by Erin Rylie
“Melanin, baby,” Kelsey corrected. “And Daddy has to go to his house tonight. You’ll get to see him again on Saturday.”
James’s face fell and he picked quietly at the stuffed animal’s ears. “I want Daddy to stay at this house though.”
Kelsey felt tears pooling in her eyes and fought to keep them from falling. “We talked about this, baby, remember? Daddy and Mommy have separate houses now. You know what that means, though?”
James shook his head silently. “It means that you are extra special. You get two rooms and two toy boxes. Only very special boys get two of everything.”
“I only want one room.” Kelsey’s heart lurched in her chest when James started to tear up, and she pulled him into her arms, looking up at Kyle. He looked equally heartbroken. They’d been dealing with the divorce as best they could, explaining to James repeatedly that they lived separately but still loved him so much, but three-year-olds didn’t understand breakups. When they’d first separated, he’d liked having two houses and had mentioned that it was like being on an adventure, but now it seemed like they were having this conversation every time Kyle dropped him off.
“Guess what we’re doing tonight, buddy?” she asked James, pulling his little body more tightly into her arms. He mumbled into her shoulder, his tiny hands clutching her shirt. She could feel his tears hitting the cloth of her top and couldn’t bear it. “We’re going to visit Miss Sophie and Ella. You want to see Ella, don’t you?”
James didn’t pull away, but she felt his nod against her shoulder. “Go put your giraffe in your room and we can leave, okay?”
He nodded again and began to move out of her arms. Before he walked away, she brushed her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away his tears. Kelsey dug her fingers into his side lightly and kissed his face all over, loudly smacking her lips. He giggled and squirmed away.
“Mommy, stop!” He ran over to Kyle, who crouched down to pull his son into a tight hug. “Love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too. I’ll see you Saturday, okay? How about we go bowling?”
“Bowling!” James exclaimed before scooping up his giraffe and running to his room to put it away.
Kyle stood and shook his head. “That shit never gets easier. He heard someone mention at the zoo that most penguins stay with one mate for life and asked me why you and I weren’t like penguins. I remembered what you said about emperor penguins being serially monogamous and tried to explain it, but it didn’t come out right. I got some pretty dirty looks from one of the older ladies walking by.”
Kelsey laughed, “Yeah, our son is too smart for us to keep up with apparently. I swear, that little boy misses nothing. Do you think we should consider taking him to a child therapist? He seems okay most of the time, but I don’t want our divorce to have any lasting impact on him.”
“I don’t think he needs it just yet. I’ve read a couple of books on handling divorce with small children and he seems to be acting fairly normal, considering. We just need to keep up a united front. I think parents really mess up when they talk shit about each other to their kids, or put their kids in the middle. You and I don’t have that problem.”
Kelsey made a face. “No, we don’t. We had a rough couple of months, but I’m glad that we both put James first.”
“Me too, Kels. All right, I have to go. Thanks for letting me take him today. I’ve been wanting to go to the zoo with him for a while, so it was nice to take a personal day from work to be with him.”
She smiled at her ex-husband, grateful for the ease with which they managed their custody. “I’m glad you had a good day. I’ll bring him over once he wakes up on Saturday morning.”
Kyle leaned in to give her a quick hug before leaving. Once he was gone and she heard the front door close behind him, she went down the hallway to James’s room. He was playing on the floor with his new giraffe, lining all of his animals up in front of the new toy as though they were the giraffe’s royal subjects. The look of concentration on his face warmed her heart. Her son was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
“You ready to go, James?”
“Can I show Ella my new toy?”
Kelsey laughed. She should’ve known that he’d want to take the massive stuffed toy with him. “As long as he buckles up in the car—safety first.”
“You’re silly, Mommy. He’s full of stuffing. He doesn’t need to be buckled!”
“Car rules, seatbelts for everyone.”
Her son heaved a heavy sigh and picked his stuffed animal back up. The giraffe was so huge it was almost comical. The thing was definitely taller than James, but he didn’t seem to mind in the least.
