by Tara Randel
Logan averted his eyes.
“You really got everyone to keep quiet. Even Mrs. M. didn’t spill the beans about your business.” Now she could see the error in her thinking. At the time, she’d been so swept away by Logan, falling more in love with him every day, she hadn’t wanted to face the truth. Any truth. Seemed old habits were hard to kick. “But you didn’t volunteer, either. I guess that made looking into my life easier,” she said, not ready to take all the blame for the secrets between them.
“I needed to be able to connect the dots,” Logan said.
Her heart raced. Sure, he’d figured out every story she’d ever told. He was good at his job. “You know about Aunt Mary?”
He blinked in confusion and her stomach sank.
“She’s not real?” he prompted.
At his flat tone, Serena inwardly cringed. Well, she’d stepped into that one, hadn’t she? Stuck now, she went on to explain how she’d made up the imaginary aunt as a way to brand her company. “If you were doing a background check on me, didn’t you figure it out?”
“The only thing I uncovered was the information in your bio. I was more focused on your father.”
Logan crossed his arms over his chest. The action pulled his sweater tighter over his broad shoulders. The shoulders of the man she’d hoped to lean on, not defend herself to.
“You’re talented, Serena. You didn’t need her story.”
“In the beginning I did. People connected to her, then to me.”
“So the cottage. Outside of town. Another story?”
Tears welled in her eyes.
At the censure in his eyes, Serena saw any chance of making Logan understand her actions slip away. “No. Carrie and I drove past the cottage once when we visited the area. I fell in love with the place. It’s the type of home I would have loved to have grown up in.” The type of home she’d daydreamed of sharing with Logan one day. “I guess I wanted it so badly...” She met his gaze head-on. “Another story, I’m afraid.”
Logan winced. “How many are there?”
Direct hit. She knew he’d be angry, but this was worse than she’d foreseen.
Before she could address his question, Logan said, “While you’re being so up-front, explain why there are years where I couldn’t find any background information on you.” His voice rose. “I can’t even find a birth certificate.”
Panic knotted in her stomach. “That’s because you were searching Stanhope as my last name.”
A flicker of surprise crossed his face but quickly vanished.
Heat crawled up her neck. “My last name is Lee. My mother’s maiden name.”
His lips pulled into a grim line.
“In light of my father’s early exploits, my mother kept her maiden name after they married and decided to make it my legal name as well.”
“So you aren’t even who you say you are.”
She swallowed, hurt combining with outrage at his accusation.
“Technically I am. I dropped Lee years ago but everything I’ve done in business is legit.”
He was unmoved. “Doesn’t make it right.”
“I was a child, Logan. My parents did what was best at the time.”
“You’re an adult now.”
She stood, his accusations making her blood boil. Could she get involved with a man who made a living uncovering other people’s secrets? Someone who dredged up pain when there were times people had good reasons to keep those secrets? She grabbed on to the anger because it was better than the pain.
“And you think it makes the decisions they made any easier? I’ve had to live with the secrets all my life. Cover my humiliation when I couldn’t have easygoing relationships with friends because I was afraid they’d discover who I really was. Afraid they’d look down on me like you are right now.”
He, of all people, should understand why she’d acted as she did. Especially since they’d both lived through trust issues with their parents. They’d dealt with those issues in different ways, yes, but the more they debated, it was becoming clear that the divide between them was too great to cross.
When he didn’t speak, she unleashed her frustration. “Look at your own family, Logan. You can’t escape that history any more than I can put aside mine. I’d think you’d at least understand how the actions of our parents influence us. Even now.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “My family is not on trial here.”
“No, but the facts remain the same,” Serena argued. “What we went through as kids makes for messy family dynamics.”
The tension in her chest grew tighter. Instead of softening, Logan was becoming more distant. He was reverting to the man who’d first come to town, full of questions and suspicions, to dig up dirt on her family. She wouldn’t let him hold her shame over her head.
“Have you talked to Deke?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Judging by the intense conversation you were having with my father when Jasmine and I joined you, I’m assuming he told you my part in all this?”
“I know it all.”
She leaned back against the railing. “I don’t think you do.”
“Enlighten me.”
“My father scammed people. Took their money.” She waited a beat. Then her heart hammered as she said, “I’ve been paying them back.”
The shock on his face should have made her feel better. It didn’t.
“So that’s why Deke dropped the case,” he reasoned out loud.
“I can’t say, but if he and his brothers had decided to pursue it, Jasmine and I would have made it difficult for them.”
She nearly missed the uptick of his lips.
Was there a chance he might be seeing her side of things? “What my father did was wrong, Logan. I tried to make up for it so I could at least have some semblance of peace somewhere down the road.”
“The money from your father?”
“He’s paying me back and continuing what I started.”
Logan let out a long rush of breath. “You two have it all figured out, don’t you?”
Disappointment nearly made her knees buckle.
