by Deborah Carr
Aunt Muriel is missing Lieutenant Wilson because he’s been sent away for some sort of training exercise. I’m longing for some of the chocolate and fruit he brings us. He brought two oranges the other day and a tin of strawberry jam, at least I think it was strawberry. He does spoil us but says it’s because we’re his British gals. He brings Aunt Muriel lipstick and stockings, which makes her very happy.
I hope he survives the war because he’s a really kind man and very funny. I know that Aunt Muriel likes him very much and I tease her that she loves him. She says I’m not to say such things but her face goes red when I do and I can tell she loves him very much. I think she’s scared he’ll be sent back to Canada, or worse, somewhere in Europe, where the fighting is, and she won’t ever see him again. I hope that doesn’t happen. Imagine if she married? I could go and stay with them in Canada, once I’ve been home to see you and Gran first of course.
I asked Aunt Muriel if she would like to go and live there but she said we’re not to make plans because there’s a lot that can happen during war time, isn’t there?
Twenty-Eight
Estelle
October 1941
Estelle paced in the kitchen. Hans had told her he would be popping in with Oberleutnant Kurt Fischer to introduce him to her and her grandmother. She prayed silently that her instincts were wrong and that this would be an entirely different officer to the one she dreaded seeing again. The thought of him knowing where she lived had terrified her since that day he had been in the car collecting Hans. She had been waiting for him to turn up again but never imagined it would be to share the same house and bathroom with her. She hoped that she was wrong.
Estelle turned to leave the kitchen to go to the bathroom when she heard the sound of a car engine drawing up outside in the yard. No time now, she thought nervously.
‘Gran, they’re here. We’d better go outside to greet them.’ Get it over with, she thought, miserably.
She heard her grandmother’s bedroom door close and then her footsteps coming slowly down the stairs. ‘Right, my love, let’s go and see what this new officer is like, then.’ She widened her eyes at Estelle and grimaced. ‘I hope he’s as pleasant to live with as Hans, but I doubt we can be so lucky twice.’
Estelle refrained from answering and opened the back door for her grandmother before following her outside. They arrived in time to see Hans step out of the car. He gave them a brief smile before Estelle turned her attention to the driver as he walked around to the other side and opened the door for the other officer who obviously expected to be waited on. This didn’t bode well. She could barely breathe as she waited to see if her worst fears were right.
The person inside stepped out and straightened up. He looked around the yard with his back to them and then turned slowly. His eyes rested on her and Estelle felt as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. He walked over to them, a grin on his face, and, standing in front of her grandmother, clicked his heels together and gave a curt nod.
‘Frau Wood, Fräulein Le Maistre.’
Hans walked up to his side. ‘This is Herr Fischer. He is the officer being billeted with you until my return.’
Another nod from the man who had occupied many of Estelle’s thoughts since they had first met. She knew instinctively that he had arranged his stay with them. She felt sick but, hearing her grandmother welcoming him, forced herself to put on a dignified act of welcome.
‘We meet again, Fräulein Le Maistre.’
He said it in such a friendly way that for a second Estelle wondered if she had been over-sensitive about his attentiveness to her and her efforts to attempt to avoid him.
‘You know each other?’ Hans gave Estelle a questioning look, which she ignored.
‘Estelle will show you up to your room,’ her grandmother said, oblivious to any atmosphere. ‘We decided to give you my youngest granddaughter’s room for now, Herr Fischer.’
The driver removing cases from the trunk of the car brought them over, standing silently behind the two officers.
‘Please, do not trouble yourself, Miss Le Maistre,’ Hans said. ‘I need to fetch something from my room and will show Herr Fischer where he is to sleep.’ Without waiting for a reply, Hans turned to the driver and motioned for him to follow them up the stairs.
Estelle and her grandmother stepped back to allow them to pass and watched silently as the three uniformed men walked through their kitchen, into the hall and disappeared up the stairs.
‘Your father will be turning in his grave to know those three are inside his beloved farmhouse.’
Estelle agreed. If nothing else, she was relieved her father wasn’t around to witness this situation. Now that revolting Oberleutnant was moving in, she was also relieved her little sister wasn’t having to share the house with him. There was something about him that made Estelle’s skin crawl and she hoped he would find another billet to move into. Preferably sooner, rather than later.
Unable to bear being under the same roof as him, Estelle said, ‘I’d better go and check the chickens’ water.’
Her grandmother gave her a knowing look. ‘How did you meet the Oberleutnant, Estelle?’ she asked. Estelle told her about running into him on the Parade and how she’d tried to avoid him since then but had felt his eyes on her at other occasions in town. Her grandmother stared at her thoughtfully. ‘He doesn’t look like the sort of man who would take kindly to being rebuffed.’
Was her grandmother giving her a warning? Estelle wondered, reminded of Hans’ words. She opened her mouth to reply.
‘Hush, hush.’ Her grandmother reached up and stroked Estelle’s hair. ‘I only mean that I think he’s someone you need to watch out for, nothing more.’
‘I agree and I can reassure you, I’ll do my best to keep out of his way.’
