by Anne Warner
CHAPTER VII
MRS. MACY AND THE CONVENTION
Mrs. Lathrop was out in the garden, pottering around in an aimless sortof way which she herself designated as "looking after things," but whichher friend and neighbor called "wastin' time an' strength on nothin'."Whenever Miss Clegg perceived Mrs. Lathrop thus engaged she alwaysinterrupted her occupation as speedily as possible. On the occasion ofwhich I write, she emerged from her own kitchen door at once, andcalled:
"Oh, Mrs. Lathrop, come here, I've got a surprise for you."
Mrs. Lathrop forthwith ceased to gaze fondly and absent-mindedly overher half-acre of domain, and advanced to the fence. Miss Clegg alsoadvanced to the fence, and upon its opposite sides the followingconversation took place.
"I went to see Mrs. Macy yesterday afternoon," Miss Clegg began, "an' Isaw her an' that's what the surprise come from."
"She isn't--" asked Mrs. Lathrop anxiously.
"Oh, no, she's all right--that is, she's pretty nearly all right, but Imay remark as the sight an' hearin' of her this day is a everlastin'lesson on lettin' women be women an' allowin' men to keep on bein' menfor some years to come yet. Mrs. Macy says for her part she's felt thatway all along but every one said it was her duty an' she says she alwaysmakes a point of doin' her duty, an' this time it was goin' to give hera free trip to town, too, so the hand of Providence seemed to her to beeven more'n unusually plainly stuck out at her."
"Oh," said Mrs. Lathrop--"you mean--"
"Of course I do," said Susan, "but wait till I tell you how it come out.It's come out now, an' all different from how you know."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, you wait an' listen," said the friend,--"you wait an' listen an'then you'll know, too."
"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop, submissively.
"She says," Miss Clegg went on, "that we all know (an' that's true, too,'cause I told you that before) as she was never much took with the ideaeven in the first of it. She says as she thinks as Elijah's ideas isgettin' most too progressive an' if he ain't checked we'll very soonfind ourselves bein' run over by some of his ideas instead of pushedforward. She says woman's clubs is very nice things an' Mrs. Lupey takesa deal of pleasure with the one in Meadville (whenever they don't meetat her house)--but Mrs. Macy says our sewin' society ain't no club an'never was no club, an' she considers as it was overdrawin' on Elijah'spart to start the question of its sendin' a delegate to any federationof any kind of woman's clubs. She says she can't see--an' she said atthe meetin' as elected her, that she couldn't see--what our sewin'society could possibly get out of any convention, for you can buy allthe patterns by mail now just as well as if you have 'em all to lookover. An' then she says, too, as no one on the face of kingdom comecould ever be crazy enough to suppose as any convention could ever getanythin' out of our delegates, so what was the use of us an' them evertryin' to get together a _tall_. I thought she was very sensibleyesterday, an' I thought she was very sensible at the meetin' as electedher, an' I tried to talk to Elijah, but Elijah's so dead set on ourbein' up to time with every Tom, Dick an' Harry as comes along with anykind of a new plan, that I can't seem to get him to understand as no onein this town wants to be up to time--we're a great deal better suitedtakin' our own time like we always did until he come among us. Mrs. Macysays as we all know as no one wanted to be a delegate to the federationto begin with, an' you know that yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, for I was therean' Elijah's idea resulted in the first place in every one's stayin'away from that meetin' for fear as they'd be asked to go. They had toset another day for the sewin' society an' even then a good many cleanedhouse instead for a excuse, an' Mrs. Sweet said right out as she did n'tbelieve as any of us knowed enough to go to a convention an' so we'dbetter all stay home. I had to speak up at that an' say as Elijah hadtold me as things was fixed now so folks as did n't know anythin' couldgo to a convention just as well as any one else, but Mrs. Jilkins saidin that case she should feel as if she was wastin' her time along with alot of fools, an' what she said made such a impression that in the endthe only one as they could possibly get to go was Mrs. Macy, so theyelected her. Mrs. Macy was n't enthusiastic about bein' elected, a_tall_, but Mrs. Lupey is her cousin an' Mrs. Lupey was the Meadvilledelegate, an' she says she thought as they could sit together, an' Mrs.Lupey wanted to go to the city anyway about reducin' her flesh, an' Mrs.Macy said that was sure to be interestin' for the one as Mrs. Lupeylikes best is the one as you run chains of marbles up an' down your backalone by yourself, an' Mrs. Macy wanted to see them givin' Mrs. Lupeyfull directions for nothin'--she thought it would be so amusin'--an' soin the end she said she'd go.
