by Deborah Carr
‘Sorry, Gran. Shall I take those from you?’
Her grandmother shook her head. ‘No, just follow with whatever you can find for him to eat and bring a mug and a jug of water with you.’ She stepped outside, before coming back in immediately after. ‘I thought we should give him your dad’s jacket, cap and boots. What do you think?’
Estelle couldn’t think of a better person to hand them over to. ‘Dad would be happy to think his clothes are helping someone so desperately in need of them.’
‘Good girl. I know how difficult it is for you to part with them.’ Her grandmother gave her a smile and patted her cheek. ‘Right, hurry now, before Hans returns.’
Estelle took a mug out of the cupboard and put it on the draining board. Then she grabbed a jug and filled it three quarters of the way to the top. Then, taking one of her grandmother’s smaller baskets, filled it with two carrots, an apple, and a bowl of potato, pea and beetroot soup. It was cold now but it tasted good. At least it was healthy, and looking at the skeletal man in the barn, he needed all the nutrients she could find. They had a little stale bread that he could dip into the soup, so Estelle popped that into the basket, too. She also grabbed a spoon from the cutlery drawer at the end of the pine kitchen table.
She took down her father’s jacket, his cap still firmly folded into the pocket. She lifted it to her face and breathed in, hoping it still retained some of his smell. It did, but only very slightly. This would be the last time she saw it but knew her father would approve of her giving it to help someone. She slung the coat over her left shoulder and bent to retrieve the boots, then ran outside to the barn.
Her grandmother was helping the man, with a little difficulty. ‘Here, you go,’ Estelle said, taking everything she had over to them.
He looked at her with tears in his eyes.
‘I think his name is Ivan,’ her grandmother said. ‘He’s freezing so go and fetch a couple of blankets from the back of the linen cupboard. Hurry now. I don’t think we have very long.’
Ten minutes later, with Ivan settled comfortably for the night, they returned to the house. It had been hard to leave the poor man there, in such a state, when they could come back to their farmhouse and beds. But they had done what they could and he was now in a better position than he was before.
They were sitting in the kitchen, in silence, each nursing a cup of mixed tea, both lost in their own thoughts, when her grandmother gasped and raised her hand to her chest.
‘Look.’ She pointed to the bare hook on the back door where Estelle’s father’s coat had hung until a short while earlier. ‘We need to replace that with something else before Hans comes back. He’ll definitely notice it missing.’
She was right. ‘I’ve mentioned it was Daddy’s to him, last winter,’ Estelle recalled. ‘He knows it means a lot to me and that we just wouldn’t give it away.’
Her grandmother gave it some thought and then raised her right forefinger with a smile. ‘Your father’s suit. We’ll bring down the jacket from that and hang it up. Bring an old scarf, too, we can try and mask it a bit.’
Estelle did as her grandmother asked. As she rifled through her father’s clothes, which she had put away into an old trunk, she felt enormous relief that Ivan had come to the farm for their help after Herr Fischer’s departure. She shuddered to think how brutal he might have been to the unfortunate man if he’d found him in the barn. She grabbed the suit jacket and went to her room to find an old scarf of hers just as she heard the sound of a car coming up the driveway.
‘Estelle, hurry up.’
She could hear the fear in her grandmother’s voice and ran as fast as she could down the stairs, tripping up on the final step and only just managing to save herself from falling by dropping the jacket and grabbing hold of the newel at the bottom of the handrail. She quickly bent to grab the jacket and hurried into the kitchen, only just managing to hang it – and the scarf – up before she heard Hans bidding his driver good night.
‘Quick, sit down.’ Gran waved frantically for Estelle to take a seat.
She pulled out her chair and her bottom landed on the wooden seat as the door handle turned and Hans walked in.
‘Good evening, Frau Woods, Estelle.’ He gave Estelle a strange look and she could feel her face reddening.
She would make a lousy spy, Estelle realised, hoping that Hans might think her pink cheeks were to do with seeing him again. It wasn’t what she would normally want, but it was preferable to him suspecting anything was amiss at the farm. ‘Did you have a good evening?’ she asked, hoping to distract him.