‘You’re a good, sensible girl. I know you’ll do your best. Now, run along then,’ her grandmother said, interrupting her thoughts.
As she made her way across to the barn, Estelle couldn’t shift the horror she felt having the devil moving into their home. ‘We should feel safe here,’ she mumbled to herself. ‘It’s our home. Maybe he’s not all that bad. It’s not as if I’ve even given the poor man a chance yet.’
‘Make sure that you don’t.’
Estelle gasped hearing Hans’s deep voice behind her. ‘I didn’t know you were here,’ she admitted. ‘I apologise. I shouldn’t speak badly of the Oberleutnant.’
Hans glanced over his shoulder and then taking her hand, pulled her deeper into the barn, checking once again that they hadn’t been followed. ‘Estelle,’ he said, his voice low, ‘you are right not to trust him.’ He shook his head and she could see he was battling with his conscience. ‘I should not speak ill of one of my own, but I do not wish to lie to you.’ He hesitated. ‘To me, we are all equal.’
She believed he meant what he said, but couldn’t hold back from replying, ‘Yes, but some of us are more equal than others. Isn’t that the case?’
He frowned. ‘It is, I suppose, true.’ They stared at each other. ‘Please listen to me when I say that you must take care not to upset him.’ He seemed to struggle to find the right words. ‘Or you have to be careful not to give him the wrong idea.’
She was incensed. ‘What? How could you even think that I would do such a thing. I am engaged. Have I ever given you the wrong idea?’
He clamped his hand over her mouth. ‘Shush. He must not hear me speaking to you.’ He removed his hand and put his finger up to his mouth. ‘We must be very careful. I would not usually take it upon myself to interfere, I have no right to do such a thing. However, in this case, I worry for you and I wish to warn you to be careful.’ Estelle thought about what he was trying to say and appreciated him taking the time to do so. ‘Estelle, I am making a clumsy attempt to do this, but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.’
She did but his words unsettled her even more than before. She nodded, hoping to reassure him. ‘Thank you. I believe I know w
hat you mean and will do my best to stay clear of him whenever possible.’
‘That is good. I will instruct him and remind him to act as a gentleman at all times. However, you do not have any close neighbours and I will be away for several weeks and will be unable to watch out for you.’
She smiled at his concern. ‘I’m sure Gran and I will be fine. You should forget about everyone here and enjoy seeing your family again. You must be looking forward to it.’
He nodded. ‘I am. Although I am worried about what I will find. I haven’t been back home for nearly two years now and much will have changed.’
‘Not too much, I hope.’
‘We shall see.’ He glanced at the barn door. ‘I must go before he misses me and comes looking. It would not do for him to find me in here with you. He would imagine all the wrong things.’ He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Please be careful.’ He let go of her hand and gave her one last smile and left.
Estelle watched his retreating back. He tried his hardest to be good and kind to them and she was grateful that up until now their experience of the enemy close up, in their home at least, had been one of politeness. She closed her eyes to squeeze the tears away and finally let herself admit that she would miss him.
The following day Hans’s departure seemed to come by only too quickly. It helped when he gave her and her grandmother a smile as he and Herr Fischer got into the vehicle to be driven away.
‘At least he’s taken that other one with him,’ Gran said as the car turned out of the drive and on to the lane.
Estelle sighed. ‘Yes, it is a bit of a relief to see the back of him, even if he will be back later.’ She hugged her gran. ‘I’ll go and strip Hans’s bed and clean his room.’
Estelle took a duster from the cupboard underneath the sink and went upstairs to his recently vacated bedroom, opening the door slowly. She hadn’t been in here since the day he moved in as he had always insisted on stripping his own bed and recalled how she resented him for coming to stay in her father’s bedroom. It had upset her to show him up to her father’s room on that first day but now she felt his absence acutely and wished Hans was back with them again. What would her father think of how she felt now? She pushed the thought away, not wishing to dwell on it. Estelle stood in the doorway and breathed in. It still smelt of Hans somehow. The smell was a mixture of the pomade he used in his hair, the polish on his boots and the leather holster and belt but also the smell of the books he always seemed to be reading.
The window was open and the bed made although he must have known she would come up and strip it and take his bed linen and towels downstairs to be washed.
A breeze from the open window brushed against her face and Estelle’s eyes were drawn to the table underneath the bedroom window which Hans used as a desk and she noticed a tall glass he must have taken from the kitchen for the water he brought up to bed with him. In it was a pink Jersey Lily and underneath she spotted a folded piece of paper.
Was it for her? Estelle stared in amazement at the solitary flower in front of her before reaching down and carefully sliding the folded paper from underneath the glass. She unfolded it slowly, nervous in case anyone caught her.
Estelle, I recently came across a flower like this one and was told it was a Jersey Lily. You are like the Jersey Lily, strong and beautiful. Please accept this as a small token of thanks for all your kindness and especially your friendship. I will be thinking of you while I am away. Please know that I will return.