On their way to Sophie and Rafe’s house, Kelsey stopped at Starbucks to grab some coffee for her bestie. She remembered how exhausting having a newborn was and could only imagine how little sleep Sophie had gotten in the weeks since her daughter had been born.
When Sophie opened the door, Kelsey tried to hold back a laugh. Her usually immaculate friend was a mess. Her hair was in a haphazard bun, and it was obvious it hadn’t been washed in a few days. Her clothes were wrinkled and she looked exhausted. Kelsey also noticed that her friend had some baby poop on her forehead.
“Oh, you brought coffee! You are a goddess, Kelsey. A goddess.” Sophie snatched the cup out of Kelsey’s hand, chugging the hot drink.
James tugged at her hand. “Mommy, does Miss Sophie know she has poo on her head?”
Sophie looked down at James, startled. “Do I? Ugh, what does it say about me that I can’t even smell it? Rafe went back to work this week and doing this alone is impossible. Today is his day off, but he took Carlos to physical therapy and then wanted to take him to lunch to talk about something. I love my daughter, but if that man tries to get me pregnant again I will murder him. I don’t care that he’s a cop, I’ll do it.”
“Miss Sophie, I can smell the poop.”
Kelsey laughed, “You can always count on my son to be honest. Let me in, Soph. I’ll watch Ella while you go shower and change. James is right, you reek.”
Tears formed in Sophie’s eyes. “You are just the best friend in the whole world. What would I do without you?”
“Hormones hitting you hard today?”
Sophie wiped the tears from her face and nodded. “I’m gonna go shower.”
As her friend headed to the bathroom, James and Kelsey let themselves into the apartment. It was a hot mess, but Ella was content at least. She was laying on her back on a blanket, a mobile hanging above her head. Her little legs were bicycling away, and she was making the cutest happy baby noises.
“James, why don’t you go sit next to Ella and show her your toy? Remember, you can touch her, but no picking her up without me, okay?”
Her son nodded seriously and plopped down next to Ella, chattering away at her like they’d been friends for years. Kelsey listened to him tell the baby about his trip to the zoo and took another look around the apartment. This place really was a mess. She pulled the trash can from the apartment’s kitchen and began throwing away the protein bar wrappers and wet wipes that littered the coffee table. Then, she put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and grabbed a hamper from Rafe and Sophie’s room. There were baby clothes and burp rags everywhere, so she put them in the washing machine and started a load of laundry.
Twenty minutes later, the apartment was organized again when Sophie emerged from the bathroom, looking half human. Her friend gasped when she saw what Kelsey had done with the living room. “I repeat, you are a goddess.”
Kelsey bowed dramatically. “I do my best.”
“Now that I don’t smell like poop, can I get a hug from you, James?”
“Of course, Miss Sophie! Did you know that giraffes have extra melanin in their tongues so that they don’t get sunburned?”
Sophie smiled and pulled the three-year-old into her arms. “I didn’t know that. How are you already smarter than me?”
“I like watching shows about animals and stuff.�
�� He shrugged like it was no big deal. “Mommy says I can only watch Netflix when she’s with me though because one time I saw boobies. You and Mommy have boobies, but I don’t. Boys don’t have those; we have penises. Did you know that?”
Kelsey covered her face with her hands. Her son loved to learn, and when he’d asked her why boys didn’t have boobies after an incident with a documentary that she did not realize showed topless women, she had blurted out the first response she could think of.
Sophie somehow managed to hold in her laughter and responded to James in a surprisingly serious tone of voice. “You are too smart for your own good. Do you want to hold Ella? You have to be really careful if you do.”
James nodded vigorously. “I’m a big boy, I can do it.”
“I know you are! All right, come sit on the couch and lean up against the corner, I’m going to bring Ella over to you.”
James settled himself in the corner of the couch and Sophie showed him how to position his arms before bringing Ella over to him. She placed her daughter gently in James’s lap and sat down next to him, keeping her eyes on the children while addressing Kelsey.