‘I did. Thank you. And you both, the same?’
‘Yes,’ her grandmother said. ‘It’s been quite a day. It’s far too cold, though, don’t you think?’
He agreed and began speaking about harsh winters at his parent’s farm as he removed his cap and jacket.
Estelle noticed her grandmother’s eyes widen. It was only slightly but enough for Estelle to note that something was amiss. Her gran nodded at something Hans said and stood up. She picked up Estelle’s cup, which was still half full, and her own and carried them over to the sink. Estelle smiled at Hans and pretended to be listening to him. As he placed his cap on the table, she glanced over towards the sink and spotted the mug she’d meant to take out to Ivan. At that moment, Hans stopped talking and noticed it, too.
‘Ah, you have had company today. One of your friends came for your tea, I think?’
There was nothing accusatory in his tone, but Estelle’s heart pounded so heavily that she worried he might hear it.
Both hesitated. Then Estelle replied, ‘No,’ at exactly the same time as her grandmother said, ‘Yes.’
Hans frowned before raising his eyebrows in amusement. ‘You did have a friend, or you didn’t have a friend? I am confused.’
Estelle glanced at her grandmother, not wishing to make matters worse. Then, seeing that her grandmother was unsure what to say, she laughed, hoping it didn’t sound to forced, and said, ‘One of my Dad’s old friends popped round briefly and we had a cup of our disgusting tea together. So I suppose it was a friend, while not being one of our friends.’ She laughed again, willing him to believe her.
Hans looked from Estelle to her grandmother and shrugged. ‘I think I might have had one too many glasses of wine tonight. I am happy that you have had a good day.’ He picked up his cap. ‘I shall bid you both a good night.’
Estelle noticed his line of vision resting on her dad’s suit jacket. He stared at it for a while and then looked down at the space on the floor where the boots used to sit. ‘You decided to part with your father’s belongings, after all?’
His gaze seemed so penetrating that Estelle had to hold her nerve and not show how terrified she was at that moment. ‘Yes,’ she said, as calmly as she could manage, ‘we discussed it and decided that it was about time.’
‘The man who visited us today needed the coat to replace his old one,’ her grandmother said. ‘We thought Estelle’s father would be happy to know that his things had been passed on to a friend of his who needed them.’
Estelle was impressed with her grandmother’s quick thinking. She noticed Hans’s expression as he thought it through. ‘A good idea. It is nice to hear that people stick together and look after their friends when they need them.’
They mumbled their agreement. Estelle didn’t know how much more her nerves could stand but focused on acting calm despite her pulse racing.
‘The jacket is for another friend, if they come?’
Estelle nodded. Did he suspect that they were trying to fool him? She just wanted him to hurry up and leave them in peace. ‘If it’s hanging there, it will remind us that we have it,’ she said, aware she probably sounded a little confused, but not knowing what else to say in reply to his question.
Hans glanced at the jacket. ‘It is a shame you do not have more boots.’ He walked over to the kitchen door. ‘Gute nacht.’
Estelle didn’t like to think that his
reverting back to German might be a reminder to them not to forget why he was on the island. Did he suspect them of something? She hoped not but she couldn’t be sure. His expression was inscrutable.
‘Good night,’ they said in unison as he left the room. Waiting until they heard his bedroom door close and his footsteps on the wooden floorboards overhead, they both sighed with relief.
‘That was close,’ Estelle whispered feeling, exhausted suddenly. ‘What shall we do about—’ She indicated the barn and waited for her grandmother to respond.
‘We look after him for as long as we need to and hope for the best we don’t get caught.’
Thirty-Four
Estelle
After a restless night full of nightmares about Ivan being discovered, Estelle woke to another freezing cold day. She set about her chores making sure to go into the barn as usual but not speaking to Ivan or even looking in the direction of his hideaway until she was certain Hans had left for the day. Once he had gone, she left it another half an hour in case he returned to the farm for any reason before checking on their secret guest.