* * *
Until then, take care, Hans
Estelle re-read the note several times. She closed the bedroom door and sat on the bed, staring at the flower. It was such a lovely gesture and although it made her want to cry, it also reassured her that Hans would return. But why did she even want him to return?
She spotted her grandmother going outside to cut a few herbs. She glanced up at the window.
‘Do you need any help up there, Estelle?’
She shook her head and smiled. ‘No thanks, I’m almost done.’ She picked up the glass with the flower inside it and took it to her bedroom, placing it on her windowsill. She could always say she had found the flower if her grandmother spotted it. As for the note, that would need to be hidden or destroyed. Estelle couldn’t bear to burn it, though, so she went to the framed photo of her father, Rosie and herself and unclipped the back. Removing the photo, she carefully placed the unfolded note between the picture and the cardboard backing before replacing the back on to the frame once more. There. It was hidden and only she would ever know it was there.
‘Can you come down yet?’ her grandmother called up to her. ‘I need you to help peel some of these spuds when you’re done stripping that bed?’
She tiptoed across the landing and back to his room. Stripping the bedclothes off the bed, she folded them roughly, then, grabbing the bath sheet, hand towel and flannel carried them back downstairs to the kitchen.
‘You took your time, my girl.’ Her grandmother shook her head. ‘Put them in the laundry basket in the washhouse, then come back in here and help me.’
‘Yes, Gran,’ Estelle said, grinning widely as she did as she was asked.
Twenty-Nine
Estelle
December 1941
It was looking like they were in for a miserable winter, Estelle decided, and not simply because it was already freezing cold and they were struggling to find a decent amount of food despite their rations being increased for Christmas and everyone receiving a small amount of real tea. If she had hoped that Herr Fischer might not be as bad as she dreaded, then she had been very wrong. He seemed to find fault in everything she did. It was as if his interest in her had changed from a leering fascination to one of irritation, or, Estelle wondered, feeling unnerved, was it one of frustration?
She had heard of one or two of the soldiers trying to force their attentions on to local girls, although for the most part they kept their distance and remained quite well-mannered. As some of them left the island for the Eastern Front, other less-professional soldiers seemed to be being brought in to replace them. Or at least that’s how it seemed. Maybe they had simply given up trying. Whatever it was, the atmosphere on the island seemed even darker and more frightening than it had been the previous summer. It didn’t help that the officer living upstairs in the bedroom above hers was one of the least pleasant men she had ever met.
Estelle felt sure that if she and her gran could cope with the situation they now found themselves living in then they could cope with anything. She had received a letter from Gerard and he seemed well but she knew he would want her not to worry about him so it was difficult to tell how he was exactly. The thought frustrated her. She would rather know more than the vague niceties he gave her, at least then she would get a better sense of what he was facing.
She hadn’t heard from Hans, but then she hadn’t expected to. It was inappropriate for him to write to her and the last thing she wanted was to draw any unsavoury gossip or even stoke the embers of whatever it was she was already feeling. Life on the island was hard enough.
Estelle was washing some of the tools at the water pump near the shed when the hairs on her arms stood up on end and she realised someone was watching her. She tried to focus on what she was doing and not give in to the temptation to look behind her to check. Unable to stand it a second longer, she snapped her head round but no one was there. For a second, she thought she must have imagined it and then she looked up to Rosie’s bedroom window and saw him staring at her, a grotesque smile on his thin face.
An hour later she watched, Oberleutnant Fischer be driven away. He was immaculate, as ever. She presumed he was going out for dinner but unlike she had used to do with Hans, she didn’t bother to ask. That night, while Herr Fischer was out, Estelle took the opportunity of setting up her crystal set in her bedroom. It was the first time in several weeks she had dared to do so and she was itching to hear news from outside the island. She always felt comforted by
the broadcaster’s clipped British voice saying, ‘This is London calling’ but then had to pay attention to the news, which was mostly upsetting at the moment.
She listened intently as he reported on the Red Army’s counteroffensive in Russia and ended with the announcement that Pearl Harbor in Hawaii had been bombed. She had no idea where that was and felt for the families as well as the men in their thousands who had been killed or badly injured. The war was spreading around the world, destroying everything and everyone in its path. When would it end?
The following morning, Estelle woke and yawned, her breath frozen as she breathed out. She hadn’t heard Herr Fischer return the previous night and realised he must still be out. He had probably spent the night in one of the brothels that had been established, she thought, with revulsion. The Germans had brought women over from the Continent to keep their soldiers occupied. How much of a choice had it been for the poor women to be brought here to service these men? Though when Antoinette had pointed a couple out in town, Estelle couldn’t help but think how impossibly glamorous they looked. She shuddered at thought of what they had to do.
It was a relief to get out of bed and know she wouldn’t have to find ways to avoid him that morning. Mornings were the worst when she suspected him on occasion of waiting for her to leave her room to use the bathroom. He would then come out of his room and act surprised to find her there, his amusement obvious at her discomfort in speaking to him while wearing her dressing gown. Sometimes she was even sure she could hear him breathing on the other side of the bathroom door when she was washing before he continued on his way downstairs.