"Well, she says foreign folks before they come to this country is wisecompared to her! She was tellin' me all about it this afternoon. I neverhear such a tale--not even from Gran'ma Mullins. She says Elijah sent inher name an' they filed her next day an' she says they've never quitsendin' her the filin's ever since. I told you as I heard in the squareshe was gettin' a good deal of mail but I never mistrusted how muchuntil she showed me her box for kindlin' fires next winter. Why, shesays it's beyond all belief! The right end of the box has got the papersas was n't worth nothin' an' the left end has got them as is reallyvaluable. Well, after I'd looked at the box we set down an' she told methe hide an' hair of the whole thing. She says at first she got lettersfrom everybody under the sun askin' her her opinions an' views, someabout things as she never heard of before an' others as to things as sheconsiders a downright insult to consider as she might know about. Butshe says views an' insults don't really matter much, after you reach herage, so she let those all go into the box together an' thought she'dthink no more about it. She says there was only just one as she reallyminded an' that was the one about her switch. Seems she was n't decidedabout even wearin' her switch to the convention, for she says it's veryhard to get both ends of a switch fastened in at the same do-up an' oneend looks about as funny as the other, stickin' out, but she says youcan maybe imagine her feelin's when a man as she would n't know fromAdam wrote her a letter beginnin', 'Hello, hello, why don't you havethat dyed?' an' a picture of him lookin' at a picture of her very ownswitch with a microscope! She says she never was so took aback in allher life. There was another picture on the envelope of the man at atelephone an' he'd got all the other delegates' switches done an'hangin' up to dry for 'em an' she says she will say as the law againstsendin' such things through the mail had certainly ought to be appliedto that man right then an' there. She says it's years since she's gotred from anythin' but bein' mad, but she was red from both kinds ofwoman's feelin's then an' don't you forget it. But laws, she saysswitches is child's play to what another man wrote her about hisgarters. Not her garters but his garters, mind you, Mrs. Lathrop. Wouldyou believe that that other man had the face to ask her point-blank if,while she was in town, she'd be so kind as to give five minutes tocomin' an' lookin' at his garters!--at _his garters_! He said theyhooked onto his shoulders an' he just wanted a chance to tell her howcomfortable they was. Well, she says the idea of any man's garters bein'of any interest to a widow was surely most new to her, an' it was allshe could do to keep from writin' an' tellin' him so. She says she neverhear the beat of such impertinence in all her life. Why, she says whenshe had a husband she never took no special interest in his garters asshe recollects. She says she remembers as he used to pull up when hefirst got up in the mornin' an' then calmly wrinkle down all day, butshe says if her lawful husband's garters' wrinkles did n't interest her,it ain't in reason as any other man's not wrinklin' is goin' to. Butshe says that ain't all whatever I may think (or you either, Mrs.Lathrop), for although the rest ain't maybe so bad, still it's badenough an' you 'll both agree to that when you hear it, I know. She saysmore men wrote her, an' more, an' more, an' the things they said wasabout all she could stand, so help her Heaven! One asked her if sheknowed she needed a new carpet an' he happened to keep carpets, an'another told her her house needed paintin' an' he happened to keeppaint, an' another just come out flat as a f
lounder an' said if sheknowed how old her stove was, she'd come straight to him the firstthing, an' he happened to keep stoves. An' she says they need n'tsuppose as she was n't sharp enough to see as every last one of themletters was really writ to sound unselfish, but with the meanin'underneath of maybe gettin' her to buy somethin'.