She decided to take Rebel out with her to see Ivan this time. He needed to meet Ivan and know he wasn’t someone to bark at, just in case he picked up his scent when Hans was around. She felt anxious about introducing Rebel to him having seen how vicious the OT guard dogs were but hoped Ivan would trust her enough not to be unduly frightened. Estelle took some bread wrapped in a napkin and a mug of their carrot tea with her.
‘Heel, Rebel,’ she said firmly as they entered the barn. ‘Stay here.’ She left Rebel sitting obediently by the barn door and walked up slowly to where Ivan was hiding. She placed the mug and bread on to one of the hay bales. ‘It’s me, Ivan. Estelle. I’ve brought my dog with me,’ she said, aware he probably didn’t understand her, but hoped that maybe he recognised the word. When Ivan didn’t come out of his hiding place, she went back to Rebel and took hold of his collar. ‘He won’t hurt you, I promise.’ She kept her tone as gentle as possible hoping it would help Ivan to trust her.
She was about to think he had left, or, she thought with rising panic, maybe died during the night, when she heard movement behind the hay bales. Slowly, Ivan’s head appeared. His eyes widened in horror to see Rebel, but she stroked the dog’s head and held her other hand up to Ivan. ‘Please, don’t worry. Then she bent down and hugged her fluffy pet, to show that he was a gentle dog.
Ivan’s face relaxed and, seeing the mug and napkin, sat back, seeming now not to be too afraid.
She pointed to the carrot tea and bread and nodded to indicate he should take them. When he did and she was sure he seemed calm enough in Rebel’s company, she slowly let go of the dog’s collar.
‘You slept well?’ she asked by enacting her words. Ivan nodded. He already looked a little better after a wash and some food and she was relieved to see him looking warmer, too.
He nodded and appeared to smile, but his face was so drawn that it ended up being more of a grimace.
Estelle noticed a bad scar on his top lip that went up to his cheek and that he had several teeth missing. The scar didn’t look very old because it was still pink and she assumed it must have been caused by one of the vicious OT guards. Estelle’s heart went out to this man who she assumed had lived a normal life before this war began and he was brought here. Did he have a family who wondered where he might be? She wasn’t even sure how old he could be because it was difficult to tell. She had been concerned at seeing someone else wearing her father’s clothes, especially his cap and jacket expecting the sight to bring back memories. But looking at Ivan now, she knew there was no resemblance to her healthy, tanned father’s face and this painfully thin man who had been so appallingly treated.
She called Rebel to walk slowly next to her as she went towards Ivan. The man watched her dog but didn’t seem unduly alarmed so she didn’t stop. When she reached where he was sitting on one of the hay bales she waited for Rebel to sniff the air. He stared at Ivan and then wagged his tail. Estelle smiled when Ivan moved slightly forward, reached out and Rebel walked towards him until Ivan’s hand could touch his furry neck. She wasn’t sure if it was Rebel’s gentleness or Ivan’s trust in her and the dog, but she could see that he was a man who loved dogs and the affection from Rebel meant a lot to him.
‘I’ll take this inside,’ she said lifting the jug and the bowl of dirty water. ‘I’ll freshen this up for you and bring you back something more to eat and drink. Rebel, come.’
As Estelle walked across the yard, she tipped the dirty water down the drain and returned to the house, relieved that although Ivan might not understand what she was saying he appeared to trust her. What choice did he have? she thought miserably. At least he now knew that Rebel wouldn’t hurt him.
Her grandmother came into the kitchen just as Estelle closed the back door.
‘How is he this morning?’
‘Much better, I think,’ Estelle was relieved to report. There was one moment during the night when she had worried that he might not last until morning he had appeared so ill and drained of most of his energy. ‘I was wondering if I could give him our egg this morning?’
Her grandmother stroked Estelle’s hair. ‘I was going to suggest the very same thing. I can’t imagine how long it must be since Ivan has tasted one. It will do him good.’