The funny thing was that she and her father had never had it figured out. Far from it. Not until now, when he discovered that she’d been paying back his victims. Now, when everything had changed. When she’d met a man she wanted to share her life with, hoping he’d accept what she’d done, and love her just the same. By the rigid set of his body and frown on his face, she realized she’d lost.
“Where does all this leave us?” she asked, hating the quiver in her voice. The vulnerability it betrayed. “I swear I was going to tell you everything, Logan.”
Logan ran an unsteady hand over his jaw. Apparently he was as affected by all this honesty as she was. “I was going to confess as well.”
She heard the hesitation. Braced herself. “But?”
“The lies you kept between us.” He blew out his cheeks. “How can we overcome this?”
She stilled. “The lies I kept?”
He nodded.
She stared at him. He thought this was all one-sided? Hot pressure built up behind her eyes.
“I knew all along that I was wrong to keep the truth from you, Logan. Especially when you made a point of letting me know how important the truth is to you. Which I get. I truly do. Ironically, probably more than anyone. But I’ve been living a life of secrets for too many years.” She placed a hand over her heart. “I didn’t know how to broach the subject. How much to reveal without giving my father away.”
She swallowed back a sob of regret that constricted her throat. “Yet all along you knew. Knew I was keeping a large part of my life from you. And still you pursued me romantically. Kissed me. Gave me hope that there might be something real between us.” She backed up and bumped into the first step, arms fl
ailing. When he reached out to steady her, she shoved his hands away.
“Is that how you get information in your investigations?” Her voice sounded bitter to her ears. “Pretend to care for your target? Let them return the feelings, and then when they hope for more, pull the rug out from beneath them?”
“No. This—you—was different. I never wanted to hurt you.”
But he had. “How could I have been so stupid?” she whispered.
He reached out for her but she dodged his grasp again. “No, Serena. Never. I...let you believe what you wanted to see.”
A biting laugh escaped her. “That you were interested in me for me and not because it was your job?”
He looked uncertain now. “It started as a job, but over time my motivation changed. I got to know you, Serena. The real you.”
“Yet you still kept quiet.”
Tension radiated from him. “No matter how conflicted I became, it was wrong.” He moved toward her, then decided against it. “Serena, I never confided in anyone about my family. Not until you. I thought you’d understand. And you did.” His voice grew rough. “When I opened up to you I began to see us in a different light. Then I couldn’t stay away. There were so many times I almost blurted the truth, but my word to Deke got in the way.”
“You chose your word to someone else over me?”
“Yes.”
She guessed she could understand his dilemma. She’d never told anyone the truth of her past because she wanted to protect her father. Still, his honesty hurt. “Despite the investigation, you couldn’t find a place in your heart to put me first?”
His silence said everything.
Outrage spent, only sadness filled her now.
“I’ve come to care about you, Serena,” Logan said in a steady tone. “Despite the past, the secrets and the way we met.”
She loved him, but even in his declaration, she sensed hesitation. As if he wasn’t truly convinced they could make a go of a relationship. And deep down, she agreed. The trust they needed to make a relationship work was too much to ask in this situation. Made the future uncertain.
If he truly cared for her, she wanted a relationship without reservations.
“Can you see a future together?” she asked.
“Right now, I don’t know.”
Seemed they were both finally on the same page. The truth was too much to overcome and that broke her heart.
In the end, all the things she’d tried to control, the secrets and the stories she’d told to cover her shame, hoping for a positive future, were all for naught. She’d never have Logan or a family. From this point on she’d be living down the aftermath of her secrets. Alone. Just as she’d been before she met Logan.
“Then I don’t think there’s anything left to say,” she told him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SUNDAY MORNING DAWNED gloomy and cold, a perfect reflection of Serena’s mood. She dressed to go for a run, but when she stepped outside, a light drizzle greeted her. She turned around, went back inside and changed into a baggy sweatshirt and flannel pajama bottoms. After making a pot of coffee, she nestled under a soft blanket, sipping the warm brew that did little to warm her insides.
Last night, after she realized there were no words to bridge the impasse between her and Logan, Serena had retreated to her bedroom. Carrie knocked once to check on her, but Serena didn’t have the energy to face her friend. Not after the maelstrom of tears that had physically drained her. She had stayed in her bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing she and Logan could have come to some sort of middle ground. A place to start the healing process. But she’d walked away and he hadn’t stopped her.
So much for love.
Now, after distancing herself from Logan, she understood why her father had spent days on end mired in a fog of depression after her mom passed away. Loss, whatever kind, was hard to work through.
But she would get through this. Had no choice, really. Not with a business to maintain. Whether it was located here in Golden or somewhere else, she wouldn’t lose Blue Ridge Cottage. It was all she had left.
Sighing, she blew on the steam rising from the mug. Though she and Logan were over, there were still people in her life whom she needed to explain herself to. Reaching over, she picked up her cell phone from the table and texted Heidi. Once Serena had her two friends in the same room, she’d tell them what had gone on the past few days. Str7ike that—for most of her life. Fresh tears burned her eyes. She hoped her friends wouldn’t abandon her. She didn’t know how much more pain she could take.
