone made their way around the room and they set everyone free.”
“Who was that?” I still need to know. It doesn’t really matter, but I need to know all the same.
“Erm, a girl with, like reddish hair.”
Hannah, that has to be Hannah. I mean, it might not be but I’d like to think it was my friend that did the right thing if it couldn’t be me.
“And she was with a guy. I think someone called him Dan or Dave.”
Oh...so it seems I wasn’t the only one who wanted to make things right. Maybe if I hadn’t been so self-involved I could’ve been in on the plan.
“Are we going to the hospital?” I mutter sleepily. The exhaus
tion is thick on my tongue, I’m not even sure that Rachel will be able to understand me. If we’re going to the hospital, at least I can get some serious help. “Did they say?”
“Apparently the hospital is in a worse state than where we just came from. I don’t know where we’re going.”
Ryan. He’s the only person I can think of as I imagine the hospital being destroyed. I’ve lost him yet again. I know I’m dying anyway, so it hardly matters, but the thought of him being in danger still kills me. I lost him to Christy, then to this new girl of his, whatever her name is, and now to the virus.
Of all the people I hope aren’t dead, Ryan is the top of my list. I guess I can’t switch my feelings off for him however hard I try.
“Are you okay?” Rachael hisses quietly to me. “You’re shaking.” She grips hold of me which causes the trembling to stop for just a second. “Are you in shock?”
“Er, yeah, maybe.”
I should probably just tell her, but I can’t quite seem to find the words. I guess there isn’t any point in causing an unnecessary panic right now, not when I can make my escape at the other end. And this time I’ll make sure I do it. I don’t quite know how I managed to slip through the cracks before, it must be the lapses in memory that I heard suggestions about at the hospital. No wonder victims of the virus are so angry and aggressive. I feel that way myself.
“We’ll know more soon,” Racheal reassures me. “Everything will be okay.”
I don’t want to tell her that not only will it not be okay for me, but also that it won’t be alright for the world now. Things with this virus were bad enough before, but now they’re out of control. AM13 is one of those things that should never have been allowed to spread. If everyone gets it and there’s no cure, then everyone is screwed.