She took the egg with a tiny bit of their precious salt out to Ivan, together with another mug of tea. He took them from her and stared at the food before looking up at her with anguish in his dark eyes. Estelle wasn’t sure if she had offended him and opened her mouth to offer him something else when she noticed tears running down his face. She had to swallow hard to stop herself from crying with him. Estelle cleared her throat and rested a hand on Ivan’s bony shoulder.
‘You eat this. I’ll bring you some fresh water and new cloths so that you can wash. I’ll leave you to eat now.’
He gave her one of his smiles and she smiled back before leaving the barn and Ivan in peace with his breakfast. As soon as Estelle was outside, she closed the barn door and walked a few steps to rest back against the wall of the barn, to gather herself before going back to see her grandmother in the kitchen. How could human beings treat others so wickedly, she thought, recalling the brutality of the OT guards she had seen in town and state of poor Ivan’s body? How could anyone glean satisfaction out of making others feel such fear?
Apart from taking Ivan the fresh water and collecting his dirty plate and cutlery, Estelle left him alone to rest. Who knew what would happen to him next? She hoped that he would at least have time enough to recover some of his strength and maybe a little weight before having to move on. She wished she could invite him into the house to sleep on a proper bed. It was far too cold to sleep outside, but at least the barn was solid and weather-proof and, she guessed, far better than living in the manner he had been forced to do up until now.
That afternoon, as Estelle was outside working in the yard, she heard Rebel growl quietly and realised that a car was coming down the drive. She peered around the barn and the basket of vegetables she had been holding slipped out of her hand at the familiar sight of a Nazi vehicle drawing up to the back of the house. Hans never usually came back at this time of day. She hurriedly crouched down to collect all her vegetables and glanced at the barn desperate to warn Ivan to hide but there was no time unless she wanted to risk alerting whoever was here that someone was inside the barn. She wished she could call for her grandmother and hoped that both Ivan and her gran had heard the vehicle too.
Estelle scrambled around in the icy mud, trying to retrieve her vegetables and, hearing footsteps looked up to see Hans striding towards her. She opened her mouth to speak when he reached down and picked up a beetroot and a cauliflower that she hadn’t noticed rolling down the slope towards the yard.
‘Everything is all right?’ he asked placing them into her basket and not seeming to mind that his leather gloves were now filthy. ‘You dropped your basket.’
Hans reached out his hand to help her to her feet. ‘Yes, your hands are very cold. You must be careful not to get…’ he thought for a bit. ‘No, I do not know the word in English.’
‘Chilblains, maybe?’
He shrugged. ‘Maybe.’ Rebel came up to him and nudged his leg for some attention. ‘Hello, boy,’ Hans said, making a fuss of him.
‘You’re back early today, aren’t you?’ She prayed silently that he wasn’t here because of Ivan.
His face fell. ‘I am here because an OT prisoner has gone missing. Two, in fact. We need to find them.’ His eyes filled with sadness. ‘I know that you do not like what I have to do for my country, Estelle, but I must obey orders and help look for these men.’
She thought back to the execution of François Scornet, the young French lad, the previous year. ‘No. It can be hard to imagine someone like you doing things like that,’ she said quietly. ‘Shall we go inside? I know I could do with one of Gran’s strange teas.’
‘Yes, but let me carry your basket. It looks very heavy.’
Estelle was perfectly capable of carrying the basket, but happy to allow him to be distracted, so handed it to him without argument.
As they walked down to the yard, she saw that the driver was standing by the car, waiting for orders. She didn’t need him waiting outside or even worse going into the barn for some warmth.
‘Is your driver waiting for you?’
‘He is. I am collecting a coat because it is very cold, as you are aware today. I’ll tell him to wait in the car.’
‘No.’ She hadn’t meant to snap at him and, when he seemed surprised by her reaction, she quickly added, ‘Why don’t you invite the poor man inside. I’m sure he could do with some warm tea, too. It’s only carrot but it’s not nearly as bad as the parsnip coffee Gran sometimes makes.’ She grimaced. ‘Even if it does taste a little odd.’