“So, what’s new? How’s your roommate? He’s a boy, so he has a penis, right?”
James answered for Kelsey, “Carlos is the best, and he definitely doesn’t have boobs so he must have a penis.”
As Kelsey groaned, Sophie looked over and winked. “Soooo, how is he? Anything new?”
“Well,” she started slowly. “I still think he’s eating too much candy.” Candy was the term they’d agreed to use in front of James when discussing Carlos’s painkillers. Kelsey had confided in her best friend about her suspicions, needing to vent them to someone. Sophie had reminded her that Carlos’s injury was not only recent, but extremely painful. She was convinced Carlos was only taking extras when the pain was too much, something that didn’t indicate a problem, but maybe a need for a stronger prescription. “There was also an…encounter in the kitchen this morning.”
“Ohhh an encounter, huh?”
Kelsey tried to think of the best way to explain what had happened without thoroughly traumatizing her son. “Well, he came into the kitchen while I was cooking myself breakfast and helped me.”
Sophie looked confused for a minute before her eyes brightened and she finally caught on. “So, he helped you. With his hands?”
“Well, not exactly. He helped himself with those. He helped me in other ways.”
“You minx! Nothing happens for almost a year and now he’s getting you off in the kitchen?”
Kelsey coughed and looked pointedly at James. Her son was cradling Ella gently, touching her tiny fingers and toes. The sight almost made her want another child. James loved babies and had asked her on multiple occasions when he would get a little brother or sister. Shaking the thought from her mind, she returned to the conversation at hand.
“Anyway, after breakfast he told me that he and I were meant to be. He’s apparently determined to win me over.”
“And that’s a bad thing because…”
Kelsey shrugged. “I’m done dating. Marriage and the happily ever after just aren’t for me. I refuse to lead Carlos on.”
Her best friend scoffed. “That’s stupid and you know it. He’s a good guy, Kels. I also happen to know for a fact that he genuinely cares for you. If you really don’t think you can do relationships though, what’s the harm in having a little fun? Let him help you cook a few more times.”
Sophie wagged her eyebrows and made kissy faces to emphasize her point. “Have you been talking to Becky more?” Kelsey asked. “You’re sounding more and more like her these days. Always thinking with the wrong brain.”
“Hey, thinking with my lady bits got me a ring, a hot cop, and a gorgeous daughter. I’d say things turned out just fine for me. Seriously though, Kelsey. You deserve to be happy. I almost lost Rafe because I couldn’t get over my own issues. I don’t want to see that happen to you too. At least think about it.”
Before she could respond, Ella began to fuss in James’s arms. “Mommy, Ella smells bad. Can we go? I want to get Jolly Ranchers so my tongue can be purple like the giraffes.”
Kelsey laughed, “Sure buddy, let’s head home.”
She helped her son hand Ella back to Sophie and said her goodbyes before heading out the door. The whole drive home she replayed her conversation with her friend in her head. By the time she got home, she was more confused than she’d been when she left.
Chapter Eleven
After his morning with Kelsey, Carlos was in a fantastic mood. He’d returned to his room and heard Kelsey cleaning up in the kitchen before heading to her makeshift office to work. Not wanting to bother her, he’d gotten dressed and gone through a few of the yoga poses his physical therapist had recommended. The pain in his hip was relatively bearable today, but he felt like his muscles weren’t working in sync with the rest of his body. It was a recurring frustration and the yoga always seemed to help for a few hours at least. He fought the urge to pop an extra painkiller to deal with the discomfort. Rafe was picking him up for physical therapy soon and he didn’t want to risk his observant best friend noticing something was off.
Thirty minutes later, Rafe texted to let Carlos know he was outside. Again, not wanting to disturb Kelsey, Carlos walked through the house and closed the front door as quietly as he could.