Thirty minutes later Carrie emerged from her room, feet dragging as she made a straight shot to the coffee maker. She filled a mug then flopped down in the armchair. Her blond hair stuck out at crazy angles, and her eyelids were drooping.
“What’re you doing up so early?” Serena asked.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Carrie mumbled, sending Serena a pointed look over the rim of the mug. “You?”
“Didn’t sleep.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on?”
“As soon as Heidi gets here.”
Carrie sat up, no longer bleary-eyed. She opened her mouth but Serena stopped her.
“I can’t do this twice.”
Carrie nodded and settled back to wait.
Soon after, a knock sounded. Carrie jumped up to answer the door, then dragged Heidi inside.
“Hold on,” Heidi ordered as they bypassed the coffee maker. “If I’m going to come over here at the crack of dawn on my day off, please let me have caffeine first.”
Carrie relented and turned her in the direction of the kitchen. Heidi removed her outerwear, filled a mug and, moments later, took a seat on the opposite side of the couch from Serena. She ditched her shoes and pulled up her feet, grabbing the end of the blanket to cover her legs.
“It’s cold out this morning.”
“It’s even colder in here,” Carrie muttered, taking another sip.
Heidi glanced at Carrie, then back to Serena. “Something is going on.”
“Now you can start,” Carrie said. “From the beginning.”
Gathering her scattered thoughts, Serena started talking. From her mother’s death, to her father’s con jobs, to the day she decided to pay his victims back. Why she created Blue Ridge Cottage and Aunt Mary. At Carrie’s frown, she kept going, explaining why their friendships were so very dear to her. She took a bracing breath and told them about her father and Jasmine, her future brothers and the fact that Logan was a PI who had been hired to obtain information on her father—through her.
Heidi sat silent and wide-eyed. Carrie put down her mug and came to Serena’s side, not so gently shoving her over so she could snuggle beside her. A long silence, which was a bit comforting, if Serena was honest, settled over them.
“You’ve been carrying around a lot,” Carrie finally said.
“Sheesh. I thought my childhood was bad,” Heidi said. “You might possibly have me beat.”
“I was afraid you’d both walk out the door when I told you the entire story.”
Carrie laid her head on Serena’s shoulder. “Are you kidding? You need us right now.”
“But I lied to you.”
“Yes, and I’ll have to process all that later, but after hearing your story, I can see why. You were worried about your dad. How all the things you’d done would come back to you one day.”
“It’s not an excuse.”
Heidi shrugged. “No, but it makes sense. Why you didn’t want your picture on any branding materials. Why you were always so close-lipped about your past. And your finances. Don’t think I forgot about that.”
“My dad is making it right,” Serena told them.
“Good.” Carrie sat up. Met Serena’s gaze. “I knew you weren’t exactly up-front in college. You were a good friend and I o
verlooked some of the warning signs.”
“Warning signs?”
Carrie held out her hands. “How you’d get all weird if your father called and I asked questions. You wouldn’t tell me about where you used to live or what your family was like.” She shrugged. “We all have family issues, so I didn’t mind because you were the best friend anyone could ask for.”
Serena’s eyes grew hot again, and before she knew it, warm tears rolled down her cheeks.
“You’re not very good at hiding your emotions,” Heidi added, “but I’m with Carrie. You are a good friend.”
“So you aren’t going to disown me?” Serena swiped at the tear trail. “Walk away? Because that’s what I deserve.”
Carrie’s hand covered her heart. “Why would you think that?”
“Because I kept so much from you both.” She folded in on herself, crossing her arms over her stomach. “I’m ashamed.”
The cushions moved as Heidi shifted her weight. “I don’t talk about my past. Ever,” she said. “I understand your motivation behind keeping quiet. Secrets are not ideal, but sometimes necessary.” She rested her elbows on the armrest behind her. “And to be honest, I’m a little peeved that you’d think we’d desert you because you made a mistake.”
“She’s right,” Carrie said. “You had so much you were worried about, but you took me in when I showed up without calling first.”
“And you gave me a job at the store while I build up my accounting business,” Heidi added. “You have a generous heart.”
“What about the rest of Golden? Will they feel the same way?” Serena sniffed.
“Who cares what they think,” Heidi scoffed.
“I do.”
Carrie hugged her again. “Look, I’m sure they’ll find out. So you weather the storm, with us, and life goes on.”
“It’s not like everyone in town hasn’t made a mistake a time or two,” Heidi said.
“But they all believe Aunt Mary’s story,” Serena said. “Maybe they’ll boycott Blue Ridge Cottage.”
“I keep trying to tell you Aunt Mary is just a part of the brand,” Carrie said. “I’ll begin a new campaign, featuring more of you, starting on Monday.”