"An' then she says there come a new kind as really frightened her bygettin' most too intimate on postal cards."
"On postal--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes--on postal cards. One wrote as she could get her husband back ifshe'd only follow his direction, an' she says the last thing she wantsis to get her husband back, even if he is only just simply dead; an'another told her if she'd go through his exercises she could get fat orthin just as she pleased, an' the exercises was done in black without noclothes on around the edge of the card, an' Mrs. Macy says when Johnnyhanded her the card at the post office she like to of died then an'there. Why, she says they was too bad to put in a book, even--they wastoo bad to even send Mrs. Lupey!"
"Wh--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Then on Monday last still another new kind begin an' they've beencomin' more an' more each mail. They was the convention itself beginnin'on her. An' she says she don't know whether they was a improvement orworse to come. One wrote an' told her if she was temperance to reportto them the first thing, an' then stand shoulder to shoulder from thenon straight through the whole week. Well, Mrs. Macy says she could n'tconsider goin' anywhere an' standin' up through a whole week so shewrote 'em she was for the Family Entrance, where everybody can sit down,an' she feels bad because she's a great believer in temperance, but shesays she can't help it, she's got to have a chair anywhere where she'sto stay for a week. So temperance loses Mrs. Macy. Then woman'ssufferige did n't wait to ask her what she was, but sent her a buttonan' told her to sew it right on right then an' there. She says she wasfeelin' so bad over the temperance that she was only too glad to beagreeable about the button so she done it, but it's hard to button overon a'count of bein' a star with the usual spikes an' the only placewhere she needed a button was on her placket hole, an' a spiked buttonin the back of your petticoat is far from bein' amusin' although shesays she can't but think as it's a very good badge for sufferigewhenever she steps on it in steppin' out of her clothes at night. Thennext she got a letter askin' her if she'd join the grand battalion torally around the flag, an' she says it was right then an' there as shebegin to fill the kindlin' box.
"Well, she says she'd got the box half full when to-day she got thefinal slam in her face!
"There came this mornin' her directions for goin' an' she says when shesee for the first time just the whole width of what she was let in toshe most fell over backward then an' there.
"First was a badge with a very good safety pin as she can always use;she says she did n't mind the badge. Then there was paper tellin' her asshe was M. 1206 an' not to let it slip her mind an' to mark everythin'she owned with it an' sew it in her hat an' umbrella. Then there was amap of the city with blue lines an' pink squares an' a sun without anysense shinin' square in the middle. Then there was a paper as she mustfill out an' return by the next mail if she was meanin' to eat or sleepdurin' the week. Then there was four labels all to be writ with her namean' her number an' one was for her trunk if it weighed over a hundredpounds, an' one was for her trunk if it weighed under a hundred pounds,an' one was for her trunk if it was a suit case, an' one was for hertrunk if it was n't.
"Well, Mrs. Macy says you can maybe imagine how her head was swimmin' bythis time an' the more she read how she was to be looked out for, themore scared she got over what might possibly happen to her. She says itwas just shock after shock. There was a letter offerin' to pray with herany time she'd telephone first, an' a letter tellin' her not to overpaythe hack, an' a letter sayin' as it's always darkest afore dawn, an' ifshe'd got any money saved up to bring it along with her an' invest itby the careful advice of him as had the letter printed at his ownexpense. Why, she says she didn't know which way to turn or what to donext she was that mixed up.
"An' then yesterday mornin' come the final bang as bu'sted Mrs. Macy!She got a letter from a man as said he'd meet her in the station an'tattoo her name right on her in the ladies' waitin'-room, so as herfriends could easy find her an' know her body at the morgue. Well, shesaid that ended her. She says she never was one to take to bein' stuckan' so she just up an' wrote to Mrs. Lupey as she would n't go for loveor money--"
"Why," cried Mrs. Lathrop, "then she isn't--"
"No," said Susan, "she isn't goin'. She ain't got the courage an' it'scruel to force her. I told her to give me the ticket an' I'd go in herplace."