His friend’s minivan was parked in the driveway, and Carlos couldn’t contain his eye roll. Rafe had bought it a couple weeks ago, claiming it was the safest thing for his daughter to be driven around in. Sophie refused to drive the hideous, brown monstrosity though, so Rafe was stuck with it as his everyday car. Apparently Sophie had been so opposed to driving a mom van that she’d actually looked up safety statistics and used them to prove that her vehicle was just as safe as the shit-colored van.
“You really need to trade this thing in already, dude. You have one fucking kid, not a whole baseball team.”
Rafe glared. “Well, hello to you too, dickhead. For your information, the van is a preemptive buy. I don’t currently have a baseball team.”
“Have Sophie and her vagina agreed to carry more of your spawn?”
His best friend sighed and backed his car out of the driveway. “Technically she told me that if I wanted more children I’d need to find a way to birth them myself. Since I’m not a male seahorse, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do.”
“The world really doesn’t need any more Rafe Pierces running around anyway. You’re a grumpy bastard, you know that? You’re so lucky to have a bestie like me, full of rainbows and sunshine.”
Rafe grumbled in response. “You’re full of something all right.”
For the remainder of their twenty-minute ride, Carlos and Rafe got caught up on each other’s lives. They hadn’t talked much since the day Rafe had come to Kelsey’s house to drag him out of bed. The last thing Carlos wanted to discuss was the depression that still hit him hard every single night. Instead, he talked to Rafe about sports and video games, keeping the conversation light and easy.
Physical therapy was tough but rewarding, and having Rafe there pushed him harder. His best friend even got in and did some of the exercises with him, motivating him further. He left his hour session feeling better than he had in weeks. His hip was still giving him trouble, but he actually felt as though he could get back to walking normally at some point. After such a strenuous workout, he leaned heavily on his cane, needing the additional support. Not even using his cane could dampen his mood though; today had been a success.
Although they had agreed to have lunch at their favorite Jewish deli in Montrose, Rafe drove them to the station after the doctor’s office. When his friend pulled the keys out of the ignition but made no move to open the driver’s side door, Carlos got nervous.
“What’s going on, Rafe?”
“Well, I’ve got some news actually. I was offered detective again. The captain really believes I’m ready, and when another position opened
up, he petitioned hard for me to be considered. I’ll be transitioning to homicide over the next couple of months.”
“Wow, congratulations, man! You deserve it more than anyone I know. You’ll be an incredible detective.”
“Thank you, Carlos. That really means a lot to me.”
He patted Rafe on the back and fought the panic rising in his chest. His partner was being promoted, what did that mean for him? Normally Carlos would begin working with a new partner and Rafe’s transition into the new department would happen relatively quickly. That it was going to take months was unique.
It wasn’t until Rafe cleared his throat to break the silence that Carlos realized he hadn’t spoken in a few minutes. Shit, he didn’t want Rafe to think he wasn’t happy for him.
I’m such a selfish fucking prick. My best friend tells me he’s getting promoted and all I can think about is what it means for me and my career.
“Seriously, I’m so happy for you. What are we doing here though? This feels like something you could’ve told me over lunch.”
“Well, I know you aren’t completely ready to come back to work, but your new partner started yesterday. I’ve met him and he’s a nice guy, but I thought we could take him to lunch with us, get him used to your particular brand of crazy as soon as possible.”
Carlos slapped a hand on his chest dramatically. “What do you mean my brand of crazy? I am perfectly sane, thank you very much. This fucker will be lucky to have me as his partner. Lucky, I tell you.”
“Riiiight. Well, then I want to introduce you to the lucky bastard. Plus I think you should have a chat with the captain, update him on your progress. When was the last time you spoke to him?”
Carlos shrugged. His boss had called him a few times, but he’d been ignoring the calls for a week or so now. The more physical therapy he did, the more he realized that his range of motion would never be the same. He had a very real fear that he’d be unable to run steadily again for at least a year. Even then, he didn’t believe he’d ever go back to being as athletic as he once was. What kind of cop would he be if he couldn’t even chase bad guys? A life of deskwork was his greatest fear, and if he didn’t get his shit together, it was looking like a real possibility.